my family is making me nuts!!!!

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T

TauntT

VR.org Supporter
Supporting Member
Joined
Mar 11, 2010
Messages
22
Location
Rocklin,CA
Ok, so surgery is Monday and I've finally got my head around OHS and now I have to make everyone else feel better. Family members crying more than I do, what's that about? They don't listen when I say I don't want them to see me in ICU cause " they just have to see my face and Kiss me". I am a very modest person to start with and I don't like the idea of people seeing me with all the tubes attached. ( I have to put on a robe to raid the fridge at 2am) :) It really bugs me that they don't hear me. Sorry to post such negativity but I guess I just needed to vent!
 
Haha, been there, done that. You've reached the "at peace" phase, but the others haven't yet. My guess is they haven't been reading all the posts in here like you. So they're more where you were probably at when you first heard about the surgery - scared to death. I think it's normal. Plus, it probably is harder on the family members than on you - cause you'll be out - and you know it. They'll be in the waiting room for a few hrs (which must suck...). My advice is to just try to keep reassuring them that you're fine, and that you will be fine. It'll eventually rub off on them a little - but probably not totally, 'cause again, they'll be the ones in the waiting room (the real one - while you're knocked out cold). And I think it's ok for one or two to see you and report back to the others - just make sure that one or two people are not squeemish (sp?) cause the tubes might scare a kid or someone not all that strong...
 
Yes...I feel you. I would never say this out loud to my family....but people are flying in for this. My sister from Texas. My aunt and uncles...2 sets!!! and of course my mom and dad and my husbands mom and dad.....of my gosh, all I can think is "really?" Are they all gonna sit in the hospital waiting room all day? I just cannot imagine the time before surgery. Are they all planning to hug me when I get wheeled to surgery....god I will not be able to handle that....really I am way to sensitive and cry so easily now as it is. I love all my family but....ugghhhh
 
I feel ya. My husband has been crying too much and I can imagine when we are a few days out.
 
Maybe that's it;I just can't take the fact that I'm causing all this comotion. I really don't like all this spotlight. I'm scared and seeing them so upset really hits home as to what's about to happen. I too,have people flying in to be here for my surgery (my people don't usually fly in unless it's very serious) I know I sound selfish but I can't take on their fears when I'm barely getting through my own. I really do love them and don't mean to sound otherwise . I just needed a safe place to express what I was feeling.
 
Hi

You should feel grateful to have your family so concerned about you. We all show our Love and Caring in different ways. Be happy for their support. Don't try to understand them or think they should act as you do. We are all different. Let them continue to support you, even if they don't understand. Think how you would be acting if you were in their shoes! Give them a break and let them cry or laugh along the way with you. You can't remove feelings from yourself or them - neither can you control them.

I sat thru 2 heart attacks and bypass surgeries for my ex. It is tougher on the family than the patient. You will be out and fuzzy for a few days - but they will experince it all. They would have it no other way.

Feel blessed to have the wonderful support. I have no family and no husband any longer - no one to cry over me or hold my hand. It's a lonely road to travel by yourself. I bet deep down you really do appreciate the kindess and caring of your family. Good Luck Monday. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers - promise not to stop by and want to kiss you! LOL
 
Yes...we sound like we feel the same way.... I mean I appreciate the showing of love...but this is so overwhelming and so freaking scary to begin with. I really don't want to be staring at everyone's face when I am so upset. I do not cry pretty :) Robin

ps at least we can complain to each other!!
 
Hi TauntT

This is a tough time for your family. It may be tougher on your family than you. They have fears and doubts that are difficult to handle which they are hiding from you. In my case I let my family go crazy and pamper me. I did not get a chance to say goodbye because the nurse gave me a shot to relax me after the shaving in the prep room which knocked me out. The next thing I remember is my wife telling me that I was ok and my heart had been repaired. I could not open my eyes or respond in anyway. I can not tell you how sweet and calming it was to hear her voice. She continued talking until I drifted to sleep. A few hours later when I was able to open my eyes the icu was full of family and friends. It was a great reception. I am normally a very private person but I was so happy to be over the mountain and on the way to recovery. I was overjoyed at crowd in ICU. By their smiles I knew I was ok. Best of luck to you.
 
well had jsu written a really long post pushed esc key and lost it all, was venting anyways
short version cause i'm not typing it all again

Only visitoes allowed were my spouse, daily cause she insisted and sister+spouse at ICU (in case my wife fainted)
Tell your out of towners to stagger their visits to weeks 2-4 at home, where you will need assistance the distractions and will be well enough to receive visitors

Now if only i could have applied my rules to the other 3 beds in my ward, way too many visitors for way too many hours, how the hell are you ever going to get the spyro and walking exercises done?
 
I guess alot depends on what type of family you have to start with. Some are very "close" but the drama and over-reacting is really not necessary for the patient, it's more for themselves. My sister would have visited me in hospital, but I told her "no, thanks. I prefer if you visit when I am home and up to it." And I wouldn't let my Dad visit until he picked me up on the last day, because my late Mom had been a patient at the same hospital with 22 years of kidney issues. I didn't want him going through all the crap again with me, we are close.
So, my hubby stayed all day, every day, and my daughter came twice to help us out in hospital cuz she was busy caring for my houseful of pets. I told several friends NOT to come to the hospital. It just isn't necessary and can be intrusive, not to mention GERMS, GERMS, GERMS.
 
pat45750 said:
Hi

You should feel grateful to have your family so concerned about you. We all show our Love and Caring in different ways. Be happy for their support. Don't try to understand them or think they should act as you do. We are all different. Let them continue to support you, even if they don't understand. Think how you would be acting if you were in their shoes! Give them a break and let them cry or laugh along the way with you. You can't remove feelings from yourself or them - neither can you control them.
Click to expand...

Very well said Pat.
TauntT, I had the exact opposite happen - no one gave a damn. Beside my S/O and our son being there, I apparently had one visitor - a friend whom I missed because I was sleeping at the of her visit. Nothing changed in regards of family support once I got home either. It was tough and it is still painful to think about it.

Do your best to be thankful for the support and let your family know. In the long run you'll appreciate it.....besides you deserve to be in the spot light :)

Special Prayers coming your way.
 
It's great to have the support and love of your family, but I also feel that the family needs to put the patients needs and wishes above all else. This is the patients time to get through this the best way they know how, and for some, that means, privacy, and wait until I am ready to see you. It's not one single thing any family member can do as they sit in the waiting room one way or another. They can sit in their homes, or wherever and still let the patient know that they love them dearly and would very much wish to be there for them as soon as they feel like they can deal with family help or visits. No patient should feel forced into having to accept family member's kindnesses until they feel like they can handle that. And that in no way means you are ungrateful for their love and support. I do not think you selfish or anything else by having the feelings you have. It is a time for you to heal and to try to be on your way to getting better. Visitors definitely wear a patient out, just by being there, so I say you should do what you feel is right for you. It's not about anyone else's feelings right now, it's about you and a major surgery that you need to get through and then a time for you to recover, and that means in whatever way you feel you can recover the best. Everyone is different. Some people have to have peace and quiet, while others feel the more the merrier. Best wishes and lots of prayers to you on Monday.
 
Expecting a Crowd?

Expecting a Crowd?

If it's any consolation, odds are pretty good that you won't remember anyone visiting you while you've got all the tubes in ICU anyway. My hospital put really rigid restrictions on visits while I was in the ICCU immediately after surgery.

Things got a little more crazy after I got out of the ICCU. One afternoon, I had 24 visitors in my room at once. The nursing cleared the place out after I barfed on my boss. The nurses also snagged my high school's robotics team before they got to my room.

Often friends and family just feel like they need to be there to offer support... best intentions can sometimes be a real pain.

BTW... what exactly is the "peace stage"? Damn, I must have missed out on that.

-Philip
 
I agree Angel.. we all need to be assertive, and somewhat selfish.. its about the ones who have to walk down that road.
TauntT.. no need to appologize we can relate. I wish you all the luck and hope you are successful in helping your family to realize how important this is to you.. It is admirable that you want to keep them from seeing you and I totally understand. I came to the realization I just needed to tell my family what to expect, that I was worried and concerned they would be upset by seeing me like that, and left it up to them. Realistically I will most likely be out of it and too medicated to worry about it.. I know you are sitting in a difficult spot right now but I truly believe you should share your feelings and leave it at that... you have you to focus on now that is what is most important. Hugs
 
I totally get you. When I got home I finally had to kick the family out of my house. They were all just trying to do the right thing but, there is a need to be alone a bit too.
Good luck.
 
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