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Trinityheart8891

Trinityheart8891

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 31, 2007
Messages
286
Location
Northern VT
Hey,
kinda need some advice/need to vent. . . this is getting frustrating last night, for like the 6th time in my career I had a patient ask "what happened there?" while pointing to my scar...I kinda awkwardly replied "I had surgery when I was a kid" and he came back with a weird smirk on his face and a "well you're ok now, aren't you?"....I just gave him a look and replied "could be better, could be worse". . . by the end of it he had apologized for "prying"....I'm glad he asked (not really, but its better than staring and not asking), but he was awfully weird about it what's the best way to reply in this situation. . . normally I'd like to grind him into the dirt and make him feel uncomfortable for being so awkward, but he's my patient at this point and I have to be professional about it...starting to get frustrated with this, people have NO shame in asking stuff like this, and sometimes I wonder where people get the audacity to do this crap...I could wear a shirt under my scrubs, but I'd have to wear an undershirt every day, my scar shows with every scrub top I own, and sometimes its just a pain in the butt, I shouldn't have to go there...
UGGH!!!
 
The only thing I can think of is to try and make a joke out of it. You could say something like, "Yes, I go the extra mile for my patients. Even undergo open heart surgery so I can better relate!" Then laugh and say that you're joking.
Maybe that will buy you some time until you can get out of the room.
 
Hospitals, because of their nature, are places where privacy rules have fled. As a patient, we're poked, prodded, aided in relieving ourselves, measured and asked how we feel. Without the normal barriers, I often find myself asking personal questions more than I usually would in a social setting, simply because my nurses and doctors have been just as intimate with me as my family has, by varying degrees, of course.

Take it with a grain of salt and remember, your patient wants to gain power over something or someone since they have been placed in a powerless situation. Your answer could reassure, after all, you've been on the other side of the bedsheets too.

Take Heart,
Pamela
 
pamela said:
Hospitals, because of their nature, are places where privacy rules have fled. As a patient, we're poked, prodded, aided in relieving ourselves, measured and asked how we feel. Without the normal barriers, I often find myself asking personal questions more than I usually would in a social setting, simply because my nurses and doctors have been just as intimate with me as my family has, by varying degrees, of course.

Take it with a grain of salt and remember, your patient wants to gain power over something or someone since they have been placed in a powerless situation. Your answer could reassure, after all, you've been on the other side of the bedsheets too.

Take Heart,
Pamela
Click to expand...

Great answer!
 
"Knife fight!" That's a fun reply; AL, you can be so funny when you want to :)

Responding with humor seems a good idea to me too.

"Hey, the last patient who gave me trouble fighting their IV, it just got ugly, that's all I can say," say that with a wink and a smile and you and they will both relax :)
 
You could just say, "I'm sorry, I'd be violating HIPAA laws if I gave you someone else's medical information."

If they know HIPAA regulations, it comes across as a little joke.

If they don't know HIPAA, they'll probably think you're serious and drop it.

Either way, you've diverted the question, avoided rudeness, and if you look closely at the reply, you haven't lied!
 
After all of the jokes, this answer may be too serious.

You may be dealing with this for a long time. It would probably be best to be prepared with a quick elevator speech for patents. I would suggest talking to other professionals where you work on how to best answer a personal question. Since this is a work situation, you need to be able to answer this type of question in a way that does not offend the recipient. Because it is a work situation, it is best to answer in a way that does not offend.
 
pamela said:
..................
Take it with a grain of salt ......................
Pamela
Click to expand...

ALCapshaw2 said:
One of our (male) members answered a similar question by saying: "Knife Fight"
Click to expand...

It is tiring to have to answer the same question over and over and over, but I would keep taking it "with a grain of salt" as Pamela recommended, if I could.

Sometimes patients can be nervous and they may ask a question just to ease their own tension and whatever other feelings they have inside or just for the sake to have a conversation with a young lovely lady like you! Give them the benefit of the doubt that they could be genuinely caring to know you are OK at your age!

Or Joke about it as Al recommended,
Or try to get ideas from those around you, as scott.eitman recommended. I would be curious to hear what they recommend.

Take heart :)
 
Tasteful humor works best in most awkward situations IMO

Find a line you like that has a bit of humor and be prepared with that as an answer in the future. You are bound to be asked again and again through the years.
 
I like "knife fight":cool2:

My scar goes back to the Vietnam War era. I used to say "its a war wound". Got a lot of "oooos and ahhhhs".

I got that question about a month ago, so I guess that people will always be curious....or nosy. I'm gonna start using "knife fight":cool2:.
 
I like the "knife fight" too. Then you could add........... "You should see the other guy".

Seriously, I also suspect that questions are born from insecurity and worry. Perhaps you can muster (rehearse?) a simply reply about yourself and then turn the conversation around to reassuring the patient.
 
We've discussed this scar thing before, but Morgan, you may have a bit of a different angle here because you are having to answer this question at your place of work with patients.
I would probably smile, lean over and whisper: Knife Fight.
 
Comfort Level

Comfort Level

Yeah, the question tends to make one feel awkward... I remember how it felt the first few times I was asked. It doesn't bother me as much any more and I don't mind giving a brief rendition of my experience. Hopefully, those who ask leave me with a perspective on OHS that they didn't have before.

The scar, how I got it, and what it represents to me personally is simply a part of who I am. I'm comfortable with who I am.

-Philip
 
It is one of those things that people are curious about, large scars.
They will either stare or ask, if they ask and get a completely unrealistic answer they will continue to stare, the curiosity will not be satisfied.
I usually answer I had surgery and if they say are you OK now I say yes. That tends to close the curiosity down.
There is nothing you can do to stop people staring.
 
This is easier for a guy than a gal, but I view the scar as a badge of bravery (after all, weren't we all pretty brave just walking into the hospital knowing what they were going to do to us?) -- and I welcome the staring. However, no doubt the staring can be uncomfortable or awkward for a gal. I agree with the suggestions to try a light approach and see if that will deflect any rudeness.
 
I'm the mom of a heart kid. I have a scar on my leg that a few people have asked about. I'm just matter of fact about it- I had a tumor, it was benign. Usually that's the end of it. I have had people ask about Gabe's scar before (though most people don't seem to notice it), and I just tell them he had heart surgery. As for the assumption that he's fine I usually say that he's doing well now but will need more surgeries throughout his life. I'm not rude but I don't sugarcoat it either. Just the truth.

Now since it's your work you'll have to be very careful about how you word things. In a non work situation I saw a great suggestion once " I can't believe you thought that was an appropriate thing to ask/say!". A great response for so many things. So not good in your situation but I had to share it for those times when you're dumbfounded by some random comment insensitive people think is ok to make.
 
Thanks guys for all the great replies, I've gotten some good perspective....its hard to not think of this as totally rude, but when you realize the patient perspective, they are probably just diffusing some of their emotions, anyways, I'm going to try and be more spontaneous and crack off some lighter comment next time....I'm not very good at being spontaneous in this arena, the emotions run too deep to just let it go, I guess, will have to work on that
 
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