Visitors in hospital

[Guest]

Does anyone have suggestions or comments on hospital visitors? Based on my prior surgeries (hip replacement, appendectomy) I don't think I will want to see anyone other than my husband..... It seems a bit egotistic to go around announcing you don't want any visitors (as if everyone was expecting to come!), but I don't think I am going to be very sociable. I have even told my two adult children that I would rather see them after I get home. Please comment on your experiences....can you leave a notice with the nurses' desk?

Surgery is coming up fast....Jan. 21....and I am still thinking of things to check out.

Pat

 

[ladatines]

My mom had her surgery in Sept. and told all her friends that no one could come see her in the hospital - only her kids. She even told them that she wanted to be home for two weeks and then she would slowly start to allow visitors.

We set-up a system where she had one friend be the contact person and I kept in touch with her so that everyone had regular updates and yet I didn't have to be on the phone all day too. We only had one or two people who called the hospital anyway and both times mom made us answer the phone.

I have to say that I think it was a good idea. It was awkward to say to relatives that they couldn't come but she was able to concentrate on her recovery and didn't have to worry about socializing when she was exhausted. I think it also helped keep the flu germs away. Once visitors started coming, we had Purell right by the front door.

Good luck to you!!

 

[Adrienne]

It depends on the person and on how the person is recuperating. A couple my husband and I know happened to be in the neighbourhood of the hospital and dropped two days after the surgery, but my husband was also there to talk to them, and they only stayed 5 or 10 minutes. Four days after the surgery, a friend of mine came, and I was not only able to sit up in a chair and talk to her, but I actually enjoyed the visit. So, it just all depends.

 

[Mentu]

Hello, Pat, my own thought is that only you can decide such things as whether or not you want visitors. During those weeks before surgery, many of us have worried about things that we later find of no matter. Just as we pack all the things we think we might need only to find that those two novels never got opened, the report from the office was left untouched and the craft bag never taken out of the box. It is a way one can try to impose some control over event that are sweeping us up. It is easier than relinquishing control....and yet, it can reduce ones level of anxiety if you can pause, take a deep breath and accept the flow of the experience.

 

[chocoholic]

My mum didn't even tell anyone other than my brother and I (and by default his wife and kids). She did not want friends or acquaintances and even the rest of the family to know. People were phoning up leaving worried messages. On a couple of occasions when I picked up the phone I had to tell people she'd gone away for a few days. She was very upset when she found out my sister in laws mum knew & that my brother had phoned our cousin to tell him. She did not want anyone to find out.

I think I would have found it very stressful to not be allowed to visit her in hospital. I did regret bringing a close family friend to see her on day four post op because she'd been put on a monitoring machine to regulate her heartbeat and she was in a really bad mood as she was not allowed to move. She also really enjoyed the visits from my brother and sister in law and nephews. As she celebrated (if that's what you can call it) her birthday in hospital again on day four, it was nice that they could bring her a birthday cake and each have a slice.

Your husband may feel the pressure if he is the sole one to bear the load of seeing you in hospital. It's nice to have others there to talk to when you go through all the emotional turmoil. The immediate post op period in hospital can be a bit of a rollercoaster if youve not been through it. In my mum's case she had a bit of post morphine/anaesthetic delerium and it helped to have my brother there because I was really upset that she was so anxious about things that hadn't happened.

I guess it's a bit different because my dad died in 1994 so my mum is widowed, but being the daughter Ive felt the pressure because I've done most of the caring and advocacy. It can also help to have someone else around to go and talk to doctors/nurses & give some backup to your husband. If youre the only person talking to a nurse you can feel as though you are being a pain, but if there are two of you then you can vary. I know this sounds a bit odd but sometimes I felt as though I was going through more than my mum emotionally. She was taken care of by the team at the hospital, but there was nobody to take care of me when I felt as though I was breaking in half on the two bad/worrying days. Having the others around who understood and felt similar really helped me.

 

[Bina]

Pat, YOU make the rules and decisions based on how YOU feel.
The first few days I had only my husband there every day and my friend sent her pastor.
Then my stay got lengthy (16 days) so I asked my daughter to come twice to relieve my husband, and I asked my father to pick me up on day 16.
I specifically told my friends and sister not to come because it would just be too much.
This is supposed to be a time of rest and with limited exposure to germs and stress....any relatives who don't understand that are only thinking of themselves.

 

[Jkm7]

My first surgery, I requested my husband keep everyone away. I truly only wanted him and two other family members. He obliged and agreed it was too exhausting for me to have to think about visitors.

My second surgery, our best friends (he's a doc and we've been their friends for 25+ years) said they were coming. I agreed as I knew they'd have sense enough to stay a brief time and leave if I was tired. I enjoyed their visit. They didn't expect to be 'entertained' and had realistic expectation of my condition.

I know people mean well but I find most hospital visitors very tiring. Some don't have sense enough to drop in briefly, give a hug and kiss and be on their way. Others have way too many questions I may not wish to answer.

I know their heart is in the right place but I enjoy them much more when I feel better.

 

[Mileena46]

I think you sound a lot like me. The thing is, I didn't want anyone there. Not my husband, not my son...no one. My son is in New York and I asked him not to come. My husband came a few times but he didn't stay. I became very anxious when anyone was there! I felt as if I had to talk to them, and the simple truth was I didn't feel like it. Many times I thought of asking the nurses to keep everyone out of my room except certain people, because I had visitors who do not even visit me at home! The hospital after OHS is no place to play "catch up"!

I told everyone I didn't want them to visit me. I don't think anyone got upset because most of my friends know how I am....and this is just the way I am! I stayed alone so much, the nurses started questioning me about someone taking care of me once I went home.

So, even though you might tell people not to come, in my own experience some are going to do it anyway. Why? I have no idea...maybe they think you don't mean it. I really think no visitors was the best choice for me, and I would do it again that way. Some people need someone with them (no matter what they are in the hosiptal for)....my dad thinks my mom should be there 24/7 when he is in, but I never understood that.

I have said since this happened to me, that I would never visit anyone in the hospital again. I use to think it was a kind thing to do, but now I think its an imposition, at least thats how I felt when someone came in to visit me.

If you feel like you will probably want to be alone most of the time, then feel free to do whatever it takes to get that across to people (some WILL listen). This is about you, your health, and your long road to recovery. Good Luck!

Mileena

 

[LisaD]

Make your decisions based on how you feel. I actually really enjoyed having people come visit after my surgery. It helped pass the long days in the hospital, chatting with someone was better than watching TV all the time. If I got tired I would ask them to leave and everyone seemed to understand that rest was very important to me. I did feel awful, but the visitors brightened my day.

 

[Mileena46]

Oh, I wanted to mention....I actually had a visitor, a co-worker that I had asked not to visit, come in with his wife. They sat and bickered and fussed at each other so much, it made one evening of pure hell for me. I have never been so miserable. If I ever have a next time....NO ONE will be allowed to visit...if I have to lie about being in there!

Mileena

 

[Bridgette]

Yes, visitors can be VERY tiring!! It's okay if they just stay a little while, but it's the ones that sit on and on and on....in the end I would just lie there and say nothing, that usually works and they get the hint.
You could ask the nurses to put a "no visitors" sign on your door if you're not feeling like seeing anyone.

 

[Faye]

I, too, didn't want visitors in the hospital after my surgery - other than my dear hubby who hardly left my side and brief visits from my adult children. I found it very tiring to visit. I made my wishes clear but there were still people who wanted to stop in - some out of true caring and others out of curiousity. The nurses were very good to take care of me and honor my wishes but a few folks did slip in.

My daughter served as the message point for family and friends. She liked being able to do something helpful and my hubby was grateful that he didn't have to talk to everyone everyday.

Once I was home, my hubby was the gatekeeper for visitors. No visitors in the morning or after 7 pm. Visitors were asked to call first - I had a very long hospital stay and my recovery was still rough for the first 3 or 4 weeks at home. Hubby and I set up a "secret phrase" so he would know when to call an end to the visit, if the person didn't get the gentle hint.

Good luck and do not feel bad about limiting your visitors!

 

[terodac]

It was flu season during my recovery and my husband was very concerned with visitors making sure of them washing there hands and using the hand foam before coming into my room. After I got home I just was not up to long visits and talking much, I thanked my very close friends for food but made it quick and nice, or sometimes I would just go to my room and they would tell them I was asleep, and I was most of the time. You just have so much going on and no entergy that you just don't want to be bothered really. He and my daughter talked to everyone on the phone that would call. It was about three months till I wanted a visitor. Good Luck be nice but firm!

 

[hall]

I went in through ER so it was quite a surprise for everyone including me. I had my husband and 2 adult children up. A few people came in and watched me sleep. If I had my choice, it would have been my husband and kids only. I would of had the phone turned off if it weren't for my husband calling. That dag gone phone drove me nuts. My best friend lives about a half an hour from me and she was not happy with me when I told her to stay home. Entertaining was not something I wanted to do and hated to seem ungreatful, but I was in no mood for people. From what DH and my kids say, I was not in the best of moods. Maybe the drugs made me a little nasty So.............I would say just as Bina said, make YOUR rules and if someone is upset, they ARE thinking of themselves.

 

[Bridgette]

Also, be aware if you are in a multi bed room that other patient's visitors may be very annoying!!
I ended up being readmitted to a different hospital with post op complications, and I was in a four bed room. You could pull your curtains around your bed for privacy, but curtains don't block out noise or smells, eg visitors sitting there eating takeaways like KFC and McDonalds
Most hospitals have guidelines for visitors - some people choose to ignore them though!

 

[ALCapshaw2]

I see you have received a good spectrum of replies to this question.

One thing that has not been mentioned is the benefit of having someone you trust keeping an eye on the Nurses and Doctors to make sure you are receiving ONLY the prescribed medications in the PROPER Dose (and Not Double Dosed as has happened with some patients when substitute nurses pitch in and forget to log the medications they administer).

Personsally, I found having to make conversation with visitors extremely fatiguing in the first few days.

'AL C'

 

[Lynlw]

A few people mentioned all the phone calls were annoying. Having been thru this a few times, what I found that works the best to let everyone know what is going on and not having to call, get woken by the phone, ect is to set us a page like www.caringbridge.com or carepages and give the link to everyone and tell them that someone will will be updating thru out the stay and to find out how you are doing ect, check the page. I nicely tell them not to call because I don't want them to wake Justin if he is napping. He likes visators after the first day or so, so we just write no visators today please. Some of our older relatives don't do computers, so we ask some one else to call them and let them know when there is an update.
Also since the sites have guestbooks where people can leave messages it cuts down on even more calls because they can just leave a message and it is nice to read the guestbook when we felt like it.

As for someone being there 24/7 as much as possible, there have been a few post about how it can be very important to have someone with you and be your advocate, from keeping an eye on meds, to helping with things like getting to the bathroom, so you don't have to wait for help after you ring for a nurse to just making sure everything is going ok, Some times a person that really knows you will pick up on something just doesn't seem right for you, before the doctors and nurses that don't really know you and what is normal. Especially the first couple of days when you can't talk because if the vent or function that well because of the meds ect.
Not to mention the things that can go wrong with care, even the best hospitals have some horror stories.

 

[Blanche]

I agree with Lynlw....all the time. smiles

I agree with Lynlw....all the time. smiles

There is a book titled "How to Get Out of the Hospital Alive, A guide to Patient Power." that was written by a medical doctor. He tells of his experiences in hospitals and the problems had.

He recommends that people who are hospitalized who can not do for themselves have an advocate with them 24 hours a day.

When my husband had his first and second stroke, my son and I stayed with him every minute. And, we saw some of the most eggregious things happening around him with other patients. For example, I asked a nurse to check on a patient in a nearby room because he was on the floor. When nothing happened for more than an hour, I phoned the hospital and told the people that there was a man on the floor in room ###.

There was another time when a doctor whose fluency in English was a concern. His mannars were also in concern. He was telling Al about his concerns and they were all wrong. He was talking about people who had ampulations. My dear one has all his digets, toes, lungs, etc. This doctor told me to get out or he would call security....I beat him to it! Heaven only knows what he would have amputated had my son and I not been there.

I know that having people around after surgery is a pain in the BUTT! But it is also a blessing because they can't mess with you when you have people around you.

When any of us, or any of the people we love, or any of the people we know are hospitalized, there is a 24 hour a day watch on them. To be perfectly honest, when my dear one could not defend himself because of the strokes he had, I would have peed in my purse before I left him alone.

Blanche

Some "Things you Can Do to Get Out Of the Hospital Alive

.Make sure all your known allergies are clearly marked on your chart, wrist band, or a piece of paper taped to your bed.

.Mark the area of your body to be operated on with a felt tip pen

.Never eat or drink anything before surgery, even if the nurse brings you a food tray.

.Have a reliable Advocate with you as often as possible throughout your hospital stay.

Write your name prominently on a piece of paper and tape it to the wall above your bed. ( I wrote Al's Name on his chest with a magic marker more than once.)

HAVE A RELIABLE ADVOCATE WITH YOU AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE THROUGHOUT YOUR MEDICAL STAY.....My Prince Charming was never, never alone even for a moment.

Always ask the nurse to check the name and dosage of any medication s/he is about to give you.

Don't let anyone bully you...That's where the advocate comes in. Once I had a doctor, who did not know his a from a hole in the ground deal with Al. Al's doctor was out of town. I tried to talk to him, but finally I gave up when he told me to leave the room. I called security and they asked him to leave the room!!!

Finally, the most important to my mind is, TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.......

Al Capshaw was absolutely right when he said that a trusted person needs to be in the room with the patient....That's how you get out of the hospital alive.

Blanche

 

[Star54]

I told everyone to leave me alone.....yep, that worked out well,evertime I woke up one of my brothers,cousins,friends was staring me in the face. It was good to have them there to get me ices (that's all I wanted to eat). Honestly, I was so in and out of it, I did not even care if they were there, as long and my butt was not sticking out and I was not drooling. But if they came and saw that, hey, at least they got entertainment, I personally was too in pain and medicated to care. I even handed my brother my blood bag, he freaked...lol
Sometimes you get what you ask for...
Lot's of luck!

 

[Blanche]

And the sunshine lights up the place....

And the sunshine lights up the place....

Star:

You are sunshine!!!

Blanche