Please help

[caterb85]

my husband had his surgery 9 months ago and just informed me that he still doesn't feel as good as he did before surgery or even a couple of weeks after his surgery. He had biscuspid aorta valve and a anuerysm in his aorta root, they put a st jude valve in and a dacron cunduit. They said the surgery went fine but three days later he had to get a pacemaker in due to total heart block from the surgery. He had his pacemaker checked a couple months ago and they said he is only using it 15% of the time. They also said he was having pat's (his heart suddenly will race for short periods of time) the pacemaker tech said that this wasn't anything serious. Anyway i'm very concerned why he is not feeling better then he does. Also any help on how to deal with his frustration and moods would be of great help.
He is getting a hear monitor on this week to where for 2 weeks to check out the pat's.\thanks very much for any input you can give to me. I'm really having a hard time knowing how to deal with the moods

 

[skeptic49]

any help on how to deal with his frustration and moods would be of great help.

I am sorry to read about your husband's problems, but from what I've read these sort of issues are experienced by many OHS patients. There are a number of people on this site who will help with advice. Has your husband been in cardiac rehab? Perhaps you could consider counseling to help with his psychological issues.

I wish you the very best and hope sincerely that things imporve for you both.

Jim

 

[Nancy]

There are many ways to not feel good. I think you need to help him focus down on EXACTLY what he is feeling, and if possible query him each day and start a journal. What was he doing when he didn't feel well, what time of day was it, etc.

Then start a very strict regimen of him weighing himself each morning without fail, without clothing and right after voiding fiirst thing in the morning. Write the weight down. Then take his temperature, then get some kind of blood pressure device and learn how to take his blood pressure, and do it after you take his temp. Then learn how to check his heart rate, and do that. Write all this down every day.

When you are armed with specific information, get in to see his cardiologist and bring your notes with you.

It is the only way to get the doctor's attention. They are very busy, and when someone comes in with non-specific complaints, you don't get a good resolution. But when there are specifics, it gets much easier to make a good diagnosis.

Do you feel he is depressed? That happens extremely frequently with heart surgery patients. If he is, discuss it with the doctor.

There are reasons why he is not feeling well. Leave no stone unturned until you get some answers for him, and go to each and every appt. and sit right in the exam room with your husband and don't be afraid to speak up on your husband's behalf.

Trust me, it is the only way.

 

[caterb85]

Thans Jim,
I just wish I could help him through this difficult time. I feel useless. He use to be very loving and thoughtfull (He seems like a completely different person now, He acts like he doesn't even care if I'm around or not.(He was NEVER like that in all the 23 years that we have been mairred.)

 

[caterb85]

Thanks Nancy, I do take his blood pressure everyday and I kiss his forhead everyday to see if he is warm. He weighs himself several time a day. He gets very frustrated but says he is not depressed. Thanks for taking the time to talk I just wish he would not feel so angry.

 

[Mary]

Is he taking any medication that might be affecting his emotional state? Many of the meds can cause side effects so you might consider that.
It would be great if he would post on VR; sometimes we (people who've had the replacement) believe that no one really understands what we're feeling unless they've been through it.
Keep your chin up. You've been through a great deal yourself.

 

[Bina]

I can tell you that post op I was not always fun to be around.....my thoughts were only on myself and my issues.
Spouses of the patient go through alot too and finally some conversations turned to my spouse and how he felt when I was in surgery and how helpless he felt. Some days he also shut me out. It went back and forth.
I know that my BP meds really made me feel crappy.
Would he like to write in a journal? Join a discussion group?
I wish you both all the best.

 

[WayneGM]

Sorry to hear your husband is not feeling as good as he hoped. All I can say is that I had no sympotoms prior to my OHS so post-op I felt much worse than I did pre-op. As a result I had lots of mood swings, many times wishing I had never done this. However, now 2 years post-op I am feeling super and life is much better than pre-op. It takes some time, but it does get better. Best wishes and good luck to both of you.

 

[caterb85]

Wayne, Do you remember how long it was until you didn't feel so tierd anymore?

 

[marie]

Wayne, Do you remember how long it was until you didn't feel so tierd anymore?

I had AVR seven months ago and I do still have a lot of tiredness but not as often. I get some really good days in and then some tired ones. I have some depression as well but it's not nearly as bad as it was.
Good luck

 

[Freddie]

My SO shut me out - he went to bed and left me crying.
Be there for him........just be there no matter hard it may be. In time, hopefully he'll open up and express his feelings.
It all takes time and its hard, but don't blame yourself.

 

[Bina]

My hubby worked from home for several months. I think he was getting as fed up and depressed as I was. And yes, I was left crying a couple of times while he zoned out. I know that he felt helpless and men can shut down.
The first year was rough, the second year was better, now I'm pretty good mentally, but physically I'm lagging behind the pack.....

 

[dick0236]

I thought the medical profession was providing some post-op counseling or support after this kind of surgery, but maybe not.....but they should.

Depression is a very real possibility after OHS, and certainly for people with sales type personalities....and the individual generally doesn't know he/she has depression....and they try to fight thru it. At least that is the way it was with me. I had "under the surface" depression for a long time until I sought outside help. It helped a lot.

My suggestion would be to have any medical issue/problem ruled out. If the moods don't improve, encourage your husband to seek professional counseling. From one salesman to another, the old adage of "Big Boys don't Cry" is BS.

 

[Laura R]

I haven't had my surgery yet, but from what I've read, most people go through a lot of emotional mood swings. I wwould suggest that you go, either by youself or with your husband, to counseling or a group, preferably specifically for heart patients and their families, but, if there isn't one locally, plain old counseling should help. I read about a group called Mended Hearts, and you could also ask your doctor, hospital, or local mental health clinic for referrals.
Good luck. Your husband is very lucky to have such a devoted wife.
Laura

 

[Ross]

First off, it's not you. He feels incomplete, unwhole and worthless to himself and projects it in a nonconstructive manor toward you. Sort of like trying to make you feel like he does. It's time for counciling. He'll withdraw more and more without it.

 

[Dina]

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I remember he was having this problem with the pat's a couple months ago.
Is he going out at all to exercise or walk? Is he able to physically?
Because if he is , you should try to get him out as much as you can.
The depression really grabs me when I dont go out enough and stick
around the house. If that doesnt help you may need some help to get
him out of this depressive cycle like Ross said. Dont let it go for too long.
Also you should take Nancy's advice by bringing in as much specific info
as you can about your husband's symptoms-give all the vitals,when his
symptoms are most likely to occur,etc detailed and to the point is what they
will listen to best.
I hope things get better soon.
My best-Dina

 

[njean]

I can remember putting my husband through some really tough times right after my 3rd OHS! The poor man would sometimes bend over backwards trying to accomodate me but there were times I was a total B****h!

I remember one time he wasn't sure exactly what I felt like eating so he brought me a "cheese taco" & I looked at him and said, "I'm not going to eat this crap!" I think he would have preferred that I had slapped him, poor babe!

And too, sometimes he'd get so overwhelmed & flustered with my mood swings, that he'd leave or say something hurtful but it was just his way of fighting back & giving me some of my own medicine!

I've read where some patients really recover quite quickly, 2 weeks, 3 weeks, that was totally NOT the case with me! I was so overwhelmed with waves of weakness & I felt so totally useless for what seemed forever!

It took me at least 2 months to be able to prepare meals & start doing some light housework. I went back to work after 3 months, 1/2-days for about 2 weeks but I still felt so weak that I couldn't even handle that! I finally had to end up quitting work altogether after a year of trying.

So hang in there my friend. Recovery time can be very different from patient to patient. And of course when you don't feel well, you tend to lash out & what better person to lash out at then your poor spouse who loves you & is trying everything to make you feel better!

Good luck & I hope your DH starts to feeling better soon. Don't give up on him, he'll come around eventually.

 

[caterb85]

Thanks so much for all your input and encouragement. He really doesn't have any symptoms other then every day around 1:00 he says he get very tired. This happens everday and he get discouraged that it doesn't ever stop. He gets up at 4:30 am everday and goes to work until 5:00. This is a long day but hes done it for so many years before without any trouble that he thinks it should be better by know. He was on antidepressent for 7 months before surgery and just went off it with doctors ok.

 

[ALCapshaw2]

Thanks so much for all your input and encouragement. He really doesn't have any symptoms other then every day around 1:00 he says he get very tired. This happens everday and he get discouraged that it doesn't ever stop. He gets up at 4:30 am everday and goes to work until 5:00. This is a long day but hes done it for so many years before without any trouble that he thinks it should be better by know. He was on antidepressent for 7 months before surgery and just went off it with doctors ok.

How long has he been putting in these 12 hour workdays?
I would think that would do-in any recovering OHS patient.
Many report that they didn't feel they reached their full 'surgical benefit' for a Year or More.

His Doctors need to know about his work schedule as well as his symptoms.

 

[caterb85]

He went back fulltime all but going in a couple hours late 3 days a week during his rehab. That was in beginning of Feburary. Then when rehab was over in April he was back to 10 hour days 5 days a week until July he then sarted putting 12 hour days in. The doctors told him he had no restrictions.