Life goes on...

[psalmist]

Ok. I have a question that I am not sure if there is an answer for. I am about 3 years out from surgery and doing very well. I have my days. I blame allergies but sometimes I think its the coumadin. I seem to just drag a little. Nothing like before surgery. My heart is great, my health is great. I am down to 178 lbs. I look good. The question is about my personality. I used to be a very care free. Sometimes it would frustrate my wife. Now I am different. I don't know if I can explain it but the world and relationships are very different to me. Here let me put it this way

1.) I am not as emotionally open to people like I used to be - mostly just not emotional
2.) I am not as sensitive to my faith as I used to be (I still believe just a different emphasis)
3.) I am happy but in a different way
4.) I am more serious about life - maybe just more serious

I guess the bottom line is that i am different in subtle ways and I can't remember that part of me. I kinda miss it but I am not sure why I am different. I worry that I am not as fun loving with my wife/kids as I should be (in everyday things) and I don't want to waste an opporturnity. Anyone else have a similar experience?

 

[buncle]

I think any major event in our lives changes us. Heart surgery is one of those events. I think it is one of if not the hardest surgeries to "get your head around".I think all of us who
have experienced it are different in one way or another.I know I am.

 

[pikacat]

i definitely think stuff like this can change you. i always found it somewhat frustrating that some illnesses, people seem to understand that it's going to be life altering. however, i found with heart surgery and all the accouterments that came with it -- heart failure, BE, the adjustments after, i had no real support in terms of emotional aftercare. people just expected you to be like haha! now i'm ready for the world and 100% exactly the same since my body is healed! there's this expectation that if your body is healed, your mind must be healed, and you must be how you were.

but i definitely had a different identity on the way out, and i spent a long time feeling my way through it. i do wonder, going in for my second one in less than 2 weeks, if that'll happen again. but i guess i already spent a long time processing my post surgery identity and all.

in general, though, i do think what you experienced is normal for anyone processing a large event. it's life changing and you have to confront your mortality, too. it shouldn't be surprising to come out of it just a little different. but i would have preferred more support with regards to that aspect of major illness and surgery. with other illnesses, it kind of goes without saying counselors or support groups exist in local chapters. i'm not sure why with this kind of stuff, you're just supposed to accept it and move on. after my first surgery, i even tried to look up support groups, but couldn't find anything. so instead, i just sort of felt my way through how i was perceiving things differently.

i need to back away from the edit button now.

 

[Cris N]

To be honest, I wouldn't blame allergies or coumadin. I would blame it on a life-changing event. I think we all change our outlook on life based on things we involved with... plus, you're a little older than when you had your surgery. You're about the same age as my SIL - he's become a bit more serious is the past few years as well - I chalk it up to growing maturity. Family responsibilities can take a toll on the psyche and require some work re-discover what, and who, you are. There are a lot of well-trained professionals out there who can assist you - don't be shy about seeking advice.

Get those clown lips on and let 'em rip.:biggrin2:

 

[Glenda]

I think any major surgery changes how you look at things. You realize you've been given a second chance at life. Things that would bother you before doesn't seem so bad now. Life goes on, we get older, wiser and more understanding of others. We are survivors. We made it! ! God in His wisdom has so much more for me to do. It never fails that He puts someone in my path that needs a hug, a comforting word, encourgement, a prayer or just someone to lean on. I just have to be open for that opportunity!

 

[Lynlw]

i definitely think stuff like this can change you. i always found it somewhat frustrating that some illnesses, people seem to understand that it's going to be life altering. however, i found with heart surgery and all the accouterments that came with it -- heart failure, BE, the adjustments after, i had no real support in terms of emotional aftercare. people just expected you to be like haha! now i'm ready for the world and 100% exactly the same since my body is healed! there's this expectation that if your body is healed, your mind must be healed, and you must be how you were.

but i definitely had a different identity on the way out, and i spent a long time feeling my way through it. i do wonder, going in for my second one in less than 2 weeks, if that'll happen again. but i guess i already spent a long time processing my post surgery identity and all.

in general, though, i do think what you experienced is normal for anyone processing a large event. it's life changing and you have to confront your mortality, too. it shouldn't be surprising to come out of it just a little different. but i would have preferred more support with regards to that aspect of major illness and surgery. with other illnesses, it kind of goes without saying counselors or support groups exist in local chapters. i'm not sure why with this kind of stuff, you're just supposed to accept it and move on. after my first surgery, i even tried to look up support groups, but couldn't find anything. so instead, i just sort of felt my way through how i was perceiving things differently.

i need to back away from the edit button now.

Have you checked out the forums at the adults w/ CHD organization? I know some of the members even started local support groups, or at least meet up and do things. I know there is also mended Hearts, but for the most part (of course not always) the members are usually older people who had CABGs. http://achaheart.org/

 

[pikacat]

Have you checked out the forums at the adults w/ CHD organization? I know some of the members even started local support groups, or at least meet up and do things. I know there is also mended Hearts, but for the most part (of course not always) the members are usually older people who had CABGs. http://achaheart.org/

well, i tried doing internet searches for support groups about 11 years ago and i was not able to find anything, though maybe i didn't put in the right searches. but the internet was not really as organized back then, either. nowadays, i'm a lot more secure with things. i hope i can take that security to this surgery, but i'm aware that with every stressful event, there's the risk of some change and some depression. i hope it'll be smoother, though. if there is an issue, though, i'll be sure to look for support at a CHD organization, though, if that ends up happening -- thanks for the tip!

 

[Lynlw]

well, i tried doing internet searches for support groups about 11 years ago and i was not able to find anything, though maybe i didn't put in the right searches. but the internet was not really as organized back then, either. nowadays, i'm a lot more secure with things. i hope i can take that security to this surgery, but i'm aware that with every stressful event, there's the risk of some change and some depression. i hope it'll be smoother, though. if there is an issue, though, i'll be sure to look for support at a CHD organization, though, if that ends up happening -- thanks for the tip!

You are right there was not very much online then, (or in the "real world" ) I know because I was looking too. Justin had an routine cath 1 day, and an emergency surgery the very next morning in 98 when he was 10 and I was looking too. There was 1 online CHD group TCHIN.org that had just started and quite a bit for CABG patients, but nothing for young adults. It was very lonely.

 

[BDMc]

First I want to say how happy I am to find this post from you! I think of you often, and am glad to hear life is going well. I don't know if what I call my detachment, is related to surgery or not, but I sometimes lose my connection with my everyday life. You are a thoughtful, caring, and loving person, and I suspect your introspection will lead you to the connections you seek. Your valve Bro, Brian

 

[pikacat]

You are right there was not very much online then, (or in the "real world" ) I know because I was looking too. Justin had an routine cath 1 day, and an emergency surgery the very next morning in 98 when he was 10 and I was looking too. There was 1 online CHD group TCHIN.org that had just started and quite a bit for CABG patients, but nothing for young adults. It was very lonely.

i definitely agree, it was lonely and i really feel for justin. it was really hard at 19 and being halfway through college. everyone was out having fun, and i was like haha i just went through BE and OHS. also, suddenly, i have all these scars on my chest. it was a lot to kind of learn how to deal with and no one i knew shared my experiences, not even remotely. going through college with my portable IV pump was not the best college experience while my friends were living their lives. justin seems like an awesome kid, though, and you must be really proud.

 

[drivetopless]

Hi, Seth. I agree with most here. I think some of what you are feeling just might be your age combined with a life changing experience that most don't face until much later in life. We change so much from our 20s to 30s. I went through my own transformational time between age 28 and 31 where I questioned myself, my history, my faith, my career choice, and I felt really disconnected with who I was and who I was becoming. I am happy to report after working through it for a while (and seeing a counselor for about 6 months during that time), I found my joy and self again. It wasn't anyting really traumatic (I have not been diagnosed with BAV yet) but it was a great time of introverted/introspected reflection for the normally very extroverted me. It was difficult at the time but looking back, I consider it one of the greatest phases I went through. The good news is that I did regain what I consider a better version of self -- carefree but wiser and more in tune with what is important to me-- later on after I worked through everything. I hope you find that peace and joy soon, too. Don't be afraid to find a trusted counselor and some good books to help guide you in your journey.

 

[psalmist]

Life goes on....

Life goes on....

I really appreciate all of the responses. I can't say enough about how well I am doing post surgery. I do believe that I grew up a lot going through the whole thing. I am very happy but I will say that I am doing a ton of soul searching. I have never really been in this place before and I tend to survey my thoughts and feelings a lot. I like my life and who I am. I think that I am just disappointed in myself. Thats funny to say but I would guess that is the biggest part. Man am I glad I have a bunch of therapist friends on here...ha ha. Anyway, I don't want to that 'debbie downer guy'. A round of drinks for everyone... on me!:biggrin2:

I don't want to grow up just yet... drivetopless....:thumbup: I am sure there is a good story behind that one!

 

[Bina]

Seth, having OHS at a youngish age of 31 while having small children, would blow anybody's mind.
BUT, you survived, recovered, and are doing very well. Keep moving forward.

 

[drivetopless]

I'll have a dirty martini if you're buying. I'll tell you the story of drivetopless sometime, Seth! It's not nearly as exciting as you think. Just remember life is too short not to be silly every once in a while.

 

[neil]

if somebody getting the beers in.......lager for me

 

[ejonbry]

I have found in the 2 years since my surgery that I 1st of all have little to no patience, also I was at one time very empatheitic, now I don't feel any empathy. I have drawn much closer to my wife and chidren, but I don't seem to have time for things that matter very little to me. I genuinely care for family and friends, but don't respond well to things that, in my mind, are trivial. Maybe it is because after such and event, as George Carlin once said, I " don't sweat the petty things". I also don't "pet the sweaty things" but that part doesn't mean much to this discussion. Maybe I realize now that life should be filled with things that make us happy, and if they don't......rid yourself of them.

 

[Kathy McCain]

Hi Seth,
Well I have always been worry prone. I do believe that I have seen a difference in certain aspects of my personality since my AVR. Some positive, some not so positive. People are constantly changing and growing though, regardless of whether you have had this surgery or not.

NOTHING ever STAYS THE SAME. That is the only thing you can be sure about. Look for the POSITIVE changes in your life. Concentrate on that.

 

[Kathy McCain]

Oh, I would like to add that if you are a believer, nothing ever stays the same, EXCEPT GOD. For me personally, this gives me strength and comfort.

Take care Seth

 

[Greg a]

if somebody getting the beers in.......lager for me

AN EARLY SHOT OF NEIL AS AN ALE DRINKER

 

[Kathy McCain]

Too funny Greg!!

Oh, Happy International beer day Neil!!!!