how does one recover

[geebee]

Laura,

Hop on a plane and come to Ohio. If you can't do that, go to a hotel (one that has services) and do not tell them where you are. I am serious - you are in jeopardy of a bad recovery with all this BS and, if they continue to hinder, you need to get out of there.

You have to look out only for yourself right now.

 

[ALCapshaw2]

You may want to ask your Surgeon or Cardio or PCP if there is some facility you could go to for recovery.

 

[JaneBerm]

Laura, my heart is breaking for you! If you have no one else (friend or family) to turn to, please call your cardiologist or PCP to inquire if there is a rehab facility you can go to until you are stronger. After OHS we all need both rest and peace of mind in order to recover, you are at risk for both your body healing and your mental wellbeing. Perhaps a visiting nurse could offer some perspective on your current needs to your husband and older children. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Jane

 

[lbecker]

Laura, I feel so bad to hear this is happening to you when you are recovering. I guess
I would agree with some of the other comments, go. Get a hotel for a week or so,
you may be amazed at feeling so much better if you get the rest you need, without
having to wait on others. They were able to make it while you were in the hospital,
they can do it again. It sounds like you may not be real involved in your church and
feel a little uncomfortable with speaking to the pastor, but he may be someone that
would know even in your church a person that sees it their ministry to help and
could check in on you if you were in a hotel room. My husband is a minister and
it is their job to help their members in what ever way they can. I know in our church
if my husband was to ask a few ladies to check in on someone while they were
recovering, they would be glad to do it. Might be a good time to let some individuals
that are not so connected with your family assist you, and even maybe make some new friends. Wish I could be some help, you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Laura

 

[deek]

Laura,

I'm so sorry. If I could, I would come and take care of you. I feel so BAD... This is hard enough without the support. You need to be loved, adored and pampered right now. Please have your husband and children read this thread...they need to read all these responses...maybe that will knock some sense into them. Right now they should be grateful that they still have you. You are certainly in my thoughts and prayers. Dee

 

[CThrock]

Oh, Laura I feel for you deeply. Sometimes family members can hurt us most. You don't need this extra burden right now with recovery. Can I suggest you call you church family and let them know that you need help. Maybe someone can come in a few hours a day and clean-up and cook alittle. I'm sure someone would be willing to help out. You will probally have to do the stepping out on your own, but thats ok you need taken care of and you do what you got to do. If I lived closer I would be over in a drop of a hat. Please do this for yourself keeping all these emotions going on is not helping you recover.
I will keep you in my prayers but you need to take the steps. We will be checking on you so get that phone #'s out and call.

Crystal

 

[pamela]

I threatened yesterday to go to a hotel... I got absolutly no response.

It's time to stop threatening and to start doing. If money is an issue, there must be women's shelters you could spend a day or two at in order to remind them that even though you're wounded and ill, you have resources. They got on fine without you while you were in the hospital and a couple of days away would remind them that even Mommy can quit her job for a while.

Take Heart and please, ask your doc for some intervention on your behalf,
Pamela.

 

[kfay]

Laura, I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. You aren't going to fix this mess right now. Not only do you physically not have the strength, I am sure that mentally you are exhausted and emotional with everything you have been through, not to mention all the drugs you have been given. If I were in your shoes, I would call your mom, have her come to your house tomorrow, get in the car with her and drive off to her house. And, oh yeah, don't look back. Stay there for a couple of weeks. Don't feel guilty, just do it. Otherwise, you are going to wind up with setbacks.

There is no excuse for your husband. He is an adult and needs to step up to the plate. Period. As for your kids, they just probably don't get it. I know I was surprised at how laid back my kids were about the whole thing. It wasn't until last month, when I was having a conversation with my 12 year old about my surgery that I finally got it. I asked him what did he think/feel last year when I was having my surgery. He said as sincerely as possible, "Well, I wasn't worried at all. I mean, I knew it wasn't serious and so I knew you weren't going to die or anything", I took a breath, getting ready to tell him that wasn't the case at all, and then I realized I had worked hard to let him think that exact thing. I just smiled at him and said "that's right honey, it wasn't serious at all".

Please know we are here to listen to you anytime.

Kim

 

[ChouDoufu]

time to leave.

it'll be sunday morning soon. i'm sure the whole family will be trundling off
to church soon. you know where they learn all about being good, then
come home and....

anyway. now's the time. call your mom. from your posts, sounds like she
lives nearby. grab whatever stuff you need or think is important.

leave.

don't threaten. they think you're bluffing. screw 'em.

(note: this is coming from a confirmed bachelor)

 

[ryen0]

I have called them.. one told me twice she was coming, never called or showed up. The other one said she was coming once but texted and saying she wasn't coming because it was raining. It's a 10 minute drive for crying out loud.

I do belong to a church and my pastor did come see me the day after surgery.... i just dont know what to say to him... my family is screwed up and I don't wanna be here anymore. I just don't know.

The worst part of this, is my husband has no clue why i'm so upset. Even though I have told him why.

this is one of those times when you find out who your true friends are! i went through that as well. your family needs a kick in the ass! sorry i can't offer much advice, but i hope they start turning around for you.

 

[kfay]

Laura, If you decide to stay at home, I would call my pastor back and let him know that you are struggling. He can probably rally up some troops to bring food and even come help catch your laundry up if you'd like.

Kim

 

[Freddie]

Dear Laura, this all sounds too familiar to me. I had to deal with exactly the same thing minus the younger children. My son was 19 at the time and was a much caring soul than my spouse.
I did not find vr.com until 3 months after my surgery so I had to handle everything on my own. I had a break down and my spouse could only say I was depressed, but simply could not or would not bent over backwards for me. I'd have to go outside to cry, almost slept in the car one night, thy spouse went to bed, but it was my son who cared enough to come to find me.
Friends .......what friends? They must have felt I was contaminated .......I still have yet to see them and its been 2 years.
Heck, I received a get well card from my sister mother-in-law long before I heard or saw my own mother-in-law and she is only 3 blocks away....go figure.

Just a small background for you Laura to know that I know exactly what and how your feeling.
Find your inner strength and really have a heart to heart talk to your man. Be serious and firm and don't forget to ask "why?".

As for the 5 children in your house its either "do it or be grounded or no TV, games or what they enjoy" You may not be able to move or do things, but you still have a voice.

The buck stops here. Your tired and frustrated, tell your family so. Make it known "if things don't change by Tuesday - I'm out of here" Then do it. Never give an idle threat - you'll have to carry it out.

Please don't make the same mistakes I did and keep everything inside.........just let it out.

 

[COLLEEN S]

I have called them.. one told me twice she was coming, never called or showed up. The other one said she was coming once but texted and saying she wasn't coming because it was raining. It's a 10 minute drive for crying out loud.

I do belong to a church and my pastor did come see me the day after surgery.... i just dont know what to say to him... my family is screwed up and I don't wanna be here anymore. I just don't know.

The worst part of this, is my husband has no clue why i'm so upset. Even though I have told him why.

Laura, Your husband is being an ass, yes. Tell your pastor how you are feeling, maybe he will ask a few people from the church to stop in on you. Who knows, they could be your new friends.

 

[WayneGM]

Sorry to hear you're going through this. Recovery is tough enough without this BS. I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. I know it's easier said than done, but you've got to take care of yourself first so do what you've got to do to get yourself in better environment for your recovery. Best wishes and good luck.

 

[Ross]

YOu know thats another thing that bothers me... I have 2 very good friends. Talked to them every day... I had the surgery, the never once called me in the hospital and still have yet to come and visit me. I'm ready to say screw everyone.

Hell the only friend that ever came to see me was Tbone. He hates hospitals just as much as I do, so for him to come in was a real pleasure, though I probably wasn't at the time.

My vote is pack up your stuff and leave them all until your feeling better. There is no excuse for any of their behaviors. Let them kill each other without you being around it or involved in it.

Yeah I know, easier said then done.

 

[Smiley2000]

I am so sorry that you have to go through this alone... but you do know that you ALWAYS have your valve-friends and you can talk to us any time and vent and scream and cry and we will always be here...

As for your hubby... he is an asshole for treating you like this and you need to be with people that can give you TLC and do things for you and make sure that you eat properly and take care of you. GO AND LIVE SOMEWHERE ELSE for a while. Parents, family, friends - anywhere and with anyone that will look after you. You need to ONLY focus on recovering from this ordeal and the physical recovery is also very important. You can not move things around, exhaust yourself and drive yet. I you need to eat properly.

Take care of yourself! hugs ( )

 

[ponytaila1a]

Laura .....you are in my prayers. I agree with the above posts..ask your pastor if there are women from the church (or men) who are willing to help someone recovering from surgery. .....it would be good for both you and for the volunteer. We all need to feel needed. Also, the idea of a rehab place for a bit of a rest .....I agree ask the docs about that....you need to open up to someone....medical, spiritual.....someone....

 

[Nancy]

Regarding friend-- it is a strange thing. This has come up before on the site and many have had the odd experience of friends dropping off the planet when they had their surgery.

It happened to Joe too. He had several good buddies. I thought it would be great when they came to visit and cheer him up. One called him in the hospital right after surgery, and Joe was so out of it with pain meds. The guy never called back. And the others never called at all. None of them came to visit, sent him cards, nothing. They didn't even come to his funeral.

I ran into one of his friends in the store, and he asked how Joe was, and I described to him exactly what went on and how he was feeling. I thought he would want to know. I saw this man literally back up as I was talking to him, he couldn't handle "medical stuff".

Unfortunately, it does change the dynamic of relationships when someone has medical problems, even if they are temporary.

So you are not alone with the friend problem.

You will develop other friends though.

 

[ottagal]

Laura,

I am so sorry that you are going throught this. This is devastating and my heart goes out to you. Shame on your husband and family!!! I can only echo what others have said and want you to know that I am praying for you. Your VR family is here for you to listen and for support.

Sending hugs,

 

[hall]

I am so sorry your going through this. I agree with you leaving. I can not imagine going through OHS recovery and not getting cooperation. No deal. Either go to family, friends, or a hotel. That should wake someone up. This is cruel. I hope and pray things get much better for you.