Almost a year post op & still sad

Advertise with us
Shop deals on ebay
shop deals on amazon
Valve Replacement Forums

Help Support Valve Replacement Forums:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
M

MaryMichelle

I've watched this website and all of your words for months now but, didn't have the courage to write.....well, I'm so sad about all of it that I'm now going to reach out for some suggestions.

I was 39 years old and had my aortic valve replaced on Jan 18, 2008 with a bovine tissue valve. I had my fourth child 6 months prior (by c-section) and never knew how bad my valve had gotten. I was never advised to see a cardiologist during any of my pregnancies (last echo was when I was 22 years old). After the c-section, I thought I had post partum depression and that my exhaustion was from being "an old mom" at delivery. Needless to say, by December, I couldn't get up a flight of stairs and ended up at a doctors office who said I needed to have my heart checked asap. I ended up having a TEE, Angiogram, and finally sugery within a 3 week period.

I had major complications, due to low blood pressure, that they could not give me most pain meds and I pretty much was "narcotic free" during recovery which made it absolutely horrible.....I was in ICU for 10 days and another 11 in the regular ward. I also had tachycardia and required medications, but no longer take them.

The surgery then caused major problems with my menstral cycle....I would have excessive periods which caused me to be severely anemic. By May, they attempted a surgical procedure to slow my cyles but it did not work and I ended up having a complete hysterectomy "7 months to the day" from my Heart Surgery!

I've been trying to keep working between surgeries (with four kids and a foster child we need the money) and try to stay positive but, I feel so overwhemed with fear of dying and leaving my youngest daughter without a Mom that I have constant nightmares and cry a lot. I have been taking a light antidepressant since before the surgery but, hate medications and don't want to ask for anything else. I'm not anemic anymore and am not so tired but, I still experience shortness of breath from time to time, palpatations, and dizziness....which scares me and I think the valve may be failing but, don't want to incur anymore medical bills for my family, and honestly, I'm sick of being sick!!!

After having 3 major operations and an infant in a 15 month period really has been horrible!! Am I just a whiner? Should spend the money and get counseling? I'm not suicidal in fact, quite the opposite.....I love life and want to live to be way old!!!!!

Anyone else have any of these feelings??? Your suggestions are so welcomed!

Sorry for such a long letter.....Mary M.
 
Mary,
you have been through so much that it is a wonder that you are still sane at all. Please give yourself a break, you are not a whiner at all. Your body has been through more trauma than most people could ever imagine. Let's see, pregnancy, c-section, OHS and hysterectomy - oh and 5 children. OMG, major props that you are still standing, let alone functioning and working. Your hormones are in major turmoil so you might consider getting your levels checked. If you can afford it, see a counselor they can really help and please don't be afraid to take anti-depressants if they help.

One thing that my therapist suggested for me that seemed to help was journaling. Find 30 uninterrupted, alone minutes (way easier for me than you) and just start writing. It was really cathartic for me (I typed it and deleted it at the end of the 30 minutes).

Keep hanging out here. These people are wonderfully supportive.
 
Welcome Mary.

I am glad you decided to post and ask for help - a very good start.

You are definitely not a whiner. You have had quite a bit dumped on you in a very short time and having trouble dealing with it is perfectly normal. However, I think you already know that you need more help than you are allowing yourself.

I know money can be a difficult barrier to overcome but you have gone through too much to spend the rest of your life in fear and unhappiness. You truly need to seek some medical assistance. First to make sure there are no reasons other than emotional for your physical limitations. If there are not, you need to spend the time and money to get therapy and/or meds that will help get you past this post traumatic stress.

Please know that we are hear to listen and try to help but I think you need medical intervention or you have been through all this for nothing but to live in fear and discomfort.

I will be praying for you that things get much, much better.
 
Mary ((hugs))

Mary ((hugs))

Gosh, Mary, I'm glad you finally got the courage to speak up. Welcome to the group. I think you need to give yourself a break. You have been through a heck of a lot, both physically and emotionally, in just fifteen months. Not having been the patient, I can't speak firsthand about recovery, but I would encourage you to get checked out just to make sure nothing is awry. I also would encourage you to talk to a counselor about the depression you are fighting. EVen someone affiliated with your church could help or find a counselor that has a progressive fee scale. Your county mental health office should be able to help. P.S. For what it's worth, I've tried two different antidepressants and they didn't work for me either. I've been told, though, that you just have to keep trying different meds to find one that works for you. I'm just not that patient. Many hugs and keep us posted. I know some others will be along soon to give you some more input. J.
 
Post partum depression is fairly common. Depression after OHS is fairly common. Add another surgery for a hysterectomy and the stress of taking care of 5 children and I think there is a reasonable chance that you just might be suffereing from depression. You said you hate medications. Would you still hate them if they relieved your anxiety and depression, helped your life become more normal again, and brightened your mood?

I had sternum complications after my surgery which didn't allow me to go back to work and didn't allow me to play golf (which is a huge part of me being a happy camper). I became depressed but I thought it was just the situation I was in. But it got worse...and I was too proud (or too stupid) to seek help for it. Finally I was so miserable I finally got help. It has made a huge difference in my life. Yes I take 3 drugs on a daily basis to manage it and see my psychiatrist regularly...mostly to let him know the meds are working and get new prescriptions. I went through counseling as well for about 6 months, but honestly once my psychiatrist got me on the right meds (took about 3 months of fine tuning) I have never felt better. I went to my county's Human Services Center (formerly called Mental Health Center :rolleyes:) and since I was unemployed at the time I didn't have to pay anything. Once I got a job they based their charges on what my job paid and my other financial obligations (so I still paid next to nothing). It's really up to you whether or not you feel you need some outside help to feel better mentally and emotionally...I'm just sharing my experience.

As for some of the symptoms you are having...they could be heart related or they could be caused by anxiety as it is hard to tell the difference between the two. I think you know what you need to do about that. If you go to your cardiologist he can tell you if your symptoms are heart related or not...and he can tell you whether or not your valve is failing. That one appointment would alleviate a lot of your fears instantly if it isn't your heart causing the problems.

Really the choice is simple...do nothing and stay miserable or go and seek some help for your symptoms. I don't know why I waited so long to get help for my depression yet had no problem going to the doctor when my heart started causing me problems. Both issues were disrupting my life. I knew I couldn't control my heart problems but for some reason I thought I could control my depression and will my way out of it.
 
Hang in there! You have come to the right place for support. You are not a whiner and I agree with the others who have posted already. My doctor told me it can take a year to recover from the OHS, and you have had much more to deal with. It all takes time to recover.

Hugs and prayers to you!
 
Hello Mary and welcome for the forums

Hon your plate is over filled. I'm not a fan of counselors, psychologists or psychiatrists, but if there is a medication that will make you happy again, it's worth the shot at finding it. I too, have been through more then my share, so I know where your coming from, only I'm two kids short of you. Between health and the world status in general, I'm somewhat depressed myself. I would encourage you to at least try some medications and talk things out with someone, whether it be clergy or other, but the time has come to seek someone.

Wishing you all the best. I'm sure you'll be around for a long time to come.
 
Hello Mary,
I'm glad you finally posted. Sick of being sick is an understatement. I agree with everyone else you have had lots on your plate. Any one of the many issues you mentioned is enough to over come by itself and everytime you add to the issue it compounds out of control. I truely believe you are probably gone through the worst of your issues and now its time to heal. Healing is not just physical but very much emotional. I and many others will pray for you why you heal, feeling the power of prayer is very fulfilling. You are not a whiner, allow yourself to lean on friends for physical and emotional help. As you heal and you begin to feel the power of prayers, your days will get brighter and happier each and everyday.

Mary keeping on top of your medical problems it is very important so don't hesitate to get checked when you believe something isn't right. I believe your family loves you and would want you to be the healthiest you can be.

God Bless You

Cindy
 
Mary, you have had a tough go of it lately. Cut yourself some slack, give yourself a pat on the back for making it through this so far, and go get help. I agree with the rest. I have depression, and am one of the "lucky" ones that meds worked almost instantly on. I had been suffering for years (yes, years) knowing something was wrong, but thinking I was "weak" (I'm a Brit, so stiff upper lip and all that stuff). You are not a whiner.

I would suggest first seeing your family physician, get a full physical to rule out any medical causes (B vitamins and thyroid can cause some of these problems too, and people with mechanical valves can have low red blood cell count), then a cardio to rule out the heart issues. Assuming it is none of the above, stick with it, find an anti-depressant that works and take it. I, too, did not like the thought of taking drugs, but I tell you, I wouldn't go without them now!!!!!

You have to help yourself, you have a family that needs you, and a whole life to live.

If you want any more help, or just to talk, e-mail or PM me - we could even make a date to meet on chat. Trust me, there is life after depression, and there is life after OHS, and it can be a damn good life, too !!!
 
I echo the advice already given and don't have any new to add. I just wanted to welcome you to the VR community. I'm glad you decided to post and vent the frustration you feel (it's not whining). We're here to listen. Best wishes and good luck.
 
Wow....thanks to all of you for writing! Your words are picking me up already! It's nice to know someone understands....so many don't around me. Again, this means a lot to me and I look forward to keeping you all posted!!! Love, MM
 
netmiff said:
Mary, you have had a tough go of it lately. Cut yourself some slack, give yourself a pat on the back for making it through this so far, and go get help. I agree with the rest. I have depression, and am one of the "lucky" ones that meds worked almost instantly on. I had been suffering for years (yes, years) knowing something was wrong, but thinking I was "weak" (I'm a Brit, so stiff upper lip and all that stuff). You are not a whiner.

I would suggest first seeing your family physician, get a full physical to rule out any medical causes (B vitamins and thyroid can cause some of these problems too, and people with mechanical valves can have low red blood cell count), then a cardio to rule out the heart issues. Assuming it is none of the above, stick with it, find an anti-depressant that works and take it. I, too, did not like the thought of taking drugs, but I tell you, I wouldn't go without them now!!!!!

You have to help yourself, you have a family that needs you, and a whole life to live.

If you want any more help, or just to talk, e-mail or PM me - we could even make a date to meet on chat. Trust me, there is life after depression, and there is life after OHS, and it can be a damn good life, too !!!
Click to expand...

Well said Jeanette!

You made a valuable contribution in this post which I wanted to recognize and acknowledge.

Keep up the Good Work!
 
I totally agree! I might add ,after all physical issues are cleared we recommend seeing a good psychiatrist for some "talk" therapy in addition to the life-saving anti-depressants.Do not delay.
 
You have received some great advice in this thread, Mary. I just wanted to add emphatically that you are definitely NOT a whiner -- you have been through tons of stuff, much more than me. It is good that you are talking about it and asking for help. I am betting you find it -- you have a whole lot of life to live. Check back here anytime, folks are always glad to share thoughts. Depression of one degree or another is something many of us have dealt with and worked through.

Cheers....
 
Hello Mary and welcome to VR. No, you are definitely not a whiner. You have had to go through so much in such a short time. It's a wonder you have kept your sanity! You've been given wonderful advice from others so far. It's a good idea for you to get checked out by a medical doctor and to find a counselor if you have a good one in your area. The right medicine can do wonders too if you need it. Also, it really helps (as you've already found out) to talk with people here. So, when you're down, come and chat with people here. There is always somebody here who will listen. I've been going through a lot myself lately, and i honestly don't know what i would have done without the people here. They are the most wonderful people i've found.

(((((HUGS))))) and prayers that things will work out for you and that life will soon be much better!

Dawn-Marie
 
I had a dear loved one in my home dying of cancer when I was first prescribed an antidepressant (Paxil). Soon after his death, I had quad bypass with the same opening as valvers and was so glad I had the Paxil. Eventually stopped taking it. Later I needed an antidepressant again and this time it is Lexapro. I have come so far that now I teach a Sunday School class every third Sunday, am very outgoing, am calmer and very satisfied with life in general. That's my testimony for meds help.

You are young, you have a whole life with your lovely children/family ahead of you and we in VR wish you every happiness. You certainly have been run through the wringer a few times and are still here so that says you are definitely a survivor in this world.

We have a member once in a while who is very, very depressed and sometimes it takes a good while before getting better, but with help it can and does happen.

Please stay with us. Often just talking things out with others like us can help in so many ways.

I am glad you have come on into the house with us. We are good and loving folk and you will like us. Welcome and hang in. Post as often as you want/need to - someone is always up 24/7 and we mostly get right back to you.

With love and Blessins..........
 
Agree with all the above posts. We all care about each other and topics like these DO help us through them learning also so we can help others. Small suggestion that might help you find a half hour of calming quiet time: re-evaluate your home chores. Schedule chores your children (not the baby of course) can do to help!! They should find satisfaction in being a partner in family co-hesiviness and helping you get better! Sometimes it is the small stuff that add up to big stress. Help them take some of the stress off you! Continue to stay positive!
 
MaryMichelle said:
....
I've been trying to keep working between surgeries (with four kids and a foster child we need the money) and try to stay positive but, I feel so overwhemed with fear of dying and leaving my youngest daughter without a Mom that I have constant nightmares and cry a lot. I have been taking a light antidepressant since before the surgery but, hate medications and don't want to ask for anything else. I'm not anemic anymore and am not so tired but, I still experience shortness of breath from time to time, palpatations, and dizziness....which scares me and I think the valve may be failing but, don't want to incur anymore medical bills for my family, and honestly, I'm sick of being sick!!!

After having 3 major operations and an infant in a 15 month period really has been horrible!! Am I just a whiner? Should spend the money and get counseling? I'm not suicidal in fact, quite the opposite.....I love life and want to live to be way old!!!!!

Anyone else have any of these feelings??? Your suggestions are so welcomed!

Sorry for such a long letter.....Mary M.
Click to expand...

Welcome Mary, and I shall start with sending you hugs for all you had gone through.

Your plate has been and is still full and it is very normal to feel all that you feel which most of us relate to in a way or another, wether due to surgeries or other misfortunes. Three major surgeries and a somehow new mom is a lot and trying to work in between -- you do not have anytime for yourself, to relax, to reflect on the good things in your life...your body and brain and sould need more time to heal and adjust! I hope you are feelnig better on the medication you started; if not, try another one...I was very hesitant and opposed antidepressants myself for a long time, but wow! it greatly helped to go through the months before surgery until two weeks ago when I stopeed them. I still take from time to time a small dose of xanax (1/4 mg) which overcomes anxiety and fears that hit my head sometimes.
If your insurance doest not cover counsellor's visits and do cover family doctor's visits, your doctor may help you in this area--open up to your doctor and tell him how you exactly feel and ask for his help on the emotional and mental side.

I am happy to read your sentence: " I'm not anemic anymore and am not so tired but, I still experience shortness of breath from time to time, palpatations, and dizziness...." as it shows you are improving, but you need more time. Dizziness and sob and palpitations maybe due to all you are going through without time to rest well. If in any doubt, check with you doctor about them.

With my prayers :)
 
Mary, try to focus on only one day at a time.....I know that when I try to plan too far ahead I just get panicky and frustrated. And definitely urge your older kids to be 'helpers" in the household.
Best wishes.
 
I can so relate to being sick and tired of being sick and tired. My "nightmare" occurred before my surgery. I had 2 very young kids at home and I can relate to all the feelings you must be having about being an inadequate mom, wife, friend etc. Those that love you don't feel that way, but I know you must.

Don't stop until you get some answers. Leave no stone unturned. I know you are probably so sick of seeing doctors. I HATE seeing doctors and it's been 17 years since my surgery and the end of my nightmare. So I know that picking up the phone and making yet one more phone call to try and get a solution can get really tiring. But know that there is an answer or answers for you. Start thinking of yourself as a consumer instead of a patient. You wouldn't put up with someone replacing your furnace and having it not work right, even if they said they couldn't find an answer, so don't let anyone just say "I don't know." and leave it at that. Find the doctors that will say "I don't know at the moment - but let's get this figured out!"

Don't underestimate the turmoil that a hystorectomy can put a woman's body through - even when the ovaries remain intact. (I have a friend struggling with this now.)

I agree with others that have said to go see your family physician for a good, all-inclusive physical and start sorting it out that way. You may be dealing with more than one issue.

Best wishes.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Latest posts

Back
Top