Possible captions:
"Hey - those were perfectly good skis!!!"
"If God had meant Man to fly He would have created someone with the ability to sew Flying Squirrel suits."
"Gosh - I hope they don't see the huge wet spot at the "center" of my suit."
"I haven't a clue as to why I can't get life insurance????"
"You should see what I do when I'm late for work."