I posted about this before, but it still gets my grits!

[debster913]

Hi, all--

I posted in frustration about this a while back, and the same thing happened AGAIN the other day.

I decided to take better care of myself and exercise more now that school ended last week (and get rid of those 20 butt pounds I've been carrying for a while). My friend from work exercises with some friends of hers and invited me along to walk with them. I put on a sports top, some shorts, and my comfy sneakers before leaving for my workout.

When my friend introduced me to her exercise friends, she told them that I'd just had my third valversary. One of the friends looked me up and down, and curtly commented, "I don't see a scar." I offered to lift up my top so she could see the scar under my boob, and she said no thanks. I wasn't going to show it to her, anyway. My friend explained that I had minimally invasive surgery and that's why there is no visible scar. Later, I overheard her say to one of the other girls, "How on earth could she have had heart surgery? She doesn't have a scar! I think she has that mental thing where people make up stories to get sympathy--what is it? Munchausen's?" I didn't give her the satisfaction of saying anything, but I was pretty miffed.

Geez. You'd think with today's technology, people would understand that there is such a thing as minimally invasive heart surgery. It doesn't happen often, but every now and then I get those looks from people who think I'm lying about my surgery because I don't have a visible chest scar. Really, now.

Anyway, I know some of you out there have some pet peeves regarding your surgery, especially you youngsters who hear that "Oh, but you're so young to have heart problems!" If I had a dollar every time someone said that to me all the times I was in the hospital, I could retire! Sheesh!

 

[Ross]

People that have not had heart surgery never have and never will understand. It stead of being miffed, LAUGH and LAUGH LOUDLY.

 

[debster913]

MUAH HA HA HA!!!
Is that good, Ross?

 

[sue943]

I have to confess here - when I had my stroke I was put in a ward with women with various ailments and the young woman in the bed opposite had some form of heart condition, she was wearing a monitor of some kind. When she told me that she had something wrong with her heart my immediate comment to her was that she looked so healthy. At that time I didn't know that I had endocarditis or I might have asked exactly what was wrong with her heart.

 

[lb151]

Because I had the mini invasive,I have had folks say to me "oh,that wasnt such a big deal,huh" heart surgery is heart surgery. It doesnt matter by which means they went into your heart. It toasts my buns,fo'sure!!!!

 

[catwoman]

Debi:

Friends have said that about my husband and me.
I had a sternotomy for my MVR. When John needed MV surgery after his car accident, I decided he wasn't going to have the discomfort I had gone through. Plus, he had had a fractured sternum and knew how painful that was. So I hunted for a surgeon who could do an MIS procedure. I believe it did make John's recovery easier, but he still had a little discomfort and was swollen. In fact, it looked like he had had boob enhancement! My surgeon told us that thoracotomy used to be more widely used by surgeons.

Since then, friends occasionally say that John's surgery wasn't as "serious" as mine -- because his damaged valve could be repaired. I have tried to explain that doctors had to stop his heart, cut into it, work on it and restart his heart and sew him back up. Ditto with me.

So, the next time someone disputes your having had OHS, please relate John's and my experience. Maybe they'll understand then.......

 

[Cooker]

I listen to them with understanding and then tell them to bite me .... one thing I do not like is the term ?heart condition? .... I consider myself fixed (heart wise that is )

 

[seth]

People have bone heads or empty heads when it comes to this topic. If you had cancer instead you would certainly get a different reaction.

 

[debster913]

I listen to them with understanding and then tell them to bite me .... one thing I do not like is the term ?heart condition? .... I consider myself fixed (heart wise that is )

Don't I know it. I hate it when people still ask me, "Is your heart OK? Can you exercise/this/that/the other?" It's not like having heart surgery made me worse--it made me better! Geez!

A few weeks ago, I was at a department meeting and one of my colleagues asked me how I was. I told her that I was OK, but a bit stressed, and she replied, "You don't need that! Not with your heart condition!" Good grief. If my valve were to fail from some eensy beensy stressor, then I want my money back!

 

[Bina]

People have bone heads or empty heads when it comes to this topic. If you had cancer instead you would certainly get a different reaction.

True. The general public has more knowledge and understanding about cancer than heart surgery.
All the more reason for us to flash our scars and take some time to educate.

 

[Gail in Ca]

At 54, you can bet I was happy when the nurses in the hospital said I looked too young and healthy to be having my 3rd heart surgery! They made my day.
I must have better friends! They never make comments like the above to me. Of course, I have a long scar, up to my neck, but I wear whatever I want, and no one ever seems to notice. Mostly people I know are amazed at what I've been thru and now, 4 mo later, I'm more or less back to normal!

 

[Superbob]

Deb,

Don't let the comments of a few know-nothing airheads get to you -- keep up those workouts!

 

[Kathy McCain]

Deb,

I also had minimally invasive procedure. Don't let those ignorant people get to you! I have not come across someone so insensitive, as yet. You know the ol saying, "it takes all kinds to make the world go round". I do understand your anger though. You definitely need to find someone else to walk with.

 

[Dina]

"How on earth could she have had heart surgery? She doesn't have a scar! I think she has that mental thing where people make up stories to get sympathy--what is it? Munchausen's?"

I was wondering WTH with the ignorant reaction and then saw that you are in California..
.land of the snotty,clannish,and catty females. No thanks ! I had enough of that in my Louisville (Catholic) high school
And just where did she learn of Munchausen's?...A HOUSE episode

*Those in California OR who happen to be snotty and clannish,please take
no offense

 

[Glenda]

I agree with Ross. If you haven't been there you have no idea what a person has gone through or what they are going through, just like people will have the nerve to ask me what's it like knowing you could die at anytime. I always answer them, "any of us could die at any time, only God knows that time." I could step out in front of a car instead of die from heart or cancer problems. Yes I have a AVR, I am living with cancer, I will for the rest of my life. I have survived two other cancers, I've survived open heart surgery, I've survived other surgeries and I'm still here. I'm a survivor and I'm proud of it. Who knows when our time is near? ?

 

[Eva]

Debi,

I won't let a remark from an ignorant person affect me in any way. Just find some other people to walk with. I enjoy walking alone some times, as I find it relaxing to breathe the way I like, think and fly with my thoughts without interruption from others as the wind passes by me.! Next time you come to visit, bring your walking shoes.

 

[Maryka]

My daughter, who has some of my marfan-like connective tissue problems (including hyper-flexible joints that HURT) used to get a lot of resperatory illnesses as a child. A "holistic health" nut "friend" mine one day casually threw out her theory that my daughter was often ill because I had "Munchausen by proxy". I glared at her, but she seemed not to know what she was implying--Grrrrr! So I said "I am sure that is not the case." Another of her screwy health beliefs eventually ended our friendship.

Can you successfully exercise with that nutty woman in your group? And what is wrong with a big behind? I have one and some folks find them very attractive!

 

[JeffM]

Forgive them, as frustrating as it can be...

Forgive them, as frustrating as it can be...

...to listen to comments and questions born from ignorance. Unless one has experienced heart surgery or is close to someone who has, why should we expect them to take the time to learn what we have learned (with no small investment in time and effort on our parts). I think we just need to give people a break...and as Ross suggests, laugh at (and bitch about 'em) on here.

 

[escargome]

Deb,
I'm afraid I could not have been as composed are you were. When that silly woman said that you need to have a scar, I would have said "well your lobotomy scar hardly shows" And I am from California but not near so clanish, snotty or self-absorbed.

 

[ponytaila1a]

I had the minimal invasive and people do ask to see my scar...when I don't have the open chest scar they say....."must not have been serious"..I always reply
"THEY STOP YOUR HEART" ......