I feel like an emotion wreck

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Hello! Is it tomorrow yet???

Happy Saturday.... are you any better today? Has that calm overtaken you this morning? I hope so. It takes hold of many of us just when we think we are going to explode from the pressure of it all.

My worst moment was several weeks before my surgery. I suddenly just became flooded with doubts. Me! Miss optimist-sunshine-happy-pants!! What the hey!! What is this??? I can't have this!! I can't have this dread sneak in!!! How can I stop it!!?? So I went into my kitchen, tears streaming down my face and grabbed a spice jar of some kind of seed from my pantry. Took out a mortar and pestle thingy and just started crushing the seeds, crushing the seeds of doubt. I mashed those suckers into a paste!! And it helped. That feeling went away. I pushed it out, threw back my shoulders, chin up and went on about my day.

It's actually still friday right now, about 10pm Pacific. Saturday, the 18th, marks the 3 year anniversary of my surgery. 3 years! I'm looking back. YOU WILL TOO!! No worries!!

So please, Laura, breathe deeply. Stand up straight, shoulders back, chin up. This is your moment, your big event. Walk tall. You will do this. You are doing this......... there........ just breathe.

Keep your eyes on the prize.

Hugs and best wishes.

Marguerite
 
Laura - I know I was like that a few days before surgery but on the day before, a sort of calmness came over me. Kinda like God wrapping his arms around me and I felt so much better. We lost a son back in the early 80's while he was still a baby (6 mos old) and I have written letters to him ever since. I write them, put them in an envelope, address it to him at our house and then I place the letter in a box that I have for the purpose. It helps me alot to tell him what is happening in his brothers and sisters lives and our lives, even though I know he is up in Heaven watching it all and watching over us. I know he was there for me through the surgery and first part of ICU because my husband that as I was waking up after they removed the tube, I looked toward the foot of the bed and said "I love you too Jason" before turning to look at my family and talk to them. I guess it shocked everyone except my hubby, because he has had the same experience when going through something scarey. Your dad is watching over you and he will be there to give you strength. Your mom is alot stronger than you are giving her credit for. She will be ok and she is probably expecting you to be a basket case so she is already prepared to mother you.......even though you are grown up, momma's are always momma's and we will mother you forever!!!

I am praying for you! Good luck on Monday and I will see you on the other side of the mountain!!!
 
It is Saturday morning now. I woke up this morning feeling very calm. At first it was kind of scary but then as I layed here, i thought "hmmm this is kind of a nice feeling". And I layed there a bit longer listening to the birds chirping and just enjoyed the peacefulness of it. I'm still laying here. I cuddled with my little 4 yr old for a awhile (even she was quiet). For a minute I thought I was gone. That's how wierd this has been this morning. Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying it.

Then the phone rang. It was my brother in law calling to tell me that my nephew will probably come home today. It's kind of like my dad has been watching over him in the hospital for the past 3 1/2 weeks and now he needs to take care of me so my nephew finally gets to go home and be with his family.

I hope this peace continues throughout the weekend. I'm really liking it.
 
I think you have found that tranquil spot that happens to many right before surgery. It will help you through the rest of the waiting period.

I think you will have a wonderful weekend and one to remember.
 
Just reading these posts bring back memories of all the emotions I felt in the days before my surgery. Just before being wheeled to the operating room a nurse took my hand, looked me in the eyes and said "Everything is going to be fine". I didn't think much about it at the time but his words stuck with me. And here I am nine weeks later on the other side of the mountain and well on the road to recovery.
So, here is my e-version of my nurses words: "Every thing is going to be fine"

Best wishes for a successful surgery and a speedy recovery.
 
Laura, I am so glad that you are feeling better today. You're the first place I came this morning hoping to hear that.

I found it helpful to really drink in those calm moments and sink them permanently into my memory, so that when that catching trepidation saunters back in to try to take over, I had those lovely moments ready as an emotional/mental defense. That, and colors. I just looked for as much green as I could. Green is a GO! all is well! :D

And, Ian. Great story. Aren't the nurses amazing??!!!! Wow. I just will never be able to say enough about the compassion, light-heartedness and professionalism of the hospital staff.

Best wishes, Laura!!
 
Mary said:
You're going through a big deal, and you've all ready dealt with many things, Laura. I had similar feelings before surgery-- a heightened appreciation for the beauty of life but an awareness of its fragility. Hold on; you're almost past the worst.
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EireCara said:
*Life without good health can be a very lonely place. Yours (lonliness) is coming to an end and a bright healthy future awaits. Wishing you courage and peace of mind as your surgery day comes closer. (((((HUGS))))) x
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I am glad you are feeling better...your dad and your Heavenly Father are watching over you and I agree with all that was said by others in reponse to your first post and they expressed my exact words and thoughts.

Keep up the good spirit and look forward to the healthier you which will please your dad from afar.
 
Laura, Just want you to know I haven't forgotten you! I'll be drinking a toast to your successful surgery Monday night. Brian
 
Yes, I'm checking in today, too. Hope you are having a wonderful warm and loving day with your family.

Here in our neck of the world it is a ridiculously gorgeous spring day. A songbird who hasn't quit his 8-beat chirp for hours. Ducks honking by. Bumble bees the size of hummingbirds working industriously. Flowers just busting out everywhere! And it's going up to 80 today!!

I hope you can drink in the sights and sounds and smells of the vibrant world around you and take energy from that and walk with confidence into your surgery.

Best wishes!

Marguerite
 
Hey Laura,
Just a quick hi ya! Hope you are still enjoying the calm that you were feeling yesterday. I sure will be thinking about you tomorrow. Well summer (we don't have Spring in California) has arrived here. Yesterday and today are supposed to be in the high 80's and tomorrorow they are predicting 90"s so for me it's time to go outside and drink in the sun......So enjoy your family and I will wait to hear from your husband that you are on the other side of the mountain. I'll be waiting for ya with a glass of lemonade...:)
 
its me again

its me again

I am still feeling calm... I have had my moments of crying but I just think of my dad or God and it seems to be lifted away and I am calm again. I have been enjoying the weather (well yesterday anyway). Took the kids to the park, walked along the beach. Just enjoyed the sounds and sights. I am off to my mom's house to stay there for the night. We are over an hour away from the hospital and she is only 15 min and I have to be there at 5:15am so I thought it would be easier.

I get scared when I think about saying good bye to the kids tonight and when I have to say goodbye to my mom and husband tomorrow. I just think happy thoughts about how I will feel after this and I become calm again.

Matt will keep you all posted. I'm going to spend the next hour or so with my kids and say my "see ya laters". I'm not going to say goodbye.

Thank you all again. You all have become another family again.
 
laurad37 said:
I am still feeling calm... I have had my moments of crying but I just think of my dad or God and it seems to be lifted away and I am calm again. I have been enjoying the weather (well yesterday anyway). Took the kids to the park, walked along the beach. Just enjoyed the sounds and sights. I am off to my mom's house to stay there for the night. We are over an hour away from the hospital and she is only 15 min and I have to be there at 5:15am so I thought it would be easier.

I get scared when I think about saying good bye to the kids tonight and when I have to say goodbye to my mom and husband tomorrow. I just think happy thoughts about how I will feel after this and I become calm again.

Matt will keep you all posted. I'm going to spend the next hour or so with my kids and say my "see ya laters". I'm not going to say goodbye.

Thank you all again. You all have become another family again.
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We'll leave the lights on until you get back here.:)
 
I hate saying goodbye, I always say see you later. Except for that day I left the hospital after surgery I said see you later to the discharge nurse, then I took it back and said goodbye, she found it pretty funny. LOL But you know what after surgery I was really happy to see my husband but that first visit from my 2 boys was overwhelming. It was sooooo nice. Good Luck Laura and also awaiting for an update.
 
It's good to hear that you're behaving normally, and that you've at least had one nice, calm day. By this time tomorrow, you'll probably be awake and wondering what all the fuss is about, because you'll have gotten through the prep and are on your way to recovery. Best of luck!
 
Hi Laura,
What you are feeling is completely normal. As our kids became more nervous so did I, my husband and my mom remained very strong for me. Mom died a year after my heart surgery. I had almost the exact same emotions and thoughts. Your father will be watching over you. My mom passed away a few years ago and I had to have another surgery it was the first time in my life I did not have her by my side, I really missed her and wanted her to be with me, then as my husband kissed me in the pre op area and they started rolling me down the hallway, all of a sudden, I felt my mom's strong presence, it was wierd but very comforting. She was with me. Know that alot of people are praying for you and you will be OK. You will be on the post side real soon.
TC Flowergal
 
Laura, woke up early this am and immediately thought about you and prayed for you
and the doctors that would be doing your surgery this am.Will be anxious to hear how you
are doing, continuing to keep you in my prayers. Laura
 
Laura,
By now your surgery is over. It is completely normal to be emotional, especially if you are an emotional person in general. You will get emotional again AFTER surgery also. I cried post op in the CICU at Hopkins with my sister and my mom, because I was so grateful to be alive after Dr. Cameron told me my aneurysm was 7.0 cm's and that I got that done in the nick of time. Best wishes and prayers coming your way right now. Be well,
 
john79t said:
I don't even have a date yet and am already a mess. God Bless and my prayers will be with you.
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I can relate. I learned I needed valve replacement and part of the thickening removed from my heart six weeks ago. I still have another week until I see a cardiologist at U. of Penn. for a second opinion. I don't even have an appt. with a surgeon yet.

I had surgery in the mid 1970s as a child, then a badly blotched heart cath two years later.

The waiting is almost unbearable.
 
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