Depression with upcoming AVR

[vhmoriarty]

I have suffered from Depression for over 10 years. I am currently on Effexor XR 75mg. I have lost a son, husband, father, grandparents, uncles, aunt, and had a tragic accident in which a 16yr old girl lost her life. I almost lost my life having my daughter two years ago.

I have been functioning well. I have never received therapy other than about six weeks after my wreck. I will be starting therapy at the end of October. The surgeon gave me xanax last week to start taking. I have only been taking 0.5 at bedtime to help me sleep.

Today I feel as if I cant do anything. I am SOB and then just start thinking of everything and start crying. I am trying to keep my mind off things, I went outside for a while and read a book, but it keeps coming back.

I know others have expierenced this as well. and I guess Im just trying to vent and see if there is anything else I need to do.

I want to thank you all for being so understanding.

 

[Duffey]

It sounds as though you have many issues going on in your life. Honestly, I think you're coping better than I would. You must be a strong person to be able to endure what you've endured.
If you chose to think of the upcoming Ross procedure as a new start in life, you might be able to find something positive to look forward to. Valve replacement is a life changing event, and for the majority of people, the change is for the better.
Best wishes

 

[Faye]

Valarie - You have certainly had more than your share of challenges! I firmly believe that God does not give us anything that we cannot handle, although I also believe He pushes us to our limits. Because of this, I believe you are a very strong woman.

The weeks leading up to your surgery date can bring lots of thoughts and worries. Spend some of the time just taking care of you, doing things you like to do. Spend some more of the time preparing your home for your return - stock up on movies, healthy snacks, and some warm clothes for the walks you will need to take each day. Do not waste time worrying about the "what ifs" - keep your mind in a postive place.

Return here when you need a boost - there is always someone just a few clicks away.

Sooner than you know, you'll be back here telling us that you made it over the hill.

 

[netmiff]

I had been followed annually for about 6 or 7 years by my cardio. My MIL was in hospital, and he saw her (and me, as a visitor) there, over the weekend. She died in the Sunday night, funeral was Wednesday, I had annual appt with cardio on the Tuesday, and that's when he told me it was NOW, not soon !

I was a basket case - MIL lived with us, so I had to go through her stuff, and deal with my own mother who had a hard tie believing that her "baby" was going in for OHS. I have been on Effexor for a long time (serzone before that and Prozac before that. . .), so my family doc agreed that I should increase my dose to see me through. I also took sleeping pills for the few weeks before surgery - didn't need them after lol.

If you want to chat or anything, PM or e-mail me.

 

[Eva]

Valerie, you have gone through a lot...the news of surgery is depressive by itself and this may have awakened brought previous sadnesses out to the surface. I had gone through similar life incidents like you and the news of surgery topped it all and I did see a therapist and I benefitted a LOT! If you can afford seeing a professional therapist, I encourage you and good luck. Meanwhile, come and vent out here as often as you need...we are all here to support you.

 

[vhmoriarty]

We have a behavioral health center here in Knoxville. You pay one copay and then can come for weekly sessions. I went to my PCP and told him I would like to go. So on 10/29 I have my first visit. I did however find out that what has made my problem worse is from all the stress I have been under for the last year. How do they expect you not to stress when they first tell you to mentally prepare yourself for OHS, something you thought you wouldnt have to expierence until your 50's. So I am headed to take my xanax, go to bed and hopefully wakeup feeling better tmw. Thanks guys for letting me vent.

 

[Waggily Tail]

Valerie, I can't even imagine your grief and fears. What you are feeling seems very normal for what you're going through. I coudn't help but notice that "Hope" is your midde name. That speaks volumes. Hang on for you and your daughter. I think you're stronger than you realize. Jill

 

[catwoman]

We have a behavioral health center here in Knoxville. You pay one copay and then can come for weekly sessions. I went to my PCP and told him I would like to go. So on 10/29 I have my first visit. I did however find out that what has made my problem worse is from all the stress I have been under for the last year. How do they expect you not to stress when they first tell you to mentally prepare yourself for OHS, something you thought you wouldnt have to expierence until your 50's. So I am headed to take my xanax, go to bed and hopefully wakeup feeling better tmw. Thanks guys for letting me vent.

Valerie:
In early 1981, I sought help for depression. My doctor put me on Elavil and suggested I get some counseling help. Our church is very huge and has a minister who had group therapy sessions, plus lots of other great things for the public and for church members. So I went into therapy for several months.
I learned my depression was due to many stressful events I had encountered in less than 18 months' time:
1. I had gotten married (3 months' courtship)
2. We bought a house 4 months after getting married.
3. I had had major surgery (bunionectomy on both feet)
4. Six weeks after the surgery, a man tried to abduct me at gunpoint, threatening to kill me.
There were quite a few others, but these were the high points.

There are scales that allocate X points for certain types of life events -- GOOD as well as bad. You get so many points and you're at risk for depression. And if these events are very close together, that puts you even more at risk.
I counted up my points, and the red thermometer bulb started bubbling!

Your point score is no doubt very high. If you haven't had counseling, you would benefit from it, to learn how to deal with the past and how to face the future. How to be good to yourself. Surround yourself with positive people. Take some well-deserved pleasure in reveling your successes.

And, as far as the heart surgery, learn to fast-forward yourself past it. See the healthy benefits of undergoing the procedure.

Good luck!

 

[vhmoriarty]

My life has been really hard.

1. 1999 became pregnant, got married cause of it, found out at 22 weeks there would be nothing they could do for my son. I researched for months and decided to allow him to die in my arms after two days with him.
2. Lost my mother in law to cancer and my husbands grandmother within two days in 1999 to cancer.
3. My uncles was 48 and passed away suddenly to Atherosclerosis. Left behind a wife and two small children (2002)
4. 2004 - Husband became disabled and started heading to Vanderbilt to be put on the transplant list.
5. 2004 Grandfather passed away after a year of hospice.
6. 2004 - Had a van accident while working at a school where a student whom I was driving was killed. She was 16.
6. 2004 - Lost job due to accident.
7. 2005 - Husband receives defiberlator and we start the disablity process only to be denied
8. 2005 - Daddy finds out he has a brain tumor the size of a lemon and is inoperable. I demanded more tests. They were able to remove the tumor, but the lung cancer had spread. He started weekly chemo.
9. 2006 - Husband is hospitalized over a month due to CHF. April 2006 he passes away after only going into the hospital for throwing up blood, he was to be listed on the transplant list that Monday.
10. 2006 - My daddy passes away after a long battle of cancer
11. 2007 - Become pregnant with my daughter my gradient increases, hospitalized at 27weeks, daughter born at 30 weeks, thought they would have to repair my valve at this time.
12. 2009- Mom finds out she is diabetic and almost dies in ICU. Sister gets married. Grandmother has a massive stroke and is in a coma for 5 days before she passes 2 weeks before my sisters wedding.
13. 2009 - Find out I need a AVR NOW!

This isnt even close to everything that has happened to me in life. These are only the highlights. So yes you can imagine, people have quoted I should have fell apart years ago, I should have been in a home, if it had happened to them they dont know what they would have done.

I have my GOD, I beleive in Jesus and I know where my home is. I know if I didnt have the faith I have had through all of this then I would not be here.

I also know that I myself dont believe that GOD would put me through all of this just to take me home now.

Thanks everyone for your support. I am trying to just keep swimming as Dori would say in Finding Nemo.

I always try to remember that when I think nothing can get worse, someone is worse off than me.

I just had a really bad day today, and needed your alls support (YES Iam from the south and we talk like that).

 

[Kevin]

I am so sorry to hear of your difficulties. They are many and they are all major things that no doubt make living your life difficult.

You are a very strong person to have made it this far and I encourage you to continue to come here for support when you are down. There are some great listeners here.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Kev

 

[Lynlw]

Valerie, IF you don't mind me asking, what was wrong with your husbands heart, was it something he had been dealing with his whole life or a virus or something that happened suddenly?
I can only imagine how you feel, I'm glad you are getting someone to help you deal with this.

 

[vhmoriarty]

Valerie, IF you don't mind me asking, what was wrong with your husbands heart, was it something he had been dealing with his whole life or a virus or something that happened suddenly?
I can only imagine how you feel, I'm glad you are getting someone to help you deal with this.

He suffered from Congestive Heart Failure and Viral Cardiomyopathy. He didnt find out until he was 17. He was on medications but they werent helping. He suffered a stroke (TIA) while in the hospital one of his times.

He was only 35 when he passed away on April 21, 2006 (friday). We were actually packed up and ready to go to Vanderbilt the next day, cause he was going to be listed on that Monday.

The morning he passed away he had been throwing up blood at home, not alot but enough to have me concerned so I took him to the ER. His BP was dropping in and out and they were doing tests on him. His sister was there as well receiving her defiberlator that day. So I was back and forth between him and her. I was getting ready to go and check on her when he wasnt feeling well. I told him I loved him, went to get the doctor and by the time we had gotten back, his heart had stopped. They worked on him over two hours.

This is a problem that him and his sister both suffered from. His sister was like three years behind him on everything though. They had went through all the same symptons, medicines, etc.

SO it was cogential.

 

[Lily]

Valerie, I don't know what to say except that you have my empathy and very best wishes that things will get better. And I hope today is going better for you than yesterday. You mentioned your faith seeing you through. I'm sure it will.

 

[Lynlw]

He suffered from Congestive Heart Failure and Viral Cardiomyopathy. He didnt find out until he was 17. He was on medications but they werent helping. He suffered a stroke (TIA) while in the hospital one of his times.

He was only 35 when he passed away on April 21, 2006 (friday). We were actually packed up and ready to go to Vanderbilt the next day, cause he was going to be listed on that Monday.

The morning he passed away he had been throwing up blood at home, not alot but enough to have me concerned so I took him to the ER. His BP was dropping in and out and they were doing tests on him. His sister was there as well receiving her defiberlator that day. So I was back and forth between him and her. I was getting ready to go and check on her when he wasnt feeling well. I told him I loved him, went to get the doctor and by the time we had gotten back, his heart had stopped. They worked on him over two hours.

This is a problem that him and his sister both suffered from. His sister was like three years behind him on everything though. They had went through all the same symptons, medicines, etc.

SO it was cogential.

I'm sorry to hear that and that his sister has it too. How is she doing?

 

[MarkU]

I was fortunate that the hospital where I had my surgery had a staff psychologist come and talk to me the night before my AVR. In researching my condition beforehand I had focused on all the technical aspects and had not given any thought to the psychological effects.

To top things off while I was in recovery post-op my boss called me in the hospital to tell me that our company was going to close within a few weeks and that we would all be losing our jobs.

I was hit by severe waves of depression when I first got home. For no apparent reason I would just start sobbing.

At least my talk with the psychologist had alerted me to the depression although it was still difficult to deal with at times. It also caused stress with my family as they had to put up me acting erratically at times.

I find I still "get the blues" occasionally nine years post-op.

Mark

 

[vhmoriarty]

I want to thank everyone for their positive thoughts and prayers. I had a better day today. I hung out with the hubby to be and the kids. We even went to the playground. But atlast mommie got too tired so we had to come home so I could lay down.

Im trying to find some books about open heart surgery and valve replacement. I need to be able to get them at my local library. There was one suggested to me, but you have to order it online and Im not sure I want to invest money into it if I dont have the time to read it. Any suggestions?

Also are there anymore sites like this out there for people who have had the Ross Procedure?

Thanks guys!

 

[Faye]

I have a couple of heart books that I would be happy to pass on to you. They are humorous but truthfull. If you want them, send me a PM with your address and I'll send them right out.

 

[Nupur]

Valerie,

This place is great, so many wonderful people who are extremely supportive and kind.
I am glad you are doing better, you are such a strong person to have gone through everything that you have and still have a positive outlook.

Re books, you might like Adam Pick's book, it's a good overview, although I had already read so much online that I didn't find it that useful in terms of information. But he had a Ross procedure too, if I remember.

If you send me your address, I can send you the book. It's kind of expensive to buy it.

Best wishes,

Nupur

 

[JohnCalderwood]

Hi Valerie

Hi Valerie

Hi Valerie,

I was a mess for about three weeks after finding out I need ohs. Like yourself I had convinced myself I would not need it until I was 70. Now as I wait for a date of the operation I have kind of come to grips and conceded to the fact I am having this. I have even accepted the fact that if I don't make it will be okay. I just think it will be a long sleep and the one's who will have the pain are the ones left behind. I am okay either way. If I make it I think it will be an adventure. Meet new people, rest, read, watch TV. Kind of beats getting up at six with our three year old, doing laundry, shopping, figuring out what to make for dinner every night,cleaning the bathrooms etc. I have had anxiety/depression all my life. I take 75mg +37.5 mg of effexor so there is the ability for you to up your dose. Good luck and I hope in time you will accept this like you have tried to accept everything that has happened to you all your life. Good or bad nothing stays the same.

 

[kschroed]

Valerie,
This is the place to be. I was scared and depressed when I found out I needed a new valve, but I learned so much from the great people here on the forum. It made things easier knowing what to expect. I am sending you positive thoughts!
Kay