When should my son see me after surgery??

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Lorimacm

Lorimacm

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
146
Location
California
I was thinking about my boy and when would be a good time for him to come see me following surgery. He is 5 1/2 and just the light of my life - I think he's my guardian angel because my life has changed for the better since he came into my life. (He the one in the picture with me at my oldest daughters wedding earlier this year.)

I don't want him to get scared, but I know he will want to see me. Everytime I go to an appointment and when I had my cath - he always asks me if my heart is fixed yet. I just saw on the hospital website that they have a program that helps children who have parents undergoing surgery, I will inquire about it tomorrow.

Was wondering if anyone had young children and how they handled the hospital visits.

Thanks,
Lori
 
Hi Lori,
When I had my surgery nearly 3 years ago, my boys were 11 and 8. My partner didn't bring them in to see me until about a day and a half after the op - for the first 24 hours or so you (I, most people, etc) are all hooked up to all sorts of machines, tubes and lines going in everywhere, and looking pretty pale and sick. I personally didn't want to frighten my sons by letting them see me like that, and pre-op, the nurses advised us to hold off having them visit for a day or two, just to see how things panned out.
But everyone's different and it's up to you to decide.
Good luck anyway.
Bridgette
 
My 6 year old son didn't get to see me until 2 weeks post-surgery -- but that was because I had the procedure out of town while he stayed with local relatives. For us, 2 weeks worked pretty well... but assuming that your son will be local to you, I'd advise waiting 2-3 days -- definitely don't let him see you in the ICU - that will be scary. I'm sure that he will appreciate a phone call as soon as you are coherent and feel like a chat - and that will go a long way towards reassuring him.
 
Our youngest grandchildren at the time of my husbands surgery were 6 and 2. They came the third day after surgery. By then my husband was more like PawPaw and they even walked with him around the nurses station a few times.
 
Good advice from all ... DW said she would not have recognized me if the nurse had not pointed her to the right room in ICU and she saw my name on the wall and the birthmark on my arm ... definitely give it 2 to 3 days.... wishing you all the best .... Godspeed
 
My son was 32 when I had my surgery and seeing me in the ICU was very hard for him so a young child would be traumatized seeing all those things. It's hard for anyone to see us then. Wait until no tubes are coming from your mouth and until you are lucid again. Do look into the hospital program and get their advice. Just don't let your child in until you are able to talk to him like Mommy always has.
 
You know, I would just wait and see how things go. I definitely would not have wanted my children to see me while I was in intensive care. After you get out on the regular floor would be better. By that point, a lot of the tubes are out and you are more mobile and are hopefully starting to feel a tiny bit better.

Kim
 
I would definitely wait to see how you are feeling and doing. My 6 year old is our heart patient and his teenaged brother remembers vividly seeing him hooked up to all of the medical equipment when he had his surgery in 2007 and asked that he not come to the hospital until his brother was in a better place for the 2009 surgery. Based on a previous surgery, I thought 2 days post-op. might be good for a visit with friends so when my neighbors asked when they should come I said 2 days post-op.....well they came through and showed up with their 6 and 9 year old daughters. They were so sweet, they made cards for my son and brought balloons......but my son was still pretty sick with abdominal pain and vomiting that the youngest little girl started to cry and they had to leave with that vision of my child. I felt really bad about it and wish that I had asked them not to come.

Every surgery is different and each individual recovers at a different rate. 2 days post-op for my son was no good but it may be just fine for you. That's why I'd wait to see....

Best wishes!
 
Hi Lori,

Your little guy is darling. I too have a 5 year old and my oldest is 25 so we both have little ones as well as older kids. My surgery was July 7th and I was in ICU for 24 hours following surgery. I had been told that I might be in ICU for an extra day. Before surgery my husband and I had decided only to allow my oldest kids to come and see me in ICU if at all. The possibility of even them coming into ICU was only if I was there for an extended time. Obviously not a good place for young ones to visit for reasons others mentioned. I felt that my husband kind of rushed to bring the younger kids to visit the day I came out of ICU. From his perspective I looked good and it was o.k. but just making the move from ICU was tiring. I still had O2, bladder cath and IV. I was still pretty sleepy but did manage to visit with them. I only wished he had waited a little longer since I really don't remember much of the visit. It was of course great to see them and important for them to see me but talking was very tiring and as I said I would have liked to wait till maybe the next morning. My 5 year old actually did not visit. He has special needs and is developmentally more at the level of a 2 or 3 year old. He was doing well at home and would not have understood what was happening. My next oldest is 8 and was satisfied to see that mom was o.k. and was more interested in getting a treat from the cafeteria :). He had a few questions as to what he could see that I was hooked up to but was not at all traumatized by seeing me at that point. My surgery was on Tues and I was home on Sat and soooo glad to see my little guy! After a few days he noticed my scar or boo boo as he calls it. He still after 7 weeks will notice it andd proceed to kiss it to" make it better". Kids are amazing and your little guy will be one of your greatest motivators while healing. I love the way you say he is your guardian angel as this is exactly how I feel about my little guy. I will keep you in my prayers as you prepare for surgery.
 
The ICU can be a very traumatic place for visiting family members....especially a young boy. I wouldn't rush it...but see how it goes.
I think there are children's picture books available that portray what a hospital is like and it will open up a discussion.
 
Thanks so much everyone! Very good advice. My husband and I have been on the fence on when to bring him in. We live a few hours from the hospital so it's not too close. My older kids will be at the hospital the day of surgery, just wasn't sure what to do with the little fella since my husband and daughters may stay near the hospital the first few nights. I was thinking about talking to my new son-in-law (who Jacob calls his brother and just loves him so much) to see if he could watch him the first day or a family friend until one of my daughters gets back home.

Thanks again everyone....this site is just such a valuable resource for me.

Lori
 
You have gotten some wonderful advice, I think. I really like the idea of your new son-in-law making a very special day for your little son. I hope he likes the idea. 5 year olds can be somewhat daunting a proposition for young men! Be sure to give him a little list of do's and don'ts and some suggestions for how the day might look for their "play-date".

One suggestion I might make would be to have you plan to call your young son when it is time for him to come visit. My 24 (at the time) year-old oldest son (my closest) was 3,000 miles away for my surgery and very, very anxious about me. When my husband handed me his cell phone as soon as they moved me from ICU I was pretty "stoned" still from all the meds, but just hearing my voice; knowing I'd survived was what he needed. If you give him that phone call to look forward to perhaps that will help. Do warn him that you will sound very funny; very, very sleepy, and the two of you can laugh about it later.

I think much of what goes on for youngsters is the curiosity of it all. I think he is old enough to handle some of the interesting stuff, but not until you look like "mommy" to him. You will not the first few days.

Perhaps a tour of the hospital (whatever they recommend) before everything happens (or a tour of any hospital, so he can imagine you there) might be useful. I'm sure your local hospital could arrange something simple.

Hopefully someone will keep us posted on your progress? That would be lovely. You will be in our thoughts and prayers as we wait to hear about you!!

Best wishes.

Marguerite
 
My son was 13 and my daughter had just turned 5 for my first surgery. I had to travel for mine so they didn't see me until I got home. I was content to have nightly conversations with them as soon as I could but as far as family and visitors go, I was quite happy to be completely selfish and not have to deal with anyone outside of my d/H.

For round 2, I was only in CICU for about 12 hours and saw my kids the next day. It was summer and apart from the hour in the morning and the one in the evening, they went biking, festival visiting and swimming. I didn't envy them the heat of August and was glad to say hello and to have their company on my ward laps, in air conditioned hallways but oh how I wished for the quiet I'd experienced the first time 'round.

Take Heart, and unless it's absolutely neccessary, think about keeping his visits down to 15 minutes and those only after you're off O2 and the catheter.
Pamela
 
I, too, like the idea of the new "brother" watching him that day. Jerry looked like a dead man in ICU and not like himself at all. His head seemed huge, as if swollen, and he was extremely pale.

All the advice sounds good to me.
 
Lori,

I stayed in ICU for seven days, only because there were no 'step-down' rooms available at the time I had my surgery. And while in ICU, kids were not allowed to visit me, just a wave from behind the glass door.
 
I would wait a couple of days, especially after you are off the vent, and in step down. My dad fell apart after seeing me right after surgery, he was 88 yhen. he still tears up talking about it to this day. I guess I really looked bad! I was just glad I made it! I know you don't want to scare him! Tell people to keep him busy and maybe he will not want to see you as much if he is busy doing fun things. I know you want to see him, I sure wanted to see my daughter ASAP! Good Luck& God Bless, I will keep you in my prayers, Sept 9th is my 20 wedding anniversary!
 
Very good advice here -- I concur in waiting at least a few days -- until out of ICU and free of most if not all tubes. My grown son was shocked when they let him see me in the ICU still on the vent and having a bit of a rough time. So definitely wait with a child.
 
traditionally young children aren't allowed in the ICU, so probably not until they move you to recovery will they even let him in. The good news is that is usually pretty quick. I was told that usually by the 2nd day you are in the recovery ward. After that also you will have many of the tubes and machines removed and you won't look like a robot.

My advice so as not to frighten him and to still see him soon would be to wait until you get all your tubes removed and are able to ask for him. I have a hard time remembering much about my first 2 days, but by day 3 I was aware and awake most of the time.
 
I felt pretty good after surgery and said "yes" for a visit with my then 3 year old grandson for the day I moved out of ICU. He looked so confused with all the equipment but still happy to see me. I moved over and let him get next to me up on the bed and told him what different things were used for. He thought the up and down controls for the bed were the best of the lot. It was a good visit and I don't know what it did for him but it really cheered me up.
 
Lori
My son was 6 1/2 at the time of my surgery. He was not allowed into intensive care, but came to see me after a couple of days on the ward. I still had my neck lines in and my chest drains. I was also wired up to an external pacemaker. My son used to be "helpful" to Mummy by carrying the blood bottle from the drain tube, and helping me go for a walk etc. He also was helpful in getting me payment cards for the TV or stuff from the shop with an adult assistant. This made him feel much better about me being in there. It's only now aged 10 that I've let him see the pictures of me in intensive care all taped and tubed up. He does not like that, so my advice would be that even if he's allowed in, wait till you at least look like you again and have the energy to smile and engage him. He will then be reassured that even though tou're feeling a bit rough it's still Mummy and she's OK.

I know I've already said it, but wishing you the smoothest time possible.

Lotti
 
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