Re-defining Yourself

[Magic8Ball]

i'm not on a downwards slope towards depression but i am having a little quiet thought about what defines a person, is it what you feel or what others see?

I'd think that others see me as a confident person and a very physical person (i'm 6ft4ins tall and about 18stone) they see the motorbike rider, martial artist, i'm the first person someone would ask if they wanted something heavy lifted, I'd also be the last man standing at a drinking competition

What i see in myself is a caring and genuine person who would lay down his life for the ones he loves and who is just happy to be surrounded by his family and spend time with them doing absoultely anything. My public and private personality do seem to be chalk and cheese in comparison.

Now this may be me looking on the worst side but post surgery i think i will be none of the above (ok, bar the caring and genuine) so i'm guessing i'm going to need to re-invent myself, get new hobbies etc. even new friends as i move out of the social circles i now inhabit.

My main worry is the confidence thing, i've walked this planet for 36 years without a care in the world with regards to personal safety. As much as all my family and friends love me and know what a soft arse i am you would never choose to sit next to me on a train, i've never been the most approachable looking person. This has served me well as when those sticky situations arise people just look at me, assess their chances and then walk away...i love the level of protection i feel i give my family from lifes scumbags....post surgery i assume this will not be the case and i worry about how this drop in physical ability/confidence may affect the person i am and then onwards the people i love.

I remember how i felt at 19 when i had my baloon stretch of the aortic valve, i was only a few weeks post surgery and my mother took me to the video store to pick a few movies. When we returned to the car it was in the process of being broken into and i was unable to do anything as i could just about hobble down the street. I remember the level of frustration i felt that had this happened two week earlier i'd be kicking someones butt right about then but i had to just stand there and watch the little buggers running off with my mothers car stereo.

Not sure why i've posted this but probably after a little re-assurance that things won't be that bad and that we just adjust and carry on.

Anyway, thanks for reading my drivell

 

[Lynlw]

I'm sorry you are going thru this, but wonder why you think this surgery has to change you so much? Justin has spend his entire life post op and rarely thinks about his heart, actually doesn't like the word heart kid, because he is just a normal kid that happens to have heart surgeries every once in a while.I guess your life post op will be what you make of it. since his last one, he was surfing 2 month post op (altho it was a little hard pushing him self up in the beginning) but got more snowboarding in last year than he had the past few years.
I didn't reread your other post, but it just occured to me, maybe you are thinking these things because you might be geting a mechnanical? if that is the case and it would bother you so much to have to be a little more careful (altho I'm not sure why w/ either choice you would need new friends) but if you like your life with out a care in the world, and think taking meds and blood test would change how you feel about you, maybe you should think abiout your valve choice, would it help to make a list 2 sides w/ the pros and cons of each valve ?
I'm sure what ever you chosse, your life will be pretty much the same as it is now after 2 months or so, god luck, lyn

 

[mile high]

My experience post surgery has been very good and think many here would say the same thing. There is very little that has changed physically, just no contact sports, which at age 46 when I had my AVR and aorta replaced was not part of my life anyway. The point is physically, it has made no difference.

What does change i believe is how one views life generally. It seemed to me that this is a chance that i may not have had. My appreciation for family, friends and good health has made me a more compassionate person. I strongly believe that there is always a good side to what others see as something bad. Do not doubt yourself. Look for the good. The medical technology today is impressive.

To worry about the changes that might occur is quite normal. I think you will find that the adjustments that you will make will not be that difficult. I still exercise vigourously, hike, play golf, play soccer. How i see and experience life is most what has changed, for the better.

 

[Magic8Ball]

Lyn: hoping to keep own bicuspid for another 10-20 but realistic enough to think i'll be going fully mechanical, i see surgeon #1 this wednesday and surgeon #2 on the first Nov.

actually, reading what i typed earlier today it does appear that i'm on a bit of a downer but i'm not, this is more a philisophical (spell checker where are you) question.

I'm pretty confident about surgery and truely beleive i will come out of the other side fitter and healthier than i am now due to my new found awareness of my condition. Just cutting out the crap for the past two weeks has lost me over 1/2 a stone.

I do feel though that i certainly won't be tackling any burglers in my house at 4am, riding motorbikes at stupid speeds or drinking until i fall over with my friends.....nor will i be lifting that spa over the fence for a friend, pulling that sandstone block out of the ground with a mate or going for my black belt any more so i do feel a little bit of an identity crisis (or ajustment) may be hiding up ahead waiting in a dark corner to jump out and surprise me on the other side...i'd like to be prepared.

Lyn : As for changing friends i don't mean close ones more aquaintances at TaeKwondo and Motorbike clubs as well as those 'mates' you only ever see when down the pub. The close ones will understand i'm sitting sipping water while they are sluring their speech and disclosing too many personal secrets .

 

[Marguerite53]

Magic8. What you are experiencing is very normal. We have each pondered our life's essence as we approach this serious surgery. It is very healthy that you are doing so, and very lucky that you have had time to do so. (many of our members had emergency surgeries and had no time to grasp at the meaning of things in this way).

You will float in and out of these musings until the guerny thuds open the operating room doors, and then probably for many months afterwards as you meander through the recovery.

Sure, there's going to be a recovery period. Many of us just zip right through it, others of us moan a little longer, hobble with less certainty.....but it isn't an overwhelming kind of thing. The first couple of weeks will be tough on someone as physically accustomed to springing into action as you. It does get very annoying to have to ask for things to be done for you as the sternum heals. And you should already be mentally training yourself not to respond as physically as you would during that time.

In the long run, I dont' think there will be that much adjustment for you, will there? Isn't it NOW that you shouldn't be doing all the things you are doing, putting stress on an already stressed out heart? Once you are fixed, you should be able to gradually return to many of your habits and loves. Okay, probably no piano lifting for you!! But check into Active Lifestyles.....things are happening post surgery.

And, since you are ruminating over all this, perhaps this life event is giving you permission to look beyond the "chalk and cheese" and try a new blend of you. Many of us feel this as a gift. Something that occurred to open our eyes to some other things heretofore unexamined.

Strength is a thing to be proud of. It is a gift which you have shared and can continue to share. But perhaps there are inner strengths in you that are being forged.........listen.

Happy to get to know you! And by the way, what do you mean by 18"stone". We don't use "stone" in America..... do we?

Marguerite

 

[Turkey Hunter]

You and I sound pretty similar....

You and I sound pretty similar....

other than I am a bit bigger guy
All kidding aside, you life post op is not going to change as much as it sounds you are believing it will. (Immediately post op, yes, there will be many things you need help with....but that goes away as you heal and progress)
I am six years post op and am still the guy most come to when something heavy is needing moved, am still the guy that can be the last standing at a drinking contest, amd still the guy that most would not choose to sit beside on a public transport. It hasn't changed my lifestyle very much, and I don't beleive it will change yours.
Now, if there are aspects of your life you think need changing, maybe this is agreat time to make those changes. But by no means should you assume that your lifestyle is going to change so much because of AVR.

I hope this helps, feel free to PM or e-mail me if you want to chat privately.



Ben

Marguerite, 18 Stone is about 252 pounds.

 

[Philip]

Another Taekwondo martial artist on the way to cho dan!! AVR is just a short detour on that journey. I am less than 6 months post-op and back in the dojang with my mechanical valve. Do you practice Hapkido also? At 6'4" you should dominate. I do like the sound you big guys make when you hit the mat! Give yourself a little recovery time and you will find that you can maintain your active lifestyle regardless of the valve you choose.
Send me a PM if you want to discuss martial arts and AVR.
PBB

 

[Cooker]

As Popeye would say "I am what I am"