Post-Surgery Anxiety

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Hi

Heartvalvefix;n867749 said:
Thank pellicle
Interestingly I had a major health event that almost killed me 16 yrs ago and that I recovered from and went on to live my life fully. So I do understand and appreciate very much the value of good health. The heart surgery for some reason is taking more of a toll on me emotionally. As a result I am trying to work through

Not knowing that I'm sorry if I came across as preaching to the choir, I can say that this last surgery was much tougher to get past than previous ones. All I can say is that it happens that sometimes one is depressed post surgery. Defiantly talking about it helps and getting other perspectives too.


I wasn't actually trying to focus on "good health" as the prime point ... its just the least complex point to have raised. It was more the view of life and what we value. Understanding that what may seem like "why did this happen to me" can actually lead to you learning and benefiting.


Best wishes
 
cldlhd;n867751 said:
.I showed him how to solder copper pipe the other day, I don't know how much sunk in to his 9 year old brain but I like to think it'll stay in there somewhere. Or our recent trip to the mountains swimming , fishing etc.. I'll take that over the office and the title.
I think a lot more than you may think ... get him to practice it a bit too :)

As a project you could make an 'evacuated tube heat collector' with copper pipe and acetone
 
pellicle;n867754 said:
I think a lot more than you may think ... get him to practice it a bit too :)

As a project you could make an 'evacuated tube heat collector' with copper pipe and acetone
One of those things for solar water heating? Ya that'd a cool project to do with him. His mom wasn't real happy when she came home and found out but it's not like I had him running the torch. It probably seems simple to some but I get real enjoyment out of just hitting Home Depot ( don't know if you have them there ) and doing a project or two with him . It's part about showing him how to do different things, even though I know it's a specialists world now, but it's more about spending time with him and hopefully he'll remember it when he's older. Sorry if I'm hijacking the thread a bit.
 
Hi

cldlhd;n867755 said:
One of those things for solar water heating?

yeah ... even if you just make a scale model its a cool project. 4 tubes produces a surprisingly good amount of heat and (being tubes) orientation isn't as much of an issue.

as to mothers and perceptions of danger:

meme3.jpg


Sorry if I'm hijacking the thread a bit.
blame me ...
 
Hi Heartvalvefix,

I think a lot of the post surgery stuff comes from the actual trauma and its effect on the mind. It was explained to me prior to surgery by one of the cardiac nurses, and I read this somewhere else too( can’t remember where), that during the surgery the body and therefore brain, experiences the surgery as an ‘attack’, and a mortal attack - attempted murder if you like - since the sternum is cut into, the heart is stopped, lungs collapsed etc. The brain and body will have experienced that and reacted as though being attacked in the most serious way but none of us will have been able to ‘react’ physically or mentally at the time (fight back/run away) because we were unconscious - but we experienced it all nonetheless and all this ‘comes out’ later. We go into surgery knowing it’s supposed to help us but our body/brain does not ‘know’ that when we are unconscious on the operating table, it just knows we’'re being attacked. It takes time for the mind to come to terms with it all.
 
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Thanks Paleogirl,
Reading your comments, and thinking about my reaction, this makes a lot of sense to me. As much as I thought I had prepared for the surgery I don't know if you really can fully prepare for what is about to happen to you. I believe that my brain is just now coming to terms with it. Reading the comments of all of the members of this forums really helps and certainly confirms that I am not the only one, which is reassuring on its own.
 
I'm reading this thread as I begin to deal with another significant health issue (not heart-related this time). So many of the ideas and comments are so true, regardless of what health issues we may have. If life is to have real, true meaning to us, it must be seen as more than the "things" we play with. It truly is more related to the others we relate to (both people and animals), the impressions we make upon them, and even our own self-image

To me it harkens back a bit to the Jewish interpretation of eternal life. We do not believe in an after-life. We instead believe that we live on in the memories of the others whom we have impacted. If we live our lives doing things with/for/to others such that they want to remember us, then we have a chance at eternal life. Of course, modern life sort of frowns upon such an idealistic lifestyle, but even a little bit of it goes a long way.
 
Today is my one-year anniversary (bicuspid valve repair and aortic graft). I am healthy and thankful for my endless blessings.

That said, I thought it might be more helpful to the forum for me to share one of the more unexpected (and less-discussed) challenges of the past year.

Exactly a year ago, I was primarily anxious about the physical elements of the impending surgery (breathing tube, sternum, bypass-machine, infection risk). I assumed that once I was through that, the worst would be over.

For the first months after surgery, that held true … I was extremely thankful I had made it through and had my health. My spirits were high.

However, as my body recovered, I slowly realized that the surgery had left emotional and psychological incisions that weren’t healing as quickly. I wanted everything to go back to normal and move on with life (as did my wife and friends). However, I think I became impatient, and didn’t really reach peace with what had happened.

How much can be attributed to beta-blockers, statins, or “pump-head” is up for debate, but I didn’t feel like myself. I could walk and run again, but my mind seemed cloudy, it was hard to focus, I stopped sleeping well, I had bad nightmares, I had out-of-the-blue panic attacks.

After ruling out possible medical issues (other than common symptoms of beta-blockers, i.e. dizziness), it became clear to me that the problem was primarily unresolved stress and anxiety. I was a healthy 38-year-old one day, and needed heart surgery the next. I constantly wondered what else might be wrong with me? I stopped trusting my body. I monitored and overanalyzed every sensation. Why did my heart beat like that? Why am I dizzy? Is this heartburn or something serious? When exercising, I’d stop the minute I felt my heart beating fast. In the past, this was why I loved working out. But now I was scared of it. I got worried that the anesthesia or bypass had permanently affected my brain. I always felt like I was just minutes away from something bad happening. I had random panic attacks. In short, despite knowing the importance of positive thinking, I couldn’t stop thinking negatively.

It took several months (with the help of books, online resources, meditation, talk therapy and of course this forum) to sort through the residual emotions and thoughts and fears from the surgery. Medicine isn’t well-equipped for this: my surgeon and cardiologist were great, but they’re in the business of hearts, not heads. We may not talk enough about it, but surgery isn’t just a physical challenge; it is psychological and emotional one as well. I was unprepared for that part. My advice to those awaiting surgery is to recognize this is a full challenge to the body AND mind: Don’t neglect the emotional or psychological impact. A little bit of reading and writing and talk-therapy and meditation may be just as necessary as the pills. Even when you can run a mile, your mind may need more time to heal.

In any event, I’ve learned to use this experience to grow. Post-traumatic growth is a real thing (watch the TED talk). While daunting, heart surgery can teach you important things about life and actually make you a happier, more peaceful person. But it helps to work at it - don't sweep emotions under the rug just because your sternum scar is healed.

I read the forum all the time. While I don’t comment as much, please everyone know that during my darkest nights and brightest days, I couldn’t have gotten through this past year without you all.

And with that, tonight I’m drinking a nice red wine and celebrating life for all of us! That might take a lot of wine!

Thank you for sharing this. This thread is massively important, as I bet many of us want to sweep this scary thing under the rug and move forward, but we are hamstrung by anxiety and unexamined fears, etc.

I am 4 weeks into my recovery and for every great day (the kind of day where I feel like I'm almost recovered), I have a day where anxiety/fear rules. Why is my heart rate too high? My heart so loud? Why do I get dizzy on my mile long walk, etc.? These fears are a slippery slope to anxious thoughts that perpetuate the symptoms. In other words, after years of fearing the worst (death), I faced death, overcame death (thanks, Dr. McCarthy & nurses!) and yet continue to fear the worst (death).

I find that on these difficult days my mental state improves after a good cry. The thing we've endured is incredibly scary. The best way to process it, for me, is to not forget how much trauma I endured and to remind myself that 28 days into my recovery, it's okay to not be "past" it because, like death/grief, I will never truly be past it. The best I can hope for is to absorb this trauma into my jigsaw puzzle of life experiences and grow/learn from it.
 
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Hi Justin

I find that on these difficult days my mental state improves after a good cry.

nothing wrong with that ... I view it as like sweating, when you're hot you sweat, you can't suppress that.


The thing we've endured is incredibly scary.
here's my view on this; its like taking a pet to the vet, the pet has no idea what's going on and is scared. You do know what's going on and you aren't. So we need to accept that part of us is also the pet in this.

Once you bring your conscious knowledge into reassuring the unconscious you'll be most of the way to the path of emotional recovery

This lady phrases it well I think
https://bigthink.com/series/the-big-think-interview/what-is-trauma/
The best way to process it, for me, is to not forget how much trauma I endured and to remind myself that 28 days into my recovery,

exactly

I will never truly be past it.

I believe a better way is to never pretend anything "never happened" and to realise that you have inside you the strength you need to incorporate it.

1690231965653.png


Best Wishes on your recovery
 
bring your conscious knowledge into reas

Hi Justin



nothing wrong with that ... I view it as like sweating, when you're hot you sweat, you can't suppress that.



here's my view on this; its like taking a pet to the vet, the pet has no idea what's going on and is scared. You do know what's going on and you aren't. So we need to accept that part of us is also the pet in this.

Once you bring your conscious knowledge into reassuring the unconscious you'll be most of the way to the path of emotional recovery

This lady phrases it well I think
https://bigthink.com/series/the-big-think-interview/what-is-trauma/


exactly



I believe a better way is to never pretend anything "never happened" and to realise that you have inside you the strength you need to incorporate it.

View attachment 889389

Best Wishes on your recovery

Thanks, Pellicle.

In your response to my comment about never truly being past it, you write:

"I believe a better way is to never pretend anything "never happened" and to realise that you have inside you the strength you need to incorporate it."

My full comment read as this:

"It's okay to not be "past" it because, like death/grief, I will never truly be past it. The best I can hope for is to absorb this trauma into my jigsaw puzzle of life experiences and grow/learn from it"

I see this as similar to what you are getting at. I don't believe these traumas go away; instead, they become a part of us (and if this incorporation doesn't happen consciously, it will happen unconsciously).
 
I don't believe these traumas go away; instead, they become a part of us (and if this incorporation doesn't happen consciously, it will happen unconsciously).
agreed, and I didn't think I was contradicting you so much as choosing which specific part I wanted to focus my reply on

I'm sure that nothing we experience truly goes away, so its better to own it than try to "bury it"

Best Wishes
 
Thank you for sharing this. This thread is massively important, as I bet many of us want to sweep this scary thing under the rug and move forward, but we are hamstrung by anxiety and unexamined fears, etc.

I am 4 weeks into my recovery and for every great day (the kind of day where I feel like I'm almost recovered), I have a day where anxiety/fear rules. Why is my heart rate too high? My heart so loud? Why do I get dizzy on my mile long walk, etc.? These fears are a slippery slope to anxious thoughts that perpetuate the symptoms. In other words, after years of fearing the worst (death), I faced death, overcame death (thanks, Dr. McCarthy & nurses!) and yet continue to fear the worst (death).

I find that on these difficult days my mental state improves after a good cry. The thing we've endured is incredibly scary. The best way to process it, for me, is to not forget how much trauma I endured and to remind myself that 28 days into my recovery, it's okay to not be "past" it because, like death/grief, I will never truly be past it. The best I can hope for is to absorb this trauma into my jigsaw puzzle of life experiences and grow/learn from it.
I used to have a dear friend whom I talked to about getting ready for my second bypass, valve replacement. I would say what if. And she did not like hearing me talk like that. It is hard to be totally ready for something major like bypass and valve replacement. But I made it with flying colors. I knew recovery would be a snap, living alone, no one to bother me. It is okay to feel scared and uncertain. For we all go through this time before and after. I have always depended and leaned on my GOD to help me when I am in doubt with anything, even myself. It is great we have this place to share and help each other. May not always agree, but we are here to help and learn.
 
I used to have a dear friend whom I talked to about getting ready for my second bypass, valve replacement. I would say what if. And she did not like hearing me talk like that. It is hard to be totally ready for something major like bypass and valve replacement. But I made it with flying colors. I knew recovery would be a snap, living alone, no one to bother me. It is okay to feel scared and uncertain. For we all go through this time before and after. I have always depended and leaned on my GOD to help me when I am in doubt with anything, even myself. It is great we have this place to share and help each other. May not always agree, but we are here to help and learn.
Having someone to talk to who actually listens and empathizes is crucial. I’ve also been blessed in having a community of support. In lieu of God, my community has stood by me and made me feel like it’s OK to take time to heal.
 
I am 4 weeks into my recovery and for every great day (the kind of day where I feel like I'm almost recovered), I have a day where anxiety/fear rules. Why is my heart rate too high? My heart so loud? Why do I get dizzy on my mile long walk, etc.? These fears are a slippery slope to anxious thoughts that perpetuate the symptoms
I'm glad you resurrected this thread; I think it's a very valuable one.

I think of this post-surgery anxiety as my brain trying to keep me safe by warning me about the dangers it learned about through experience. It's tuned too sensitively but it's just trying to help.

The fact that normal symptoms can feel the same as serious symptoms (dizziness, fast heart rate, etc.) and can even be caused by anxiety is not helpful!

I have a whole list of coping techniques that I use when my brain cranks up the health anxiety, and I'm sure most people here have something similar. Some of the most useful for me are focusing on my breathing (I like 3 counts in, 6 or 7 out), observing my experience of anxiety in the third person ("There you go again..." -- anyone remember that quote?), and telling myself that the feeling will pass and I will feel better again. Distraction -- just focusing on anything else -- is also a big help.

What are others' favorite techniques for coping with anxiety?
 
Thank you for sharing this. This thread is massively important, as I bet many of us want to sweep this scary thing under the rug and move forward, but we are hamstrung by anxiety and unexamined fears, etc.

I am 4 weeks into my recovery and for every great day (the kind of day where I feel like I'm almost recovered), I have a day where anxiety/fear rules. Why is my heart rate too high? My heart so loud? Why do I get dizzy on my mile long walk, etc.? These fears are a slippery slope to anxious thoughts that perpetuate the symptoms. In other words, after years of fearing the worst (death), I faced death, overcame death (thanks, Dr. McCarthy & nurses!) and yet continue to fear the worst (death).

I find that on these difficult days my mental state improves after a good cry. The thing we've endured is incredibly scary. The best way to process it, for me, is to not forget how much trauma I endured and to remind myself that 28 days into my recovery, it's okay to not be "past" it because, like death/grief, I will never truly be past it. The best I can hope for is to absorb this trauma into my jigsaw puzzle of life experiences and grow/learn from it.

Update: Having visited with my cardiologist and having begun cardiac rehab, I am gaining confidence that my body is getting better, and my anxiety is beginning to wane.

I am almost at the six week marker post-surgery and excited about the possibility of a stronger & more resilient heart!
 
Today is my one-year anniversary (bicuspid valve repair and aortic graft). I am healthy and thankful for my endless blessings.

That said, I thought it might be more helpful to the forum for me to share one of the more unexpected (and less-discussed) challenges of the past year.

Exactly a year ago, I was primarily anxious about the physical elements of the impending surgery (breathing tube, sternum, bypass-machine, infection risk). I assumed that once I was through that, the worst would be over.

For the first months after surgery, that held true … I was extremely thankful I had made it through and had my health. My spirits were high.

However, as my body recovered, I slowly realized that the surgery had left emotional and psychological incisions that weren’t healing as quickly. I wanted everything to go back to normal and move on with life (as did my wife and friends). However, I think I became impatient, and didn’t really reach peace with what had happened.

How much can be attributed to beta-blockers, statins, or “pump-head” is up for debate, but I didn’t feel like myself. I could walk and run again, but my mind seemed cloudy, it was hard to focus, I stopped sleeping well, I had bad nightmares, I had out-of-the-blue panic attacks.

After ruling out possible medical issues (other than common symptoms of beta-blockers, i.e. dizziness), it became clear to me that the problem was primarily unresolved stress and anxiety. I was a healthy 38-year-old one day, and needed heart surgery the next. I constantly wondered what else might be wrong with me? I stopped trusting my body. I monitored and overanalyzed every sensation. Why did my heart beat like that? Why am I dizzy? Is this heartburn or something serious? When exercising, I’d stop the minute I felt my heart beating fast. In the past, this was why I loved working out. But now I was scared of it. I got worried that the anesthesia or bypass had permanently affected my brain. I always felt like I was just minutes away from something bad happening. I had random panic attacks. In short, despite knowing the importance of positive thinking, I couldn’t stop thinking negatively.

It took several months (with the help of books, online resources, meditation, talk therapy and of course this forum) to sort through the residual emotions and thoughts and fears from the surgery. Medicine isn’t well-equipped for this: my surgeon and cardiologist were great, but they’re in the business of hearts, not heads. We may not talk enough about it, but surgery isn’t just a physical challenge; it is psychological and emotional one as well. I was unprepared for that part. My advice to those awaiting surgery is to recognize this is a full challenge to the body AND mind: Don’t neglect the emotional or psychological impact. A little bit of reading and writing and talk-therapy and meditation may be just as necessary as the pills. Even when you can run a mile, your mind may need more time to heal.

In any event, I’ve learned to use this experience to grow. Post-traumatic growth is a real thing (watch the TED talk). While daunting, heart surgery can teach you important things about life and actually make you a happier, more peaceful person. But it helps to work at it - don't sweep emotions under the rug just because your sternum scar is healed.

I read the forum all the time. While I don’t comment as much, please everyone know that during my darkest nights and brightest days, I couldn’t have gotten through this past year without you all.

And with that, tonight I’m drinking a nice red wine and celebrating life for all of us! That might take a lot of wine!
I am glad I have been on a deep spiritual path for decades and have psychologists, anti depressants, Buddhism, anxiety meds, Judaism etc to support me
 
Thanks, Pellicle.

In your response to my comment about never truly being past it, you write:

"I believe a better way is to never pretend anything "never happened" and to realise that you have inside you the strength you need to incorporate it."

My full comment read as this:

"It's okay to not be "past" it because, like death/grief, I will never truly be past it. The best I can hope for is to absorb this trauma into my jigsaw puzzle of life experiences and grow/learn from it"

I see this as similar to what you are getting at. I don't believe these traumas go away; instead, they become a part of us (and if this incorporation doesn't happen consciously, it will happen unconsciously).
This is pretty well stated. I mean you know I lost relatives like decades ago like my father and I still have dreams about him but it doesn't affect my life and I don't identify as the guy who lost his parents. I've been studying a lot of Eckhart Tolle and Buddhism and everything in life is really impermanent and I try to resist labels. Labeling myself as anything sort of limits me unless it's something positive that it's going to Spur me on. It seems like the more we can free ourselves of our labeling the more we can have total freedom inside and outside if that makes sense. By the way all the great spiritual teachers always say that the past is dead and it's behind you and when you think about it you have worry and regret and when you think about the future you have fear or unrealistic hopes. The only solvation appears to be in the moment. Even if something is unpleasant is happening in the present moment even then just feel it fully but don't label it don't identify with it don't make it you
 
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