Joke time

[hensylee]

Actual answers CXC/GCE 2007...Jamaica is in serious trouble

The following questions were set in last year's CXC/GCSE examinations
These are genuine responses from 16 year olds..........

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Biology
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax, the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, O,U, and I.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport

English
Q: Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Technology
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head

 

[terryj]

> > > > A recent study found that the average American walks
> > > about 9 miles a year.
> > > >
> > > > Another study found that Americans drink, on average
> > , 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
> > > >
> > > > That means that, on average, Americans get about 41
> > > miles to a gallon
> > > >
> > > > Makes you proud to be an American!
> > > >

 

[JimL]

A recent study found that the average American walks about 2.5 miles a day.
Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year.
That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to a gallon
Makes you proud to be an American!

Definitely proud, but it's difficult to make up for those who refuse to drink their share.

 

[skeptic49]

Morning sex

Morning sex


She was standing in the kitchen Preparing to boil eggs
for breakfast,

Wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.


As I walked in almost awake,She turned and said softly,

'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'


My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming
or

This is going to be my lucky day.'

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then
gave it my all;
Right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the
stove, her

'T' shirt still around her neck.

A little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'

She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.

 

[Bonzo Dog]

 

[Dina]

So I take it Bonzo that you watched the debate too...?

 

[hensylee]

wink, wink.

 

[Turkey Hunter]

Actual answers CXC/GCE 2007...Jamaica is in serious trouble

The following questions were set in last year's CXC/GCSE examinations
These are genuine responses from 16 year olds..........

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Biology
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax, the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, O,U, and I.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport

English
Q: Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Technology
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head

Ann I hurt myself laughing at these......

 

[Ross]

You makin fun of the HOT MOM?

 

[Ross]

Sorry Political and FUNNY!

Sorry Political and FUNNY!

http://www.youtube.com:80/watch?v=jJhSKW9n13s&feature=user

 

[Dina]

Now that is funny.
Thanks Ross
I needed that.

 

[Bonzo Dog]

You makin fun of the HOT MOM?

Are you a desperate man or what. There are holes in the road you know.


PS the cartoonist lives in Canada.

 

[Ross]

Are you a desperate man or what. There are holes in the road you know.


PS the cartoonist lives in Canada.

Hey she's a babe!

Besides, Bina won't come over.

 

[Bina]

Ross, my sweet Gummy Bear, I'm waiting until you get your teeth done......me like to play "nurse".

 

[hall]

5 year olds are learning to read

Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said,
"Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!"

Teacher took a deep breath, then asked...."What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture."

And so it does........


A F R I C A N ELEPHANT.

 

[Turkey Hunter]

A Florida couple, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'

The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.'


He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.

The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.


This happens several weeks in a row.

The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'

The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything.


She's married so we can't go to her house .

I'm married and we can't go to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges $98.

The Hilton charges $139.

We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare.

 

[njean]

OLD FRIENDS:

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me . I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.'

Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
_________________________________________ ______________________________

SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!'

'Hell, 'it's not just one car. It's hundreds of them, said Herman!"

 

[Dale]

Attached is the Sarah Palin Debate flowchart.

 

[Bonzo Dog]

 

[Bonzo Dog]

What is the difference between a pigeon and a merchant banker?




A pigeon can still put a deposit on a Ferrari