I'm tired I give up

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youngmom

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 7, 2010
Messages
56
Location
north carolina
really fed up with all this! I'm so tired of pushing myself to work. I haven't even had the surgery yet and already getting calls to take care of my portion of cetain bills! If I quit my job I could quailify for medicaid and they pay 100% but I choose to work so Im punished.I have a son to provide for so 40.00 and 60.00 copayments everytime I go to the doctor,not mention medicine is killing me. My sons dad died in a car wreck when he was three,now nine, so I'm all he has and Im pathetic. So wish my kid didnt have a sick mom. He derserves better. I'm done. Probably have to file bankruptcy due to mounting medical bills. So much for a college education when your health sucks!. surgery is going to be in June.just venting can't allow my family nor friends know just how lost I feel.
 
Feel free to vent! Much of this is life-changing, so different from what anyone else understands. We understand here. It would be great for you to have someone to talk to face to face about this, but barring that, go ahead and vent here.
 
Hi

I feel for you. Life is bloody hard for some of us, and those who breeze through without any real trauma just don't get it.

I sometimes envy them.

Please don't think of yourself as pathetic. We all need to sit down and feel like its too hard sometimes. I really know this.

youngmom said:
I'm so tired of pushing myself to work. I haven't even had the surgery yet and already getting calls to take care of my portion of cetain bills! If I quit my job I could quailify for medicaid and they pay 100% but I choose to work so Im punished.
Click to expand...

well there are likely more factors than you've mentioned here, but if you feel pushed then why not speak to your work and ask if they could "retrench you" so you don't appear to have quit and then get the medicaid? You can back to work when you have the energy.

I struggle with being at work, but I'm planning to leave as soon as I am healthy and able to travel. I've had some post operative complications and have been in hospital twice since surgery. I just want to get back to Finland so I can visit my wifes grave (who passed away not long after my OH surgery).

My sons dad died in a car wreck when he was three,now nine, so I'm all he has and Im pathetic.
Click to expand...
was this your husband? I'm sorry to hear of your difficult situation.

So wish my kid didnt have a sick mom. He derserves better. I'm done. Probably have to file bankruptcy due to mounting medical bills. So much for a college education when your health sucks!. surgery is going to be in June.just venting can't allow my family nor friends know just how lost I feel.
Click to expand...

just remember, all this stuff is external. I know its hard, and I know it will mean changes. I feel lucky that I own stuff and have no debts. It allows me the "luxury" of being able to devote time to my self and my mourning process.

I wish you strength.

Please post here if you want to whinge or vent ... let us (me?) know if you don't want "answers" to the questions and instead just want to vent.

Take care
 
youngmom...I so get it. As far as the bills...pay them $1 per month and they can't do anything. If you don't know the number calling your phone...don't answer. They will leave a message. Can you ask your parents or if you have siblings for help with your son? I am having my surgery next month and am having all the same feelings you are. I am lucky enough to not have to work. You just vent all you need to. Everyone on here knows your pain. Hugs your way my friend.
 
Young Mom......
You know we all want to help in any way we can. Of course, you can vent here.
Maybe you want to rethink not sharing your pain with a dear friend or family member. This is a time when
we need them the most. Is there one to whom you can turn? Maybe they are looking for the 'window' to
open for them to lend an ear, a hand..... to be your friend.

You know best but this is awfully hard to go through on your own with just your young son.
I send you all the best wishes in the world.
 
Please know that you are not alone and that we are here if only to lend you a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on.

As others before me have said, so long as you pay a little at a time to your creditors and they are aware of your medical situation, their hands are tied.

And as for not wanting to let your family know how devastated you feel, NOW IS the time for you to open up to them. Perhaps they are waiting for you to say something so they can reach out to you.

Don't give up...your child needs you. Once you have your surgery and are feeling well and stronger physically, you can start getting your life in order. In the meantime, talk to your family, your pastor, your friends, anyone...don't try to do this alone.

Take care!
 
youngmom,

I'm sorry you are going through all of this. I think that in this society too many people are punished for working. I do not have kids to worry about, but I am single so I am responsible for everything. Until last thanksgiving I was working full-time as a pediatric nurse on a very strenuous floor. The docs did not even know how I was doing what I was doing with my health problems. I felt trapped. I was exhausted all the time. There were days I literally did not know how I was going to make through the shift at work. My co-workers wondered the same thing because it was obvious how exhausted I was. I also lost my husband many years ago.

I have a different heart problem then you do, but my pulmonary valve replacement made all the difference in the world. I feel so much better.

Debbie
 
thanks alot for the comments and support. the funny thing is I am a disability specialist for the medicaid department so I see people all day long that tell me they are disabled because they have ex.....a broke leg, addictions,acid reflux,back pain.... urgh. dont get me wrong i listen to each person because i know everyone is on a different level of pain but sometimes its so hard to stay focus when i have to stop during my interview to catch my breath bc of sob. any who, I am not to judge it just gets hard sometimes. I did open up to my sister and she was shocked I had these fears because i make light of the situation. Just a thought....I wonder when they stop my heart will I see my love one more time in heaven? Have any of you experienced spirtual encounters.
 
Thank you for sharing your situation with us. It makes all of us so aware how hard this OHS business is. It isn't easy for anyone but is harder for some. I hope you think it good you opened up to your sister and will get the support and caring from her that we all need to plod our way to our goal...... return to good health.

You are only human and it is natural your mind wanders when you hear about the adicted or the broken leg or other situation where they are getting so much help and you are working so hard and lacking for assistance. It is natural and all of us would be the same. Do not be hard on yourself about that IMO

To answer your question....... I was extremely ill my first OHS and it was emergent. I think I may have 'technically' died along the way at one point but No.... I did not see a tunnel or a light or any of my dear beloveds who have passed.

I cannot speak for anyone else, of course.
 
My first OHS was also near-emergent. Like you, I could not carry on a conversation for having to stop and gasp for air in the middle of each sentence. And cough, and no sleep.
After my MVR I went into v-tach and had to be cardio-verted (I had an external pacemaker in place, so I assume they juiced that up, rather than using the paddles. I was well aware of what was going on until I passed out. I KNEW I was going to die if it didn't get fixed (don't get me started on the hospital intensivist whom I later fired and banned from my room for his arrogance, malpractice, and condescending treatment of me). But I never saw any tunnel of light, etc.
That said, however, my mitral valve tore approximately 3 months after my youngest sister died at age 37 from leukemia. I had surgery about 5 months later. I swear she was present several times during my illness - both at the time of my TIA before surgery (while driving), in the ER afterwards, and 18 months later warning me of an oncoming bout of v-tach (again, while driving) which resulted in an upgrade to an implanted cardioverter/defibrillator. I've sworn if she visits me again, I'm going to just call an ambulance!
 
youngmom, please do not feel pathetic. You are a strong wonderful woman, who at this time is going through a very difficult time. Is it possible for your cardiologist to write a letter to your state's disability office and put you off work on disability. You might then be able to take time for yourself. Additionally, speak with each of the medical practices which are requiring a co-payment. Make arrangements for partial payments even if it only a dollar at present. Is it possible for your church of you have one, to provide you a fund-raiser so that you have available funds for some of the expenses you will encounter. I have you in my prayers. And come here and vent as often as you wish. Most of us having been there, we understand the pressure you are under. Best Wishes for you and your son.
 
Got the call from the surgeon yesterday I frozen in fear. i wouldn;t even answer the phone but later I returned the call. Now i'm waiting for them to call me back with the date. SO flippin afraid.
 
We are all here today because we had the surgery.
Had we refused it, we would not be alive now.
No one ever promised us fair or easy but it is VERY doable and remarkably successful.
There are much less 'frightening' surgeries that do not have as high a wonderful outcome as our OHS.

Just do it! There really is no choice.
We're here to help you all along the way.
 
youngmom said:
thanks alot for the comments and support. the funny thing is I am a disability specialist for the medicaid department so I see people all day long that tell me they are disabled because they have ex.....a broke leg, addictions,acid reflux,back pain.... urgh.
Click to expand...

That's slightly ironic.....


youngmom said:
I did open up to my sister and she was shocked I had these fears because i make light of the situation.
Click to expand...

I think most people would be shocked if we told them how we REALLY felt. I know most people would if I did.


I feel some of your pain, too, given my current situation. Thoughts/prayers en route....



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"I didn't mean to catch you by surprise" __ Lane Brody __ 'Over You'
 
youngmom,

I had both of my surgeries at Duke and my cardiologists are also at Duke. They have several options to deal with paying your bills. I had a bout of atrial flutter the summer before my 2nd surgery and had two 3 day hospital stays and a cardiac ablation performed (plus an echo and a MRI). I didn't have a job, didn't have any money, and didn't have any insurance at the time. I applied for a "hardship exception" through Duke and was accepted. Duke ended up paying for all of my hospital bills with no consequence for me. I was on a "no work order" from my cardiologists at the time due to the size of my aortic aneursym. Other things they will do...if you prompt pay (within the 1st billing cycle) they will give you a 50% discount. If you can't afford to do that they will set up a payment plan where you can tell them how much you can afford to pay a month.

I ended up being accepted for Medicaid before my 2nd surgery the following year. The thing with Medicaid is you have to literally be poor (no more than 2K in assets not including your car and house), which I am sure you know already. I had to cash in my 2 IRA's (worth about 17K) and spend that money in order to qualify. I paid off some of my medical bills with the money since they gave me about 60K (beyond the 17K I paid them) in care for free.
 
Young Mom
I had OHS at Duke (Dr.Glower) 7 months ago. I work full time and was getting calls regularly. You can only do what you can do. They will work with you. Even if you pay 5 -10 dollars a month, you will be fine. Just let them know that's all you can pay. There is nothing they can do to you as long as you give them something. By the way, Duke is a great place to have your surgery.
 
Dr Milano at duke is performing my surgery. I have let go of what I cant change and now trying to focus on what i can. thanks for all the support. By the way, do they give you a heart pillow at duke for after surgery. Im getting one made out of my moms tee shirt and getting all my friends to sign it so I have a tangable support when they are not around.
 
youngmom, you doing better, talked to your family and friends about your troubles. That is why there are there for you to cry to and holler at and scream about. I know about the stress you are going trough, although not personally, but can understand. And you keep hanging onto your family and friends, they are there for you no matter what. Good luck on the surgery and keep us posted. Just vent here also helps. That is what friends are for, to listen, to care. Hugs for today. :)
 
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