hard to squeeze

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M

Megan

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 11, 2009
Messages
143
Location
Wilton, CT
just venting i guess. dont know if this is the right forum or not but i asked my husband to give me a good hard squeeze tonight-- because im not going to be able to get that or give that for many many months after wednesday- and he gave me just the weakest lamest hug ever and world war 3 broke out--he claiming nothing he does for me is good enough- me claiming he didnt comply with my silly little wish--arent all good husbands and wives supposed to comply with silly little requests like this at a time like this?! i guess its just super stressful times for us both an he 's given what he can for the moment... only problem with this is that the big day hasnt even got here yet! i guess that is what friends and family are for though so im lucky there. hopefully he will see the hurt he has imposed on my oh so fragile heart.
 
Waiting is the hardest part. Both of you are full of uncertainty. Stress in both of you is at an all time high. For him, perhaps he's convinced himself that your not in danger and your going to be fine when it's over. I really can't say what he's thinking, but I'm sure he loves you and will be by your side for the duration. ;)
 
Bina said:
I bet that he is just very, very freaked out and worried right now.
Don't worry, little gentle hugs will go a long way too. :)
Click to expand...


I second Bina on this. He could well be so worried that he was afraid to give you a hard squeeze. Of course I can't read his mind, but all of this is hard as well on the spouse not having the surgery. Besides, the time for good squeezing will come sooner than you think after surgery. :)
 
Megan, will be praying for you on Wed. I know that there is a lot of apprehension
for you and your husband right now. I know that my husband and I had a disagreement the other evening about something very silly, I can't help but think it has some to do with me being more stressed and needing more care than normal. Not really sure he understands this or knows how to relate to it. But I am so very thankful
for him, and just try to keep all of this in perspective. Laura
 
Megan -

Did you see my post in response to your post about not being able to raise your arms above your head?

Did you tell your Cardiologist and Surgeon about this issue?

Are you still unable to raise your arms over your head?

If so, I suspect that your Doctors may need/want to know this ASAP.
They may want to call you in early and put your heart on a Balloon Pump to help carry the load and rest your heart before surgery.
 
megan,
my husband is the same way right now. he gave me a hug last week and where he used to squeeze really tight he isn't doing that anymore. i said something about it but i think he was scared that he was going to hurt me or something.
 
Ditto what everyone has said......my husband cried at the drop of a hat when I was first dx'd.....now he is just "crabby"......I think the stress is too much......also he does not do well with things that he cannot control!! He just wanted the whole thing to go away and now he has to face it head on.
 
Hi Megan,
I think I side with everyone here...he's probably just scared stiff, and maybe doesn't want to be the straw that broke the camel's heart.
Laurad37 brought up a good point, asking 'What happens to our spouses after surgery?"
It's a very stressful time for both of you. Sometimes I forget that I'm not the only one that is affected, and think about how my DH must feel.
I'm not discounting what you say-we've all been there, but try to walk in his shoes, and ask him to do the same for you.

Then give HIM a good hard squeeze :)

We'll be thinking of you on Wednesday, and sending many virtual squeezes.

Take care
Melissa
 
Just another perspective...

Husbands especially feel that part of their job is to protect their wives. They are unable to do anything like that in this situation. It's a defeating and emasculating realization.

Also, because this is so all-absorbing when you have it, our spouses are often left out of the decisions and most of the activity, as they're not the experts. This definitely leaves males feeling pushed out of the way. Many males do not consider standing by the road and cheering to be contributing - it's a guy thing, and often not emotionally negotiable. Reacting that he should get over himself and respond with his feminine side doesn't help the issue.

The doctor, surgeon or others are relegated the husband's role as protector, and the wife (patient) often expects him to treat them with deference and react positively when she praises them. It couldn't push most males farther out of the picture.

So if events are pushing him to take a passive role, it's hard to suddenly expect him to become the tiger.

It's kind of a self-absorbed-seeming reaction, but women do it, too. They will go on to their acquaintences about how much their husband's problems are affecting them and making their lives difficult, looking for sympathy, and sometimes not even relating well with him out of spite.

Everyone has to cope, and just because one partner has a darn good reason to look for sympathy and attention, it doesn't mean the other one isn't stressed enough to act out, anyway. It's not about how much love the partner has, it's about how much stress the partner can bear.

Best wishes,
 
wow. you guys are soooo awesome. thanks for the good laughs and hugs and advice. this morning i got a squeeze and this afternoon some tears so its definitley just stress taking its toll. everything always looks better in the morning and today was no different.

al- about my arms... I can lift them over my head. i just have a feeling of them being heavy when im super tired. but i will definitely mention to the cardio and surgeon tomorrow when i go in for preadmission tests. this is a new sensation for sure.. and now that you mention it, i did read and hear from my dr that once the vavle function and mean gradients start to get worse more quickly it gets worse really quickly. maybe this is what is happening. We will be able to confirm i guess after the echo tomorrow. Ill bring my laptop just in case they put me in tomrorrow but im hoping that doesnt happen . still have a few more things to do !
 
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