first time posting

[R&N Brown]

Hello,
My name is Nancy and I thought I should go ahead and post rather than just continue to read posts. I tend to do that best.
Rob is my husband, best friend, father of my four wonderfully precious children, source of many many...ok...many many many...lol...frustrations and will be having his surgery on July 16th.
Things for us may be a bit different because I knew from day one that Rob had this birth defect and would probably always have problems with his health. I have such a love for his scar. I remember the first time I saw it I was working as a waitress and he was an annoying customer who just kept bugging me. My family lives about 100 miles from me and I got a call at work saying that my grandmother was in the hospital and was not doing well. I was all alone up here and I started to cry. Not the best thing to do while waiting on customers. Can you picture it...lol...yikes. Rob came over to me and just started chatting with me about what was going on. Really, I was never nice to him before so why he was being so nice to me at that moment can only be a blessing. Out of nowhere he told me he knew how tough things were for me and that he had been through OHS at the age of 8 and just slightly opened his collar to show me his scar. (it was actually nicer than I am saying it...it was over 20 years ago and my memory is not what it use to be ) He offered to take the next day off from work and drive me down to be with my grandmother. I think I fell in love with him at that very moment. I did not take him up on his offer to drive me, I have always been a bit independent and didn't want to owe him anything, but I have never ever forgotten his kindness. That scar is a beautiful part to him and his heart is so very special to me. He has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know.
I am having some seriously high and low days, as are/were most of you. I feel like I am responsible for everything and everyone and yet, one of Rob's biggest worries is me. That frustrates me most of all. Doesn't he have enough to worry about? That is my guy...and in reading some of these posts I worry so much that he will come out of this so different from who he is now. I think right now, as I said, I tend to do things as much as I can on my own, but I am afraid there may be a time in the near future when I may need to turn to someone and I feel so comfortable that I can turn here. I hate more than anything to burden my family and friends with my stuff. I prefer to laugh rather than cry and it pisses me off so much that I don't always hold it together for my man.
Anyway, wow...maybe after this long long post some of you are wishing I were still lurking...lol....did I mention when I start chatting it is hard to shut me up????
Well, until next time....
Nancy

 

[Debbie]

nancy

nancy

Hi Nancy, WELCOME to the greatest group of people around! My warranty ran out too about 6 months ago and I also had my first surgery in the 60's. Don't worry your hubby he'll do fine, they do this surgery all the time. It's only 10 days away?? The last week of waiting is the very hardest, I think even harded than the surgery! Take care and tell him we'll pray for you guys.
P.S. My recliner was my best friend for a month Debbie

 

[Phyllis]

and in reading some of these posts I worry so much that he will come out of this so different from who he is now

Nancy, don't worry about this- I think that most here will attest that they come out much better than before with an even greater appreciation for life. As another wife of the patient, I can understand your fears and your stress. As many here will say, it is harder on their mates and significant others than it is on them. He is young and will come out of this just fine and so will you and you can continue on with the wonderful life that you have together. In the meantime, feel free to come and express your fears and frustrations as much as you want- that's what we are here for!

 

[Bina]

Nancy, your hubby sounds like a great guy with a good attitude. Try not to worry too much or he will pick up on it.
I know my hubby worried alot during my recovery, but I was a basket case and drove him nuts with my crazy heart rate, BP, and depression. I hadn't found this site until much later on, and now I really feel like there are people who understand. This group is very special and we are all listening if you post your thoughts and concerns. There is always help here.

 

[WayneGM]

Welcome to VR. I'm glad you decided to post and make yourself known. All I can say is my life post-op is better than ever. I'm sure you'll both do fine. Best wishes and good luck.

 

[ruth]

Hey Nancy - Welcome!

Even after reading your (long) post I'm happy you stopped lurking! Seriously, I have no idea what it's like to be a significant other but I bet it's tough. I know for me I'd rather go through something than watch someone else.

I think it's really sweet how you and Rob met. Clearly he's very important to you. I wouldn't worry that he'll be a different person, perhaps just a little bit of a better person after this. Many of us reflect on the fact that life is short and fleeting and become more appreciative of what we have after the surgery.

I was fortunate enough to have a significant other by my side through my surgery and recovery and I will say that I forever am grateful to him.

Rob is very lucky to have you by his side through this.

I wish for you both a successful surgery and recovery.

Peace,
Ruth

 

[surfsparky]

Welcome to the VR family Nancy!
Sounds like you have a gorgeous husband!
We have that in common!
My husband Chris had his OHS (Ross procedure) 5 years ago...we may be faced with it again and it scares me...he is the greatest gift in my life (and for our 3 little ones).
Thinking and praying for you both,
heart hugs,
Yolanda

 

[SHEEPDOG]

Welcome

Welcome

Great to see you are out of the closet. I have learned A LOT from this site and my own research on the net. Get all the info you can from every source you can. keep digging!

I climb THE MOUNTAIN on Wed, 07-09 and Ill be waiting.

 

[rhino19]

You're not alone!

You're not alone!

Welcome! I can totally relate to your feelings. You feel like you are responsible for everything and anything and yet he is worried most about you. I too am looking in the next couple of weeks at the same thing. My husband continues to make comments about me and how he wants everything together before he goes in but yet he is worried how I will handle it. Sometimes I wish the shoe was on the other foot, just like a child you dont want to see suffer, a spouse is the same love. I have always been the fix it and make sure everything is right and this I cant fix. I dread walking into the room when he is done, but on the same token that moment will releave a lot of tension too. I am right there with you girl hang in there and rest assured you are one of several who is feeling this way! We can hang tough for each other.

 

[dick0236]

Hi Nancy
Your husband, Ron, will do fine. His repair lasted a long time and his new valve probably will be the last operation he needs. It is good that you and your husband found this site. There is a lot of good support and information here.

When my valve was put in, they gave me a fifty year warranty so I've still got a few years to go.

God bless, good luck and live only one day at a time.

 

[Karlynn]

Welcome Nancy! I think that it can be harder for the significan others than for the actual heart patient. I know my husband felt a deep sense of helplessness that he couldn't do anything to fix me and he had to trust others to help.

 

[R&N Brown]

thanks for the warm welcome!

thanks for the warm welcome!

I was so moved by the warm welcomes and show of support!
I think each one of you said something to encourage me and I look forward to continuing on this site and getting to know you better.
Rob is a great guy and today, he is not frustrating me....hmmm, the day isn't over yet ...so today is good.
I do have to say, since we do work together at the marina, today was one of the days that many customers chatted with both of us separately. It is humbling and somewhat difficult to have this happen. I feel so blessed to have so many people around us who care, but I am constantly reminded about our eventual trip. I have tried to remain positive and appreciative and hope I can continue to. I sincerely appreciate it, but don't always know how to handle it. I have never been good at receiving help and to be honest, I believe that Rob needs this so I am trying. I like the life of denial...it has gotten me this far... Anyway, life is great today and I am thankful for my new friends!
Nancy~

 

[R&N Brown]

I climb THE MOUNTAIN on Wed, 07-09 and Ill be waiting.[/QUOTE]


GOOD LUCK AND WE WILL BE THINKING ABOUT YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING HOW THINGS ARE GOING FOR YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE!
NANCY~

 

[Brookwood]

Hi, Nancy,

Welcome to VR. I totally understand how you are feeling now. My husband just had surgery 5 weeks ago. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster since we knew his diagnosis three months ago. The hardest part is the wait. I cried so many times and lost 7 lbs before his surgery, I am a worrier. You will feel much better after you climb over the mountain. Your husband will be fine.

The first three weeks after surgery was a little hard on me. My husband did behave a little "different" from who he is, or it was because I was not prepared. He had been self-centered, grumpy, complaining for a while. Sometimes his attitude really hurt me. But things got better after he regained his strength. And he has become his old self again.

Sometimes misunderstanding can happen. One thing I remember is that when he was still in hospital, I stayed with him at night. He was very angry because I "always" asked him,"Are you cold?" I asked him and wanted to raise room temperature up because I felt freezing cold and he just wanted to keep it low. It turned out to be my fault. I didn't know that he felt hot because his heart rate was 110 then(it's normal for HR to be high right after surgery). I needed 6 blankets to keep me warm and he just needed one.

My point is that you need to be prepared to treat your husband as a patient for a while, at least three weeks post op, according to my experience. Even when you feel his attitude hurt you, you need to remind yourself that he does not mean it, he just goes through trauma and he needs time to recover, don't take it personally. It is just temporary and it will pass. We need to be patient to a patient, right?

I wish a successful surgery and smooth revovery to your husband!

 

[hall]

Welcome Nancy. What a great story. Sounds like a very strong and loving marriage. Whenever you need to............chat away. Prayers for you both.

Deb

 

[Nugrandma1]

Nancy, I understand, We fould out about this valve problem about 20 years ago. We have been married for 33 years. So it's been over our heads for quite a while. He has had tests every few years. The last ones were in 2006 when he had knee surgery. At that time he was fine, no need for the new valve yet. In January he started feeling very tired, he was diagnosed with hypothyoridism and treated, that helped a bit. But he was still not feeling himself. So he went for the echocardiogram in March. That's when they diagnosed this surgery, he was very very upset, in total denial right up till just before when he was having pre-operation testing. He refused to believe it was that serious. Well he found out and now is a bit shocked, scared to death and depressed. But he's happy to be alive. I suspect it will take weeks and months before he's back to his old self.

Hang in there.
Pati

 

[PairoDocs]

Nancy,
My husband's surgery was emergent, we never had the wait over our heads; however, we have been dealing with the "post-OHS fallout", and this group has been wonderfully supportive. Hang in there, and welcome.
Steamy in Idaho,
-Laura