Can't stop thinking about it....scared to death of ascending aortic aneurysm surgery!

[Guest]

I will have to have surgery for my ascending aortic aneurysm and BAV at some point in the future. My aneurysm is currently at 4.2 cm and the BAV is stable. But I can't wrap my head around the fact that some day I will be laying on a table in surgery, with my chest open, connected to a heart/lung machine and having a very scary surgery. I sit and wonder....what if I have a stroke? What if I have a near-death experience? What if I don't make it (God forbid)? I know I may sound like I'm being a baby about this, but I am terrified at the thought of what could happen. I'm only 41 years old right now, yet this heart surgery feels like a death cloud hanging over my head. I'm in good health, just have bad genetics which gave me the defective valve and aneurysm. Is there any way that this surgery is maybe not as bad as my imagination seems to make it?

 

[pellicle]

Hi

firstly welcome to the club .. we all have (yes, the thousands of us, perhaps millions world wide) this problem. It can be fixed and you will go on.

Next I want to say basically just stop it ... what you are saying is just the express train to madness. It is anxiety it is irrational and it will just lead to you becoming mentally ill. So just give yourself a quick slap.

We all tend towards these thoughts but if you tend more towards it, then it is dangerous, its like a slippery hill, you step on and down you go with almost no return. So really, when you feel yourself thinking these things - stop it.

Its good that you mention here that you are feeling this way, and not pretend you are not feeling that way, but control it. Do not let what amounts to a mental 'neural' virus destroy you.

Sitting and wondering what if is the most unproductive negative irrational thing you can do. Just stop it.

What if a wheel fell from an aircraft and hit your car?
What if a meteor hit your house?
What if a rabid dog bit you?
(insert a million more possible and equally unproductive thought)

It goes round and round and round and round and only accelerates ... so just stop it! Stop it now.

I'm guessing that you are suffering from the shock of discovering "we all die" ... guess what? Those movies with funerals weren't fiction. That saying about "death and taxes" ... well its based on fact.

Humans all have some level of denial innate in their character. But the denial of the possibility of death seems to be the most curious. People seem to be so effective at it (especially in this polluted modern culture when its focus is selling you "stuff") that when they actually become aware of it they panic.

If there is a goal in life it is to become stronger, fitter, healthier and wiser. Death is certain. Learn to accept that and learn that well. From there you will find the path to peace and to not be traumatised by your imaginations.

The only monsters under your bed are the ones in your mind.

Get the book Dune (not the movie) and read it. That will give you some more to think about when these fears arise.

 

[dick0236]

..........What if..........

The best way to deal with the "what ifs" is to educate yourself and this forum is one of the best sources to dispel those fears. We have all gone thru the "what if" fears and they are normal. To not feel fear would be abnormal.......but understand that OHS is done over and over daily around the world with minimal risk. Welcome to this forum.

 

[HopefulHeart]

Pellicle and dick0236.....thanks for your responses. I've been on this site and read lots of experiences other people have had that have been good. The logical side of me says that I should not spend my time worrying, then the emotional side of me says this surgery is no walk in the park. Most of the time I'm successful in convincing myself not to worry. But I have those moments of panic when I realize I will have to go through this and it will not be fun. Then the fear sets in.

 

[AZ Don]

Is there any way that this surgery is maybe not as bad as my imagination seems to make it?

Absolutely. After having my aortic aneurysm repaired I was walking the next day and walking about a mile a day (1/2 mile at a time) within a week or two. I was home on the 5th day and the only pain meds I took were Ibuprofen. My knee surgery was much more painful. For the Dr's and staff that attend to you, this is routine. My surgeon said that he does about 50 comparable surgeries a year. And you could be worrying for nothing. Although surgery is certainly possibilty someday, it is not necessarily inevitable. Your aneurysm is small and your BAV is stable. Not all aneurysms or BAV's deteriorate to the point surgery is required, in fact I think that most do not, though I haven't seen actual numbers lately.

 

[Paleowoman]

Hi HopefulHeart - The emotional response, the fear you experience, is quite normal, but the problem is our imaginations feed a lot into it. Sometimes before surgery I imagined my body on the operating theatre with ribs opened like something out of sci fi horror films such as Alien and Event Horizon ! Then I watched some YouTube videos of surgery and saw the realisty was a lot 'calmer' - no bones showing ! I also looked at the stats for mortality which are very reassuring. On a couple of occasions when I got too anxious my GP gave me Lorazepam - I only took it a couple of times because it has side effects but it got me through the couple of worst days. I read 'Coping with Heart Surgery and Bypassing Depression' which was very helpful: http://www.amazon.com/Coping-Heart-S...ing+depression In the end I didn't know anything about the surgery of course - I went in to the pre-op room and the next moment I woke up in ICU feeling remarkably well. Heart surgery is no walk in the park, true, it is one of the most major surgeries, but the surgeons who do it are experts and techniques and anaesthetics all ger better with each passing year. The worst part of post surgery for me was the long road to recovery. One day I know I'll have to have a re-do as I have a tissue valve, but I'm not concerned about the surgery now that I've experienced it - I'm only concerned about the aftercare and recovery ! I'll add here that for many recovery is smooth. Do see your GP if the fear is overcoming you.

PS - I don't know how far you are from surgery, but if it is still a few years then it's a good idea to channel all your fears into doing things to keep yourself as healthy as possible as that will be beneficial for your heart too.

 

[honeybunny]

It's interesting that you selected HopefulHeart as your user name. That tells me that, despite your natural fears, deep down you believe everything will be fine
One of the "tricks" I used to fight my pre surgery fears was to remember that my aortic stenosis could be fixed with a new valve and that there were many people who would trade places with me in a heartbeat, like the parents of a 12-year old girl who drowned at a local beach while on a school field trip. That thinking helped put my situation in perspective for me.

I agree with all the above comments. Acknowledge that your fear is normal and that you're not alone in that; we've all experienced it. Then refocus on being heart healthy while keeping an eye on your condition, which can be fixed. I found much comfort in this forum in that I was not alone, that others had gone before me and lived to share their stories. You will live to share yours.

 

[Duffey]

You might be years away from surgery. I had mine almost eleven years ago, and I know during that time, everything about it has been refined and improved. By the time you have to deal with it, the surgery will undoubtedly be easier than you think. Don't let your fear of the future rob you of your todays.

 

[HopefulHeart]

Thanks to you all for your responses!! I've just finished reading every single one and I feel so encouraged by what you all have said. I have tears in my eyes at this moment. Your advice to me is so greatly appreciated. It has helped ease my fears.

 

[JulienDu]

what does not kill you makes you stronger

 

[pellicle]

Hi

I'm glad you found some wisdom that fitted with you (wisdom is all around us all the time, its just that like a key it must be the right one to open a lock)

..I have those moments of panic when I realize I will have to go through this and it will not be fun. Then the fear sets in.

panic when you realise its not going to be fun. It may just be a turn of phrase but this reminds me what so many forget in this modern world: there is no comfort with roughness

There is no meaning to happy without sadness (it becomes a steady stream of insatiable searching).

There is no reward felt without effort and difficulty, such "rewards" feel hollow.

Today our society peddles a myth carefuly crafted and distributed by advertisers that only one vision of one part of life is worth having.

I learned many things in my struggles with my heart over the last 40 years. One thing I've learned is that the surgery is really like a blink. No ... REALLY ... its like getting worked up over getting an injection or having a blood draw. Its a hangover from childhood where a child will spend more time struggling against what it wants yet 5 minutes after the needle the child is preoccupied with an entirely different thing.

The buddists will tell you to focus on the now; well I say that may have meant something to one monk somewhere but its blabber to me. I say live in the now and know that the past and all that happened to bring you here is what you should consider. Live in the now , even if its uncomfortable. I can assure you that I have not forgotten how I felt in Post Op ICU but the KEY POINT is that I do not terrorise myself with it like a Teen Horror FLick ... I understand it and accept it so that my experience of the now (sitting here with a nice coffee and typing) is all the more clear in my mind as being good.

As a guy from a tropical area with his experience in Rain Forest and rocky areas when I ended up in Finland I found many challenges. The trips we did in the snow in biting cold are not remembered by me as the blistered feet from pulling the sled in ski boots, nor the excruciating pain of my fingertips repairing a broken ski mount in -20, but instead of the moments of wonder when I would come around a corner and see:

how exhausted I was by the combination of cold and sweat and exertion is something most city dwellers barely grasp (because they will never experience such extremes).

But what I remember now is none of the negatives, it is stuff like how good a stove feels warming up the cabin to just above freezing (after I've been out chopping wood in the freezing).

Let me give you a perspective. Open your calendar to 2445 days ago ... do you remember with clarity what you did? What about the day after that ... or 10 days after that.? Yet that is not 7 years ago.

Learn to understand time, not just on your watch, but in your life.

This is but a moment.

 

[cldlhd]

As others have said you will get thru it and it most likely won't be nearly as bad as you fear. I had my surgery a year ago and I was 45 at the time. I also ft like "wow I'm too young and healthy for this" but you'll find there are lots of people our age and younger who deal with this. I just pulled into Manhattan on a cruise ship freshly back from the Bahamas just to let you know there will be plenty of good memories in your future.

 

[Faramacho]

Heart Surgery is definitely scary, but it is a mountain that can be overcome. I have seen 100's of people make it through and gone on to live very normal healthy lives. I myself have never had heart surgery but I am a Surgical Nurse of 20 plus years in the Open Heart operating room; I have assisted on 100's of valve surgeries and Ascending Aortic Aneurysm repairs,as well of course Bypass Heart surgery. I go on these sites for two reasons; mainly to offer help and advice and encouragement, and to also get a view of what happens when patients go home and what their course of recovery and plights become. Second reason is I do write a lot about Heart Surgery and these vignettes help me to understand post-op journeys patients have.

 

[paulcw16]

I spent 60 years in fear of 'the day'. When the day came, 9/28/15, I came to terms with it by realizing how much in life is out of our control, and how our trusting of those in charge (our car mechanics, our surgeons, our elevator mechanics, the carpenter who put the rail on your basement stairs...you name it) allows us to not think about it. It's like getting on a plane....the whole thing seems mysterious and impossible, yet the folks up front know what they're doing and we trust their expertise and experience.

 

[pellicle]

Hi

... I came to terms with it by realizing how much in life is out of our control, and how our trusting of those in charge

I can only but agree with you

http://cjeastwd.blogspot.com/2015/09/denial-or-delusion.html

 

[dani's nana]

I too am scared to death... mostly because I am a stroke survivor and I never want another one. I am scheduled for surgery March 9. My ascending aorta is 4.1 but my bav has critical stenosis. I went and bought a couple of new shirts with zippers and a couple of sport bras with zippers too. I had my living will and health power of attorney signed and notarized and I am preparing for my surgery the best I know how. I am 59 years old.

 

[paulcw16]

All the best to you Darla. And get yourself a good wicking shirt; most people get night sweats for a few months and the shirt really helps.

 

[ALLBETTERNOW!]

I too am scared to death... mostly because I am a stroke survivor and I never want another one. I am scheduled for surgery March 9. My ascending aorta is 4.1 but my bav has critical stenosis. I went and bought a couple of new shirts with zippers and a couple of sport bras with zippers too. I had my living will and health power of attorney signed and notarized and I am preparing for my surgery the best I know how. I am 59 years old.

I totally get it. May 2104 Stroke. May 3015I had an Ascending arota repair and valve replacement (tissue-tough choice at age 49/50). Turn 50 next month. I begged for the surgery as the worry at 4.9cm was killing me. MAy 2106 who knows Im bck to work adn life and now have medical excuses for my abberant behvior!

Hang in there, the odds at 4.1 are in your favor big time!!!!!!! LEss than a week now you will do great!!

 

[river-wear]

When I was waiting for my surgery date, I found a snippet on here that inspired me to find this quote. It's so true.
""Courage is more exhilarating than fear and in the long run it is easier. We do not have to become heroes overnight. Just a step at a time, meeting each thing that comes up, seeing it is not as dreadful as it appeared, discovering we have the strength to stare it down." -Eleanor Roosevelt

The waiting is the worst part. Once you go in, it's just moving through the process and then after a couple of months - only a memory. Be fit and exercise and recovery will be easier.

 

[MrBig]

I'm not a regular here. I visit a couple times a year. I don't post much. I can understand your feelings when you are not having any symptoms. When I had my surgery (11 years ago) I had severe Afib and shortness of breath and suffered with symptoms for many years before my Dr. finally figured out what was wrong. After my surgery and my recovery I felt better than I ever have in my life. I wish I would have had it done sooner. Get it done. Do your rehab and continue with cardio regularly and don't visit this site too often. It's not healthy. Quite frankly I am too busy living my life to worry about it.