Anxiety? Or get to the Doctor?

[HenryCT]

Hey all. Still new here - and still very up and down with my "condition". I just found out earlier this year I had BAV. This came on the heels of 38 years of no symptoms, then suddenly the onset of symptoms over the past 2.5 years. Namely palpitations, a few times where my heart seemed to go out of rhythm entirely (for anywhere from 10 seconds to 5-10 minutes a handful of times). Obviously anxiety and panic symptoms as well.

I only found out about my BAV because I really felt something was wrong. My first cardiologist did ekg, stress test, and holter (in addition to the stethoscope checks, and seeing my ankles weren't swollen and so forth). Everything came up perfect. No worries right? So he chalked it up to anxiety (despite no anxiety symptoms for first 38 years of life). Sent me with an rx for lorazepam.

The lorazepam didn't seem to help alleviate the symptoms.

I came back again and he said I was fine.

I then switched doctors and tried a second cardiologist. He ran the same tests, and same results. (Although I noticed that in my first stress test I ran for 18 mins or so, and only 13-14 in my second which was months later).

He said i was fine, no issues.

I went home and had more symptoms. This didn't sit right with me. Fatigue, anxiety, heart skips and pressure that came and went in chest and lower neck. Some spaciness at times. All symptoms of heart issues, and also anxiety of course!

Sprinkle in 2 trips to ER when an arrythmia that lasted for more than a minute scared me to going. All checked out ok.

I pushed and went back and said "doc, can you look at the thing? No one has looked at he thing yet. Maybe it's enlarged, maybe I have a small ninja fused to the side of it. Maybe it's green? Just look."

So they did my first echo, and lo and behold I got the news I wanted for 1.5 years - and yet didn't want at all. I had a BAV.

But ... The doc said my echo checked out and my flows and sizes all looked normal. Good stuff. He said "no limitations, do whatever you want."

I felt better ... But symptoms persisted. In fact, at times they have gotten worse. It's now only 5 months (or less) from my echo, and I'm worried they missed something. The first doc did, the second doc did too. How am I to trust these guys? I feel that as a guy who is (now 41) and normal looking in health, with normal bp and heart rates, they just chalk it up to anxiety.

Today I was walking from my office to the train. It's about .7 miles, and takes me about 15 mins. I was walking with a co worker and we were talking the whole time, and during the walk I feel weak, a little short of breath, weak, and spacey. I felt a little out of body, but mainly week and fatigued.

In the past few weeks there has been chest pressure. I knead at the chest and sternum area trying to massage muscles I can't seem to reach to. It feels like not enough blood is getting to my head as I feel spacey and slightly like you do when you hit the 30th floor in an elevator and pressure is changing.

I felt almost feint when I reached the train and took my seat. Over the next 30 mins I slowly felt better and better. Was it because I was sitting?

Here is why I think it's anxiety, and I will let you tell me if I am wrong:

1. Echo only 5 months ago was all clear
2. Cardiologist said I was "fiiiiine"
3. My wife thinks it's all in my head
4. I was able to jog on Sunday, but only a half mile.
5. My heart rate seems to be low even when I feel dizzy and weak (like 60s sitting, and 70s standing)
6. Aside from an aortic tear, my valve shouldn't be able to degrade in only a few months, right?

I have no real good explanation for the physical symptoms, but since the doc says I'm fine, who needs a third opinion anyway?

I have an urge to call the doc and run in and see him ... Again ... And demand the stress echo he said we would do in February right now. But should I squelch it?

The idea of valve replacement terrifies me. It really does, even though I've heard so many positive stories here. But there is one thing that scares me more than that: being lost to my children unexpectedly to negligence (on my part or on my doctors part).

Thanks!!

 

[pellicle]

HI

...Namely palpitations, a few times where my heart seemed to go out of rhythm entirely (for anywhere from 10 seconds to 5-10 minutes a handful of times). Obviously anxiety and panic symptoms as well.

well ... personally I've not found any source that I can nail down as being a "obvious cause" for them, but they happen from time to time.

I know this may seem "easier said than done" but just don't panic.

Here is why I think it's anxiety, and I will let you tell me if I am wrong:

1. Echo only 5 months ago was all clear
2. Cardiologist said I was "fiiiiine"
3. My wife thinks it's all in my head
4. I was able to jog on Sunday, but only a half mile.
5. My heart rate seems to be low even when I feel dizzy and weak (like 60s sitting, and 70s standing)
6. Aside from an aortic tear, my valve shouldn't be able to degrade in only a few months, right?

well it can move over the threshold in that time, so don't discount that .... but at the same time don't over think it.

I have no real good explanation for the physical symptoms, but since the doc says I'm fine, who needs a third opinion anyway?

sometimes things come and go ...

I have an urge to call the doc and run in and see him ... Again ... And demand the stress echo he said we would do in February right now. But should I squelch it?

I don't see what benefit it will bring ... just listen to your body and adapt your routine a bit ... some give and take ... do you use a HR monitor when training?

The idea of valve replacement terrifies me.

I think you should just stop that thought right there. It leads nowhere, is counter productive, provides NOTHING good. Its just stupid to keep focusing on it.

**** happens and you get the message and adapt. The wrapping to the message may be scary but once you have unwrapped the message and understood it there is no benefit on pouring over the "box it came in".

If you say "easier said than done" what this is saying is that you have no way of controlling your thoughts and emotions. This infact is a point which signals to you that you have something you can learn from that.

It really does, even though I've heard so many positive stories here. But there is one thing that scares me more than that: being lost to my children unexpectedly to negligence (on my part or on my doctors part).

illusion of control ... this is part of your problem. You somehow want to believe you can control the universe. You can't.

Try reading my blog post here and see if this better communicates my message:
http://cjeastwd.blogspot.com/2015...-delusion.html

I've had a few of my friends die over my life, the first was from cancer when I was 21 ... I've had a few more die with sufficient frequency thought my life to be assured that *you have no control*

Even when I was doing my utmost best to recover from my 2011 surgery to be able to be a good husband for my wife *she* died from a brain tumor (which was undiagnosed and unexpected) leaving *me* with absolutely no reasons to do anything anymore ... not even any reasons to live.

Can you imagine what sort of a blibbering mess I'd be if I worried every moment about every person I know dying?

I mention this not because I am seeking your pity, but to hammer home to you what I'm saying: your perspective is wrong.



The best I can do is manage what is before me.

Repeat this mantra regularly when you get confused as to your real place in the world:

rinse and repeat as needed

This is not to say I do not feel agitation (as I do) but I try to control it, rather than it control me. Some reading from a thousands of years ago:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoici...cs_and_virtues

The ancient Stoics are often misunderstood because the terms they used pertained to different concepts in the past than they do today. The word "stoic" has come to mean "unemotional" or indifferent to pain, because Stoic ethics taught freedom from "passion" by following "reason". The Stoics did not seek to extinguish emotions; rather, they sought to transform them by a resolute "askēsis" that enables a person to develop clear judgment and inner calm.[SUP][19][/SUP]Logic, reflection, and concentration were the methods of such self-discipline.

Following Socrates, the Stoics held that unhappiness and evil are the results of human ignorance of the reason in nature.

Best Wishes

 

[epstns]

Henry - Think of it this way -- You may have some trouble brewing in your medical future, but you have been warned and can now monitor it and live an informed life. I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my early 50's. No symptoms until I noticed diminished energy and exercise tolerance at that point in my life. I was initially told "You're getting older. Get used to it." I fired that doctor and went to another. He diagnosed me, but wanted to treat me as if I was in my 80's. I fired him, too. I finally found a cardio who had a specialty in valve disease among younger patients (young, to me, was my age of 52 at the time). We ended up watching my valve for almost 10 years as I continued to go to the gym 5 days a week to run and lift moderate weights.

Eventually, things progressed. My cardio told me "I will not have to tell you when it is time for surgery. You will tell me." How right he was. Just after my 63rd birthday, I concluded that I was ready. Statistically, I was at the point at which they would plan surgery, and I was just tired of being tired. I had the valve replaced a couple of months later.

I had almost 10 years to "dread" the thought of my valve surgery, but you know what? I didn't dread it much at all. Oh, yeah, that first couple of months after my diagnosis were tough. But my cardio helped me to understand that the odds of Sudden Cardiac Death were very low - about 1-2%. Not much different than my odds of death during or resulting from valve surgery. Eventually I was able to come to peace with my medical future. I just let it recede into my subconscious mind and went on with my life. Of course, the idea re-surfaced each year around the time for my annual echo, but for the most part, I just lived my life. As pellicle noted, I did have to make some adjustments to my activities - like accepting the fact that I couldn't run 7:30 miles any more and I had to slow a bit, then a bit more, etc. I also had to give up lifting moderate weights, opting instead for lower weight and higher rep counts, but I remained active. I was working out until the week before my surgery.

Another way to think of it is that this is not a sentence to death (which it could well be if we chose not to have the surgery), but instead is a sentence to life. This is the cardiac equivalent to a "do over."