Post Surgical--House Clutter!

[PairoDocs]

We have an unusual problem, partly because of my deteriorating condition since last summer, and the problems since surgery in December. We live in an old farm house with virtually no storage space, and we also have many hobbies. Normally, we manage to keep at least partial control over these, but because of my pre and post surgical depression and lack of local help, we have too much stuff everywhere. Due to my ADHD and mild Asperger's syndrome it has been very difficult for me to decide what to keep, what to give away, and what to throw away. I fritter away my time on my hobbies as they help my emotional overload and make me a more bearable person to live with, but at the price of not cleaning up around the house. I also lack the energy most of the time to even get close to tackling the problem due to the OHS recovery issues. Attempts to hire a housekeeper have failed. My wife is overwhelmed by all of this, too, as are our children.

We cannot let guests visit due to the condition of the clutter--no rotting food or anything like that--more 'intellectual' clutter than anything. Most places the floor is visible, too. We aren't at the stage of newspaper stacks to the ceiling or anything that bad--we actually recycle all our newspapers regularly, but there is just simply not anywhere to put the stuff, and we've culled the trash and truly useless items out already. It's difficult for me to part with a lot of it because I'm afraid useful stuff would merely be discarded, and I haven't gotten my head together enough to sell on eBay. The local thrift stores are a bit fussy, and I watched them throw away lots our old perfectly good toys--making me reluctant to take stuff there again. Perhaps some people here have dealt with similar situations where heart-related problems made it so that their entire house has become a 'disaster area' in my wife's words. I'd like to get a handle on this problem, but right now I can't. No relatives live nearby except my father who is too sick to help, and we have virtually no friends. Any suggestions? I have managed to tackle a few single rooms at a time, leaving them clean and tidy, but the stuff just goes into another room--hence the problem continues... What worked for anyone here who faced 'mountains' of stuff to do with limited resources and energy?

Thanks, Chris

 

[Ross]

Prepare a pathway to everywhere you have to get to and forget it.

 

[geebee]

Plastic crates - Home Depot or Lowes sells them for about $5 each - the 2-part flip lid kind - they have a 12 gallon capacity and are about 20"X30". Put the stuff you want to keep but have no room to store and then stack them against the walls of the rooms you use less frequently. It makes the clutter seem organized and you will not be concerned about visitors or falling over stuff.

From someone who has been there many times and would never have visitors if it weren't for those crates.

 

[ALCapshaw2]

OPRAH recently had a show dedicated to HOARDERS and how to deal with the problem. It's NOT easy and takes a LOT of Time and Effort.

It starts with SORTING into 3 categories:

Keep, Sell, Give / Throw Away

Those can be *difficult* decisions,
especially after OHS!

(I understand the problem!

 

[geebee]

OPRAH recently had a show dedicated to HOARDERS and how to deal with the problem. It's NOT easy and takes a LOT of Time and Effort.

It starts with SORTING into 3 categories:

Keep, Sell, Give / Throw Away

Those can be *difficult* decisions,
especially after OHS!

(I understand the problem!

Yeah - but that's assuming you WANT to be "cured".

 

[Nancy]

Try something called "10 things". When you don't have the time or the energy to do a huge task, just do 10 things at a time. It could be a simple as throwing out 10 paper bags that you know you won't need. That's 10 less things to do. You could go all day when you had the energy and do 10 things at a time then rest.

The secret is that they don't have to be 10 big things. Just start anywhere, don't fret about getting a plan together. Just start.

 

[Susan BAV]

Yeah - but that's assuming you WANT to be "cured".

Ain't that the truth. I've wandered through too many antique stores to throw all these treasures away...

But Nancy's idea is great. Ten items is doable. It's like if you have to dig an enormous hole--you just have to start with the first shovelful.

Personally, I'm hoping to have a garage sale later this spring. I need to empty all of those 12 gallon lidded crates I've been stacking up out in my garage over the past few years...

 

[Freddie]

I totally understand the problem you face.

And I have one simple rule which is very seldom broken.........

- if you haven't touch it in 5 (sometimes 2) years its GONE.
- GONE to ever wants it - Keep, Sell, Give / Throw Away, but mostly GIVE

Good Luck, but take one step at a time. I like Nancy's theory too

 

[Cooker]

Ross

Prepare a pathway to everywhere you have to get to and forget it.

Seeing that we live in house beautiful ...NOT....we have no kids but we have stuff...I call it junk my wife calls it treasures ....I know how you feel but I came to the point years ago that it is "our" house and if you don't like it stay the *&#@ out ....our house is clean....I think our house keeper charges by the reading on the "treasure" meter ....in fact it is very interesting to most people....I love it when they say "what the hell is that" and when you tell them they say "why the hell do you have it?".....LOL....life is way to short to worry what other people think of your home and whatever the condition of the clutter......Your home sounds just lovely to me
....wishing you well with your surgery and recovery......Godspeed

 

[catwoman]

Chris:
Because you're not exactly a social butterfly, there's no need to clean the clutter because you're not having an evening soiree at your home. Thus, you continue to amass clutter. A never-ending cycle.

Go through one pile at a time and ask if you'll be lost without each item.

I'll go first: We have a stack of games & puzzles in the closet of our computer room. It's been there 12 years, since we moved in. I'll donate them to Goodwill this weekend.

That's the first step for me.

Your move next.

BTW, a former boyfriend collected newspaper and books. He had an upstairs apartment, made "lanes" through the stacks of crap.
Well, one day he was arrested -- by the city fire marshall. Seems that the books & newspapers were a fire hazard (no kiddin'!!!!!!!!!).

Don't let your clutter get that bad......

 

[Guest]

*chuckles inwardly*

I'm guilty, too, of letting my hobbies take me over instead of doing things to clean up my room, get rid of things, re-arrange stuff, etc. Course, part of that "procrastination" is because I'm not sure where I should be, but that's a whole nother story.

Chris ... while I can't say I know EXACTLY from where you are coming, I can say that I am familiar with similar feelings. Luckily, I DO manage to get things accomplished ... just not as soon as I want, because I procrastinate. Either I have "better" things to do (i.e. be online or work on a hobby) or I'm too tired ... and sit and relax all night. Course, then, the next morning, I think, 'Oh, shoot ... I SHOULD have done this. I'll do it tonight.' But, most often, the pattern just continues ... he heh.

At least the HAVE TO stuff gets done when it needs to be done (i.e. taxes, etc.).



Cort:34swm."Mr Monte Carlo.Mr Road Trip".pig valve&pacemaker
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"These are some good times, so take a good look around" ... Trace Adkins ... 'You're Gonna Miss This'

 

[LUVMyBirman]

I am an interior redesigner. Stage homes for resale and to live. Can say with certainty, you are not alone! Common issue. Grows with the aging population.

As Al pointed out...I always recommend the three pile sorting. It's difficult for the client as well as the help! For extreme cases...I referreed out to a professional organizer. In my business, can't get down to "business" until the clutter is cleared!

Good luck to you.

 

[PairoDocs]

Thanks for the supporting comments--recognizing that post surgical issues affect more than just our own personal physical health. Yes, my family situation is as I describe it--just in case somebody was thinking I was making all of this up for some obscure reason. In a few areas we do fine. All of us wear clean clothes daily, take out the garbage when the trash baskets are full (weekly garbage pickup of a full cart), keep our dishes clean (use dishwasher almost daily), bathe regularly, keep our dogs, cats, chickens, goats, rabbit, turkey, and fish fed, and I pay the bills on time (I actually seldom lose a bill). I even vacuum (first post surgery time was 3 weeks ago) and help wash and put away clothes on a regular basis.

We, however, have not been able to curb our appetite for that extra little something that "might come in handy" someday when we shop, especially with the current stresses in our lives.

I am quite interested in hearing practical steps, perhaps even at the emotional level, to achieve a place where I can say "Good bye" to this item or that without regrets. Maybe I'll have to deal with some regret, but knowing that someone else has dealt with this, too, may give me the strength to follow through when by myself I could not do it.

The free-range chickens are fed daily and their feed sacks promptly discarded. They are shut in nightly for protection against predators, and let out in the morning to forage. The two chicken houses are cleaned several times a year--more often if necessary. Their eggs are gathered daily and washed and refrigerated for sale to my wife's co-workers and other customers. Kids go to Tae Kwan Do and daughter to ballet and tap dancing classes--I drive them to all of these classes. I also have to take care of my semi-invalid father by taking him almost weekly to doctors appointments and (today) CAT scan angiography with contrast, plus do all his grocery shopping and pick up his prescriptions. I even took his 20 lbs. cat to the vet for his annual vaccinations just two weeks ago.

Sorry for the vent, but I needed to explain that I'm actually quite busy and it may be difficult for me to find time to properly declutter. Yes, I know all about the techniques of three categories: toss, give away, keep for decluttering. Last year alone we donated 22 garbage bags of old fat clothes (I lost over 40 lbs.--once over 60, and my wife about 120 lbs. about 3 years ago), and baby clothes. Also over 200 lbs. magazines (my wife's medical societies send her about 50 medical magazines a month), and about the same amount of newspapers were taken to the recyclers last summer. I just haven't been able to empty our Krop Keeper (a round grain storage building) of the newspapers and magazines this year yet--at least they're not piled up in the house. Maybe this summer if the pericardial effusion doesn't get in the way...

Now for a bit of irony: Today I was decluttering (a good deed never goes unpunished? a table in our garage and was just about finished filling a large bucket of trash when I felt what I thought was a shard of glass sticking into my left palm. When I picked up my hand instead of a piece of glass, a hibernating queen yellowjacket was hanging by her stinger from my skin. It had been under a slice of geode I had moved. She let me have it! The pain ramped up higher than any other sting I had ever had except for a queen bumblebee that stung me when I was a kid. Oww!! [

I ran full speed into the house about 100 feet distant and grabbed the first hot yellow onion I could find--tore open the bag and sliced off the tip. I mashed the juice against my skin and over the next hour I held the onion there. Since the skin on my palm was so thick, it took some time for the juice to get through to the sting. I also took two antihistamines. The onion juice finally stopped the intense stinging, but my palm aches even now six hours later, but I have no trouble typing with both hands and can use my left thumb normally (sting was at its base). Funny thing is that my heart didn't even hiccup once over my mad sprint into the house, nor did the sting seem to have an effect on the pulse rate either.

The prompt application of fresh hot (as in sharply flavored) onion juice trick was something I learned about 20 years ago, and have saved myself and my kids (Laura hasn't had such a profound positive effect from the onions that I have had) many hours of agony. I just thought I'd pass this tip on, as my son would develop terrible welts and even a fever if the sting wasn't promptly treated, but would neither have any pain, nor even the slightest swelling if I got him to a cut onion less than 5 minutes after he was stung. My reaction is similar--once, however I got stung at an auction and was unable to get to an onion for 30 minutes--too late. Got sick and knee hurt and itched for three days.

Sorry about the aside, but I just wanted to explain that my post surgery energy level has been considerably less than it was last year at this time, and some of my 'eccentricities' have intensified since then, too.

Thanks again for all the remarks and ideas. Remember that not all post-surgical stuff is necessarily medical. Psychic wounds, especially if the OHS is unexpected, can be deep and enduring. My wife's and my particular manifestation just happens to be clutter and depression. Both these problems got bad when we lost our first babies, too. I'm in counseling, and this seems to be helping with some of the problems so far.

I want to get on top of this cluttering problem so we can start to have a reasonable social life again, and make it so that Laura and I can recover better from this OHS ordeal, and our kids could have friends over to help them with their own recoveries from what happened to their Daddy--without the risk of parents forbidding their kids further visits because of our clutter.

I'd appreciate your prayers.

Chris

 

[Curtsmum]

Hope you are feeling better soon. If you find the energy to clear your clutter it may make you feel tons better. I agree with Gina, storage box's you could stack them all up in a corner or hide them under beds ect, if they are clear you will know whats in them for when you need those items. Maybe you could all work together as a family to get it done quicker. Best of luck.

 

[Ross]

I can't begin to tell you how many times I've decluttered this place all to have it back the way it was a week later. I gave up! Home is where the clutter is!

 

[Susan BAV]

Very interesting post, Chris!

And about the onion treatment, my husband got bit on his abdomen several times by some unknown evil thing up in our orange grove a few years ago and an Enormous Red Welt developed and he was having extended pain in his body. I searched online and found a promising simple recipe for an onion poultice and I cooked it up and packed it on the huge welt and it sure did work well--and nearly immediately for him also!

 

[Shirley]

I liked everyone's messages. I also deal with clutter issues. I am working on them. A friend suggested the Fly Lady.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FlyLady

Sink Reflections by Marla Cilley

The hoarding show on Oprah recommended these two books.

Buried in Treasures: Help for Compulsive Acquiring, Saving, and Hoarding
by David F. Tolin, Randy O. Frost and Gail Steketee

It's All Too Much: An Easy Plan for Living a Richer Life with Less Stuff by
Peter Walsh

Good Luck.

Shirley

 

[geebee]

I will chime in again and say that Chris and I like our stuff. We have kept only what we want and still have what others would consider clutter. However, due to the crates mentioned earlier, our clutter is rather organized on racks and mostly in the basement out of the living area. We are not neat freaks and never apologize to those who are - it takes all kinds to make a happy world. The thing that tends to bother me is that people who are neat freaks tend to look at us as if we are slobs. I consider a slob to be someone who does not clean and our house is clean.

I have worked a long time and been down some long roads to get where I am. I have no intention of changing or getting rid of all the memories we have gathered along the way. I don't care if I only pull things out every 10 years or never - I still want them around. They are all part of who I am today.

Chris - be cluttered if you want. As long as your house is clean and safe - nuts to everyone else. Be happy and enjoy being alive.

 

[ALCapshaw2]

THANKS for the "hot onion" tip Chris !

YellowJackets are an annual nuisance when mowing the lawn here in the South, especially in the country.

Just saw my first Water Moccasin on the banks of a nearby creek. I usually stay out of the woods in the summer, leaving it to the poison ivy, ferns, and snakes (copper heads, black racers, and now, Water Moccasins, UGH!)

 

[Bonzo Dog]

My suggestion, move house.

No not in reality, but as a fantasy exercise.

Get a skip and be prepared to fill it.

Ask yourself, is it pragmatic to pack object A up and transport it 100s of miles in the removal van? When was it last seen, appreciated, read, listened to, looked at, is it at all useful? Will that rainy day ever come when you need it? Be honest and then skip it.
Repeat the thought process with object B. Be hard and unemotional.

Golden rule, no visiting the skip at night to pull out trashed objects in moments of weakness.