Surgery Scars, job searching, and depression

[della_anne]

Hi everybody!


I am still looking for a job, it's really tough. I go on interviews and get bombarded with questions, especially the tricky questions. And its tough to deal with rejection. Employers ask me why I left my last job and why am I not looking for a job that I got my degree in and tell me I'm over qualified or hire someone who is more qualified than me. I think I may be a little depressed. I feel like my situation is hopeless. I am the kind of person that works hard and I do all this work to find a job and feel my efforts are in vain.

Sometimes I wonder if my scar on my chest can potentially cause employers to not hire me. I usually wear blouses that do not show my scar, but one time I did wear a shirt that did not cover up all of my scar. Maybe I should make sure my scar is covered.
I'm freaking out because I fear rejection and I need a job and I need so many other things in my life right now.
Sometimes I think maybe I am too focused on finding a job, but if I am not then I will not be able to find a job. But if I spend too much time on job searching then I start going crazy!!
I recently joined Toastmasters a group for public speaking, thinking this will help me to do better on intereviews and be more comfortable around people.
sometimes, its hard for me to get out of the house and meet new people.
So, maybe this will help.
I feel so powerless, helpless...
Like when is my life ever gunna get any better....
My dad is not understanding of my situation and that doesn't help too much.
I live with my parents...they have high expecations...my dad thinks I should have my own life by now....own a house, married, good job.
I have none of these.
Living with my parents is making me feel like a loser. Why should I continue to measure my life up to what my parents think or say. I need to get away from their influence. I need to move out and be on my own.
I need to feel like I can do something good and important with my life.
And work on my own goals and not my parents expectations.


Danielle

 

[Der Biermeister]

I Employers ask me why I left my last job and why am I not looking for a job that I got my degree in
Danielle

Let's start there - what are the prospects for a job that you have a degree in?

Have you tried that route or is it hopeless?

 

[della_anne]

A little bit of both, I no longer have an interest in comptuers which is what my degree was in and it is hard to find an entry level computer related job.

I am now trying to get a job in Administrative Assistant, receptionist, or clerical position.

I have interviews, but it usually ends up that someone else has more experience than me.

I am young, I have some experience, but not a ton.

 

[Christine]

have you tried RobertHalf/Accountemps? I know to some, I tout them alot, but they worked for me in PA.. you can temp to get experience, or go temp to perm.. they also have online training if your working for them to help teach software and other skill sets if needed..

as far as living at home.. you're not alone.. after moving back home from TX 3 years ago, I had to live with parents.. hated it. but did it.. they weren't bad, but in my mid 30's.. not too much fun.. just now back out on my own..

job interviewing.. when I started over up here.. I intervied alot.. I don't show my scar or even talk about health issues.. just none of their business (until i'm hired, then i'm more open about it)

hang in there.. it will get better

Chris

 

[geebee]

Danielle,
I agree with Chris, get an interview with a temp agency. There are many of them out there. If you can show proficiency with computers that will be a big plus. You might try some self courses in QuickBooks or Peachtree in the interim which will help your search a lot.
The problem with having such a difficult time finding a job is that you might be actually going into an interview with negative body language. If that happens, you will not get very far. You need to develop an attitude that says, "I want this job but if I don't get it, I will be fine". I know it is hard to do but just pretend you are acting a part.
I have gotten a couple of jobs because I went in not caring whether I got the job or not. I think I was more relaxed and almost made the interviewer sell me on the job rather than me selling myself.
Try it by going on a couple interviews that you don't care about particularly. You might find it works well and you might just come away with a job that will work.

 

[LadyBlue]

Sometimes I wonder if my scar on my chest can potentially cause employers to not hire me. I usually wear blouses that do not show my scar, but one time I did wear a shirt that did not cover up all of my scar. Maybe I should make sure my scar is covered.

Hi Danielle

Oh I feel for you. I just started a new thread about a good scar concealer that I found at CVS! Trust me, I am the Queen of Concealer...and I really love this stuff! I should buy stocks in it, huh?

Good luck. Good things will happen. We all have been thru the wringer and we need to be a little compassionate with ourselves. Toastmasters ROCK !! You can meet cool folks there! Also have you looked into your local Chamber of Commerce group? Great for networking and building confidence and ideas.

Keep us posted

LB

 

[Marguerite53]

Hi Danielle. So glad you are checking in to let us know how things are going. Sorry it is still rough, but you are making some positive steps.

I think the Toastmasters idea was an excellent one! As LB said, use it for networking, meeting new people, exchanging ideas! Great move!

As far as living with your parents. I do not know them, of course. We have 3 kids in college. THis was our first year as empty nesters. I was surprised at how nice it was!! My daughter's home from college for the summer now (the older 2 just come for very short visits) and, well, it's just taking some readjusting. You get used to being just the 2 of you and then you're back into the full time parent mode and it's not bad, it's just different. You know it's temporary so your investment in it is totally different.

Also, your parents are probably worried about you. They are faced with a problem, guiding you, beyond what they were expecting. So they are in new territory....something they weren't prepared for. It's never easy finding the right way to be a parent. So don't take their attitude too seriously. You know you want to get out from under your current circumstance. Beating yourself up about it will be counterproductive, so don't. Think of them as a port in a storm, and that is all. A place to gather your strength. Don't take it too personally....it will take too much of your energy from you.

It is tough out there for young people. You are not alone. Perserverance furthers ...... you'll get there. Your determination will pay off. Hang tough!!

Good luck! Marguerite

 

[Ross]

As much as I hate to say it, Temp services are the way to go in this economy. Your talking to someone here who has seen many people losing there jobs due to plant shutdowns. I would estimate that 85% of those found new jobs through temp services. A few got lucky, but not many and a few of those that were lucky, are back pounding the streets too.

You've got youth on your side which may seem like a disadvantage to you, but believe me, someone out there is looking for you. Are there any other fields that you have some experience in that you could get something until you find what you want? I know that's a silly question, please doin't get upset.

Finding a job today is tough for everyone. It's not exclusively you.

 

[Der Biermeister]

THis was our first year as empty nesters. I was surprised at how nice it was!! My daughter's home from college for the summer now (the older 2 just come for very short visits) and, well, it's just taking some readjusting. You get used to being just the 2 of you and then you're back into the full time parent mode and it's not bad, it's just different. You know it's temporary so your investment in it is totally different.

BTDT -- My daughter hadn't been gone away to her new life and career more than two days, when I converted her bedroom into a study for me. LOL - I still hear about it after almost 20 years!

 

[MelissaM]

Hi Della,

Hang in there. While my parents weren't hounding me to have the *job, house, life* thing figured out, I was feeling waaaaay behind the curve, when, at 30, I didn't have a THING figured out. What is amazing to me is how fast it came together when it actually started coming together. So have patience, grasshopper.

I posted this advice on another thread, but thought it might be applicable to you, too, in your job search:

I've been on both sides of the fence - in the spot of trying to figure out my next move and also in the spot of trying to hire the best candidate for the position. As you take a look at various opportunities, here are a few things that get (and don't) get my attention as a hiring manager:

1) The cover letter. For some reason, most candidates neglect writing a cover letter customized for the position. Most of the resumes I receive come with no cover letter. Some come with a generic cover letter. The few that come in with a customized, well-written cover letter immediately get put to the top of my stack. I like knowing that someone can write and put together cogent thoughts.

2) Qualifications. I've seen it all. . .the qualificaiton stretch rarely works. If you don't have the job qualifications, most likely, there is a candidate that DOES have the qualifications. If you are looking to change careers, find some way to GET the qualifications - volunteering, schooling, PT job, temping, whatever. But there is no way I can justify hiring the football player who claims to have teaching skills over the person who has 10 years actual teaching experience.

3) The resume. This is the easy part. Spell correctly. Tell me what you have done. Tailor it to the job.

4) The out-of-town candidate. Unless the qualifications are so overwhelmingly impressive that I need to pay attention, I will always choose a local candidate over an out-of-town candidate. There are too many logistics involved in an out-of-town candidate, it adds another layer of negotiation onto salary considerations. The only way to make yourself appealing as an out-of-town candidate is to put the onus of relocating on yourself. Present yourself as a local candidate by borrowing a freind's local address. An out-of-town cell phone is acceptable, as many folks now have them. When the hiring manager calls, indicate that you are "moving there anyway" and are now looking for a job (vs. implying the employer should move you).

5) Extra effort. If there is any way to call the company and find out who the hiring manager is, do so. I am always pleased by someone who has taken the time to find me and hand-deliver their resume. It shows initiative. I like people who take initiative. But be careful. It is easy to destroy that initiative by abusing your knowledge of who I am. Wait for me to call you - don't hound me with emails or calls. One well-spaced follow-up is fine. Two or more gets annoying.

There are opportunities out there, but you have to make sure the fit is right - for you and your prospective employer - and tap-dance better than the next guy during the recruitment process. I am amazed at how many folks come unprepared or not showing their best face in an interview. Remember that we (the hiring managers) WANT to find the perfect person. Help us see why you are that person.

Regards,
Melissa

 

[Guest]

...my own life by now....own a house, married, good job.
I have none of these.

*rolls eyes*

Oh how the world/society in general is focused on couples. It can be very frustrating at times.

Like you, I don't have my own place ... nor am I married. I have a job ... but I hate it. I've been searching for a new job for quite some time now...with nothing panning out yet.

I don't have any "magic" words for you ... except to echo what has already been written.

As for getting out of the house and meeting new people ... Toastmasters, from all I've heard, is a great way to start. Also, check out your local Jaycees as well.

Hmmm...for that matter, maybe it's time for another Chicago area outing...?



Cort, "Mr MC" / "Mr Road Trip", 32swm/pig valve/pacemaker
MC:family.IL.guide.future = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort/
chdQB = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort/quilt.html
"I can?t take anymore" ... 3rd Eye Blind ... 'How's It Going To Be'

 

[JohnnyV_46]

I'm scared to death of having to find a job. I own my own small company now but I worked in the automotive field for 25 years as a Dealership technician. My wife works and has benefits on us but I worry everyday about something happening there. As far as the scar goes, just cover it with Hair...it works for me! lol sorry to make lite of your situation but just imagine the look on their face. I am extremely impressed with Melissas advice. Everything happens for a reason and things will one day fall in place for you.

JohnnyV

 

[gadgetman]

*rolls eyes*Like you, I don't have my own place ... nor am I married. I have a job ... but I hate it. I've been searching for a new job for quite some time now...with nothing panning out yet.

Danielle, meet Cort.

Cort, meet Danielle.

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE

A match made in VR.COM!!!!!!!

May God Bless,

Danny

 

[OldManEmu]

Career

Career

Danielle I think MelissaM has given some good advice regarding job applications. If you are shy or struggle with speaking to strangers toastmasters may be what you are looking for. My personal approach with interviews is you go in there with nothing you can't come out with anything less, and if you don't get the position you will never see them again. I find this is a great way to break down any doubts you may have. I would however cover my scar. As for marriage that is up to no one other than yourself, if you do or do not want to get married that has nothing to do with your father that should entirely be your decision.

 

[della_anne]

Thanks

Thanks

Thanks for all your support and suggestions...esspecially Melissa, you are right it is good to go into an interview konwing where the employer is coming from then you can answer their questions better and sell yourself to the employer better. I had a ton of interviews last week and hoping that one of them works out. As for right now, I am still acting like a crazy woman spending all my time on internet job sites and keeping my phone by my side to make sure I don't miss any calls from employers who want to set up an interview. I will be a happier, calmer person once this job search is over.

 

[Sherry]

Danielle, I don't know how much advice I can offer you, as you've already got great professional advice from Melissa, but I did want to offer you my moral support. Many cyberhugs to you my friend.

 

[Barbara Stewart]

Surgery Scars, etc.

Surgery Scars, etc.

Danielle,

Melissa gave you the best advice I've seen anywhere regarding the process of job finding. You also mentioned that you might be depressed. You certainly have reasons for it. Have you seen your PCP and talked to him or her about your depression? A course of antidepressants might really help you. It's hard to be "ON" if you feel that things are just hopeless.

Keep us updated on how this is going. Your youth is a big PLUS. I'm 56 and finding that is a problem. Everyone has trouble with something. At least you're alive. DO find a way to conceal that scar. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but don't give a prospective employer something to question.

Good luck,
Barbara

 

[della_anne]

Debating on running away from home

Debating on running away from home

I can't take my parents anymore. My father has too many high expectations for me and I can't live with that pressure of perfection anymore.
I am thinking about running away from home, technically it's not running away from home because I'm 27 and I can leave whenever I want but I'm tired of being stuck in the same old rut. I still dont have a job, but I cant wait forever to move out.

 

[Christine]

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time of it lately.. I certainly understand about living with parents.. I recently moved out (was on my own for 12 yrs, but moved back to PA and had to live with them at 36, now 39 and finally back out on my own) .. without a job, I would not leave. i know it's rough and maybe you can have a sit down with them and discuss your feelings/issues as well as their's and come to an agreement/understanding.. set some goals, small ones' at first.. have you tried temp agencies.. I was helping a friend find another job and noticed Cingular Wireless has a call center customer service out in the Chicago area.. not familiar with the area to know how close. but if you go onto their website, they have it listed.. Cingular is one of my customers which led me to look them up as I know they have a admin office there.. I checked with my contacts and any internal postings are more executive/technical in nature..

hang in there.. i know it's tough.. been there.. but it will get better. i'm a firm believer in attitude is everything.. think positive and positive things will happen.. negative brings negative.. i'm don't mean to be preachy.. but try and think positive, even when you really don't want to or feel you have no reason to.. it's then that you really need to see the glass half full vrs half empty.

Chris

 

[Lynlw]

I don't have much advice in the job search, have you thought about starbucks or one of the companies that offer pretty good insuarnce, while you find a job you would like? also I can't imagine the stress that living w/ your parents right now is causing you could be good for you. when I was younger and just moving out i couldn't afford a place on my own so got a roommate, do you have any friends w/ their own place that you could live w/ for a while, or maybe find someone that is renting out a room in their house? I know it wouldn't be the ideal situtation, but maybe getting out and getting a fresh start might make everything else a little easier if you feel better about your self, good luck Lyn