Some Jokes

Valve Replacement Forums

Help Support Valve Replacement Forums:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

Magic8Ball

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 26, 2006
Messages
562
Location
Perth, West Australia.
*****
Through a scheduling mix up, a man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. It's late, the train is full, and everyone else is already asleep. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea ... let's pretend we're married."

"Why not," giggles the woman.

"Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket."
*****
This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settled down, the man (not quite ready for slumber) leans over and whispers softly, "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet."
The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first." So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face.

Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"

No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.

Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy bitch."
*****


Go to www.jokes.net there are loads, some of which are very funny but too risque to repost here for fear of offending someone.....if anyone reads the one about the talking parrot and the postman i guarantee you will squirt your coffee through your nose....
 
I love coming back to work on Monday and being able to have a laugh first thing in the morning. Makes the whole day better. Thanks.
 
The Ladies Will Like This One

The Ladies Will Like This One

A fire chief come home and installs a bell next to the bed. His wife says ?what?s that for?? He said ? I am the chief and when I ring the bell once you strip nekkid and when I ring it twice we make wild passionate love??.She said ok and he rings the bell once and she strips, he rings it twice and she jumps into bed and away they go?. After a few minutes she reaches up and rings the bell three times?.he said ?what does three rings mean?? She said ?fire?s still burning?.need more hose?:D :D :D
 
Ok, cheers cooker, your joke has let me know the level i can safely go to without offending anyone.....this joke is the funniest i've heard in a long time but is a little rude at the end....i would tell this joke to my gran but if you are easily offended don't read on....


There was a married couple having communication problems, so they decide to see a shrink. He recommends the husband get an animal he can talk to, preferably something that can talk back.

So the husband (Bob) goes to the local pet store to purchase a parrot. What better animal to have a conversation with than a parrot?

Anyway, he asks the sales clerk for a parrot. The Clerk says he has one that can say about 2000 words, for $1000. Bob doesn't want to spend that much, so the clerk says he has a parrot that says about 1000 words, for $500. Still a litttle expensive, Bob decides. OK, the clerk says, We aren't supposed to sell him, but you really seem to want a parrot. We have one in the back that can speak about 5000 words, about as well as any person. The only thing is that it was born with a birth defect. Instead of legs, it has a six-inch penis it uses to grapple to perch. Five bucks. Bob buys it, names it Joe, and takes joe home.

After a few months, bob and joe are the best of friends. One day, Bob comes home from work, and Joe says "Bob, we need to talk."

So Bob sits down, "yeah what's up?"

Joe says "today you're wife invited the mailman in."

"So? He was probably tired form working."

"She asked him if he wanted a drink."

"Well, he was probably thirsty. He has been working all day, you know."

"She started taking off her blouse," Joe said.

"OH MY GOD!! What happened then?"

"I Don't know," Said Joe. "I got an erection and fell off the perch."
 

Latest posts

Back
Top