2000/1980 I was drinking my cup of tea this morning and remembering this day four years ago.... when another memory flashed by... that moment in time when I held my first baby for the very first time. I was so young, only a few days short of my twentieth birthday.
I remember looking at him and thinking WOW!! My mom loves me THIS much?! I was so overwhelmed that it was possible to love someone that much. I don?t know if that?s a normal experience for new moms or not... It?s not that I had never loved anyone before.. I have a big family, we all love each other... I loved my Mom more than life itself. But those first few minutes that I held him were ...... I don?t know how to explain it... something happened. It was powerful. Similar in a way to an experience I had twenty years later..
A series of events led to a similar experience. It started in January when I visited my cardio for the very first time and he told me that my heart was in such bad shape that it would never survive surgery at that point. Ending on the afternoon I returned home from Denver. I had talked to my six year old daughter on the phone everyday. I?d never really left her before. She really missed me... she would cry and beg me to come home. On the afternoon I got back home she was standing on the front porch waiting for me. She hugged me so tight and wouldn?t let go, as she told me over and over "I love you, Mommy, I love you" I cannot tell you how happy I was to be alive and there with her at that moment. I think that?s the moment in time when I realized how valuable my life really is...not only to me... but to my children. Up to that point I had been so worried about making sure that I was making all the right decisions about heart surgery and making sure all my stuff was in order, that I hadn?t let myself breakdown and face my fears of not being here. When I got that hug from my Sara... I was home, the surgery was behind me and I was just so happy to be alive. So happy to be there in that moment with her. So thrilled at all the moments I would share with her in the future. It?s another moment in my life that I can?t put into words. But it was powerful. Funny... either event.. holding Eric for the first time.. or that hug from Sara still brings tears to my eyes.
If there?s anyone who might understand how I can compare open heart surgery to having a baby, its you guys. You all mean so much to me.
OH! I didn?t tell you guys about my Ry.... when he was home a couple weeks ago, we visited the heart surgeon. He told us that his dilated aorta appeared to be stable at this time and that we don?t need to do the surgery this summer!! Whew! That was sure a relief.
It really does make you stop and think. Sometimes it seems like only yesterday.. other times... it seems like forever. So many things have happened in those four years since my surgery.... my oldest son got married, he graduated from college and is building the biggest, baddest expansion bridge ever!, his little bro started college and is now a junior and I was able to hold my Mama?s hand as she took her last breath.
And guess what little sister wants to be when she grows up?!! A civil engineer, just like her big brothers. lol Who knows what the future holds....... My favorite quote, ?enjoy the moment?!
I wonder what ever happened to my cousin Bill C?!!!
How?s that for some major rambling?!
You guys are all the best!! I feel so fortunate to know all of you.
I remember looking at him and thinking WOW!! My mom loves me THIS much?! I was so overwhelmed that it was possible to love someone that much. I don?t know if that?s a normal experience for new moms or not... It?s not that I had never loved anyone before.. I have a big family, we all love each other... I loved my Mom more than life itself. But those first few minutes that I held him were ...... I don?t know how to explain it... something happened. It was powerful. Similar in a way to an experience I had twenty years later..
A series of events led to a similar experience. It started in January when I visited my cardio for the very first time and he told me that my heart was in such bad shape that it would never survive surgery at that point. Ending on the afternoon I returned home from Denver. I had talked to my six year old daughter on the phone everyday. I?d never really left her before. She really missed me... she would cry and beg me to come home. On the afternoon I got back home she was standing on the front porch waiting for me. She hugged me so tight and wouldn?t let go, as she told me over and over "I love you, Mommy, I love you" I cannot tell you how happy I was to be alive and there with her at that moment. I think that?s the moment in time when I realized how valuable my life really is...not only to me... but to my children. Up to that point I had been so worried about making sure that I was making all the right decisions about heart surgery and making sure all my stuff was in order, that I hadn?t let myself breakdown and face my fears of not being here. When I got that hug from my Sara... I was home, the surgery was behind me and I was just so happy to be alive. So happy to be there in that moment with her. So thrilled at all the moments I would share with her in the future. It?s another moment in my life that I can?t put into words. But it was powerful. Funny... either event.. holding Eric for the first time.. or that hug from Sara still brings tears to my eyes.
If there?s anyone who might understand how I can compare open heart surgery to having a baby, its you guys. You all mean so much to me.
OH! I didn?t tell you guys about my Ry.... when he was home a couple weeks ago, we visited the heart surgeon. He told us that his dilated aorta appeared to be stable at this time and that we don?t need to do the surgery this summer!! Whew! That was sure a relief.
It really does make you stop and think. Sometimes it seems like only yesterday.. other times... it seems like forever. So many things have happened in those four years since my surgery.... my oldest son got married, he graduated from college and is building the biggest, baddest expansion bridge ever!, his little bro started college and is now a junior and I was able to hold my Mama?s hand as she took her last breath.
And guess what little sister wants to be when she grows up?!! A civil engineer, just like her big brothers. lol Who knows what the future holds....... My favorite quote, ?enjoy the moment?!
I wonder what ever happened to my cousin Bill C?!!!
How?s that for some major rambling?!
You guys are all the best!! I feel so fortunate to know all of you.
