Please tell me about some coping strategies you use or used to deal with heart issues

[Roxx]

Could be either pre-op or post op....
But what were some strategies or coping skills, or things you did to relax leading up to tests, results, changes in meds, procedures...etc..
With my doctor now calling my "situation" an aneurysm, I am going outta my mind here.
I don't know if I should say anything to my family or not?
I am now on Metroprolol, which I have taken now for 3 days, the wife & kids will see the medicine bottle sooner or later.
I have always been a very cautious weightlifter....ie: never did red faced heavy lifts or grunts.... but with a 4.1cm assending aorta, can I really lift NOTHING now?
He said "jog and aerobics all you want but no weights." ...... I have been lifting 6 days a week since I was 15 years old (20+ years ago).....
I just don't know about all this...... I am having a major poor pitiful me moment here..... but I have always ate right, exercised daily, avoided smoke, and alcohol all my life.....
And now.... I am basically told I am disabled. No weights, no sports, no shoveling the snow....etc..... in that case.....why work? If I am disabled in my personal life with restrictions on evvvverything then we better restrict a 8 hour work day too right? Sorry gang, I am normally a super positive person, and I am trying really hard to not blow a proverbial gasket here and hold it together for my wife & kids..... but I don't see anyway that I can lay all this "heart talk" on them, and then say "oh yeah, and in addition..... I am confined to bed....can't play anything, can't do sports, can't lift a weight, can't take out the trash, can't carry groceries in the house..... after all, doctors orders."

Please help me put this in perspective guys & gals, right now I need a major check up from the neck up.

 

[almost_hectic]

You're still coming to grips with it all. Me personally would stop and consider if trying to push off surgery for what, ten years your doc said?... is really worth it if its going to have that big of an impact on your life. The thing about aneurysm is they can burst and theres no coming back from that, its over. Not to be scary or anything but its the truth. Maybe if you lay off weights for now and consult with your doctor again or even a different doctor about having surgery sooner rather than later. That way you can recover while you're young and fit and then get back on with your life as active as normal. Instead of spending ten years in the waiting room depressed about the life you used to have. I thought having surgery was going to be the end of a normal life for me. But now I see its actually the beginning of having a normal life.

 

[Paleowoman]

Everyone has different coping strategies. I tend to keep things to myself and do a ton of research, plus come on forum here too. I would, if I were you, at least tell your wife some of what is going on or it will just be a strain for you. When I first knew I was going to one day have surgery I was pretty upset, I was upset on the way home from the cardiologist appointment, but by the time I got home I composed myself and told my husband quite calmly and reassuredly that I would one day need surgery because of my valve and so on. I put a positive spin on it and a positive spin on the cardiologist. Once time got very near surgery I encouraged my husband to read a book 'Coping with Heart Surgery' by Carol Cohan, but that was much nearer the time - prior to that I wanted to keep things in as positive and low key a light as possible even if I didn't feel it inside ! I'm not saying that's the right thing to do, it's just what I did which helped me cope.

 

[cldlhd]

Same boat as you 2 yrs ago in March 2014 I was told I had an ascending aneurysm of 4.8 and also put on metroprolol. I was 44 at the time with a wife and young son and I also thought I was screwed, the cardiologists "bedside manner" didn't help . Fast forward 11 months and in Feb 2015 I had surgery to do a repair of the trace leak of the valve and my root, ascending and hemi arch were replaced with a graft and 3 months later I was given the no restrictions, no medications order from my surgeon and I was back to work .
Im not saying I don't ever think about it , particularly when exerting myself, but that feeling of gloom that I assume you're going thru is gone so even though it's hard to feel lucky right now try to feel fortunate that they caught it and you have people to help you through it.
Btw I was also told I could wait but I decided not to, advice that like a lot is easier given than taken and at your size surgery might not be approved. Ironically I feel fortunate that my aneurysm was a bit larger when discovered.

 

[AKAFrench]

Roxx, try to take deep breaths! I have been through four open heart surgeries starting at 12 yrs old and ending two months ago. I am 31 and thought from a young age that my "life" was over...but each surgery was a chance for me to start again and each one gave me a new lease on life. I had an aneurysm that was 6.3cm in my ascending aorta and went through surgery a little over two months ago. They replaced my ascending aorta with the On-X graft/valve. I am back to work half days already and gaining strength everyday. I am getting back to normal and happy about going through the surgery!

Keep an open mind, get multiple opinions, and keep pushing. I have always lived my life the way I wanted to and don't plan to quit...I'm not going to jump off a cliff tomorrow, but I do the activities I want with my doctors blessing. Life is what you make of it. Some restrictions are not the end of the world, just an adjustment to what you're used to. Most of the time, doctors think of "weightlifting" and have the imagery of someone "red faced and grunting" like you described, but even in my cardiac rehab we lift weights. Granted we use low weights with higher reps, but the activities you were speaking of (groceries from the car, taking out the trash, sports) shouldn't be an issue (ask you doctor to be sure...I'm not advising anything).

 

[dornole]

Wait a sec, did your doc tell you you can't carry groceries and have to stay in bed? Or did he say no recreational weightlifting, and you are catastrophising here? Do you have a physically active job you need to ask your cardio about?

It's tough if you are young and always thought of yourself as healthy to suddenly feel like you have this Disabled and Frail label. But here is what is helpful to me. When my son was diagnosed with autism somebody said "You still have the exact same lovable child you had yesterday, just more information and a better chance for a long and happy life for him now." I realized this is the same for me. I've done all these things all my life without knowing I had any heart issues, now I have the "Heart Valve Problem" label I'm the same person. But now that I know that some things might not be advisable, isn't that a blessing? Would you actually have wanted to drop dead out of the blue without you or your spouse and kids having any warning there was anything going on with you? That almost happened to me at age 34 and I'm very grateful for the info and second chance I now have.

I'd advise telling your wife what's going on and you be the leader in how to emotionally react from a position of strength. "This is going to be tough for me to accept these limits but thank God we know and we'll get through this together." Decide together what to tell the kids, personally I'd just tell them any real restrictions you have ("It isn't healthy for Daddy to . . . . ") until you are closer to surgery. It could be a long time before you have to make any more decisions.

It's normal to get rocked back by news like this . . . . but really, thank God you know. Nobody escapes, man! We all get hit by the truck sooner or later in life. I'd rather have this heart thing with an awesome medical team and a great family to help me through it than a lot of the other things people suffer. That always helps me regain perspective.

Hang in there buddy.

 

[cldlhd]

I see by your join date you've been a member since 2011 so I have to imagine you've had some kind of medical news previously that led you to believe there may be surgery in your future.

 

[AZ Don]

Hi,
I think it helps to focus on the positives in your life and to be thankful your problems are not worse. The good news is: you don't have cancer, you don't have a terminal disease, you didn't lose a limb, you are not handicapped; you have a condition that can be repaired - and for most of us it's just a couple weeks of down time and a couple months of taking it easy and then back to normal. The bad news is a 4.1 aneurysm is quite small and the general idea behind timing for surgery is to wait until the aneurysm poses a risk as high as that of open heart surgery (something like 1+% risk of complications for an otherwise healthy person). This means you may be waiting quite a while and it is advisable to make some lifestyle adjustments while you are waiting. I was lucky in that I didn't have to wait long for surgery, but I still did research on exercising with an aortic aneurysm. Here is a summary of what I found: http://www.valvereplacement.org/for...2576-exercise-and-stress-with-aortic-aneurysm. The net I took away from this was that intense exercise (even aerobic) should be avoided, but that light to moderate exercise (especially aerobic) was generally recommended.

In 2004, a pulitzer prize was awarded for a series of articles about living (and running) with an aortic aneurysm. You can find links to the articles here: http://www.pulitzer.org/winners/kevin-helliker-and-thomas-m-burton. Kevin Helliker did some follow-up articles over the years which you may be able to find via Google. This one is interesting and relevant as he considered it a triumph to complete a race much slower than his personal best. He learned to race without competing: http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052970204047504574384973660445730

 

[dick0236]

Please help me put this in perspective guys & gals, right now I need a major check up from the neck up.

I think "dormole" put it very well in his/her earlier post. I was absolutely sure my life was over.......and continued to think that for a long time. Don't waste your time with that kind of thinking.......'cause you simply can't know the future. I've found the short version of the Serenity Prayer helpful:

Serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
Wisdom to know the difference

It works for me.

 

[Roxx]

I see by your join date you've been a member since 2011 so I have to imagine you've had some kind of medical news previously that led you to believe there may be surgery in your future.

I actually joined in 2009, but due to a complete PC crash, and I think maybe Hank was on vacation? So I just re-registered in 2011
The short version.....
In 2009....had a panic attack that landed me in E.R..... released a few hours upon arrival
Few days later at my G.P......I (not he) requested more testing.... and a ECHO (among other things) was set up.
That Echo in 2009 showed a 3.4 root.....BUT mainly a "possible bicuspid" aortic valve.
So...the game begin.
Echo in 2011 showed 3.8 root....."possible bicuspid"
Echo in 2013 showed 3.8 root.... "possible bicuspid"
Echo in 2014 showed 3.8 root.....BUT this time.... clearly showed a tricuspid aortic valve with 3 NON-Equal shaped trileafs..... trace regurge/trace stenosis
Skipped Echo in 2015, just had a check up where Metroprolol first prescribed, but I didn't take it (thinking it was a BP med...and my BP was fine)
Echo July 2016..... 4.1 root.... Tricuspid but not equal sized leafs...... and he mentioned nothing about regurge or stenosis so I assume that's not a factor at this time.

Knowledge is power.....no doubt..... but too much knowledge can be too much power......had I not requested the 2009 Echo.... I would NOT have gave "heart problems" a second thought for the last 7 years (or today)

So I am on day 3 of 25mg Metroprolol.... and as much as I hate to admit it..... I can feel it working...... I obviously must have been getting adreneline rushes when anxious or mad without the drug which would spike my B.P. and make my heart beat harder than it should....as I have not had that the last 3 days, and normally, I have that feeling a couple times a day.... have since basically childhood.

Thanks for all your responses.... I am just a little rattled right now. I know I can beat this.....I just don't know how yet... part of me wishes I was at 5.8 right now instead of 4.1.... I am more upset about the watch & wait & disability like restrictions than I am about the idea of the surgery.

 

[cldlhd]

I we also irritated by the watch and wait. My Bp is fine also but the cardiologist wanted me on metoprolol for those instances when it shoots up. Bad encounter with the boss, other drivers etc... After surgery she still wanted me on it because she feels people with a bicuspid valve are more prone to aneurysms while my surgeon feels the aneurysms are only in the area from the root to the arch so I don't need them. So I chose to go with him. Don't mean to pry but have you kept all this to yourself since 2009? If you've told your wife some of it I'm sure she's thought surgery is a possibility. As for the kids we didn't tell my son much until right before surgery but that's obviously your call.

 

[Roxx]

I we also irritated by the watch and wait. My Bp is fine also but the cardiologist wanted me on metoprolol for those instances when it shoots up. Bad encounter with the boss, other drivers etc... After surgery she still wanted me on it because she feels people with a bicuspid valve are more prone to aneurysms while my surgeon feels the aneurysms are only in the area from the root to the arch so I don't need them. So I chose to go with him. Don't mean to pry but have you kept all this to yourself since 2009? If you've told your wife some of it I'm sure she's thought surgery is a possibility. As for the kids we didn't tell my son much until right before surgery but that's obviously your call.

Watch and wait is horrible because for 3 days now, it feels like someone has hit the pause button on my life (as far as my mental torment) ...as for outward appearance, I am putting on a good show.... still went to the gym everyday like I normally would. No one suspects a thing. My wife knows nothing. Last time we talked about a "Echo" was 2009. My dad knows nothing. My mom knows a little..... I wouldn't dream of telling a friend or co-worker about it.

 

[Paleowoman]

Watch and wait is horrible because for 3 days now, it feels like someone has hit the pause button on my life (as far as my mental torment) ...as for outward appearance, I am putting on a good show.... still went to the gym everyday like I normally would. No one suspects a thing. My wife knows nothing. Last time we talked about a "Echo" was 2009. My dad knows nothing. My mom knows a little..... I wouldn't dream of telling a friend or co-worker about it.

Keeping something like this from your wife must be a strain - see my post above, I told my husband when I got home from my echo when I found I would one day need surgery but I put a positive spin on it and a positive spin on the cardiologist "he's looking after it well, will keep a good eye on it" sort of thing. I never told my son (who is onthe autistic spctrum) nor our other relatives nor our friends until much nearer the time when I knew I would have surgery.

 

[rakesh1167]

My aorta increased from 2.something to 3.6 in 6 years. I did heavy weight training during those years. When doctor told me to give up weight training, it was end of the world for me. Doctors ask us to stop for a good reason. Imagine the kind of stress that it has to sustain during squat or deadlift. I had AVR few months ago, i asked them to replace aorta too, they refused (they have a protocol or something about not touching it if it below certain size). I wanted to start weight training again. In my opinion you should follow their advice and try to delay the surgery for as long as possible. Yes giving up weight training is depressing, but so is OHS.

 

[honeybunny]

I feel very fortunate that I did not wait long after learning I needed a new valve in May 2015. I was stunned by the news and was so glad to have found this site. That alone helped keep me calm because I could "talk" with others who walked the same path as I awaited my September surgery. I also reminded myself that my problem was fixable, unlike some medical issues. Scary? Sure. But fixable. Cling to the support you find here.

 

[Zoltania]

I find the techniques of cognitive-behavioral therapy very helpful. It's good to be able to recognize when I'm catastrophizing, engaging in all-or-nothing thinking, etc., and to actively counteract those negative automatic thoughts. The book "Feeling Good" by David Burns is an excellent resource. It focuses primarily on treating depression, but the techniques are useful in other ways as well.

 

[Roxx]

I find the techniques of cognitive-behavioral therapy very helpful. It's good to be able to recognize when I'm catastrophizing, engaging in all-or-nothing thinking, etc., and to actively counteract those negative automatic thoughts. The book "Feeling Good" by David Burns is an excellent resource. It focuses primarily on treating depression, but the techniques are useful in other ways as well.

I will check that book out for sure. Sounds perfect for my needs. That's the worst thing I do, I create a negative feedback loop of what-if's..... then find myself almost sad that "what if" meds and exercise mean that I don't have surgical intervention for 8 years? 12 years? ..... for most, that would be great...for me.... it would probably be a decade of torment. Heck, I am already on the Cleveland Clinic home page (I am an Ohio resident) watching surgeon bio's...... the "nuts" part of me is deciding which surgeon I like best. The "logical" side of me is saying some of these guys have to be 70 now.... if I don't qualify for surgery for a decade they could be retired (or passed away) 10 years from now...... lol..... doesn't help that my cardio treats me like I was active weightlifter last week....this week, I need a wheel chair & a service dog to help me live ever so delicately.

 

[BackDoc]

Take a deep breath and step back from the ledge. Many of us have been in the same place. I underwent aortic valve replacement and aneurysm repair 9 years ago at age 50. I have also been a life long weight trainer. Your doc advised you to stop the weights for your health, not his/hers. Research valsalva maneuver if you don't understand why.

I immediately ceased all weight lifting and took up power walking. A year after my diagnosis I came through surgery with flying colors. 12 weeks later I was back t doing everything again; including weights, and competitive western horse riding. 9 years later I still weight train, lighter and in a circuit style. In the grand scheme of things life is not defined by how much we can bench press, deadlift, or curl.

What is important is that you have a loving and supportive family. Yes, you need to tell them. And start to visualize yourself as you want/expect to be, not what you worry that you are. That to me is the best coping mechanism.

 

[Roxx]

Take a deep breath and step back from the ledge. Many of us have been in the same place. I underwent aortic valve replacement and aneurysm repair 9 years ago at age 50. I have also been a life long weight trainer. Your doc advised you to stop the weights for your health, not his/hers. Research valsalva maneuver if you don't understand why.

Hi BackDoc, I hope all is well for you. I 100% understand the reason I was told to stop the weights, however I think his idea of weightlifting & mine differ. In 20 years of lifting, I don't think I ever was red faced & grunting to lift anything. ( I have always been more in it for health & appearance, not strength) so at this time... I am still lifting light weights, making sure that whatever I am lifting is light enough where I 1) can do 20 reps easily. 2) Can/could comfortably carry on a conversation with someone while doing it because the weight is little to no challenge to my muscular strength. Remember this same Cardio when I was estimated at 3.9 said "no restrictions"...... at 4.1, I believe that is well within a magin of error, and at least for now, I will see how the "play it smart & safe" works for me......BUT I am not yet willing to submit to giving up everything just yet.

I immediately ceased all weight lifting and took up power walking. A year after my diagnosis I came through surgery with flying colors. 12 weeks later I was back t doing everything again; including weights, and competitive western horse riding. 9 years later I still weight train, lighter and in a circuit style. In the grand scheme of things life is not defined by how much we can bench press, deadlift, or curl.

That's great to hear, and hopefully if my surgery day comes (and it no doubt will.....I wish sooner vs. later) I hope to be as fortunate. I agree wholeheartedly with your last sentence, my motto in the gym has always been "it's not how strong you are, it's how strong you look." I have never been one of the strongest guys in any gym, but I tend to look much stronger than I am..... Always tried to train smarter versus harder.

What is important is that you have a loving and supportive family. Yes, you need to tell them. And start to visualize yourself as you want/expect to be, not what you worry that you are. That to me is the best coping mechanism.

I am fortunate to have always had a great family, from 2 supportive parents, to my wife of 17 years, and our kids. I told my wife Friday evening, and my parents Friday night. Everyone was fine. I always said until I was taking meds for something related to this, I wasn't saying anything to anyone. I made it 7 years keeping this to myself.....the Metroprolol was the trigger that set all this in motion to tell. Speaking of which, I probably should have taken that sooner. My BP never was bad....BUT daily I used to get what I will call adrenaline surges whenever I would get upset where I could feel my face get hot, and my pulse would either rise....or, even if it didn't rise, my heart would pound harder. Since taking this the last 5 days, I have had none of that.

My kids are 11 & 7.... they will never know of this until it's an absolute need to know situation. If I had it my way, if corrective surgery was to ever happen, I would rather do it when they are this age, or when they are in their 20's & grown.... Doing it when they are like 18 & 14 is my fear....BUT...that's somewhat out of my control.

Finally, BackDoc, I think the visualization of myself is my issue right now. I thought of myself as one person, now I have to change that picture as I have to accept having a "condition."

 

[cldlhd]

Glad to hear you told your family , that's one less stress inducer. I don't want to downplay how you feel because when I got my diagnosis I was pretty bad at first it's just that now , a year and a half post surgery, it's hard to remember that feeling. It sounds like you have a good support structure to lean on which not everyone has so that's something positive to focus on. I had great family support also but the one thing that made it extra hard is that my Dad died from heart issues 2 months before I received my diagnosis.
As for your restrictions they seem a bit overly cautious but I guess your doc is taking the better safe than sorry attitude, My aneurysm was measured at 4.8 cm and my surgeon put my limits at no more than 80 to 90 lbs.