Surgery is in 11 days..... I have a great husband and two kids, 15 and 16 years old, now what to do with the kids the day of surgery? They are both mature for their ages. My daughter (16) doesn't want to go to school that day, can't say I blame her, but I really don't want her sitting at the hospital all day. My surgery is scheduled for 9:30, I have to arrive by 7:30. My son will be home, he gets out of school the 29th. If they stay home should I have someone bring them to see me that night? I'm not even sure I want them to see me hours after surgery, I don't want them to be any more afraid than they are now. Of course, they don't say much about the surgery, just that they think I'll be fine. Who knows what they are really thinking. Any ideas? Anyone else have the same concerns? Thanks for all your help so far, you are all making this a little easier to deal with.
Need advice about kids
- Thread starter Kristen
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karla
Well-known member
Hi, Kristen,
I know exactly what you are talking about - I had the same concerns, even though my kids are a few years older than yours. This is what worked in my family: both kids wanted to be there, and frankly, I was glad they wanted to be there. I prepared them as best I could, telling them how I would look right after: probably puffy from extra fluid, on a ventilator and not able to talk, tubes in my neck, arms, chest, drainage containers, etc, etc, etc. In their case, their fright and worry would have been GREATER had they not been there. We've talked a lot since and they have told me again and again how glad they were to be there. The one I was most worried about was my mother: she insisted on being there and it turned out being there was the best thing for her, too, after I told her again and again what to expect - that all the equipment, tubes, etc were normal. My husband,kids, and mother were all together while I was getting fixed up and it was good for all of them - they had others to talk to, lean on, etc.
Of course, what worked for my family might not work for yours. Perhaps sit down with your kids and really have a heart to heart with them and see if being home or being at the hospital would ease their fears the best?
Good luck!!
I know exactly what you are talking about - I had the same concerns, even though my kids are a few years older than yours. This is what worked in my family: both kids wanted to be there, and frankly, I was glad they wanted to be there. I prepared them as best I could, telling them how I would look right after: probably puffy from extra fluid, on a ventilator and not able to talk, tubes in my neck, arms, chest, drainage containers, etc, etc, etc. In their case, their fright and worry would have been GREATER had they not been there. We've talked a lot since and they have told me again and again how glad they were to be there. The one I was most worried about was my mother: she insisted on being there and it turned out being there was the best thing for her, too, after I told her again and again what to expect - that all the equipment, tubes, etc were normal. My husband,kids, and mother were all together while I was getting fixed up and it was good for all of them - they had others to talk to, lean on, etc.
Of course, what worked for my family might not work for yours. Perhaps sit down with your kids and really have a heart to heart with them and see if being home or being at the hospital would ease their fears the best?
Good luck!!
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Hi,
I've never been in your situation but will say that I totally understand why your kids would want to be there. I just know how I am whenever my parents have even relatively minor procedures - I want to be at the hospital because the wait for a phone call letting me now how things went drives me crazy. I want to know as soon as possible.
Don't know what to say about when to let them see you. I was scary looking for days after my AVR - I'd gained a LOT of weight and was bloated from the fluids they pumped in me - I about freaked out when I first saw myself in the mirror. On the other hand, when my dad had aortic valve repair it did me a lot of good to see him in ICU and he actually didn't look that bad at all.
Best of luck with your decision and with the surgery!
I've never been in your situation but will say that I totally understand why your kids would want to be there. I just know how I am whenever my parents have even relatively minor procedures - I want to be at the hospital because the wait for a phone call letting me now how things went drives me crazy. I want to know as soon as possible.
Don't know what to say about when to let them see you. I was scary looking for days after my AVR - I'd gained a LOT of weight and was bloated from the fluids they pumped in me - I about freaked out when I first saw myself in the mirror. On the other hand, when my dad had aortic valve repair it did me a lot of good to see him in ICU and he actually didn't look that bad at all.
Best of luck with your decision and with the surgery!
Kristen,
This may be controversial....but I had surgery last summer (not heart related...but very major) and I brought my 13 and 14 year old to the hospital with my husband. Here was my reasoning...and I shared this with them. They are both becoming adults...and as burgeoning young adults, I believe that they needed to learn how to handle the emotions and feelings of such family trials. Up until that time....I sheltered and protected them from it all....but I now believed they were ready to learn how to handle it in their own way. I prepared them for it the best I could...told them I would be in pain....but that was a necessary part of the healing. And in time....I gave them a chance to express their emotions and feelings toward the whole ordeal. They appreciated, and were patient with me much better during recovery. They did try to complain about boredom....but I explained when trials come...it is important to lay aside your desires (for entertainment)....for the good of others. Yes....I used this as a teaching tool. I also felt that it would help them deal with their emotions better than if I had sheltered them away from it. I also have a 9 year old.....Although I did not shelter her from the seriousness of the upcoming surgery...I did not ask her to come that day.....I felt it was not age appropriate yet. She did come to see me shortly after the surgery. I hope that someday if they face such trials in their own home...or with somebody near them....that time will help them learn how to deal with it. But that is just a thought....
I know these days are full of getting your ducks in a row.......and preparing....God bless!
This may be controversial....but I had surgery last summer (not heart related...but very major) and I brought my 13 and 14 year old to the hospital with my husband. Here was my reasoning...and I shared this with them. They are both becoming adults...and as burgeoning young adults, I believe that they needed to learn how to handle the emotions and feelings of such family trials. Up until that time....I sheltered and protected them from it all....but I now believed they were ready to learn how to handle it in their own way. I prepared them for it the best I could...told them I would be in pain....but that was a necessary part of the healing. And in time....I gave them a chance to express their emotions and feelings toward the whole ordeal. They appreciated, and were patient with me much better during recovery. They did try to complain about boredom....but I explained when trials come...it is important to lay aside your desires (for entertainment)....for the good of others. Yes....I used this as a teaching tool. I also felt that it would help them deal with their emotions better than if I had sheltered them away from it. I also have a 9 year old.....Although I did not shelter her from the seriousness of the upcoming surgery...I did not ask her to come that day.....I felt it was not age appropriate yet. She did come to see me shortly after the surgery. I hope that someday if they face such trials in their own home...or with somebody near them....that time will help them learn how to deal with it. But that is just a thought....
I know these days are full of getting your ducks in a row.......and preparing....God bless!
Tell-Tale Heart
Active member
My boys were 10 & 15 when I had my first OH surgery. They were both pretty typical with their questions, mostly asking how things in their lives would work while I was hospitalized. I never felt the need to "spell out" the risks to them - I knew I was going to be OK, and refused to waste our energy worrying about things that probably wouldn't happen.
But that didn't mean I didn't prepare for the worst. I made sure our financial house was in order and taught the boys to cook and clean (so they could help when I came home). They were strong emotionally and knew they were loved, so surgery wouldn't change any of that.
They went to school as usual the day I went in for surgery. I was done and in ICU by the time they got off the bus that afternoon. I spent 3 days in ICU and they were OK just knowing I was getting better. Once I moved to a regular room we talked on the phone everyday and they visited once - I spent an additional 7 days in the hospital. To this day (20 years later) they remember Grandma was here instead of me, but they mostly remember how I had surgery that let me do stuff with them that I didn't before.
But that didn't mean I didn't prepare for the worst. I made sure our financial house was in order and taught the boys to cook and clean (so they could help when I came home). They were strong emotionally and knew they were loved, so surgery wouldn't change any of that.
They went to school as usual the day I went in for surgery. I was done and in ICU by the time they got off the bus that afternoon. I spent 3 days in ICU and they were OK just knowing I was getting better. Once I moved to a regular room we talked on the phone everyday and they visited once - I spent an additional 7 days in the hospital. To this day (20 years later) they remember Grandma was here instead of me, but they mostly remember how I had surgery that let me do stuff with them that I didn't before.
You are one family and family comes first! If your daughter wants to be there, allow her to be there...allow her to show her devotion and care. She will feel better to be aside her dad and brother comforting one another, rather than being on pins and needles at school; or even feel excluded!
I was very happy when my step-son asked if he could be there! His college was a few steps away. I was happy to see his face when I first woke up.
Good luck, Kristen
I was very happy when my step-son asked if he could be there! His college was a few steps away. I was happy to see his face when I first woke up.
Good luck, Kristen
My children were in their early 20's but I wanted them to be there and they wanted to be there too. I think it was a soothing relief for all of us to be together for it
BTW Kristen, something I wasn't prepared for and had to scurry around for nearly at the last minute before my last surgery was a note from my dentist saying that I had a mouthful of tight teeth :biggrin2: Has your surgeon's office mentioned this to you?
Anyway, Best Wishes to you and your family, for you to have a successful surgery and recovery
BTW Kristen, something I wasn't prepared for and had to scurry around for nearly at the last minute before my last surgery was a note from my dentist saying that I had a mouthful of tight teeth :biggrin2: Has your surgeon's office mentioned this to you?
Anyway, Best Wishes to you and your family, for you to have a successful surgery and recovery
SusQ
Well-known member
We had an all or nothing situation, so we left all our kids home. Hubby had surgery in Chicago, we live six hours away. There's no way we could have dealt with having them there. I kept them in the loop, but the youngest 2, both 15, went to school. The oldest, age 27, and her husband drove down 2 days after to visit, but it was taxing on hubby. The two middle daughters, 20&21, told care of their brothers, the house and the animals. My wonderful inlaws were with and a friend of mine was there the day of to help keep us all calm. Very glad we made the choice we did. It would have been way too stressful having them with the entire week.
I say let them decide, my son was a bit older than yours are and he was relieved to see me after surgery. You know them best though and are likely the best judge of how they will handle it. I agree with Matbunch, it will help them cope now and in the future. Tell them that you'll probably look like a "Cyborg" that's how my son describes how I looked after surgery.
Boston Tiger
Well-known member
My son was 19 and away at college when I went in for my surgery. My daughter was 17 at the time, and she went to school that day. The surgery was near the end of the year, when a lot of things are going on. She woke up a little bit earlier than normal to give me a hug before I left. I told her when I went in that she did not need to come to the hospital to see me, since I knew from a visit we paid to my son's hospital room the year before (he had a spontaneous collapsed lung) that she has a pretty severe case of white coat syndrome (that runs in the family). My daughter had a family friend drive her on on my fourth day in the hospital, when I only had one IV line left in me. My daughter didn't pass out on me, but I could tell that she wasn't totally comfortable in the hospital room. She was much better when I saw her at home the next day.
Sarah_Louise
Well-known member
I can't say from kids as hey im only 18 lol, but i no after my ops i didn't want my brother and sister (14 & 16) seeing me while i was in ICU, i wanted to see them don't get me wrong but i didn't want them seeing me in the state i was in (chest drains, vent etc etc) it was bad enough for my mam and dad having to see me like that & my brother and sister worry about me a lot and i no seeing me like that would have made them worse, it was bad enough after my embolectomy when they came to see me on HDU (about 4 hours after surgery) i had oxygen on lots of IV's and i think?! a drain in my leg and that made them worry 100 times more,
But as others have said only you know your children and no what they can/can't handle,
Good luck!
love Sarah xxx
But as others have said only you know your children and no what they can/can't handle,
Good luck!
love Sarah xxx
sarahsunshine
Well-known member
I would totally use it as a learning opportunity. You know your kids better than anyone and how they would deal with the situation.
My surgery was t 7 AM or so, so I had to be there by 5:30. It was easy to convince my kids - 19 and 14 then - that they did not have to come to the hospital (They loved their sleep way too much They came to see me as soon as I was in my room post-op and got terrified with all the tubes and wires and did not come back until mommmy gave the "All clear signal" a day or so later - lol
They came to see me as soon as I was in my room post-op and got terrified with all the tubes and wires and did not come back until mommmy gave the "All clear signal" a day or so later - lol 
