Joke time
- Thread starter Ross
- Start date
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Black Testicles
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,
wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still
heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical
procedure... A young student nurse arrives to give him a
partial sponge bath.
Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my
testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know,
Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'
He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry
about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment
and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and
his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's
nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and
says very slowly,
'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen
very, very closely......
' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ?
__________________
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,
wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still
heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical
procedure... A young student nurse arrives to give him a
partial sponge bath.
Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my
testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know,
Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'
He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry
about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment
and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and
his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's
nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and
says very slowly,
'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen
very, very closely......
' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ?
__________________
I got to get one of those masks
Yep.........mask and heavy sedation.............
Ross
Well-known member
A few minutes before the church services started, the
congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the back
entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who
sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious
to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'
The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'
Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.
Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.
Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.
Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.
Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all
eternity?' persisted Satan.
Yep,' was the calm reply.
And you're still not afraid?' asked Satan.
Nope,' said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'
The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.'
congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the back
entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who
sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious
to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'
The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'
Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.
Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.
Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.
Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.
Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all
eternity?' persisted Satan.
Yep,' was the calm reply.
And you're still not afraid?' asked Satan.
Nope,' said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'
The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.'
lb151
Well-known member
THE BOTTLE OF WINE
For all of us who are married , were married, wish
You were married, or wish you weren't married, this
Is something to smile about the next time you see
a bottle of wine:
Sally was driving home from one of her business
Trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly
Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped
The car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make
A bit of small talk with the Navajo woman.
The old Woman just sat silently, looking intently at
Everything she saw, studying every little detail,
Until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
'What in bag?' asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said,
'It's A bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or
Two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder,
She said:
'Good trade.....
For all of us who are married , were married, wish
You were married, or wish you weren't married, this
Is something to smile about the next time you see
a bottle of wine:
Sally was driving home from one of her business
Trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly
Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped
The car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make
A bit of small talk with the Navajo woman.
The old Woman just sat silently, looking intently at
Everything she saw, studying every little detail,
Until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
'What in bag?' asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said,
'It's A bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or
Two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder,
She said:
'Good trade.....
Underwear dust!!
Underwear dust!!
BEWARE OF THAT UNDERWEAR DUST!!!!!!
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.
'April', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'
She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!! !
Underwear dust!!
BEWARE OF THAT UNDERWEAR DUST!!!!!!
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.
'April', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'
She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!! !
Ross
Well-known member
Tide, a wonderful detergent!
Tide, a wonderful detergent!
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative! to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.
Tide, a wonderful detergent!
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative! to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.
jorsarge
Active member
Old Guy
Old Guy
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The Receptionist replied; "You've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with Doctor in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't pee out of it," he replied.
Old Guy
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The Receptionist replied; "You've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with Doctor in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't pee out of it," he replied.
A man boarded a plane with six kids. After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, 'Are all of those kids yours?'
Without a moments hesitation, he replied, 'No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."
Without a moments hesitation, he replied, 'No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."
jorsarge
Active member
The Good Grandpa!!
A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly
behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that Gramps has his
hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle,
cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda in their
respective aisles.
Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled
voice, "Easy, Albert, we won't be long -- easy, boy." Another
outburst, and she hears Gramps calmly say, "It's okay, Albert, just a
couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart,
and Gramps again in a controlled voice is says, "Albert, Albert, relax
buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool,
Albert."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where Gramps is loading his
groceries and the boy into the car. "You know, sir, it's none of my
business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it.
That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and
disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay.
Albert is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
Thanks, lady," said Gramps, "But, I'm Albert -- the little bastard's
name is Steve." I'm going to beat the **** out of him when I get him
home.
A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly
behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that Gramps has his
hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle,
cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda in their
respective aisles.
Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled
voice, "Easy, Albert, we won't be long -- easy, boy." Another
outburst, and she hears Gramps calmly say, "It's okay, Albert, just a
couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart,
and Gramps again in a controlled voice is says, "Albert, Albert, relax
buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool,
Albert."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where Gramps is loading his
groceries and the boy into the car. "You know, sir, it's none of my
business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it.
That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and
disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay.
Albert is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
Thanks, lady," said Gramps, "But, I'm Albert -- the little bastard's
name is Steve." I'm going to beat the **** out of him when I get him
home.
lb151
Well-known member
YOU GOTTA LOVE A GOOD NURSE
A motorcycle policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well.
However, the policeman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that he might need a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so
uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily.
Written in large black letters was the sentence:
'Get well soon...from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week.'
A motorcycle policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well.
However, the policeman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that he might need a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so
uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily.
Written in large black letters was the sentence:
'Get well soon...from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week.'
lb151
Well-known member
BIRTHDAY REMINDER
This week we celebrate a special birthday....
Monica Lewinsky turns 44. Can you believe it?
It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees,
putting everything in her mouth...
They grow up so fast, don't they ....
This week we celebrate a special birthday....
Monica Lewinsky turns 44. Can you believe it?
It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees,
putting everything in her mouth...
They grow up so fast, don't they ....
amazing home remedies that really work
1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to
hold the vegetables while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using
the sink. It all goes to the same place anyway.
3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a
few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Even george
washington did this! Remember to use a timer.
4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be
afraid to cough.
6. You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move
and should, use the wd-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
Daily thought:
Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything but they bring
a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs
1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to
hold the vegetables while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using
the sink. It all goes to the same place anyway.
3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a
few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Even george
washington did this! Remember to use a timer.
4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be
afraid to cough.
6. You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move
and should, use the wd-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
Daily thought:
Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything but they bring
a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs
srinivassusu
Well-known member
HI,dina, Great joke
SRINIVAS
srinivas Heart History:
13/6/2008 2D Echo Diagnosed Ascending Aortic Dissection ,Bicuspid aortic valve, Moderate AR at the age of 38(2008)
9/6/08 CT scan shows Aneurysmal dilation of aortic root and ascending aorta with dissection extending upto brachio cephalic trunk and mild aneurysm
16/07/08 Operative findings & repair. Aortic aneurysm approx size 10 cms diameter.Aneurysm extd upto 1c m from innomiate artery. Mod. Bental DC Bono surgery procedure done to repair my anueuysm with#25 mm St.Jude medical valved conduit(SN 84094003.REF25CAVGJ-51400 AOROTIC VALVED GRAFT) At CARE Hospital Bangara Hills,Hyderabad,India. Surgeon: Dr K.s. Neelakandan gave me re birth! Dr . Sridar,Dr.Amreesh, Dr.Jagannatham completed the formalities.
SRINIVAS
srinivas Heart History:
13/6/2008 2D Echo Diagnosed Ascending Aortic Dissection ,Bicuspid aortic valve, Moderate AR at the age of 38(2008)
9/6/08 CT scan shows Aneurysmal dilation of aortic root and ascending aorta with dissection extending upto brachio cephalic trunk and mild aneurysm
16/07/08 Operative findings & repair. Aortic aneurysm approx size 10 cms diameter.Aneurysm extd upto 1c m from innomiate artery. Mod. Bental DC Bono surgery procedure done to repair my anueuysm with#25 mm St.Jude medical valved conduit(SN 84094003.REF25CAVGJ-51400 AOROTIC VALVED GRAFT) At CARE Hospital Bangara Hills,Hyderabad,India. Surgeon: Dr K.s. Neelakandan gave me re birth! Dr . Sridar,Dr.Amreesh, Dr.Jagannatham completed the formalities.
lb151
Well-known member
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?
Wonder no more!!!
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Then they kick him in the ice hole." You really didn’t believe that I know anything about penguins, did you!
Wonder no more!!!
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Then they kick him in the ice hole." You really didn’t believe that I know anything about penguins, did you!
Ross
Well-known member
Part of rebuilding New Orleans caused residents often to be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years.
With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership.
Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client:
You've gotta love this lawyer ......
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.
(Actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
(here's the actual letter):
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S. , from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.
For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus , who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman
and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world.
Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana .. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory.
Now, may we have our damn loan?"
The loan was approved.
With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership.
Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client:
You've gotta love this lawyer ......
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.
(Actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
(here's the actual letter):
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S. , from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.
For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus , who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman
and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world.
Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana .. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory.
Now, may we have our damn loan?"
The loan was approved.
hensylee
Well-known member
the balance story:
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel,
found him, resting on the seventh day..
He inquired,
"Where have you been?"
God smiled deeply and
proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
"Look, Michael.
Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said,
"What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it..
I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test
Balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example,
northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while
southern Europe is going to be poor.
Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a
continent of black people.
Balance in all things."
God continued pointing to different countries..
"This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and
covered in ice."
The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area
and
said, "What's that one?"
"That's the State of Texas , the most glorious place on earth. There
are
beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and
plains.
The people from the State of Texas are going to be handsome, modest,
intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world.
They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers
of
peace, and producers of good things."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what
about
balance, God? You said there would be balance.."
God smiled, "There's Washington DC.
Wait till you see the idiots I put there."
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel,
found him, resting on the seventh day..
He inquired,
"Where have you been?"
God smiled deeply and
proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
"Look, Michael.
Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said,
"What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it..
I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test
Balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example,
northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while
southern Europe is going to be poor.
Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a
continent of black people.
Balance in all things."
God continued pointing to different countries..
"This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and
covered in ice."
The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area
and
said, "What's that one?"
"That's the State of Texas , the most glorious place on earth. There
are
beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and
plains.
The people from the State of Texas are going to be handsome, modest,
intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world.
They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers
of
peace, and producers of good things."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what
about
balance, God? You said there would be balance.."
God smiled, "There's Washington DC.
Wait till you see the idiots I put there."
Good Bye Mom
Good Bye Mom
.
.
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little
old lady following him around.
If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the
checkout, and she turned to him and said,
'I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just
that you look so much like my late son.'
He answered, 'That's okay.'
'I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.'
She then went
through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of
the store, The man called out, 'Goodbye, Mom.'
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a
little sunshine into someone's day, he
went to pay for his Groceries.
'That comes to $121.85,' said the clerk.
'How come so much? I only bought 5 items..'
The clerk replied,
'Yeah, but your Mother said You'd be paying for her things, too.'
Good Bye Mom
.
.
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little
old lady following him around.
If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the
checkout, and she turned to him and said,
'I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just
that you look so much like my late son.'
He answered, 'That's okay.'
'I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.'
She then went
through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of
the store, The man called out, 'Goodbye, Mom.'
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a
little sunshine into someone's day, he
went to pay for his Groceries.
'That comes to $121.85,' said the clerk.
'How come so much? I only bought 5 items..'
The clerk replied,
'Yeah, but your Mother said You'd be paying for her things, too.'
