ICU Psychosis

[mainframe]

Anyone else lose their mind while in the ICU. I had a few good episodes where I lost track of reality while in ICU. And I'm not kidding.

- During my 11 days on the ventilator, I remember being convinced that my wife had absonded with me the night before my surgery and took me to the UK. There I was held captive on the breathing tube unable to move. I remember thinking the police would rescue me.

- I was convinced that one of the patients I could see accross the room had died and the doctors were comforting his wife. They took a blood draw within minutes of me observing this and I just knew that they were going to use my blood in some kind of plot to cover up this guys death. I thought they had given me a shot that would kill me and begged for the antidote. I was very agitated and kept yelling "call 911". The doctor came in and I ask him to call the police and he said that was not possible. They actually called a "stroke code" on me because they really thought I might of had a stroke. Turns out I didn't, but I knew that was part of thier plot.

- I was sure that one of the doctors in particular was unhappy with my progress and that they wanted my bed. I just know that one of the pills they had given me was a "death pill". I just knew that breath I took could be my last, and I just wanted to last long enough to see my wife and say good bye. When I didn't die, the next day I told my wife that "this may be our last chance to escape". My wife told me the Bill B was going to visit and she didn't want us to miss his visit. When Bill arrived, I told him that it was his job to convince my wife. Dr. Miller came in later that day and I told him "if you get me out of here, I'll buy you a new pair of boots". He just chuckled and fortunately didn't mention it. He wears expensive custom made boots.

- I thought that all the spouses were showing up a 6 a.m. and ask the nurse to help me out of bed so I could meet my wife. She told me it was 3 a.m. and I should go back to sleep. I knew she wasn't telling me the truth and manipulated the clock.

- I told my wife that I was coming leaving the ICU and she should pick me up at 8:00 a.m. the next day so I could go to work. In reality I couldn't get out of bed or walk.

- The day of my cardio conversion I though it would be great idea if my wife met me at the cafeteria right after the conversion and we would go home. I thought I could just come back to next day for follow up and then come back a week later. I knew Dr. Miller would think it was good idea. My wife and the nurse talked me out of that idea. I still couldn't walk or get out of bed and continued to stay in the ICU for 3 more days before going to a step down unit for 9 days.

While amusing, I really felt like these things were happening. Once in the step down unit, I didn't have any more episodes. I'm sure they thought I was nuts.

 

[INRtest]

Chris,
It's been 5 1/2 years since I had my surgery (08/17/04), but your experience sounds rather similar to my own. I spent 3 weeks before my surgery and another 3 weeks after my surgery in ICU and a good part of that was on a ventilator. One of the dreams that I recall was that one of the nurses was trying to kill me and I didn't want him (perhaps, "her") in my room. I tried to tell the other nurse, or dr., but there was a conspiracy amongst the staff against me. I remember very vividly, now, that it was a harrowing 24-48 hours where they were trying to hurt me. In fact, I was probably fighting against the medical staff as they were trying to insert the ventilator.
Another recollection I had was frighteningly similar to an episode of The Sopranos where Tony had just gone through surgery and was having hallucinations. I was in Europe and looking at some very, very bright lights in a hotel lobby (actually, it would have been an operating room). Your thread brings up some mixed emotions, but after a very, very sick 4 months, I'm alive and doing rather well. Don't spend too much time thinking about the crazy stuff -- I suppose it's mostly just a drug-induced haze along with an insufficient amount of oxygen. "Fun" times that many people never get to experience. Aren't we lucky.

 

[zipper2]

STONER ICU MEMORIES
I remember this same nightmarex2
Assume alot of us have had it just as described so well
in your post,just reading brought back memories to me.
ITS SO REAL FOR SURE I THINK

 

[Nancy]

Yes, ICU psychosis is a very real thing. And add to that all the drugs and anesthesia that are coursing through your body and it is understandable that you would have this problem. I have been on the spouse side of all of my husband's thoracic surgeries, and other ICU hospitalizations, and I have witnessed it more than I can remember.

It takes quite a while for the drug and anesthesia caused stuff to go away.

From what I have read and witmessed, the ICU psychosis comes from being in a rather confining and isolating condition with lights on throughout the day and night, so day and night blend together, plus there is no sense of time or place. Your illness while in the ICU contributes to the confused thinking. There were some recommendations in what I read which can help with this problem.

If the spouse or loved one who is visiting can talk to the person in a normal way, all about what is going on at home, things that happen that are just ordinary and mundane things, it helps. It also helps to bring in photos of family and friends and other pleasant things. Reading the newspaper can help, as long as the reading doesn't include disturbing articles. My husband was a manager in his professional life and loved bookwork and accounting things. He kept the family finances ship-shape, so whenever he was hospitalized, he would worry excessively about the bills, posting things, etc. So I brought in the bills and checkbook, and we would go through everything. I did the work while he watched. That helped him a lot.

Once the person gets into a step down room, these feelings usually go away fairly rapidly.

I remember myself, having flashbacks from anesthesia when I had a couple of surgeries. They were very strange and went on for about a month. The anesthesia is powerful stuff.

Here is an article on it.

http://www.medicinenet.com/icu_psychosis/article.htm

 

[james]

Very normal. I had a bit of it during my first surgery. Damn scarry but, normal.

 

[Ross]

I had my share of them, but before I had those, I was in another realm of existence. This was before I was conscience. The ICU stuff was scary, but this other was kind of indescribable.

 

[WilliamJE]

Anyone else lose their mind while in the ICU. I had a few good episodes where I lost track of reality while in ICU. And I'm not kidding.

I was in the ICU for parts of 10 days(Operated on 8-13, got sent to the floor on 8-18, sent back to ICU on 8-19, out of ICU for good 8-22.) in 2008.

To be honest I don't remember a heck of a lot from my first stint. See I got pneumonia for one thing. The next day I recall my nurse running from the room. She told me later that her other patient was checking himself out.

Was I imagining that episode? I don't think so.

I did watch Sabrina the Teenage Witch whenever it was on. At the time of surgery I was 47. A middleaged man watching a old television show meant for teenagers or younger. If that's not psychosis, I don't know what is.

 

[Lionheart]

Mainframe,
I think it's great that you recorded these unpleasant memories while they were fresh, because like any dream they will fade over time. The lady across from me in the CCU was having hallucinations and paranoia of the nurses and I could tell it was disturbing to them and some of them did not know how to respond to her accusations. One night the nurse assigned to her was having a lot of trouble with her until another nurse came over and just sat and listened to the lady. He made no judgments about her statements and didn't try to correct her. I think his calm presence helped her settle down. Eventually her paranoia subsided and the CCU returned to a more peaceful place.
John

 

[Ross]

I did watch Sabrina the Teenage Witch whenever it was on. At the time of surgery I was 47. A middleaged man watching a old television show meant for teenagers or younger. If that's not psychosis, I don't know what is.

Hey, I watch Spongebob Square Pants to this day. Does this make me psycho?

 

[Bina]

Hey, I watch Spongebob Square Pants to this day. Does this make me psycho?

Uh......yeah........

 

[Bina]

The cardiac ICU is just a parking lot for gurneys occupied by corpses on bad drugs.
Or maybe I hallucinated that ?

 

[olefin]

Chris, that's interesting!

I was in ICU three different times, the last time for 5 days.

Only strange one I remember seeing and telling my wife that the nurse drove a forklift into my room every night to weight me. Actually it was a hydraulic lift on wheels for lifting patients.

 

[Nancy]

Joe saw kitties in his room and wanted me to catch them so he could pet them. One was calico and one was striped. He really enjoyed them LOL At least it was a pleasant scene. Other times weren't so pleasant. Once he thought I plotted against him. And another time he said the aide was always dropping his pills on the floor and got mad at her. Another time he saw a mountain of paperwork that had to be filed and it really upset him. I had to pretend to file everything, then it was OK.

 

[Jkm7]

I spent four days in CICU prior to my first surgery and have only tiny snippets of any memories of those days. Most of it is a total blur. Among other things, I was on an aorta ballon pump and was very ill. I was there three days post op and have almost no memory of those days either. I recall waking up still intubated but it is just a glimpse of time as my next memory is waking with the tube gone.

I recall them pullilng my chest tubes and that was the most excrutiating pain I ever endured. That is all I remember from three days.

My second surgery, I recall waking with the tube gone, my unbelieveable nurse being very kind and gentle with me. The morning nurse was equally caring and attentive. I was out of CICU that time in less than a full day.

 

[JeffM]

Who wouldn't?

Who wouldn't?

11 days is enough to make anyone psychotic. My problem is I have dreams like that now....16 mths later. At least you had a good excuse!

 

[mamanordy]

I had to log in and respond to this thread. I was in the ICU/CCU for 14 days in Oct 09/Nov 09. I had the same issues. For the entire time I was in there, I thought there was a woman in a big floppy hat sitting in the chair across the room, and that she was there to take me away, to where not sure. I also hallucinated that the nurses were all from the Soviet Union and that they were trying to kill me because the surgery did not go as well as the dr wanted it to and they were going to cover it up. I remember I kept saying no please dont do this to me, I will not tell anyone what really happened. The nurses would then say something to me that I could not distinquish, they were really just comforting me, but to me they were talking in Russian. When I tried to tell my husband these things, I think he was really alarmed.
I am just glad I was not the only one to have done this.

 

[Faye]

Wow these posts are sure bringing back memories! I was convinced I was in some type of military medical torture facility. I even tried to escape and found myself on the floor of the ICU laughing at the man in the blue uniform. I also thought something was evil in my son because he was glowing red. It turned out that he was standing in front of a digital clock that was red. And I will swear to this day that a woman sat in the corner sewing every day that I was in the hospital.

Crazy stuff! Thanks for sharing your stories - they helped me feel a little more normal.

 

[Paleowoman]

I've just read an article in the Times from a journalist who had ICU psychosis (unfortunately you have to subscribe to the Times to read it). It sounds horrific and is apparently quite common - I quote from the article:

"I was told both in hospital and when researching it later, that a particular craziness – delusions, auditory hallucinations and paranoia – are common enough in intensive care wards to have been dubbed “ICU psychosis”. Some estimates put the proportion of patients who suffer from it at a third. Sufferers are usually agitated, sometimes violent, believe that staff mean them harm, will pull out their drips and catheters and demand to be allowed to leave.
"The syndrome, experts speculate, may arise from disorientation, morphine sedation, lack of sleep, pain, helplessness, constant noise and anxiety, being endlessly tampered with and the thousand other unnatural shocks hospital flesh is heir to. It’s worse at nights (as it was for me) and the syndrome is sometimes dubbed “sundowning” in the US."

Another thing re surgery to worry about

Anne

 

[Julian]

Oh God! Crazy stories. I didn't have issues too bad in comparison but still not good. I was just really agitated in the ICU. People couldn't really tell but it was hard for me to act normal the first 2 days in the ICU. I almost asked to speak with the hospital shrink. I couldn't sleep for more then 45 minutes while in the ICU step down wasn't much better. After I got in the step down unit I was plagued with obsessive thoughts at times. I had a pregnant nurse and something was telling me to kick her in the stomach. Other times I would have thoughts of hurting other staff members. I really thought I was losing it. I don't think I would have ever acted out on these thoughts but I can't guarantee it. These thoughts slowly got better, I was experiencing them for a month after the surgery, every week that went by it would get better. Sheesh...

 

[offwego]

I don't think anyone can top my story (I hope not)...It's long and I've written it recently as it's so ridiculously intense...The very short story is I felt myself losing it, I called the nurse and warned her and asked her to get the doctors...she ignored me..

As I imagined they were killing other patients, I decided to do something about it (this happened)..I called the nurse back...pretty much knocked her out...removed all tubes and IV's (less than 24 hours after OH)...ran down the stairs (14 flights), grabbed full sized fire extinguisher, shot guard in the face on 7th floor...called 911, hid out on 2nd floor, threw extinguisher through full sized window (yes) and was in the process of trying to throw a very heavy couch out the window when assorted guards, nurses and doctors came in...

that was 8 years ago (to the day, November 13, 2003)

3 weeks ago I returned to the scene of the crime and had the same Mitral Valve repaired (again)...

I was well remembered by several nurses...no one held it against me..in fact as I was being wheeled into the OR...I recognized one of them and we had a good laugh before my surgery.

True Story.