I am a marathon runner with a broken heart

[pellicle]

hey Rubi

is the sadness just depression post surgery? If so it remits after a few months ... stick with it, keep up the rehab and you'll be running again. It took a year or so for me, then time for the other sadnesses ... I'm now physically fitter than before surgery, perhaps mentally fitter in some ways too.

Best Wishes

 

[Agian]

Only good people suffer the way you do Rubi. Embrace your sadness and stay functional, while you recover.

 

[Bonbet]

Rubi, I am sorry to hear how sad you feel. You don't mention when you had the surgery. I've read a lot confirming the prevelance of post-surgical depression and they talk about it in that book, Coping with Surgery. There''s so many reasons besides the "biological " insult to the body's systems, to be sad. I anticipate it it as a kind of grief. I am experiencing a taste of it and haven't even had my AVR yet. I grieve the loss of my vitality, and my plans for how my life "was suppoosed to be." I feel terrible that my BAV has such a negative impact on my loved ones. I don't know if it is any comfort to know that others also experience sadness, grief, and depression, but I hope it does.
Also, I hope you can accept it and still do what you need to to build your strength and get "a" life back. Maybe not exactly the one you planned but a beautiful life in any case. Take good care of yourself, Bonbet (previously McCbon)

 

[Paleowoman]

Hi Rubi - I too am sorry to hear how sad you are feeling.

I too am not how I was before BAV surgery which I had just under a year and a half ago. Physically I have not been the same since. I was very fit prior to surgery and I have had one problem after another since surgery. As I had no symptoms and was very fit prior to surgery I am often feeling that I regret being pressurised into having surgery when I did. I have caused no end of problems for my husband and son.

I think too the actual surgery has a big effect on both the body and brain/nervous system - a big shock really. Maybe it's some form of post traumatic stress ? I read 'Coping with heart surgery and bypassing depression' well before I had surgery....thing is the inference in the book is that people will get perfect care...ummm....not, it's not like that in real life.

I read through your thread and read of the trauma you and your family had in Boston in 2013 terror attack. I wonder if that trauma prior to your heart surgery can have had an extra effect ? Your real fear that you had lost your wife and daughter when you couldn't find them, and then going though surgery when we face our mortality……..things are not the same as before……...

 

[chickadee]

I just joined this site today because I have been having the same problem. I am 43. I had my first open heart at 14 then a AVR at 21 and then another one 10 weeks ago. Everything is going very well. I even started seeing patients ( I am a physical therapist) today.But some days I wake up sad and what seems really strange is how angry I feel. I definitely know that other people have endured much worse. My husband tells me that I need to focus on being grateful for how great things turned out. I do remember feeling a real "zest for life" after the first 2 surgeries, but this one has been different. So anyway, I appreciate hearing that other people are dealing with similar issues. I don't personally know another person who has had this surgery so it is great to find this site.

 

[pellicle]

Hi chickadee

I am 43. I had my first open heart at 14 then a AVR at 21 and then another one 10 weeks ago. Everything is going very well. I even started seeing patients ( I am a physical therapist) today.But some days I wake up sad and what seems really strange is how angry I feel. e.

Something I am still learning is that no matter how rational I normally am, when things like surgery interfere with your system there are string irrational feelings come into play. When I was recovering from my 2011 surgery I felt bad, emotionally bad I mean. I felt inadequate and a burden to my wife. When my vision was blurry ( which it was for a while) I felt even more inclined that way.

No matter how much I read about this experiencing such a profound personality change was very weird.

So give your self time and time to adjust. As my lovely Anita would say "don't be so hardd on yourself"

Probably I still am too hard on myself.

Best wishes

 

[epstns]

Hello, and welcome, chickadee,

I have "only" had one open heart surgery, but after that one I sometimes had feelings overtake me that I could not understand. I, through a lot of reading and conversation here, came to realize that the impact of heart surgery is not only physical. It is, most assuredly, emotional as well, and sometimes that side of the impact takes longer to manifest itself and longer to heal. Give yourself two things:
1. Permission to feel any way you need to feel at any time.
2. Time for these things to run their course.

The main caveat is, though, if at any time you feel so down and blue that you can't go on, get professional help. There is no shame in asking for help to manage emotions and feelings that you do not consciously create.