Doc-isms

[Nancy]

I know this has been kicking around the internet for quite a while, but I thought we could all use a little laugh, I apologize to any doctors lurking about.


I little list of Doc-isms. What doctors say, and what they're really thinking.

"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and
profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Welllllll, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more
time with you.

"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
--or--
I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.

"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is,
you're going to pay for it.

"Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.

"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

"I'd like to have my associate look at you."
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
I think I'm going to throw up.

"This may smart a little."
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.

"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?

"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.

"Everything seems to be normal."
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can
solve this one.

"Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?"
You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink
who'll split fees with me ...

"There is a lot of that going around."
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something
about this.

"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next
week.

 

[ticktock]

Nancy
What a hoot!! Loved it!!! If I knew how to print it, I would!!
Thanks for sharing!

Kinda reminded me of my Cardio saying "Darn you look good for being so sick!"

mindy

 

[Nancy]

I know what you mean about that Mindy, they're always telling Joe he looks wonderul and he does, even though he has been half dead some of the time.

I tell him the package is real pretty but inside is just a bag of nuts and bolts sometimes needing a major tune-up.

 

[Zazzy]

Nancy... that was great!!! Just the thing to end my day with! lol I especially loved the one about the BMW. The pharmacist here in our town (for whom I am the sole support of his family lol) told me that I bought him a $30,000 computer system for his store. Hey! I believe it!!!!

Take care,
Zazzy

 

[Nancy]

I always thought that Joe should sell shares in his body to doctors. Say, $30,000 each which would allow them to do a certain numbers of proedures on him.

 

[ticktock]

Nancy
hahahaha what a scream! And aint it the truth!! I have more artificial parts than natural ones. And a lot of stuff missing too, come to think of it!!

My Mom can always tell when Im ready to go home from the hospital. She usually just shows up with "my face" (makeup). I put it on, and so help me...... all the Docs come in, take one look and send me home!! Works like a charm! Sometimes I have been near death, or feeling like it, but it still works.

I wanted to leave Houston so badly, that I asked the Docs to load me up with IV Lasix give me 6 hours and discharge me. They did!! Didnt know what to do with me, but I needed to get home. I stayed at Moms one night, and was back in the local hospital the next a.m. Man that bed felt GOOD!