Can Depression Still Be a Problem after 1 1/2 years post OHS?

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Chris. I think the folks here who chose to try to pep talk you will back off now. Everyone here generally just wants to help. And frankly, whatever your troubles, there have really been some good suggestions and some heartfelt empathy.

I have a cousin who finally managed his way out of a very deep and lasting depression. He is the middle child of 8 .... a very loving, Catholic family. No one understood him. Yet he battled his way out. It was hard work. It is hard work. I don't know very much about it all, so I can't really share much else. I just know that it is very real.

Here's one of my favorite writings. Perhaps there is some comfort in it for you.

The Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste. Remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible and without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.


Stay with us, Chris. We're listening.

Marguerite
 
I was thinking the same thing as Bob. You love animals. I remember your posts when Andromeda was not feeling well and it is obvious that you bond easily with animals. Perhaps there is a way to earn some money and get out of the house by helping them.
 
tobagotwo said:
Sorry. Not buying the God gave you a chance to die bit. God also gave you a chance to live. If it had been your time, you'd have gone on the table.

Nope. You're intended to continue. That means you need to keep searching.

Maybe you should consider animals. There are a lot of puppy mills that do terrible things to dogs. Maybe you could become a humane officer and rescue some of them, help find them homes, etc.

The opals sound like fun. I enjoy fossil-hunting myself, and have an interesting collection. I also have enjoyed rockhounding, mainly in the very interesting mineral areas of Franklin and Ogdensburg, NJ. My father was well-known in the mineral collection field, for both his collection and his technical writings.

Be well,
Click to expand...


IF You are interested Chris, Bobs good advice gave me a thought, there are quite a few animal shelters around me that are always looking for volunteers, from playing with the dogs to building rabbit cages, and all kinds of people vol to the places I've been, from young teens to much older people that just enjoy the company of animals and everyone in between. You certainly seem to love animals and have lots of handy talents. Also when paid positions do open up they usually ogo to the volenteers first.

I figured you weren't staying away, since you said you were going Sept 11 on your trip. As for your example of being worthless, I dissagree, everything you said seemed quite "normal" to me, how does any person sleeping know the people around them are having trouble unless they tell you. and there are lots of people that tell stories to me that I find boring and it is hard to listen, but you tried, so what is wrong with that?
As for the missing opals, I'd be pissed if someone suggested I stole their property, maybe he was curt with you because he realized HE acted bad hinting you might have stolen them.
As for God was giving you a chance to die, I'm with Bob. Plus IF everyone that needed medical help to survive was suppose to die, there would be no need for hospitals and God would not have given man the ability to think of ways to save people. There would be alot less people on the Earth.

It sounds like you are trying to convince yourself you are a burden, why don't you try convincing your self the good you do?
AS for "As for restaurant work, they'd take one look at me and my work history and wouldn't even consider me. Even if hired, they'd fire me hours later because I wouldn't fit in. Same with the local fish hatcheries and farms. I can drive tractors and farm equipment, but nobody wants me" Have you tried applying at those places or just assuming they wouldn't want you? it sounds like you're just thinking how it would be. I'm not quite sure what you mean "look at you" IF there is something about your appearnece that you know would keep people from hiring you, the only thing I can think of is grooming or choice of clothes, IF that is the case and you KNOW it, then you know how to "look" to get hired.
 
Chris, I have to keep this reply short because I'm short on time at the moment. I agree with Wise that leaving this site isn't a good idea. There is some good advice in this thread along with some replies that, while well intended, probably were not written by people who have experienced the same degree of depression you're dealing with now. Stay for the good advice. Take what you like and leave the rest. Best wishes for good health and happiness.
 
Hi Chris,

I think your belief that you are not "hire-able" is not real and is clouded by your depression. I am going through a similar thing with someone very close to me. This person is a genius in the computer world but not the most politically correct person when it comes to speaking his mind. Most people are put off by extreme honesty and cannot handle extended contact with very blunt people. Recently he has worked in a grocery store and a couple other jobs not remotely related to his expertise. This has been very difficult and resulted in a "I just don't give a s**t attitude. Certainly not helpful to anyone.

I don't have the answer for him or for you. I bring this up simply to let you know you are not alone. I still love this person very much despite his current problems so I am sure you are loved as well.

I truly believe you both will come out of this. You are strong or you would not be such a survivor.

Get out of the house every day. Do something whether is opal searching, gardening or just walking. Eventually you will find yourself and something that captures your interest and life. Stay active here. You have so much to give so try to hold on to that.
 
Chris, When I read your first post on this thread last week, my heart broke for you once again. I'm so sorry you are having such terrible time.

You may not work outside of the home, but you do a job that mostly women do and whenever a man does it, it seems to always bring some criticism, which is being a stay at home dad. It is usually a thankless job, but has a tremendous impact on the children in your life, who typically won't appreciate what you are doing for them until they are adults themselves and are doing the same. I know this because I am a stay at home mom. I'm not a person who has ever really suffered with depression, but I can see how if you were prone to depression, staying home full time with kids might exacerbate the problem. You say that Laura is overworked. Can you imagine how much more so she would be if she had complete responsibility of the kids as well as working a full time job? I'm sure, because of your depression, you can't see that.

I hated this morning when I logged on here and saw your latest post. I think like most everyone else on here, we would love to be able to help you in some meaningful way, but are really in no position to do so. Please don't leave here. I know, I for one, enjoy reading both your's and Laura's posts. We are here to help and support each other through really one of the worst times in someone's life.

After I read your post this morning, I logged onto my e-mail and someone had sent me this message. I thought immediately, this is what Chris needs to hear. I have no idea who wrote this, maybe someone else will.

'May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.'

Kim
 
Chris, you obviously understand your Asperger's well, but have you really learned how to deal with it? Difficulty relating to people is one of the prime issues, as is inability to keep a job. I went to high school with a guy who was brilliant and earned a PhD. However, he ended up sacking groceries because he just couldn't cope with the daily requirements of a job. This was in the 80's when there was no diagnosis and no help for Asperger's, but having been around kids and adults with Asperger's since that time, I'm sure that was his issue. I'm not sure your depression is related to your heart surgery, or if it's more an inability to deal with Asperger's. Since it wasn't a diagnosis until the mid-90's, I assume you were diagnosed as an adult or teen, and you didn't have the treatment/therapy that is now offered for those with the syndrome. You probably never learned all of the coping strategies and cues that are necessary for getting through daily life. However, that's not to say that even those without Asperger's would pick up on the worries of others if they are not communicated. I know you live in a remote area, but you might need to go to a more populated area to find a counselor who is familiar with Asperger's and knows the resources that are available.
 
Oh yes sure it can, after almost three years I can have bad days! Never had it before all this came upon me, it was very hard for me for at least 18 mnths. Just comes with the package! sorry!
 
Thanks everyone for your welcome support. I won't leave the forum, as I see you all really care for us. I even made up with my friend Chuck tonight, so at least that was positive. He even suggested we drive up to a place in the mountains where he's found some blue opal with play-of-color sometime next week--it's real, I've seen and held samples of this. We had a local event, Trout Days, and I danced with the kids to some good country and rock music on Main Street, and Laura and I visited a bunch of old friends at both the daytime and evening parts of the get-together. It lifted my mood somewhat. I got to see the two other people who had had OHS about the same time I had today: Chuck, mentioned before, and Dave, who had had trouble healing his sternum after he lifted too much too soon--he's perfectly fine now.
Fruit drying of peaches and nectarines was successful, and they turned out well--I bagged the dried quartered nectarines tonight and will bag the rest tomorrow morning.
The animal suggestion is a good one, except I have allergy problems to their fur or feathers if I stay around them too much. Otherwise, I like their company.
Tobagotwo (Bob), I have samples of franklinite with calcite and it fluoresces wonderfully. Can you still get franklinite anymore, or is it all gone? I realize God does have something, it's just frustrating not knowing what it is.
Perhaps I could resume writing science fiction, as I've had a passion for doing that ever since I was in sixth grade. Just character development is weak, and still needs work.

Thank all of your for being there, just reading the Desiderata quote from Marguerite53 helped me feel better as was the anonymous quote from kfay. Thanks both of you for those insightful readings. I also appreciate your prayers. I need to go now, as we need to go to church tomorrow and it's 11:52 pm here. Laura wants me to try to get to bed a bit earlier tonight.

Chris
 
Writing science fiction sounds terrific! If you know that you need to work on character development, that's half the battle. Knowing where the issues are makes for a good final outcome.

You like to write. Every one of your posts if long and filled with interesting stuff. And I enjoy reading them all.

I say, go for it.
 
Nancy said:
Writing science fiction sounds terrific! If you know that you need to work on character development, that's half the battle. Knowing where the issues are makes for a good final outcome.

You like to write. Every one of your posts if long and filled with interesting stuff. And I enjoy reading them all.

I say, go for it.
Click to expand...

I agree. I'd love to read it too!
 
Looking forward to buying your books at my local bookstore someday!
 
Is Uploading Excerpts of my Sci Fi possible?

Is Uploading Excerpts of my Sci Fi possible?

Thanks for the encouragement about writing. From what I understand, many authors are brooding despairing types--not that I'm always that way. Maybe if I get my feelings out on paper, it works out better. I wrote a special science fiction story called "My Little Heaven" when Laura's and my first KC died up in Anchorage, Alaska in early 1998. It was a story about a benevolent very rich Japanese-American man who used his billions of $ to build a space station where deformed, seriously maimed, or otherwise rejected children and babies could be raised away from the stares and derision of others, and be given the promise of the stars. Mr. Kawai had a secret practical faster than light technology, and wanted to give it to those humanity rejected. I never finished it, but I think you all understand that it was a healing writing. It helped me through my mourning period.

Similarly, I have written a portion of a novel based on a vivid dream I had about 4 days after my OHS surgery, titled "The Christmas Lights." For now I'd like to keep the plot private, but when or if it further takes shape, I'll gladly share it. Writing it was also healing, and I think I should get back to it.

All your feedback has given me a more sober (as in realistically optimistic) perspective on a lot of things. It's better now. I'm still far from wanting to actively seeking employment, but there's lots to do here at our house. I can take the kids to their sports and school events, take care of the orchard and animals, and work on my writing as inspiration hits me. Working with my new opals is fun, as is the refined prototypes of my stainless steel personal filtration and alternative orthodontic devices. Laura's doing better today as well. We managed to get to church in time for the entire sermon--a quite relevant one about dealing with stress and how God being in control should make time anxiety and other stressors less stressful. The events remain the same, but it's the perspective that God is in control of the circumstances that changes how we react to all of it. Instead of grumbling, we instead ask, "What is the Lord trying to teach me here, or perhaps protect me from?" Consider all of those 10,000 or so people who were caught up in traffic, couldn't find their keys, got sick kids, or something else got in the way of them getting to work on time September 11th, 2001. The immediate problems caused a lot of inconvenience, but thousands more people would have died if they all had gotten to work on time that day. God could be protecting me from a traffic accident when I'm five minutes delayed getting somewhere--making the entire thing a non-event except for being a bit late.

Thanks for all of the wonderful kind words, yes including even those who insist I go to work. I'm not ashamed of working menial labor, and in fact like working with shovels, mops, brooms, paint brushes, and the like. It's the employers that are the problem. I've worked in warehouses, county road maintenance, custodial work in automotive garages, driving tractors, pulling weeds, mowing yards, tutoring in math and science, and of course work with poultry. If I could find a 20 hour a week version of just about any of this, I'd gladly do it. The main difficulty is there is exceedingly little half-time work available, and I need to be home during the day when the kids are around, and need daylight to do my outdoor chores properly. Since Laura's income is enough right now, I'm not going to actively seek paid employment. Maybe if I can find a place to volunteer where I don't have to deal with the public a lot, I could do that. My church has a food pantry for the indigent and needs some muscle to move food. I think I'll try to help out there.

Now for the opening question: How large a text file could I upload for people to read if they're interested in seeing parts of my science fiction stories? Ross? Hank? Anyone else who knows? I assume when it comes to data, a picture is worth more than 1000 words for uploading. I assume a 1 megabyte picture is about 1,000,000 words, etc. If it's permitted, what formats would be acceptable?

Chris
 
Chris,

Writing has always been an outlet for me also so I understand the attraction. I have written a children's book and have 3 partial novels (1 scifi, 1 semi-religious and one about whales). When asked if I ever wanted to write for publication my response has always been: "I don't want to have to write (you know, deadlines, etc.). I figure if I finish a novel and it works out - great. Otherwise it is just fun and who wants to mess with that?

I would love to read some of what you have written. I am happy to hear that things seem to be a bit better for you - hold on to that.
 
Chris,
You hit on something I started after my heart surgery....creative writing. I have completed a young children's manuscript and am working on a second one for middle school age kids. I have found it to be an excellent outlet for me and I bet it will help you, too. Like you I have areas I am working on improving. I have a long term goal to improve my writing skills over the next few years and devote full time to it after I retire.

I see this as a positive from my surgery and the introspective mode it put me in as I recovered.

Chris
 
Just make sure you copyright it before posting it. Once it's on the web, it's available for anyone to steal, and you definitely want proof that you had it first.
 
Final follow-up for this thread: I have never uploaded any of my works to any sites on the internet so I cannot provide a link to the works. Frankly, I don't know how to do it. :eek: Despite my advanced degree and frequent posting here, I'm almost illiterate when it comes to html and making web pages. I'm trying to come up with a Facebook profile, but don't know if I can upload excerpts of my works there or not.

Again, thanks all for the encouragement and prayers.

Chris
 
PairoDocs said:
Perhaps I could resume writing science fiction, as I've had a passion for doing that ever since I was in sixth grade. Just character development is weak, and still needs work.
Click to expand...

Chris:

I love science fiction. Tried to take a 2-hour course in sci-fi lit in college, but there was only one section and I already had another course at the same time.

I have some sci-fi anthologies about the "golden age" of science fiction. I'm not into space operas like "Star Wars," but more like Asimov, Pohl, Heinlein, Clarke, etc.
 
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