Can Depression Still Be a Problem after 1 1/2 years post OHS?

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PairoDocs

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 6, 2008
Messages
380
Location
rural area outside Buhl, Idaho, United States
Sorry we haven't been here in like forever. I've been beaten down by some heavy duty depression so that very little has happened in a while. Home is still cluttered, lawn is extremely overgrown, some fruit harvested, some not. We're all still here, but not much has happened. Managed to participate in the local fair, but only a little in pantry. Kids are okay, and Andromeda our dog is still hanging in there. When I gave her a dead mouse today, she actually stood up on her back legs (a pleasant thing to see) to get it.
Not even the slightest interest in employment yet, but kids are back in school, and I'm taking a trip to Virgin Valley in northwest Nevada to dig some opals 9/11/09. I hope that perhaps finally finding some decent-looking opals will break me out of this odd mood.
I've really missed the people here on VR, and sorry to have been absent for so long. I hope that as the season changes, both of us will resume posting again. Keep us in your prayers, as it's tough. I still look at my scar and see not a second chance at life, but a reminder that I'm a seriously flawed human being who only lived due to my having been alive during the time that OHS techniques were adequate to save not only me, but my mitral valve as well. If this had been 1907 rather than 2007 when my valve blew, there'd just be a headstone with my name on it, starting to grow its first crop of lichen two years later in 1909 rather than me typing this on my iMac in 2009. I hope this will change in time, but as time passes, it doesn't seem any different. It's particularly tough on Laura, as she has to live with me being this way all of the time. Yes, I'm in counseling, but even that's not helping much beyond keeping me from falling into a hopeless pit.

Thanks for your patience,

Chris
 
It took me many years to emotionally get over my 1st OHS 19 years ago. And my recent 2nd OHS dragged up a lot of those old feelings.
I am convinced that I suffered from some sort of post traumatic stress or similar, which went untreated. The church I was involved with at the time told me I needed more faith, and prayer, but what I really needed was medical treatment, which I never got. That resulted in many years of misery for me.
I hope you find the answer to your depression soon. I know how miserable it can be. Just keep talking to your doctors and councilors, don't shut yourself off. My thoughts are with you.

Thankfully I am doing much better this time around. I can't explain the difference. I still have some ups and downs, but much better.
 
Chris glad to see your post,thought of you @Laura alot
Sorry to hear your struggles and glad your in councelling.
Had my 2nd surgery in Jan and find i have really blah days
not sure if id call it depression cus im so dam busy lately
i dont have time to pinpoint it on my behalf but i notice up
and down lately for myself.Cant explain it but it sure great
to see a post from you and sorry to hear your struggling
with this and i hope you find the best opals in your dig
Take care....GodBless
 
stop crying mate

stop crying mate

. Not even the slightest interest in employment yet
Chris

hi chris

probably i will offend many with these comments, but they are straight from my heart, i mean well.

sorry to be a neanderthal, but the above sentance says it all. how can you expect to get back to normal if you are not working and sit at home crying all day.!

one and a half years after surgery, you should be back in full time employment, full stop. no excuses.

i went back to full time work in my business 10 days after surgery, i have never had time to feel sorry for myself. i live in west auckland, we have to set a good example for our kids and employees. (other westies would have been shipping me boxes of hankies if i had tried to pull a stunt like staying home for a year)

honest, this comment is from the heart, i am trying to be helpfull, i really think you just have to snap out of it and get on with life

westie
 
Chris, I think that Westie's right. If you got out of the house for a change of scenery it might lift your spirits.
I know you said you are going on an opal dig, but what if you looked for regular part time work? It would get you out and about, and help the family finances as well as boosting YOUR self esteem. It probably wouldn't matter what sort of work you did, it could be anything really, as long as it gets you out communicating and interacting with other people, rather than being home alone brooding about things and thinking of yourself as a "seriously flawed human being" which you ARE NOT!
You are lucky - you were given a second chance at life, a life that includes your lovely, supportive wife and two great kids.
This is not to lecture you or anything, but just trying to help out and encourage you to "wake up and smell the coffee" or whatever that saying is?:):)

Bridgette
 
I applaud Westie for his post ... I will be the first to admit that I have never suffered from clinical depression and if that is what you have you need medical help and possibly medication ... I find that if I am suffering from a case of the blues (which we all do from time to time) I can solve the problem by getting out of myself and doing things for others, it does not have to be anything big but just something to take the focus off of myself ... try it, it may help .... good luck.
 
I agree with Cooker.if you are in counseling,medication has to have come up. That would be a very important part of your recovery. This is something you will not just "get over". That said,,you must be proactive,for your mental health as well as physical. Opening up and saying you know you need help is a good sign. Now get busy and seek the help.It will not fall into your lap! I sat on my butt for 12 months after surgery waiting for what,I have no idea. I finally made the push to cardiac rehab and have never felt better. The numbers on all my tests suck,but,I feel damn good. Make the first step and the rest will follow.
Best wishes to you
 
exercise and walking help depression. add that to your regimen daily to see if it helps. Can a different counselor help, maybe. If you give yourself one job in the house/yard daily, that might trigger something.

Depression is debilitating and paralyzes you and your thoughts. I hope you can find your way. It's been way too long. Try to find the things that used to make you happy and do them again.

Wishing you all the best in your search for getting your life on track again. Blessins......
 
I've suffered from bad depression off and on over the years and think you've gotten some realy good advice. I also think IF you've been going to the same councler for over a year and it isn't much help, maybe you should look for a new one. I went thru a couple docs before I found one that was able to help ME, some were very good ect, but they weren't right for me. IT can be hard to switch especially since it can be easier to just keep going to the same one, but I think this far out I would try.
and like others said, sometimes I just had to force myself to do things I really had no interest in doing and it did help.

ps I remeber last year you were thinking about asking to change meds since the ones you were on weren't helping, maybe your doc still hasn't found the right one/ones for you and you can try some different ones.
 
I agree with Westie's post (it is abit strange for an East Aucklander to agree with a West Aucklander!!) It's no miracle cure, but often, your feelings will follow the action you take.

I'm going backto work part time today. 4 weeks and 2 days post op.
 
Laura's Been Through A Lot, Too...

Laura's Been Through A Lot, Too...

Sorry Everyone for the selfishness of my first post. I'm not the only one going through things right now. While Laura tries, her own reserves are pretty depleted right now.

Laura wants to be there for me, but her own life isn't very happy right now, either, so she has very little left for me. Her mother has been teetering on the edge of death for over two years now, but is still hanging in there--even managing to live at home. Laura's had to make four emergency visits to Chicago in the past two years because of the immanent possibility of her mother's death, only to have her mother rally during her visits. That stress gnaws at her a lot. She also had to make an emergency 1700 mile round trip drive to Colorado a month ago to be with her beloved godmother/aunt when one of her sons died in a boating accident (fatal skull fracture--brain dead with organs harvested for a bunch of transplants including his heart). So I'm not the only hurting one in the family. Laura also needs prayer.

As for the employment issue, I live in an area where my area of expertise, namely research organo-boron chemistry, is virtually unheard of. I have taught at the college level, but was fired a couple of times. That's pretty much a death-knell for a potential professor. Basically, I'd be competing with other professors who have not been fired, and fresh out of graduate school Ph.D. recipients, or ones with recent post-doctoral positions. What that means is that I would have to leave southern Idaho (I love it here!!), get rid of all of my farm animals, and take a 60-80 hours a week post-doctoral research position to get my now quite stale chemistry skills up to date. That would take 2 years or so, then I'd have to apply to probably a few hundred colleges before one would even consider interviewing me due to my past employment history. Next, I'd have to resume 60-80 hours a week trying to get tenure over the next 5 years, failing that, I'd have to start all over again at a new college. I could no longer function as a stay-at-home Dad for KC and Jane, and Laura would very seldom see me. It would not be good for our marriage or family.

Local employment may be possible, but due to my Asperger's syndrome and dysgraphia (very poor handwriting quality), I'm worried my social naivete would show and I would fail as a high school or junior high science teacher. Despite my knowledge of the internet, I have never been one to put up a website because, frankly, I find HTML coding to be tediously boring. Now, professors have to work a lot on the internet, posting exams, answering students' texted questions, etc. I don't think I could handle that, either. Other sorts of seasonal work involve huge numbers of hours, followed by total non-employment. I need stability.

Laura and I agreed that for now (until both Jane and KC go to school five days a week) I shouldn't attempt a full-time position. I would gladly work a half-time position somewhere, or even 10 hours a week, but local employers don't do things that way. It's either full-time or no-time, and you can't pick your hours, either. If I could find a position that allowed me to work from 9 am to 2 pm, then I'd be there today. I do farm work, and raise a flock of about 80 chickens. I also take care of 40+ fruit trees, and recently built a sulphuring cabinet for pre-treating fruit to be dried. We entered some apricots at the local fair and Laura got a blue premium ribbon and I got a red (second place) ribbon on some of these dried apricots. I also have been working on cleaning and sorting older opals. Most of these aren't sellable due to the weak or nearly absent play-of-color. The trip to Virgin Valley may change this, and I could possibly come back with dozens of bright sellable opals.

In addition, I have been designing and working on some inventions I've come up with made from perforated and non-perforated stainless steel sheet material. These are mostly for personal air filtration devices (i.e. prevention of inhalation of gnats, flies, bits of mown grass, etc. during outdoor work/exercise/play while permitting free breathing and drinking of clear juices, soft drinks, or water), and some possible alternative orthodontic appliances not involving the traditional "railroad tracks" look of braces. I recently successfully corrected my own overbite with a couple of these prototype teethbands (removable). I don't know what to do next with these prototypes (tried an inventions promotion company, but their fees would have been exorbitant, so I quit them), but I'm not just sitting around the house doing nothing, either.

Again, thanks for all of those great insights. I may consider a new counselor, as my current one has been my counselor for almost ten years and she doesn't seem to understand the issues surrounding post OHS. I'll check around and see if someone else local knows more about this stuff. Most antidepressant medications cause severe side-effects with me, so the search continues...

Chris
 
I don't know if this is something that interests you, but my Brother is a online college tutor in math and physics, he does it at home and basically does it when he can. it's not alot of money, but really helps him
 
Also , not to be a downer, but I seem to remeber last year you went opal or some gem hunting and didn't do well and really beat your self up over it. Please don't go into this trip expecting to find alot of things to sell and try to keep your hopes down, THEN if you do well it will be a happy time, instead of dragging you further down if you aren't lucky, which chances are you won't find alot of really good opals or face it if it were that easy everyone would be there picking up opals in this economy.
 
Chris I feel your pain and sadness, three years post op I still have my days of depression. All I can say is don't look at your life as a repaired human, but be thankful to be alive to watch your children grow up and to have another day. I think a lot of your depression could be that you just don't feel like doing anything, have fun at least do one fun thing a day! Like your dog made you smile, tomorrow make your children smile or laura! Depression is very hard after OHS and it happens to almost everyone. Hang in there turn that frown upside down! Love God and what he has brought you through because there is a reason you are here! Find it and be glad! :)
 
Hi Chris,

Depression is a hugely complicated thing so comparing yourself to others might not be helpful because people will deal with it in different ways. From the sounds of it I'm assuming you mean clinical depression?

Something that stood out to me in your comment was what if this had been 100 years ago? Well the point is that it's not and you can't carry on thinking like that. You need to challenge these thoughts. So whilst your comment is correct...the same could be said about so many other health problems!

In terms of your counsellor, what type of intervention are they delivering? I would really recommend seeing someone who is trained in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy as that's seen as THE intervention for depression. If you're looking for self-help books, a book called "Mind Over Mood" would be well worth investing in!
 
Hi Chris-

Nice to seeing you posting again, but sorry about the content. My husband Joe had clinical depression most of his life. When we married, he found a wonderful shrink and got on some medication. It helped tremendously, and he continued on with that wonderful shrink for years and years, not going on a regular basis after a while, but only when he felt the need.

It saved his life and he was able to see things in a positive light.

He had been to a couple of other counselors but this last one, a real shrink was what made all the difference, that plus his medication.

Now, I want to know--what is a young, nice, brave man doing living in the past, comparing yourself to someone in the early 1900s??

You are living now, in these times. It is something to rejoice! Your life was saved. You are really reborn so to speak. It's high time to start enjoying your life a little before it all passes you by, and you become an old man with only "what-ifs" to think about.

You are thinking way too much anyway, wearing out your poor brain.

Get out into the sunshine, look at nature's beauty, let the warmth of the sun fall on your face, listen to the birds sing. Instead of thinking, go and DO something, even a small thing. Pick some of that beautiful fruit, make a pie, enjoy.
 
I may consider a new counselor, as my current one has been my counselor for almost ten years and she doesn't seem to understand the issues surrounding post OHS. I'll check around and see if someone else local knows more about this stuff. Most antidepressant medications cause severe side-effects with me, so the search continues...

Chris

Chris:

I agree that with Lynlw that you should change counselors. Another counselor may have different insight. Perhaps checking a medical school to see if there's someone on staff who has a private practice would also be a resource and may know of some new research.

Good luck to you, Laura and your family. Chronic depression is a hard one to kick.
 
put 3 beers in the fridge

put 3 beers in the fridge

.
hey chris

i am not here to do chris bashing, ok?

this is the place to moan and let it all hang out; you are not the only one of us "up against it". only today i was working like a dog at my business, lifting heavy weights, running around, awnsering the phone, organising employees, talking to customers and working on 2 or 3 cars at the same time, one of which was a german electronic nightmare. honest, i had a few "why me moments, this is not fair!" really, this is not so much fun at the age of 55, but we just have to keep on going. and i did get through to the end of the day and enjoyed my 3 bottles of beer. and tommorrow i must do the same again, that is life.

i thought about you today chris and i suspect your first post reveals your true situation.

probably laura does not articulate it, but i suspect the long grass, your lethargy and depression are a strain on your marriage; you may be sitting on a powder keg mate, and if it blows "her indoors" will have the kids, house and half your wages. just think about that.

so you live in the countryside where you can not get employment in your doctorate qualification; mmmmmm, the social welfare department in new zealand call that VU (voluntary unemployment) my advice is to take any job you can get, pumping gas, packing shelves at wallmart, what ever. the last thing i would ever want would be to have to put my hand out to my wife every week for my beer money. otherwise, move back to the city where you can get a fancy job.

re your long grass, i guess you have got 2 to 5 acres of land? probably you normally mow it with a tractor or a ride on; but the grass is now too high for a flat deck mower. well, if you have say a 23 hp diesel tractor with a rear pto like me you could try to borrow a rotary slasher off a neighbour; that would sort the lawn out real quick. other wise get a decent weed eater/ line trimmer and do it the hard way and then rake up the grass. if you have got 2/5 acres of land you will need to get a line trimmer that has a full harness otherwise you will hurt yourself. just do it! don't tell her indoors, start around the house first and you will be an instant hero when she and the kids get home. then you have a date every two weeks mowing the lawn.

and if you are using a weed eater all day, you will be sinking 3 beers for lunch and another 3 beers at the end of the day and probably still looking for a few more. but your mind will be calm and you will be too tired for self pity.

mate, dump the pills, the quacks, the touchy feely crap blah blah, all you need is hard work, some beers and some slap and tickle with yer missus.
 
correct

correct

I agree with Westie's post (it is abit strange for an East Aucklander to agree with a West Aucklander!!) It's no miracle cure, but often, your feelings will follow the action you take.

I'm going backto work part time today. 4 weeks and 2 days post op.

yes, that is quite correct scott. we are from different parts of the universe

i went to kelston boys high school, the westie and rugby capital of the world. did you go to auckland boys grammer????

and good on you for going back to work; you will be the winner.

bet you found your first post op drive a bit hard

westie
 
Chris, after all that has been said: just remember these words of wisdom from me...
There is always something to be glad about!

Whenever I start to feel depressed about my heart not pumping right (one of those PAC'S and PVC'S sufferers) and when I look at my scar and have to plan my wardrobe around it... I just find something to be glad about. I had a repair and not a replacement and I don't have to drink Warfarin and I am actually ALIVE and doing well - all things considered. And then, by the time that I've counted all my other blessings (kids, roof over my head, food, etc.) then how can anyone still feel depressed?

Really, it is THAT simple. Just start a Diary and write down 5 things, every morning, that you want to thank God for and be glad about.

VR hugs ( )
 

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