Being carefree again

[Agian]

Your comments have put my mind at ease. I'm tired of thinking about it and am hoping that it will all be a distant memory, one day.

Some months ago, I had what was probably a TIA in my left eye. Everything checked out fine; except the valve and a Patent Foramen Ovale (> Latin for 'poxy little hole'). They suspected a small clot made its way through the hole and into my eyeball. They decided to plug it with a little mesh / umbrella thingy, via a catheter through the groin... No big deal. This procedure was introduced here about 15 years ago. Prior to this, I would have weighed up whether to have an OHS to prevent a stroke (no guarantees). So what was once a major operation, is now... meh. I've already forgotten about it. This thing will last longer than I do. My point? In 15 - 20 years valve replacement will probably be no big deal and people won't be experiencing what we're going through now.

 

[river-wear]

"Carefree" being a relative term, I'd say "heck yeah!" and I haven't even finished scheduling surgery yet. I was full of angst the first couple of weeks, but it's too exhausting to keep that up. (Not to say I don't have an occasional melt down during all of this research & planning right now.) People always said I was really laid back, and maybe that's one of my blessings. I can also tend to be a real pessimist, but I can already see ways that I am growing and gaining perspective. I'm hoping to find ways to benefit from this process, besides getting my heart "fixed." I won't let it define me though.

Maybe I'm more accepting of this because I've known almost my entire life, and my own valve has lasted about 30 years longer than the original estimates. I was "moderate-to-severe" most of that time. (At the earliest time they didn't even do echos yet, so it wasn't quantified until I was little bit older - maybe in my teens.) Right now, I feel fortunate to have been able to put it off this long, that the endocarditis I apparently had at age 4 wasn't much worse, and I might attain the "holy grail" of a repair rather than replacement.

Agian, I hope you have many years ahead to see how much you can "forget" about this. Just remember to see your cardiologist when you're supposed to.

 

[pellicle]

Hi

this is perhaps not related to Agains question, but something which has circulated in my mind for a while (yes, I know, I think too much, I've been told ;-)

This is not to say I feel that Larry was saying the specific *you* but the 3rd person infinitive version of you being the indefinite other person at some time.

... To me, care free suggests that one doesn't recognize the risks that we live with every day. It is certainly true that people are terrible at evaluating risks. Most of the time we just choose to ignore the fact that we are engaging in risky behavior and yet we live with risk just as all our ancestors did. Most of them were spared some of the most risky behaviors such as driving cars

This point is something so deeply ingrained in us that we simply forget. Recently I was watching a youtube video of the stories of 5 people who were living and uninjured, but because of their texting while driving had killed people. One fellow had killed a mother and her three children (Ahmish family in a buggy). He was actually more distraught than it seemed the father of the family was, for their faith seemed to hold the father together.

No one seems to identify they are doing "dangerous" things all the time. Safety videos at my old College (when I was doing my electrical engineering studies) spoke of the many fatalities caused by people doing risky things with electricty.

My point is that whatever causes us to "wake up" and see what life we are really living isn't that a good thing? I personally feel more alive knowing that I could be dead.

Personally should death come for me I'll take his hand and go, for I have lived a life which I am very happy with. Compared to being born in my parents age I got a much richer life for all the surgeries I have been through (and lived beyond the years in the cards dealt to me).

But that is not to say I'm wanting that visit just now.

 

[Paleowoman]

I've been thinking and reading the many responses here, including my own responses to Aglan and to Larry, and…..

I can't speak for Aglan, but wasn't he referring to being "carefree" as regards feeling carefree about one's heart ?

It's obvious that there are risks in everyday life BUT surely Aglan didn't mean risk free ? He wrote "carefree". His original message suggested to me to be "carefree" from the anxiety connected with having a heart problem and someday open heart surgery, at least that's what it suggested to me so my original reply to him still stands. I know there are risks in everyday life. I know the risks connected with the other health conditions I have, for example I have osteoporosis which could mean disabling fractures which can even lead to early death. Ha, my first cardiologist said to me once when we were talking about heart surgery "you might die of cancer first" - what a thing to say, and that didn't make me feel less anxious about heart surgery at the time.

To me the stress associated with having a heart problem is of a special category - maybe simply because it's the heart, and when that stops it's the end, and maybe because it's very unpleasant to have heart surgery. I'm sure a survivor of cancer might be under the same kind of stress - indeed a close friend of mine who had breast cancer in her 40s which was cured is still living very stressed about it over twenty years later, and a lot of her life is associated with trying to avoid cancer again - she is, incidentally, a physchotherapist/councillor but her skills in that haven't lessened her inability to be "carefree" about cancer. Of course there's lots of unpleasant things in life - if we lived in a country like Syria life might be very dismal - does that mean we have to deny the anxiety and stress just because it might be worse in another situation ?

 

[maisiejane]

Well said Anne,
I fully understand the meaning of "care free" that Aglan was referring to. I still, and presume will continue to have other stresses in my life as we all do, but I am able to manage these appropriately especially if I am not distracted with the worries of what may or may not happen with my heart, maybe the fear doesn't leave us, maybe its only years down the line that we think I am still here and why was I worrying!
Deb xxx

 

[pellicle]

Some months ago, I had what was probably a TIA in my left eye. Everything checked out fine; except the valve and a Patent Foramen Ovale (> Latin for 'poxy little hole'). They suspected a small clot made its way through the hole and into my eyeball. They decided to plug it with a little mesh / umbrella thingy, via a catheter through the groin... No big deal.

glad to hear it was transient and left nothing residual

best wishes

 

[kimcdougc]

Hi Agian,

I am 10 months post op for a mechanical On-x valve. My feelings to date are, it gets more and more normal everyday. I don't think about what was or is as much anymore. I just live my life to the fullest. I do home testing once a week and go to the clinic monthly for my INR check. I hear my valve tick tick a lot throughout the day but hear it less and less as I move forward with life. I get so busy now living life as usual (with a little more appreciation for it) than before that I don't check into this website as much as I did pre surgery. I feel bad about that because the faithful ones who post here are the people that get us all through our before and after OHS. You will be "carefree" again. Just takes getting through the surgery and recovering and moving on with life. Best wishes to you and your upcoming surgery post surgery.

 

[epstns]

Maybe we should take a lesson from some of the dogs we see on the news. Some of them lose a leg, but still we see them happily back home with the family, "livin' the dream."

 

[Duffey]

For what it's worth, I'm almost nine years out from avr with a bovine valve, and I rarely think about my heart. I had issues for the first few years following replacement but they've resolved, and other than my membership in this forum, nothing in my daily life serves as a reminder of the surgery.

 

[Agian]

Thanks for the reassuring comments guys!

 

[Jamey T]

I knew about my valve problems over 20 years before my surgery. I chose to live my life as if I wouldn't survive the surgery, so I feel as though I am now on "bonus time". I really did live as though my surgery was the end. That may not help you, but it bothered me for a lot of years that they were going to stop my heart. When the internet became available, and I was able to do more research about the survival rates, I really quit worrying about it. But I didn't stop living every day. That is the best thing I have taken from my problems, live your life every day. And remember, as serious as this surgery is, the doctors are REALLY good at it.

 

[Nupur]

I am one of those people who took their diagnosis hard : ) I have never really been "carefree" since, but after the initial 6 months of many panic attacks, I did calm down and now I try to live normally. I have had to adjust my activities somewhat with onset of symptoms, and I do worry about when I'll be told "it's time!". In the last year, I have lost two friends to cancer, and that has made me realize that I am lucky to have a condition for which I am being monitored and that can be fixed, even though the surgery and recovery will be hard. Try to relax and enjoy your time in the waiting room, you might be here for a while. I've been here 6 years : )

 

[Agian]

Nupur, I accept that I won't be care-free whilst in the waiting room. However, I'm hoping that I can put all this behind me post-op.
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friends. Life is so short.

 

[avr8913]

It has only been 8 months since surgery, but I am close to being as care free as I was. There is a difference in pre and post. Once you begin to feel like you did before, as you recover from the surgery, the care free mindset starts to return. There may be some new additional responsibilities, like keeping INR in range and working a little longer at plugging leaks/cuts, etc., but you start to return to normal. As others have brilliantly explained, you do have a different outlook, but you no longer have the additional mental responsibility of processing or preparing for an upcoming surgery. Now you are back to simply maintaining/managing your life.