Anxiety and Heat problems

[della_anne]

I am having trouble dealing with anxiety. My counselor says it is due to me not being able to deal with uncertainty and wanting to stay where it is 'safe' and not take any significant action in my life. Living with my parents is part of the problem. I have to sort of listen to them because it is their house their rules. They are over protective and pressure me to 'get a life' (move out, get a better job, and basically meet their expectations). I don't think they understand that how I feel about taking risks and dealing with uncertainty in the work world. I am always hesitant about taking aciton in my life because of the unknown. But I know that action must be taken other wise I will not be able to get to where I want to go in my life. I am hoping that I can move out of my parents house soon so that I do not have to deal with the criticism and can learn to be more free and independant on my own.


Danielle Sikorski

 

[geebee]

Danielle,

Good to hear from you. Is the anxiety more about being on your own or being able to function in a work environment when you know it is required to keep a roof over your head?

You must know that nothing is ever guaranteed when it comes to the financial and work world. If you are trying to wait until you feel confident that your job is secure to move on with your life that may never happen. Security is an illusion. However, being self-sufficient and having freedom is not.

If you do not really feel that you are ready to be on your own, have you tried to have an open and honest exchange with your parents to help them help you? Perhaps they may be willing to relax their controls a bit if they truly are able to see what pain they are causing. I am sure they feel they are doing what's best for you. If they understand that they are, in fact, hurting you, things might change.

Just some thoughts.

 

[Ross]

Danielle I can sympathize with you. I was pretty much the same way while my parents were alive. When it was all forced upon me, I was scared out of my wits, but I had to do some fast growing up and meet those challenges. I did it! I didn't think I would ever be able too, but it can be done. It all comes down to this, you can take the intiative and learn these skills now with the help of your parents or you can be forced into dealing with these things. Being forced is not the way I would recommend, but it could happen. I'm living proof that it can be done.

Kind of brings a little smile to my face. I'm so totally bogged down with major problems right now, that I can't think straight half the time. I'm talking owing medical expenses that can bankrupt us in a heart beat, an employer telling my wife that she may not have a job to come back too, etc,. If this were me 20 years ago, I couldn't handle it and would be in a major mental shutdown. Now, I'm the opposite. I'm like a cornered rat. If you threaten or are a threat, I'm coming at you! Big difference from then to now.

You can do it. You just need to make those first steps and do the deciding for yourself. Really you can.

 

[McCln]

You must be a very young person. Life experience is hard to do for the first time.The first step is always uncertain. You have your parents, whom you do trust and not sure about the outside world. You should try to look for a stable job in order to afford a place to go on your own. These steps takes time and internal determination in growing up. Yes, growing up. In staying with your parents, you are hanging on to your childhood. You need to fin it in yourself to say, " I am an adult, living as a adult, deciding things as an adult, so I need to act more like one. It is hard to make that step, getting a job, getting your first place. But once you do it, you will feel better, paying the bills, budgeting your money, having funb, dating, maybe one day get married. But getting on your own is very important. Independence. I know how it felt, I did not move far, but made it. I am still here, no parents to lean on and making it. You can do it also. Just take it one day at a time. It is meant to be scary. Doing something new is scary, but you can do it. One day at a time. Take care and do it.

 

[Sherry]

Hello, Danielle. I'm so sorry to hear about how you're feeling. I agree with everyone else in that life is so uncertain (as you know from your own surgical experience), but we've got to get out there and make our way in the world. I know from having met you twice that you have what it takes to get out there and experience life on your own. I agree with Gina: perhaps you need to level with your parents and let them know what's going on. We're behind you all the way, Danielle. Please keep in touch.

 

[della_anne]

Thanks for all of your supportive advice and insight! It really helps to know that I am not the only one who has felt this way that that this is just a normal part of 'growing up'. But because of the fact that someone has a heart condition, I think this step is a little scarier than for most healthy people. Because health is just one more thing to worry about( getting health insurance, having money for medication/medical bills) something that most young people do not have to worry about.
Once I have a plan, am able to get myself into a better job, and move out, then the scary part will be over and life will hopefully become more normal and less scary.
McCln, You are totally right in saying 'But once you do it, you will feel better, paying the bills, budgeting your money, having funb, dating, maybe one day get married' Once I can prove to myself that I can do it, then I will feel much much better about things.
Hi Gina, nice to hear from you again too! This is very good advice. Especially now the way the economy is today. ' If you are trying to wait until you feel confident that your job is secure to move on with your life that may never happen. Security is an illusion.'
Ross, 'Kind of brings a little smile to my face. I'm so totally bogged down with major problems right now, that I can't think straight half the time. I'm talking owing medical expenses that can bankrupt us in a heart beat, an employer telling my wife that she may not have a job to come back too, etc,. If this were me 20 years ago, I couldn't handle it and would be in a major mental shutdown. Now, I'm the opposite. I'm like a cornered rat. If you threaten or are a threat, I'm coming at you! Big difference from then to now.'
I hope that eveything turns out okay for you. Do you have good health insurance? You could always get insurance through COBRA, although it can be expensive. I am glad to hear that you are coping with these challenges in a more proactive way. Its important to stay informed and question insurance companies with medical expenses. I've had times when I have gotten medical bills and ended up not having to pay them because there was a mistake on their end.

 

[Guest]

Once I have a plan, am able to get myself into a better job, and move out, then the scary part will be over and life will hopefully become more normal and less scary.

Ohhhh my goodness, I know this all too well.

As you may remember, I, too, am currently living with my parents. Luckily, I've had the experiences of living away from home for college and a month in 1996 when I first attempted a relocation to the Nashville TN area.

Right now, being without a job makes the "plan" a bit tougher to formulate. A frustrating aspect of my current layoff situation is that just a few months ago, I started looking for a place of my own ... and budgeting money for the purpose of buying or renting a condo. Now...all of that is up in the air, until I can find another job....and that panic button is looking a bit better all the time.

Nevertheless, I'm still looking at relocating to Nashville...and praying that things will work out ... and soon!

Good luck!


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[Ross]

I have health insurance for myself only because I'm disabled, but Lyn had none! She's been laid off so many times and the on the last call back, they changed insurance companies and left her with premiums that we simply could not afford. We thought we'd be alright, but she had a kidney problem that required surgery. Well so much for our thinking! I still haven't gotten all the bills and were at $20,000 and climbing still. More money then we have to our names by a long shot. Scared? Heck yes I'm scared. Never in my life have we been so down and out. The reality of it is, we don't have that kind of money, so what are they going to do? Can't shoot me, Can't hang me, so I know they can't kill me. We'll get through it. It won't be fun, but even now, I'm learning something about all of it. Not likely we'll make the same mistake twice.

 

[Guest]

It won't be fun, but even now, I'm learning something about all of it.

Hmm.... Perhaps I shouldn't be asking this, but, Ross, I'm wondering if you'd be willing to document all of your experiences in this realm ... and tell us about it. I'd bet there are others of us here who are going through similar medical/financial worries that may benefit from your experiences, fights, musings, etc....