Afraid to live???

[della_anne]

Hello,

I am on an anti depressant (wellbutrin)to treat social anxiety. I worry too much and I think part of it has to do with my heart condition. The psychiatrist says I need to go out and have fun. Its like I'm afraid to live, like living is going to kill me or something.

I have a tendancy to hold myself back and try not to let myself be too 'off guard'. Its like I have to be in control of my life and to go out and have fun is like loosing control. I don't get it....why am I so uptight and so unrelaxed? I am afraid to be myself around other people. Living with my parents probably has something to do with it too. I'm hypervigilant. I need to be at a calming state of being, then maybe it would be easier for me to meet new people and make more friends. The anti depressant is working, it has taken away a lot of the anxiety, alot but not all of it.

The psychiatrist wanted to put me on Paxil too to try to get rid of more of the anxiety. I decided not to go on Paxil...I was afraid it would make me too fearless and make me do something irrational or stupid. Some amount of anxiety is a good thing, it keeps you from getting harmed.

I try to get out among people and socialize as often as I can, I just hope that if I continue to do this, the anxiety will go away even more and maybe then I will be able to relax. Sometimes it is difficult though...I tend to be on the shy side, but I keep trying.
Anxiety can be such an isolating condition to have. Your first reation is to avoid people at all costs, but what you really need to be doing is to be around people as much as you can even though it may feel uncomfortable. Being around people can help to reduce the anxiety.

Thinking about maybe seeing a therapist again if things don't keep improving.
Does anyone else here experience anxiety? and do you know the reasons for it? How does your heart condition play into this?

Danielle

 

[briansmom]

My son has the heart condition, so I can't speak from that side, but "thinking about seeing a therapist"????? What is stopping you? I don't think that I could have survived my divorce, being a single parent, remarriage and now being the parent of a child with heart problems without a therapist. Also, don't be afraid to try more than one. We all have a personality type that we can work with. My kids saw a therapist when I was going through the divorce, when I got remarried and now that we have an ill child in the family. Life is difficult, who else will listen to us vent (besides our friends at VR.com). Not only will they listen to us vent, they will tell us when we are being ridiculous - most of the time I actually believe it because they went to school for some ungodly number of years to qualify to tell us that we are overreacting! Seriously, they have amazing insight sometimes and I have learned a lot from my therapists.

 

[geebee]

Danielle,

I have met you and find you to be interesting, very sweet, nice and someone the world is better off having. I would never have known you are uncomfortable around people if you hadn't mentioned it. Obviously you are able to overcome your anxiety when you put your mind to it.

I think a therapist would be able to help you keep things under control so others can benefit from a person like you.

One of my favorite quotes is, "The only things we have to do is die and live until we die - the rest is up to us." There are so very many possibilities and we control most of them. The ones we do not control we have to overcome. I know you have the strength to do so as I have seen you when you have yourself under control. You just have to find the tricks to do so on a daily basis. That's where the therapist comes in.

I wish you all the best.

 

[Ross]

Given what you've been through, it's always in the back of your mind. The hard part is keeping it from controlling you and ruining your life. You went through this to have life. Try to ignore that voice in your mind and LIVE the LIFE that you've been given. I know it all sounds easy and isn't in practice. Do the best you can.

 

[hensylee]

Nice to see you again. I am sorry for what you are going through. Laughing is a great ice breaker. Maybe watching TV comedies that make you laugh. When you are really enjoying a comedy, you can't think of your worries.
that is also true of anger - if you're angry, you can't be depressed (not at the same time), but anger is not good for anybody.

You have made a good step by coming back into VR where you can open up and say exactly what you feel and nobody but us know about it - and we don't actually know each other so who are we going to tell?

I used to get very panicky in a group, especially having to speak to the group as a whole. One on one I was pretty much ok, more than one I just clammed up.

I was put on Paxil once upon a time and it changed my life. Eventually I quit it on my own. Last year when my brother was so ill, my dr put me on Lexapro and again, it has done wonders for me. I have heard that half of us in this country are using antidepressants.

Start talking to one person, then increase your group to two, etc. Go out, look at things around you, absorb them.

If you can make yourself interested in the other person instead of yourself, you will have made a big step. Open a conversation with a question about them and continue to talk about them so you don't have to talk about yourself and maybe that will teach you how to forget about your fears a bit.

Blessins........

 

[Dennis S]

Just a few things that I have noticed about myself, and may relate to others:
1. Going to bed physically exhausted helps me get a good night's rest. I think our bodies need a lot more physical activity than we commonly get. I think part of who we are is a complex chemical mix. My personal experience is that thing are in better balance when we get sufficient exercise.

2. I think that the experience of anxiety can lead to isolation-and then isolation can lead to more anxiety. Anxiety is an amorphous opponent-you can't see it, and its hard to know how to find it. But maybe you can fight it's manifestations-as difficult as it might seem, I think it would help to seek out opportunities to invest your time and energy in things that matter to you. I hope that might help a little.

 

[Nancy]

Danielle-

Being a quiet person is OK. There are lots of quiet people. Have you ever thought of doing something like knitting, crocheting, quilting or embroidery? There is something very soothing about doing rhythmic things with your hands and it is also a nice feeling that you are producing something of beauty.

There are small groups of women who get together to do handwork like that and to chat along as they are doing it.

Maybe something like that would be a good and safe entre for you in to a more social setting.

Book, music and garden clubs are nice too.

 

[djroy]

re: afraid to live

re: afraid to live

Hi....I think anxiety comes in so many forms. Many people probably have it but it's drowned in coffee or previous marathon running. I drink coffee and ran marathons...hmmm.

Ya like others have mentioned...talk to someone. Call it therapy or not, but sometimes it really helps me to test my reality. I can scare the heck out of myself with my own thoughts and assumptions. Often, I test my assumptions and find out that I'm really way ahead of myself.

I wish I had a magic answer, but surely the fact that you posted about this says to me that you are NOT afraid to live. Be gentle with yourself. Set up success by taking small risks that you know you can handle...slowly build up to move "living" if you want. But remember...often, something is only a problem if we think it is. In otherwords, live by YOUR standards, not what you think others think you should do.

Not sure if this helps or not, but for now, give yourself a pat on the back for asking about this!

Dan

 

[katie1234]

Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this rough time, but it is definitely a brave and good thing to bring it up and want to change it. There are tons of reasons of why you might be feeling this way, and I would definitely consider that having a heart condition might play a (big) role in the development and maintenance of the anxiety you are suffering from. Walking around with a heart that may not be in top-notch form is a ridiculous thing to have to do, and I can only imagine what it's like (my mom is the heart patient in my life).

As a therapist-to-be (I am a doctoral student in clinical psychology ), I can tell you that from everything I have read and the patients I have met with, anxiety of all types is generally highly treatable! The most successful therapies for anxiety are cognitive-behavioral therapies, and a psychiatrist is most likely not going to give you that (although anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs are a beautiful thing, and combining medication with therapy can be a great way to tackle the problem head-on). Look for a social worker, counseling psychologist, or clinical psychologist who specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy for the treatment of anxiety. And if you don't like the first one you find, keep looking until you find one that you click with.


Good luck to you, and I hope you feel better soon.

Katie

 

[strawberry]

Hey Danielle, I have a couple of thoughts for you:

Like Nancy said, being quiet is ok. I recently learned that introverts are not necessarily "shy", they just get energy from being alone and get drained from socializing. Extroverts, just the opposite. So you can be a shy extrovert or a self-confident introvert. I am definitely an introvert; I need alone time to rejuvenate.

Secondly, are you afraid to live, or afraid to be happy? I had a string of really crappy things happen to me and sometimes when I feel things are ok, I get anxious cause I'm sure something crappy is going to happen to ruin it. Like, why be happy; the fall is farther. But I know that's a problem with me and I know it's not a good way to be.

Like someone said, I could not have gotten through a lot of things without therapy and some good ole chemical help. And just expressing yourself here is good therapy....bonding, knowing you're not alone, and letting it all out.

Take care. And BE happy!

 

[LUVMyBirman]

Hi Danielle,

Great to see you posting. Actually....I have not been around much....so have missed a ton

I can't mention an names of course. Do know someone that has a similar if not the same anxiety disorder. He mother had the same. I beleive in that particular case it was a "learned behavior". Not genetic. Just by association. She still suffers from it. More so now as the mother has passed on. Unfortunatley....she had a breakdown. Slowly on the mend.

I am happy you are receiving help and medication. Eventually you may be able to get off the meds with therapy. First step is recognizing and admitting there is an issue. Having met you in person. It appears you have a great zest for life. Otherwise you would not have ventured out to meet your fellow members! You are more than half way there! Keep up the great work!

Take care.

 

[Sherry]

Danielle, I've had the pleasure of meeting you three times in Chicago. I am glad that you are seeking help, but as Gina mentioned, just your ability to be able to come out and meet other VR.commers means you're outgoing to some extent. Being quiet in a social setting is not necessarily a bad thing. It just means that you are an observer, which I sometime find myself even though I'm involved in a very extroverted profession. Take care and keep in touch.

 

[debster913]

Hi, Danielle--

Although have never met you, I can relate on some levels. I used to be terribly shy; when I was younger, kids picked on me because I have a weak right side from my congenital heart attack. As I got older and grew more self-confidence with the help of a mentor, I started coming out of my shell more, though even today it takes me time to open up to people I've just met. I'm somewhat introverted, and yet extroverted. My best friend says that I'm a walking paradox, because I seem shy and quiet on the outset, but I'm really not in different settings. As a high school teacher, I can't be shy or the kids would walk all over me. In that setting, then, I am outgoing and approachable, and I'm really comfortable with that. When I'm around new people, and sometimes even some of my colleagues at work, I don't say much unless I'm comfortable with them.

Anyway, Danielle, to offer some advice, maybe you should elicit the help of someone in yor life who is like a support system, and use that person (or people) as a mentor. My college friend Ben, who I rarely see these days, was mine. He taught me how to believe in myself. Maybe you need that, too--someone who already believes in you who can help you gain more self-confidence.

There's nothing wrong with being shy or introverted. There are plenty of successful people out there who are, or have been.

Best,
Debi

 

[Barbara Stewart]

Hi Danielle,

I'm glad to hear from you. I haven't been around much in a while. I guess I was just adjusting to life again. You mentioned that your psych wanted to add a medication for anxiety and you were afraid to try it. I want to encourage you to go ahead and try. If it doesn't work you can always quit, but it just might work. I've been on antidepressants for years and no amount of therapy is going to "fix" me. I don't know if it's genetic or the environment I grew up in, but at this point it doesn't matter. My husband and my daughter both have anxiety disorders and take Zoloft. It make such a differnence for them. They are calmer and happier with themselves and they are a LOT easier to be around. Please don't let your anxiety keep you from moving forward. Life it too short.

Please stay in touch.

Barbara

 

[doberman]

The fact that you can talk about this say a lot, I can relate, In the past I have croseed the street to avoid people I know, and these are people I like. Since my surgery I feel better and less anxious, I beleive that there is a connection between anxiety and heart conditions but others on this site will know more than me. There is a distincet possibility is that you are quite fine the way you are, you seem like a nice ol' gal to me...
JD

 

[ruth]

Danielle,

You appear to me to be a very intelligent, perceptive and considerate person. You are able to bing a great deal of insight into yourself and that's really important in the pathways of our lives. Start by liking yourself, seems to me there's a lot to like. Next, care less about what others think of you, focus simply on being the person you want to be, a good person. Anxiety is a burden you don't need and don't deserve to put upon yourself.

It's hard, I know, I've suffered from anxiety and depressive disorder since I was 16. I was the shy girl with the 'bad heart'. I read the Desiderata often, it helps me put life into perspective. I'm more carefree since the surgery, I think it gave me the 'reality check' I needed to let my hair down and just enjoy.

Yes, go, see the pro's, they help plenty of us.

I wish you all the best,
Ruth