Manifesto
Manifesto
Policies are needed. With acknowledgement to the Monster Raving Loony Party how about these vote winners.
All politicians should paint them self's permantly head to toe in the colour of the party they represent -
We will set up an inquiry to find out if:
(a). Things are really that Bad and
(b). They are out to get you
All socks to be sold in packs of 3 as a precaution against losing one.
If you want your kids to be less fat...feed em less (do we need to make a policy of this?....its common sense)
Supermarket Trolley Formation Dancing to be made an Olimpick event.
All newly trained Dentists will be require to have three teeth removed, 2 fillings and root canal work done without anesthetic. Then they will know the agony they inflict on the rest of us.
It is proposed that all pavements are heated so it is possible to walk bare foot in the winter, this would also serve another purpose by making the pavements warm no ice would form on them thereby reducing the risk of injury for everyone.
Bright pupils will be provided with dimmer switches to prevent them distracting the rest of the class.
As well as using computers in schools, children should be taught to reed, rite, and appreciate rock.
All teachers should come to school dressed as pink teddy bears then they will not be so intimidating.
It is proposed that Political leaders are banned if they avoid a straight answer "Yes" or "No". As they may still be telling fibbs, any such person found to string out an answer longer than2.8 seconds should be forced to undertake a lie detector test.
All singers who's names sound like infectious diseases( i.e: Chriestina Aguilera, Natalie Imbruglia) will be provided with free antibiotics just in case it spreads. You can never be safe enough!
Poets will have to sign up for a 'poetic license' this way shoddy poetry will be eliminated. Also in the test for the license wannabe poets will need to write funny limericks. They will be asked to produce at least one a week, or they are stripped of their license.
A government agency will be set up to paint contour lines on to hills and colour roads the same as on maps. This will help people know where they are.
Since Iraq needs to have a proper infrastructure before they can run their own country, I propose we send our traffic police out to Iraq to give tickets to American Jeeps and Tanks illegally parked thereby raising much needed revenue for the Iraq government (and giving us a much needed break!)
All armchairs and sofas should be redesigned so as not to include a gap where small articles (such as loose change, keys, remote controls and gerbils) can fall down.
It is proposed that we should get rid of three colour traffic lights, and replace it with a much larger spectrum.
We would legislate a return to traditional voting methods, but with a slight change. Elections Make You Cross. Why do we put a "cross" on the ballot paper. A cross normally means "thats wrong". We propose that a "tick" would be more suitable. Putting a cross next to someones name on the ballot paper is as good as writing "monumental cock up" next to their name.
