Spouses after surgery

[A New Beginning]

hello all

my spouse is grateful about everything however, he is having a hard time adjusting to my nervousness about being on coumadin.

for example: i was getting up yesterday from sitting on the floor and he hit me with a pillow. I freaked and he said he did not understand why i freaked liked that. it was on my head but i am so scared to bruise i freaked bad. he then responded to me by getting upset because he said he was sure that a pillow was not going to hurt me. We got in this huge agrument and i just decided not to speak to him for a while.
the pillow did not hurt, but i am so freaked about the coumadin, I dont know what to do. PLEASE HELP!!!

Aja

 

[Bonzo Dog]

Whoooaaah Aja, a bit of an over reaction there IMHO. Warfarin taking is not an illness, you are not an invalid because of it. A sustained barrage to the head from a dense heavy pillow wouldn't be advisable, but a bit of passing tomfoolery shouldn't be a cause for alarm. Relax.

I'm wondering if you are generally stressed about cardiac matters and the warfarin row was just the pressure valve?

 

[Ross]

Aja you need to calm down. You are not as fragile as an eggshell as many would have you believe. Please come down to the anticoagulation forum and talk with us about the REAL DEAL with Coumadin. It sounds to me like your hearing and believing a whole bunch of old myth. I suppose your not eating your green vegetables either because some moron told you that you can't? Believe me, we've heard just about every silly thing there is and we'd be happy to help you relax and enjoy your pillow fights.

Many of the myths your hearing and being made to beleive in can be shot down in Al Lodwicks site at:

http://www.warfarinfo.com/warfarinfo.com2.htm

This link in particular will help you too:
http://www.warfarinfo.com/outrageous.htm

 

[catwoman]

Aja:

Ditto with what Ross said. You are not fragile like eggshell.

Since my surgery, I have hit my head a number of times, including the door jamb of our bathroom. That injury left me with a beaut of a bruise on the forehead. (Which wasn't quite as beautiful, though, as the black eye I was sporting at the time due to a coughing bout from bronchitis that broke blood vessels around my left eye.)
Unless your husband has put a few bricks in the pillow, it should NOT cause you to bruise.

Now, if you slip and fall, striking your head on the floor, that's another thing. I'd suggest that ANYONE who does that at least see his/her family doctor.

 

[AgilityDog]

Aja,
I felt pretty fragile too, after surgery. Of course, I was in pretty bad shape when I went in, and nearly died, so I was entitled to that feeling. It may take a little while for you to get your confidence back up, and that's ok.

I remember tripping and falling during agility class about 4 months after surgery - I was more concerned about protecting my healing sternum and not letting my head smack the ground than anything else. I discovered I wasn't as fragile as I thought I was.

Since then, I've tripped over my dog and run into agility equipment more times than I can count, resulting in cuts, scrapes, and bruises. In addition, Jet tends to use me as a backstop when we play, so my shins are frequently bruised from her hard muscles and boney legs. One thing I've found is that if I quickly apply ice to a hard hit it tends to lessen the bruising - and I've had some pretty good knots from my little knothead. You'll soon stop worrying about it.

 

[Cooker]

As the others have said?.chill out?..coumadin is not the boogeyman?..live your life as always and enjoy the pillow fights??they always lead to another sport in my house

 

[Freddie]

Aja,
please try to relax there is no need to walk on pins and needles.
I'm on coumadin and gave myself a black eye - did a good job of it I may add The picture of my eye is posted, search under Black eye - you should be able to find it.

As you can see, others have been banged up - its part of life.
Relax have fun and start a pillow fight tonite

 

[Bina]

I understand that the first few months on warfarin can be nerve wracking, but its un-necessary.
We have learned to humour ourselves.....a couple of weeks ago I ordered a window blind which was shipped in a tube and extremely well taped up. So, I've got the big scissors and i'm trying to cut through the end of it....hubby watches for a while and then tries to take over. "No, thank you I can do it myself" is my reply.
A few minutes later I am still struggling with the open scissors and somehow I still have all of my fingers, but the package is not opening.
Hubby says, " Hey Coumadin Girl, how about I open that for you?"
I had a good laugh and let him open the package.

 

[A New Beginning]

Hey all: thank you very much. I feel as though I should apologize to him. this is all so new and overwhelming.

you all made me feel better and I guess i better try and make up.

Aja

 

[ruth]

What this world needs is more pillow fights!

What this world needs is more pillow fights!

Bina - You're so funny.

Honestly, I felt like an eggshell for awhile post op - Coumadin or no. It'll pass.

Relax, you won't break.

My hubby and I still kid about "coumadin packaging" - you know it, those hermetically sealed hateful all one piece plastic containers that you CAN NOT get into without cutting around the entire package and then trying to slip your hand inside without causing major lacerations. Why hasn't someone banned those things forever, some masochist developed them. Sigh.

Lighten up, it's ok, you're alive, you're well, you've lived to fight another day.

Enjoy! Grab a pillow......

Peace,
Ruth

 

[ponygirlmom]

Hey all: thank you very much. I feel as though I should apologize to him. this is all so new and overwhelming.

No, HE needs to apologize to YOU. The medical fact that that he couldn't have bruised you doesn't negate his selfishness. Instead of apologizing for scaring you, he was too busy defending himself like a little kid. I don't care if you're on coumadin or not, it's YOUR body, and if you don't want it hit by pillows, I think that should be a pretty easy thing for a husband to honor. If he's that desperate for a pillow fight, he needs to go volunteer to babysit some kids.

I wouldn't go to him and demand an apology, but hopefully he will decide that he was out of line, not for hitting you with a pillow (he didn't know how much you would hate that at the time) but for not respecting your feelings about it.

 

[catwoman]

My hubby and I still kid about "coumadin packaging" - you know it, those hermetically sealed hateful all one piece plastic containers that you CAN NOT get into without cutting around the entire package and then trying to slip your hand inside without causing major lacerations. Why hasn't someone banned those things forever, some masochist developed them. Sigh.

I've wondered about that, too. One of these days I'm going to sever my hand just trying to break open a new electric toothbrush (or whatever).
Have thought that the packaging is too much, particularly
for seniors or people who don't have much strength or dexterity (say, those with RA).

 

[PairoDocs]

From Pairodocs-Laura

Didn't someone on Coumadin just climb Mt. Everest? Ross, did I read that here or somewhere else? I think that there's a hockey player, too. Remember that your body has a lot of fail-safes and redundant systems, especially for clotting. Coumadin blocks only 1 pathway; there are still platelets and another clotting pathway (heparin blocks that one), so even though you bruise more easily, you should be OK if you keep your protime in target. As to the marital stuff...I sure would recommend counseling, but my guess is that he feels the need for some attention, and he also wants his wife back. He may want to have passionate, unrestrained relations with his wife, but can't due to the OHS, and so has to settle for a soft pillow, thus demonstrating some consideration and restraint. I don't know you and it's none of my business, anyway, but not talking about it is about the worst thing you can do. If you need neutral turf, nothing like a counselor's office or the pastor's office, or even a nice restaurant or park.

I hope you guys can work it out.

This REALLY is a Desert in Idaho,
-Laura

 

[A New Beginning]

Hey PairoDocs:

thank you for that post. he does keep making a comment about "relations"
he is the type of guy who wont stray because he is one too busy with our 3 year old and two, he tells me everything, sometimes too much. maybe i will get a romantic movie and make dinner once I feel up to it. the other thing I thought of is once i think i feel ok to have relations is getting the baby with g-ma and the dog with his sister and planning a romantic weekend getaway.

He is a good guy, but i agree too that counseling might be needed to get us BOTH through this experience.

Aja

 

[geebee]

Aja,

This is a tough time for everyone. It sounds to me like your husband was just trying to be playful and might even used a pillow because he did think ahead of time and decided that would not be harmful. OR he was just trying to interact with you and did something that might not have been appropriate out of nervousness. Kind of like when we get giggles at a funeral due to stress.

It is impossible to know, in advance, just how we all will react to stress. It sounds like your husband is just trying to pay attention to you.

However, you did not plan your reaction either. Until you learn the ins and outs of coumadin, you might think things that are not accurate. Just try to talk with your husband and ask him to help you learn about coumadin so you both can live comfortably.

 

[Ross]

An old story of mine to help you relax about Coumadin.

The way you posted it reminds me so much of me. There was a time where Coumadin was not part of my life. I, like so many others, didn't want to take the stuff that makes you bleed all over your wife's white dress, your bosses new suede shoes etc, then some silly Doctor found what he thought was a clot in the apex of my heart. Guess what? Oh yeah, your going to take Coumadin. I bought into all the bull crap that goes along with it. One day, I cut myself real good while working on the brakes of my car. I jumped up and ran, gettin ready to call the ambulance cause I'm squirting blood out at at least 2 gallons a minute. Get to the phone, grab it and look. Just a trickle of blood running down my hand. Now this can't be, I'm on Coumadin, I'm supposed to bleed to death now. Imagine my shock when applying direct pressure to the cut stopped the bleeding.

After that, I decided it was time to go to www.warfarinfo.com and see just what other lies I had been told. It's amazing. You bleed for a few seconds more then usual. That's it. Wow, what a relief.

 

[Bina]

Bina - You're so funny.

Honestly, I felt like an eggshell for awhile post op - Coumadin or no. It'll pass.

Relax, you won't break.

My hubby and I still kid about "coumadin packaging" - you know it, those hermetically sealed hateful all one piece plastic containers that you CAN NOT get into without cutting around the entire package and then trying to slip your hand inside without causing major lacerations. Why hasn't someone banned those things forever, some masochist developed them. Sigh.

Lighten up, it's ok, you're alive, you're well, you've lived to fight another day.

Enjoy! Grab a pillow......

Peace,
Ruth

Now THAT is a package I won't try to open!!
I would like to know also, when is someone going to ban those??

 

[PairoDocs]

I forgot to mention-and maybe this might be helpful-coumadin prolongs your protime, therefore simply prolonging the time it takes to stop bleeding. It might double the time it takes to stop the bleeding, for instance. Good knowledge of basic first aid is the best thing you can do- pressure to the area, ice, etc. It's difficult to prolong the protime enough to "bleed out" as they say. In every case I've seen that happen, the person took a massive overdose, intentionally, then inflicted the severe injury on purpose- mostly with their car by crashing into a guardrail, for instance. In other words, they were trying to commit suicide. Even then, due to the availability of fresh-frozen plasma and vitamin K, we were able to save quite a few.

Just be careful if you have to use antibiotics, for instance, as they can prolong your protime. I would also listen to these guys on the forum. They know a lot about coumadin, but they also can give you info on how to obtain a home monitoring device, etc. I know about the coumadin from my profession, but I never thought about the hoops some folks have to go through to get their device.

Sorry if the word "relations" is a bit old-fashioned, but I like it because it's all-inclusive and polite to use in mixed company.

Nicer (but smokier) day in Idaho,
-Laura