This bothers me... maybe silly

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M

Magnus

My ex-girlfriend (the sweet little thing) broke up with me two weeks before my valve replacement surgery last year. The last few weeks I've been thinking a lot about what my next girlfriend (hopefully there'll be another one..) will think of my heart valve and the clicking sound it makes. What bothers me the most, I guess, is if she would reject me because of the valve -- because the sound annoyed her or she couldn't get to sleep with me laying next to her or any such thing.

Has anyone had any experience with this? Did you meet someone after valve surgery and how did they react?
 
There's an easy answer to that one - your next girlfriend has a mother with a mechanical valve, so she's used to the ticking!!!!:D :D :D (and if she sees this post, I'm dead!) (She doesn't usually wear the crown - although she is my princess!)
 
Ah... that makes perfect sense... get someone who's already used to the ticking :D

Seriously guys, thanks for the encouragement. Maybe I should post back here with my tales of doom, gloom and rejection after the 10th girl declares me "unfit" for having a mechanical valve. Or if I'm lucky I'll have the oppositve to report.

Please ignore any spelling errors, I'm drunk out of my skull trying to forget the trauma of last year.
 
I have to say this was once a concern of mine. About 3 months post-op I went on a dinner date that went fine, Until on the drive home. He turns down the radio and tells me to Shhh....and I'm like "Huh?". He turns around and says "what the h*** is that ticking noise?" He says "I heard it in the restaurant, it's so annoying." I was so embarassed, I wanted to just crawl out of the car and sulk home. I told him the "annoying ticking" was my heart and he felt stupid obviously and yadda, yadda, yadda...He wasn't the one. Now I tell that story as an icebreaker to anyone who asks about my ticking.:D
 
Magnus,
Anyone who can't see past the ticking and can't accept you for who you are, isn't worth having as a GF/companion. At your age it is hard to see past cute girls and wanting to just have someone to be with. As you get older it becomes more about finding a person who loves you for who you are and visa-versa. I am 51 and the young cute things still catch my eye, but I ask myself would they stick with me through all I have been through? Would they hold my hand when I am on my way into surgery? Would they drive me around and give up their lifestyle to take care of me through a post-surgery ordeal? That's the Babe you want. The one who sticks with you no matter what! If she's hot too, hey all the better! So if she's hot but is bugged by the sound of your heart valve or if she freakes out that you have a scar, then she isn't worth your time or your energy. It will work out and you will find the right GF that sees past the scar and the ticking and sees you for who you are.

Oz
 
We have had this same discussion several times over the years. Perhaps one of the others who had the same doubts you are having will come in and give us an update on his/her love life and how it went. You are so young and you have a long life ahead of you. You will find love again. I promise. Right now, getting healthy and staying that way is the main thing. You want to be ready when it happens.
 
I love Karlynns Post! and that girl is Beautiful!!!

Seriously Magnus.. The girl that falls in love with you will fall in love with you no matter what you do.. tick, bark, or moo!
Love is much deeper than that!

Darling (speaking as a mom to her son now) I worry more that you are drowning yourself in alcohol.. nothing productive will come of that. Maybe a counselor or clergy can help you sort out some of the emotions from this past year..
but sweetie..don't abuse that body of yours!..
You are too cute, too smart and too precious for that!
And as Granbonny said.. Take this time to get healthy and strong..
the right gal is out there..waiting to be swept off of her feet!
 
Magnus-

I married Joe ticking and all. I thought he was very interesting. What you really need is someone who loves you for you. In life, none of us is guaranteed great health and perpetual beauty. You and your dear one have got to have what it takes to go the distance no matter what happens now or in the future.

Sometimes it's a great blessing to find out just how shallow some people are. It saves you from further heartache down the road. I know you don't feel that way right now, 'cause you're hurt.

You will find your perfect person, I have no doubt.

I say, "damn the stupid ticking, full steam ahead in dating and looking for the right one." If they are OK with it, then fine, if they're not. then, "Goodbye, and have a nice life"
 
You just got wonderful advice from one of the very best wives- Nancy! Be patient and find yourself a woman like Nancy and you will be fine.
 
Ozmercy said:
Magnus,
Anyone who can't see past the ticking and can't accept you for who you are, isn't worth having as a GF/companion. At your age it is hard to see past cute girls and wanting to just have someone to be with. As you get older it becomes more about finding a person who loves you for who you are and visa-versa. I am 51 and the young cute things still catch my eye, but I ask myself would they stick with me through all I have been through? Would they hold my hand when I am on my way into surgery? Would they drive me around and give up their lifestyle to take care of me through a post-surgery ordeal? That's the Babe you want. The one who sticks with you no matter what! If she's hot too, hey all the better! So if she's hot but is bugged by the sound of your heart valve or if she freakes out that you have a scar, then she isn't worth your time or your energy. It will work out and you will find the right GF that sees past the scar and the ticking and sees you for who you are.

Oz
Click to expand...

BINGO! Preach on brother Oz.
 
LOTS of GREAT FEEDBACK Magnus from some wonderful people.

I second the recommendation that you cut back on the 'booze'. NOT a good thing for someone on Coumadin to be doing (one or two a day OK, drinking to excess can lead to serious bleeding and/or other issues). End of Sermon.

Now go find that 'right girl'...
and don't get discouraged.

Maybe an 'upfront approach' about your ticking valve could actually work as a good 'filter' to weed out unacceptable candidates.

As our Sge SuperWoman (Nancy) says,
"Never Give In and Never Give Up"

Happy Hunting!

'AL Capshaw'
 
Magnus
You are too young and too cute:D don't worry, you'll find someone, but I echo what others said...please take care of yourself and don't indulge in drinking,. Your health is too precious. When you'll find the real one "ticking" will sound to her like a Sinatra song:)
 
Another Mom, here. By now you are probably on the morning after Bloody Mary to douse the headache from last night.

We're glad you came to us. And you can see that you've gotten some great advice and wonderfully positive outlooks. If you cannot, in the clarity of the sober day, see that we are right, you probably are working through some post-surgery depression and should seek some professional guidance. It isn't weak to seek guidance from a professional. It can be profoundly helpful.

If your sulleness occurs only when you drink, please be wary of drinking. Choose music, or a walk, or a movie, or some other diversion. Do not let the sulleness get ahhold of you, okay?

We all live with the ebb and flow of our lives. So this young woman wasn't strong enough to stay with you through your ordeal. You will find one who is. She is out there......looking for you!! ;)

Let us know what you are thinking.

:) Marguerite
 
Your post reminds me of a country song called " Unanswered Prayers". The guy prays to keep this girl but ..no luck... Years later he meets the girl again and thanks God for the "unanswered prayer".
I do not have a ticking valve but I do have a long scar. I would not want to be with someone who is bothered by my scar. My philosophy has been that if someone can live without me, I can live without them and be happy doing it.
 
Ticking and Girls

Ticking and Girls

Magnus, I'm happy to say this is something I have experience with. I am single, but not because of the valve. I had three serious relationships with attractive women thaat didn't mind the ticking. One even says she likes it. I did date a woman long enough to spend one night together. She said she couldn't sleep with it. She never had the chance again. The others all at least discussed marriage, so it couldn't have ben an issue for them. The important thing is to explore who you are, and enjoy seeing if there is someone out there to share life's adventure. Don't sweat it! Get out and enjoy! Brian
 
hensylee said:
Perhaps one of the others who had the same doubts you are having will come in and give us an update on his/her love life and how it went.
Click to expand...

*chuckles*

Well, try "non existant".

*sighs*

Perhaps I'm still shy ... well, at least "gunshy" anyway.



Cort, "Mr MC" / "Mr Road Trip", 32swm/pig valve/pacemaker
MC:family.IL.guide.future = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort/
chdQB = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort/quilt.html
"I'm on a wheel of fortune with a twist of fate" ... Bee Gees ... 'Alone'
 
Good grief, man...........What a dork that woman was.

No woman worth her salt would be bothered by the ticking. There are far more important things a REAL woman wants in a man.

Think of how many women put up with horrid, loud snoring? Or other"noises in the night". And they stay with their man. Because he is a MAN, who steps to the plate, takes care of his woman, and does the right thing.

Now, go find a real woman. And stop drinking to excess. No real MAN does that, only boys.

Mb
 
Mb you took the words from my mouth. Snoring and snorting is far worse, at least the ticking is quiet and steady, no sudden loud snorts.

Magnus, unless you are showing someone else's photo there, you are what we in the UK would call a dish! The girls will probably be falling over themselves to be dated by you, but perhaps not by a person with a drinking problem. No one likes a drunk.

You will find love at sometime, when it happens she will take you, ticking heart and all. Look after that body for her.
 
Hi Magnus... My now-husband took me in, heart flaws (ticking valve, scars, pacemaker) and all, and he's very supportive - there are good ones out there. You just have to get out there and separate them from the bad ones (I also had another guy break up with me because of my heart issues and the possibility of not having kids - at least that was his excuse). I've had heart problems since I was a baby, so I guess my outlook on them is different (but I have never known any different, either) - It's part of who I am. But trust me, you will find a good girl out there who will love you for who you are, ticking and all.

Good luck!
 
Thanks everyone for the support. I feel better now. I will try not to get self-conscious about the ticking when dating and see how it plays out. And about the alcohol, yes, I will try to cut down... been drinking pretty heavily lately.

And stop treating me like your teenage grandson, I'm 26 and starting to feel old! ;)
 
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