What was he thinking???

[ESF]

I went to the dentist today, first visit post-op, and while I was in the chair, he started asking me questions: how are you feeling? what kind of valve did you get? (tissue) Oh, why? What lead you to that decision? And he talked a bit about why he felt mechanical valves might be better. I wasn't sure where the questions were going, but I somehow thought he was interested in how I'm doing (which actually is very well, thank you).

Well, the reason he was asking was that in January, his father-in-law underwent surgery to replace his 8-year-old failed tissue valve. And died.

I'm sorry this happened to his father-in-law and his family, but I'm not quite sure what I was supposed to do with this information: it's not as if I can say, Oops, you're right, maybe I'll talk to my cardiologist and surgeon and see if I should trade this one in.

In any case, I was upset and po'ed and barely made it home before bursting into frustration tears. By tomorrow, the aggravation should be gone, but meanwhile, I don't know if there's enough chocolate in the cupboard to calm me down.

 

[Lionheart]

I guess I can state the obvious - "That he wasn't thinking" but I wonder if it was more of a scientific (doctor training) curiosity that led to his questions. He, like most people not directly affected, probably has little knowledge about our options or the implications of each option regarding mechanical or tissue valve choices and I think he was showing his lack of knowledge in his questions. That's a scarey thought considering he is a medical doctor; but, otherwise he showed great lack of sensitivity.
As far as having a tissue valve- hold your head up and be proud of your decision- it's what allows you and I to be here today. After having mine for 4 years I'm still happy with my choice.
Best
John

 

[TheGymGuy]

Your dentist is an inconsiderate idiot. Sorry, it had to be said. Your choice is yours and its a fine one if you like it. His father must have been pretty old and had plenty of other co-morbidities. I don't know how old you are or if you have any other medical conditions, but when the time comes for replacements, I hope they can do it with catheter or if you need a full replacement and are fairly healthy otherwise your risks are pretty low.

 

[epstns]

If there isn't enough chocolate to help things, maybe a glass of wine would help. . .

At any rate, don't forget that we have all made our own decisions after (in most cases) a long period of introspection and consideration. We have absorbed a lot of information - probably more info than most internists have on this subject. We have all discerned what we felt to be the very best choice for ourselves. Your dentist's father-in-law may have been through this discernment process but the dentist probably has no way to know or understand. I would bet that the late father-in-law was more at peace with his decisions and their outcome than the dentist. Perhaps your dentist is displaying his frustration with himself and his father-in-law, not trying to make you re-think the path you've chosen.

I've had several discussions about valve choice since my surgery. The only people who really "get it" are the others who have had valve surgery themselves. Nobody else really understands all that is involved in these decisions, so I just treat their comments as idle conversation and move on.

 

[ESF]

Thanks, guys! As I predicted, the aggravation went away overnight. Although I'm feeling pretty strong physically and emotionally four months out from surgery, moments of vulnerability still hit, and this seems to have been one of them.

I'm very comfortable with the decision I made with my surgeon to go with the tissue valve, so I'm not second guessing that: I was just stunned by my dentist's insensitivity and couldn't figure out the point of what he was saying.

GymGuy, I'm 61 with no other medical issues at this time and in pretty good physical shape, so part of my decision did involve the gamble that less-invasive techniques will be used if/when a replacement is needed. In the meantime, I'm back in my kettlebell routine: next goal, snatch ladder in two weeks.

 

[Rachel]

Hey, I'm glad to hear you're doing well 4 months post op!!!! You're dentist sure does sound very self-involved. I too have found that people who don't have the experiences that we have had, really just don't get it - at all.

Sorry about that guy who died, you just never know what's going to happen.

BTW - I've got a tissue valve, and I'm also really happy with my decision!!!!


Rachel

 

[carolinemc]

Some people who have experiences simular but different outcomes are intruged to find us still living. Your dentist probably did not take several things into account with his father. He may have had other pending health issues, his age and how bad his heart probably was at the time. He was just curious about you since his father died in surgery. Glad you got over it and moved. Just if you felt uncomfortable with his questions, may have to find another dentist. But he did no real wrong except overstepped a boundary. But keep it real and hugs for today.