Thursday

[SuperDragon]

Hello,

Sorry I didn't get to you yesterday. We saw him yesterday, and he was in the same condition as before, still on the ventilator. Mom went in this morning, and (I try not to think of it as a turn for the worse) Dad didn't realize where he was or that he had heart surgery, and was trying to rip out the tubes and was crying heavily. I will be going up in a little bit, hopefully he'll be ok when I go in. He won't be getting off the ventilator today either, from what Mom said.

Talk to you later,
Steve

 

[Nancy]

Hi Steve-

I know it will be hard for you, but try not to get discouraged. Your dad has had heart surgery plus lung surgery. That may explain why he's still on the ventilator. Also I'm sure he's on some pretty heavy duty drugs and is going to be "out of it" until he's off them. How are his vital signs in general?

My husband has had 2 lung surgeries as well as 3 valve surgeries. Of all the surgeries, he told me that the lung surgeries are the very most painful, bar none. And he's not a complainer. No wonder your dad is crying, I'm sure he's in pain.

We love Ross here and are all praying for him. He's had a rough patch.

You, your mom and the rest of the family are in our prayers as well.

Take care, and let us know how things go.

 

[ILoVeNY25]

Hi Steve, I'm sorry to hear your Dad isn't off the ventilator yet but it just takes time. I know when I woke up I was restrained because I had been trying to pull the tubes out. Like Nancy said he's heavily medicated and I'm sure very "out of it". I know I was. Were all wishing him the best and he's in all our prayers. Thanks for keeping us updated. Take Care and God Bless!

 

[JJGo]

Steve,

My thoughts are with you all and I hope Ross is more comfortable soon.

I don't know if this will be worth anything because circumstances are so different but I'll put it out here just in case it's helpful. When I was trying to come off the ventilator, just a week ago right now in fact. I realized that when I concentrated on anything other than trying to breathe, I'd stop breathing on my own and the machine would take over. So when I tried to communicate or when I got more panicky I'd hear that damn alarm on the ventilator. I finally connected the two things and just really concentrated on the breathing. Even if Ross doesn't remember later, he can hear you now in the moment. It helped me to have people just say relaxing things and remind me that my job was just to breathe. They explained that they knew it was painful and scarey but if I could just work on the breathing for myself it would be over sooner. Background noise (TV or Radio) also helped me relax.

Hope by the time you read this that Ross is already breathing on his own and smiling again.

 

[JenniferO]

I also seem to remember others on this board having experienced delusions or hallucinations on the post-op pain meds and possibly some other meds, especially after having been on them for several days. Could this be part of what Ross is experiencing?

 

[SuperDragon]

I went in today. He was pretty much doing the same thing that Mom said he was doing earlier...I comforted his as much as possible. He was too worried too much of the time. They ended up sedating him and began to replace his tubing with a different one because I believe it was clogged. I had to leave then. I'm praying that tonight will be the healing night and tomorrow the ventilator will be removed.

Take care, and God bless.

Steve

 

[Nancy]

Hang tough, Steve. You are doing a fantastic job, being there and comforting your dad. It'll help to smooth his path through the rough waters. Even though he isn't coherent at this point in time, he'll feel your love and caring. It will give you peace of mind that you have helped him through the difficult things.

Not every young man can do such a good job.

Thanks for keeping us informed.

 

[wweir]

Steve,

Thanks for the updates. Your Dad, a most wonderful person, will be fine, I know it in my bones.

While I am sure you don't like seeing him like this, I am also sure that your presence there in ICU is helping him.

I told your dad that 22 July is my daughters birthday and therefore a very special day. As a result I am sure he will be fine.

Our prayers are with you and your mom.

Walter

AVR on 15 Aug

 

[Mara]

Dear Steve,
We are pulling for your Dad. The 'net is lonesome without him!
Here's hoping he is much improved on off that vent.
What a drag. I am sure he'll bounce back.

Tell him we are thinking about him and hope he gets home soon and back to good health.

-Mara

 

[Nancy]

Hi Steve-

I just remembered a past post from your father where he talks about his last surgery and the problems he had with the ventilator then. He had a fear of the same thing happening again. Here is what he said about that. He was speaking to another member here.

"My first experience was somewhat similiar to yours. (ICU)
The vent kept spitting water into my lungs and choking me. I couldn't talk, obviously, and I was so drugged that no one could read my writing, then they tied my hands down cause I was trying to tell them by showing them. I thought sure that I'd be found dead and the cause would be drowning. I fear that happening again and I've already told the Doctors about it too!"

What you have mentioned about how he's reacting, it sounded like he was panicking. If he is still on the vent tomorrow, make sure they are taking care of that situation. Maybe extra suctioning.

Sorry I didn't think of this sooner. I hope it helps.

 

[Gail in Ca]

Steve,
After my first surgery in 89, I was still on the breathing machine even though I had totally awakened and knew what was going on. I was so freaked out and of course couldn't talk to communicate to the nurse in icu how I felt, which was, I thought I was going to choke to death. Mucous builds up in the throat and the nurse would let it get bad before coming to suction it. I thought, I have come thru open heart surgery and now I am going to choke to death! It was so bad I still vividly remember it now. Finally, the nurse was fed up since the surgeon hadn't come in to take me off the machine and she gave me the aspirator and let me suction myself when I needed it. I was in control then and finally calmed down and knew I would make it. This may not be the problem, but I thought it couldn't hurt to read about my experience.
I am praying for your Dad,
Gail

 

[John Cochran]

Steve,
I too tried to rip all my tubes out, plus (I have no recollection of this) I guess I was hot and my wife tells me I kept trying to take everything off to cool down.

The collection of drugs given at this point can cause all sorts of hallucinations, emotional moments, etc. But I will tell you what helped me at this time the most:

My wife and family kept telling me I was going to be fine, that I was being carefully monitored, and that the ventilator was working exactly as it was supposed to. Even if your dad seems non-responsive, constant reassurances from family and staff will help him relax and "go with the flow."

It might be useful to discuss your dad's worries from his past experiences with his doctor and the nursing staff...I had those same worries from watching my son have heart surgery back in December. During the first several days in the hospital, I was given a drug (don't know which one) that allowed me to relax and cooperate, but obliterated my memory of that time all together (this is actually not a bad thing).

This is a stressful time for your whole family, but if you can talk to your dad calmly and with confidence in your voice, believe me, it will help a lot.

All my very best wishes,
--John

 

[Johnny Stephens]

HANG IN THERE

HANG IN THERE

Steve, I echo John's recommendation. My wife, parents, and daughter all spoke reassuringly to me while I was in ICU, and it really helped.

The cocktail of drugs I had going when I woke up made me really weepy and I wound up sobbing over little things (pretty flowers outside my window, or an Elvis Costello concert on TV for example).

John, I think the drug you're referring to is Versed, a.k.a "Milk of Amnesia" by my ICU nurses. I have no memory of the tube or all of my struggles with it. Basically an 8-day gap in my memory, including the night and morning before surgery.

Hang in there, Ross!

 

[joy]

Poor Ross! I remember when they woke me up in January that I didn't know where i was, why I was there, and who anybody was. I had scary dreams, too. Give him an extra hug for me when you get the chance, I hope he feels better soon. He's so nice and loved on this site. It's like he's your father...he worries about you if you don't post! I think I will send a card to the hospital. See now this is exactly why I want to be a nurse, I love helping people. Ross's last name is young too, right steve? THe hospital information is in presurgery too, right? I think I will send a card. Wishing you guys all my best.

 

[weekycat]

Hi Steve,

Thanks for keeping us posted. I've been praying for and thinking about your dad too, we need him back here. He's always been kind of a permanent fixture here. He was the first one to welcome me to this site, and can always be counted on to respond almost immediately when anyone posts anything here, it really is lonely here without him.

How are you and your family holding up? I know I told my husband before I went into surgery that I'd rather be in my shoes than his. I think it would be harder to wait during surgery and after and wonder about a loved one than to be the patient.

Hang in there, he'll be fine. It's nice to know that I wasn't the only one that fought the tube. I don't remember it at all, I was never awake enough to understand what was happening, but I guess I kept thrashing around and trying to pull the tube out, so they kept sedating me. This still makes me mad because they didn't take the tube out until 2am, and had sent my hubby home before they did that and woke me up. The only thing I wanted to see when I woke up was his smiling face!

When your dad's able to understand, tell him "ferocious cat" says hi!

Jean

 

[amy]

prayers

prayers

Steve, please let Ross know that our thoughts and prayers for a speedy recovery are with him.

 

[Mb]

Oh Gosh, Steve:

I thought I would add a comment.........I hope you don't mind.

I recall well when my husband was in ICU, tubes and all. He was very anxious, and had a very very bad episode where his heart rate went over 200. He also could not sleep at all. I was told that this is common with heart surgery patients, and I asked them, if they could give him something to relax......like adavan. Within 5 minutes of giving him the drug, he calmed down, and of course his HR came down. Many patients are very afraid to go to sleep, as they think they are going to die. This of course compounds the problem, as they really really need the rest. And to be relaxed. He remembers little about being in the CICU, but he certainly does remember the really bad episode. I was SO glad I was there at that time, even though I was scared to death. Continue to go in to see your Dad. It will give him strength....emotionally. He is much less apt to show all of his emotions to you, as he has a built in emotional protection feeling for his children. He probably feels much more free to break down with your Mom. Depression, anxiety, etc. are all part of the program, and he has been on the ventilator for a very long time. He must be very scared. My husband did not really "break down", but there were a number of times where he "filled up". He was truly so grateful for everyone's help, and to be alive.

I want to add one final comment.......Steve, you are a very good son. He will be SO proud of you. As Nancy said, not all children can do what you are doing. They may really want to, but really can't handle it. You are intelligent, articulate and compassionate. You will be a fine man some day......he will be so very proud of you.

Please send our best wishes to Ross. He has been such a great help to so many on this board. He lives a life of significance.

Marybeth

 

[Jennie]

Hi Steve,

Just letting you know I am praying for you and your mom and dad. Hang in there. Soon they will be able to get that tube out and he will pop back into "normal".

My mom passed out and almost drowned in an overly-hot hot tub in January, had a few seizures as a result, and she was on the vent for a couple days. I found that just talking to her calmly, soothingly yet confidently, telling her everything is fine, to relax, just relax, holding her hand, making little jokes, yakking away about trivial stuff (what I had for dinner, what the kids did that day, work, where I was thinking about going on vacation...) just really relaxed her and took her mind off of her present situation. I also told her in detail (only to the degree that she wouldn't get alarmed) about what they were doing to her and what the status was with the tone that this was all normal and minor ("oh, just checking your blood pressure, looks pretty good") and kept filling her in on the Plan regarding when she might get the vent out, etc. When she was panicing about the vent, feeling around her face, trying to figure out what was going on, I explained it all to her (tube coming out here, this is what it's for). And whenever she started crying and getting upset, I just calmed her down and started chattering away about anything to take her mind off it.

When they finally took the vent out, she popped back to "normal". She didn't remember a thing of what I told her, didn't even remember I had been there at all.

Hang in there. This will be over soon, and he'll be back to his old self. Thanks for keeping us posted. Keep up the good work. Give him all our love. We're all thinking of him.

-Jennie

 

[EVELYN]

HE STEVE....JUST GOT BACK ON LINE, FROM A VIRUS, BUT I DID CALL THE HOSPITAL YESTERDAY TO CHECK ON YOUR DAD'S CONDITION. BE PATIENT, HE'S HAD A HORRENDOUS SHOCK TO HIS SYSTEM. THAT, ALONG WITH ALL THE DRUGS WILL DEFINITELY MAKE HIM VIOLENT.....PLEASE TELL HIM THAT I WILL CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR HIM....I WANT HIM BACK HERE ASAP!!!! AND YOU CAN TELL HIM THAT FOR ME. HE WAS WONDERFUL WHEN TYCE HAD HIS SURGERY, AND I'M DEFINITELY NOT READY TO GIVE HIM UP YET.......BESIDES, I LOOOOOVVVVVVEEEEE THAT CAMO SHIRT (HA, HA)....YOU CAN TELL HIM THAT FOR ME.

PEACE

EVELYN

 

[Rain]

Give your father and your family our love from vr.com

Give your father and your family our love from vr.com

Steve,

I so totally agree with everyone who says ?talk to your Dad?. Reassure him, tell him all the family gossip, whatever.

My 18 year old son came over every day and talked to me as long as he could stay. I don?t remember half of what he said, but it made me feel much more comfortable. I have images of him stuck in my mind of times when I woke up to see him standing beside me talking in a reassuring tone. It brings tears to my eyes to this day remembering it.

I also wanted to know everything that was going on. What they were doing, why they were doing it and when they were gonna quit!

Tell your Dad and family we are thinking of them.
Rain