The "S" Word - No, Not Sleep...

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Shari

It's s.e.x. Has this been discussed here before? For the spouse of the person who had the heart surgery/valve replacement -- did the ordeal make you fearful to resume lovemaking? Logically, I know my husband's heart isn't going to explode or his aorta isn't going to rupture, but I am really having a hard time being able to lay next to him because the ticking of the valve just scares me. It's so loud and whenever I hear it, I picture his heart just pumping away so hard, then I count the ticks, then I think back to those terrifying 25 days in the hospital. And of course, it doesn't help that his doctors have used the world "miracle" in talking about how lucky he was that he didn't die. Maybe I need to see a psychiatrist, LOL! Did anyone else's spouse have a hard time dealing with this? I am seriously considering buying some small ear plugs to use during sex so I'm not focusing on the ticking.

Shari
 
Shari, I am sure others will give you good answers. Perhaps you need to speak to his doctor about this, specifically. There is no reason you should not be able to continue your life as before, as long as his dr tells you there's no danger. You will get over this - nature has its way of handling things. As his spouse, you MUST educate yourself about his particular limitations and freedoms and then put that education into practice without unnecessary restrictions. Bet he has LOTS MORE freedom now than before. This side of the mountain is just the best. God bless
 
S word

S word

Shari,

Interesting you should mention this. I hope this is not offensive to anyone,but my husband has not been as interested in sex since my surgery. I was surprised how hard the whole thing was on him as he is a very level headed engineer type. But he really broke down the night before my surgery. I was touched to say the least.

But then it has been a very platonic affair for the most part since. I have tried talking to him and flirting and getting down right raunchy with little or no luck. I had not thought of his fear of losing me or the psychological aspect of my surgery. But it may be worth a try...he is a healthy man and I am in better shape now than before both health and figure wise?

Maybe I should see a counselor. Thanks
 
Jean,

I'm sure it's got to be difficult for the both of you. I did talk to my husband the other day about it. I've been falling asleep on the couch lately and then stumbling up to bed in the middle of the night. I literally get a sick feeling in my stomach when I hear it make that "tick-thump" noise. I really can't imagine how he can sleep. In my mind, I tell myself to get over it and cherish the fact that he's still here. It's just that I hear a constant reminder when we're in bed that he almost died. I know we'll get through it together. I think it just might take some time to get used to it and get over the entire ordeal.

Shari
 
Hi Shari-

Regarding the sound of the "ticks", many ppeople use a sound machine to mask the sounds. It emits soothing sounds like the ocean, rain, crickets, etc, whatever you like. It really does work. The radio on a good music station can also help.
 
Good question, my husband likes to play, so I was actually wondering the same thing. I will find out today, and post tonight. My preop is today in Seattle. Have a wonderful day, and Kevin, where is Alberta???????
 
I asked my doctor, and HE said it's safe whenever you want, as long as you are careful and don't put stress on the breastbone. Take it easy!
 
A replacement valve, in my opinion, does not introduce any risk in sexual activities. The bigger problem may be the medication that heart patients often take. These medications often have a negative effect on the sexual drive.
 
Hi Shari, for me I remember being a little spooked the first time,but gradually that went away. Hanks heart itself was in fine condition and that makes a huge difference in how quickly things could get back to normal.
As far as the clicking goes. I find it very reasurring, sometimes even now, 2 1/2 yrs later, I just need to hug him and hear him click. lets me know he is alive. I am so grateful that he has the darn thing. When he had his surgery the surgeon mentioned that had he gotten his Bacterial Endocarditous a few years earlier there would have been nothing we could have done for him. I LOVE his valve.

Anyway, just take things one at a time and if you need some counsiling, well there is nothing wrong with that!
Good luck.

Michelle Eyring
 
The "S" word and lanoxin

The "S" word and lanoxin

Does anyone know if Digoxin (lanoxin) lowers sex drive? My husband is on it and while he is still very affectionate and loving, rarely seems to feel like actual sex.
Any replies welcome.
 
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