The Count down is on for Surgery

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Kelly Luisi

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Hello again my VR.com family. I recently got my date for surgery.... October 6th is the day. I am very excited to have a date to shot for and know it will soon be over. Although, I am beginning to internally panic.... the stomach is in knots!

I just wanted to say THANK YOU for all of you who post. I enjoy your input and wonderful information. I know I am not going at this alone.

The scarest part of my surgery for me is #1 being away from my 2 boys (9 and 6) and #2 the discomfort I remember from my last surgery 20 years ago. I was 15 then, now I am 35. I feel like a HUGE Chicken this time. I think it has alot to do with being a mother. I know I have to DO this, I want to do this......I want to be around for my boys. I just can't get over the what if.......?

I am blessed with living fairly close (2 hours) away from a top notch hospital (UCLA) and having the best or nearly the best surgeon DR. LAK's touching my heart. I have complete confidence in him and the hospital.

I just feel so unsure about how it is going to go once I am out of surgery.
That is what scares me! Venting feels good :eek: , so thanks for hearing me out.

I was doing ohkay today, until the blood donation place called and started scheduling me for my weekly donations.... that is when it HIT.... I began to realize how close October actually was!

I now I will get through this, I am tough, my heart is tough! It is just so scarey :eek: for me to feel like I am NOT going to be in control!

Thanks for the VENTING session, how much do I owe all of you :rolleyes: ! Just kidding. Seriously though, I am so thankful to have this amazing site with amazing people to share this experience with.

Kelly
 
Dear Kelly,
Best wishes to you. The anxiety you are feeling is only normal, but the best thing is the complete confidence you feel in your hospital and your surgeon.
I tried to post your surgery date on the calendar, but being a newbie to this site, I wasn't sure I was doing it right, so I'm sure someone else will come along and add it.
Our best wishes for a complete and event free recovery.
 
Kelly,
The waiting is the hardest part. Fill your days with the ordinary stuff of life and pamper yourself too! My children were in kindergarten and 2nd grade when I had my surgery, so I can really sympathize with your feelings of separation from them. It will be a short time and they will have a Mom with a newly revamped engine when you are done.

Continue to post here to vent - we understand!
 
Kelly,
The next month will go by fast and having a surgeon you have such confidence in is so important. Like Karlynn said pamper yourself even though I think your tendency will be to work like crazy to get everything done and in order but tried to resist wearing yourself out. We'll be thinking about you.
Cindy
 
Hello Kelly,

Your fear of post-op pain seems over exaggerated to me. I've had two OHS and neither time did I experience more than some 'discomfort' in my chest which was managed quite well by the pain medications.

I DID have some random back muscle pain that could come on rapidly with great intensity. I found that this was relieved MUCH Faster and Better by MASSAGE than by pain pills. A vibrating disk massager works well and does not require any special skill to operate. You wil need someone else to apply it to your back muscles which get stretched during surgery.

You may want to go visit a Cardiac Rehab class and ask the nurses about stretches for your shoulder, arm, and back muscles to do BEFORE your surgery in the hope that will lessen the discomfort.

Just keep telling yourself that if all these other people can do it, "SO CAN I". Most of us find that our fears greatly exceeded the reality.

Keep the Faith,

'AL'
 
good luck

good luck

I just wanted to wish you well for your surgery!
I can't pretend to understand what its like to go through the surgery but i do know the fear of being parted from your children and i sympathise with you there!! I'm so sure it will go really smoothly and you'll be home with them in no time!

Hugs
Emma
xxx
 
October

October

Kelly,

October will come quicker than you think (it's better that way) but speaking for I think most of us here at VR any questions you may have can be listed on the sight directly or through private messages to anyone of us, VR has helped me to get to the mountain, climb the mountain, get to the top, and now 5 weeks and a day after surgery down the other side. WELCOME to VR ;)
 
Harry's right. We're all here to help, in whatever ways we can. No one knows what you're going through better than we do, and there's no place with more cumulative experience than this.

Hmm. Might be a radio ad, one day...

Nonetheless, it's true, and there is a wonderful group of caring souls passing electrons on this site.

As for you, you're in the Wait State, which will drive you crazy, if you let it (O.K., even if you don't). As you've got your surgeon and you've made your plans, you can now look to setting up "your spot," where you'll be practicing sitting with your feet up between walking and breathing exercises. It should have a blanket or comforter; table for food, drink, spirometer, and prescription items; essential reading material; TV and remote; kleenex; thank-you cards and writing implements; a phone; and space for fruit baskets (should one come your way). Get that all together and sit in it, and think of what things you will need that I might have forgotten.

Pack a toiletries kit for the hospital, some kind of PJs that don't go on over your head, a bathrobe, some reading material, and the clothes you need to come home in. The PJs and bathrobe are probably optional. I wound up the whole time in their patient gowns, as it was easier with the monitor, wires, and IV. Privacy is assured by wearing a second gown over it, backwards, for trips outside the room.

Then go do something. Take a short trip to a place you love, eat at your favorite restaurant, and try out that new place you've been wanting to go to. Do something for a charitable cause. Keep your attention diverted, like you would for a cranky 2-year-old.

A suggestion: I did very well with patient-controlled Fentanyl, rather than the usual morphine. I believe morphine has more stomach side-effects and grogginess associated with it, although they're related compunds. You might want to ask your doctor's/surgeon's opinion about that, and if they agree, ask if that can be set up for you at the hospital, as it isn't automatically available.

When the time finally comes, it will all go faster than you think, and it will suddenly be something that already happened, and you'll on the way to getting over it, and feeling better than you have in years.

Best wishes,
 
Hi Kelly,

Sure we know how you are feeling. Because we do is why we have stayed around long after we've gone through it to walk with you through your next surgery. Vent all you want.

The time of surgery will come and pass into the background just as all things do. Do things now that will make things easier on you when you get home. When you grocery shop, buy one for now and one for the pantry. Prue-write the checks for bills before you go into the hospital. I remember once after back surgery when I accidental wrote a check out for the balance in my checking account rather than the invoice amount.

If you are a card sender, get those ready to mail too. Clear your calendar.
I remember what a strange feeling that was to look at a month with nothing scheduled. You will later have some doctor appointments to jot in but by officially cancelling everything else you can concentrate on recovering. It is a great time to get your spiritual house in order as well.

I did bring a little CD player to the hospital and I listened to that. I was too fuzzy to concentrate on reading and couldn't really concentrate well enough to enjoy TV.

OH, I just thought of something else. Christmas shopping. You might make the announcement that everything might need to be scaled back this year. Maybe consider giving gifts to just your children. People will understand. You may feel perfectly fine and up to shopping but by knowing you don't have to, the stress of it has been eliminated. Those who love you will consider having you safe at home again a greater gift. Just a thought.....

I may not always respond to posts but I do read them and I want you to know you and your family will be in my prayers.
 
Hi,

Hi,

Oh, how I know what you are going through. Waiting for the date to arrive was the hardest. I am now 2 months post-op, and I am feeling good. I am alittle sore at times, but nothing to complain about. Pretty much doing everything. I had cardiac-rehab. after surgery, and that was the best thing for me. I have now returned to work, so I have been walking a mile or two each day. Our dog loves it. We also have a 9 year old, and 2 other kids that are no longer living at home. My daughter did come home for 3 weeks to help around the house, etc. Mostly after surgery just walked, rested, and did the breathing exercises, so have a comfortable recliner. I couldn't keep my mind on reading or writing, so I did watch some tv. during the first few weeks.

Praying that all goes well with your surgery.

Carol
 
Kelly,
Having a repeat heart surgery has to be scary as you know what to expect for the recovery. Think how good you will feel a few months after surgery. You have the BEST surgeon and a supportive family. You will receive good care at UCLA.

Did you like Dr. Laks when you met him?

Dr. Laks is doing another of our valver's surgery in September.
 
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Hello Kelly

The waiting IS the most difficult part. Now that I look back on Tyce's surgery, I realize that we were very lucky to only have two weeks to wait for his surgery...a bit over a month/6 weeks seems like a long time to be in the holding pattern. I'm sure, though, that you will be well occupied by those two little guys you have. What a wonderful reason to live for!!!

I would also agree, that if Tyce had to have this surgery a second time we BOTH would be chickens.....knowing what it's like and how long the recovery is, etc....so you're right in the ballpark with that feeling, too.

Just keep saying, "I think I can, I think I can......" like the little engine that could and you will get through it. I wish the best for you in your wait.

Evelyn
 
Hi Kelly -

Your surgery will be two days before my one-year AVR anniversary! I only had to wait a week between the scheduling and my surgery last year, so I barely had time to get a few ducks in a row before I went in.

For me, I like to make lists. And lists of lists, of course. I read and printed out and highlighted preparation suggestions from these VR.COM friends and from the surgeon's office and tried to get as many things organized as possible. Also, I had my husband fielding questions from friends and such for me. He ended up running a lot of interference for me, actually.

I also made sure that my friends knew that I could not have sick people visiting me. I even taped a bright yellow sign next to my door stating such, just in case any well-meaning friend forgot and wanted to drop in and "cheer me up." You may remember that you do not want to be coughing or sneezing for quite some time after your surgery :eek: ! That might be especially important for you with young children; I recall that my boys would catch lots of colds every year after they would return to school and you do not want to catch any bugs!
 
Thank you SOOOOOO much for the great information, suggestions and tips to prepare myself for surgery and recovery. As each day passes I am feeling a little better about this whole thing. In fact what was once a "secret" has come to be a "TOPIC" of conversation for me. I laugh to myself when peoples jaws drop and say "I had NO idea"!

You see I am very active in my community, my sons' school, I am the team mother for Soccer etc. I keep a very crazy calendar! I think that is what has "BUMMED" me out the most about this..... is I am forced to take a break from a life that is chaotic and fun.

My neighborhood caught wind of the upcoming situation and posted my surgery date in the monthly news letter! Yikes, there is no "Ignoring the situation NOW".

I do feel that the more I talk about it, the better I feel. Nothing takes the aches in my stomach away from just being plain scared though!

I remember the discomfort of my last surgery... 20 years ago! I think that is what is SCARY! I am on the go, rarely sit down, have my hands and heart into everything, and run my house like a "SWEET PETITE DRILL :eek: SARGENT".
With two boys 9 and 6 and a very large kid for a husband.... someone has to be in charge of the mayham!

All kidding aside, that I think is my fear.... of not being able to CONTROL my life. Don't get me wrong, my kids are very well behaved and my husband is a wonderfully helpful guy. Does anyone have advise for me on how to feel ohkay with letting go of my life temporarily? I am not like a crazed out women here..... just a mother and wife that loves being active!

oh-kay VENTING is good, I feel better now! :)

I think going through this as an adult is far worse than going through it when you are a child. Twenty years ago, my parents just told me what was going to happen and I was cool :cool: with that..... now I have soooo many more questions!

How have those of you who have been through this already handle your recovery the first few weeks? Did you sleep alot, feel crumby, have 24 hour help at first? Were you able to get up and out for short times after a few weeks (like to watch a soccer game? :) ) Let me know how some of you dealt with this and whether there is another CONTROL FREAK in the crowd! :D

Kelly
 
Hi, Kelly - been there, done that.

I really think you simply clear your calendar for the first month to six weeks. Explain to your boys (they're old enough to understand) and expect to be unavailable. If you're able to do more, it'll be a pleasant surprise.

I think everyone needs someone available 24/7 for the first week after coming home from the hospital; my husband took off work. He went back the second week, but only worked a few blocks from our house, so if I needed him he could dash home. If he'd worked out of town, I'd have been very uncomfortable having him gone - even tho I have good friends who could have filled in.

Much of those two weeks are rather foggy to me - and not because of pain or pain meds - your brain simply takes a while to recover from the insult of the surgery.

The pain was MUCH less than I feared. I had a herniated disc this winter and had much more severe discomfort that anything I had from the ohs. As long as there are no more injuries to your sternum (coughing, sneezing, picking up wet laundry, kid's head slamming into your chest, etc.) the pain is really quite minor. You learn very soon what will hurt - and you won't do it!

Since you have kids at home, I'd suggest you do some major cooking now and freeze it - if you don't have a deep freeze, perhaps you should consider purchasing one. Spaghetti, chili, stuffed peppers, stew, veggie and chicken soup - they all freeze well and you'll be sure the kids are eating well. And cooking helps while away the waiting time.

If you have people who have offered to help - take them up on it particularly for laundry. This is something you should NOT attempt for the first few weeks. You'll also need to have help shuttling the kids, as you can't drive until 4 to 6 weeks out.

If you set aside your urge to control everything for about 6 weeks, you'll be able to gradually regain control as you heal. If you don't let yourself heal, it'll be chaos.

I ditto the advice about catching colds and flu - you don't want them and probably ought to let your kids know ahead of time that if they get a cold they'll need to use a mask around you for a few weeks.

Finally, you need to just let your husband do the parenting and not worry about him not doing it right - he'll be fine, the kids will be fine, and everyone will be delighted when you're better.
 
Kelly,
Take this opportunity for your boys (even the big one) to find that they can take charge when they don't have you around to do for them. Believe me, they will gladly put you at the helm again once you are ready, but it will be a good thing for them to have a chance to practice self-sufficiency. And they will appreciate all that you do so much more.

My children have done their own laundry since 3rd grade and 5th grade (respectively). They have unloaded and loaded the dishwasher since 1st grade. Because of my pre-surgery health, they were called upon to do some things for themselves so that I could do the important things for them. I didn't have the energy to do it all. After my surgery, once I felt better, I continued to allow them to practice this self-sufficiency. I don't understand my friends with teenagers who don't do their own laundry, or help clean up the kitchen or vaccuum the living room. My house is a home, not a hotel. My heart issue is what forced me into this mode, but I have to say that it turned out to be best for my children. I'm still mother hen and in charge of the nest, and they know and count on it. I don't feel anyless needed having self-sufficient children.

Let them be the ones to do things for you during this time. It's good for them, and good for you. Some of the problems we have is that some people are givers and some people are receivers, when the best thing to be is both a good giver and a good receiver. It breeds much less resentment.

Learn to delegate. let your family learn that you count on them as much as they count on you.

You aren't going to be able to do laundry for a while (I learned this the hard way!!!!)- so have a little tutorial with them now, from sorting, loading the washer, dryer sheets, folding, putting away. Take this time to pass around some of the responsibility, then don't take it back unless you want to when you feel better! :D

Best wishes
 
That is a great idea about the laundry! My kids are very big helpers, they are anxious to help SO FAR. I have been teaching my 9 year old how to do some basic cooking! He makes these very yummy shakes with yogurt and fruit that are delious :) . I think I will have two wonderful helpers and some yummy snacks too! They also unload the dishwasher and vacuum. My husband is a great short order cook too.

I have someone coming to stay with the kids for the week or so I am in the hospital too. Since I will be 2 hours away, my husband will be gone too (at the hospital), I arranged to have some friends stay here with the kids and cart them to their various activities! My mother and I are blessed in that we live less than five minutes away :D so life will go on during my recovery for my children. My husband is self employed and can easily take time off during that first few weeks.

Thank you VR family for the great ideas! Keep them coming! I love them! :D
 
Kelly Luisi said:
I have been teaching my 9 year old how to do some basic cooking! He makes these very yummy shakes with yogurt and fruit that are delious :) .
Click to expand...

Do you loan him out. The shakes sound great.

Kelly, you have a great support network behind you ready to step in. All that's left is the waiting. Which is the worst part.

Again, best wishes.
 
you will be fine

you will be fine

I am three weeks and 1 day post-op and feeling better every week. You will be fine, everything done at the hospital is for you to get better and get home. Your kids will be waiting for you and there is no "what if", you will be home and in no time better than ever. I am stil amazed that the surgery has actually improved my life (or will soon) Let your freinds and family know you need their support, focus on your recovery and leave the other parts to the docs. It is easy for me to say but "don't worry!"
Best Wishes JD
 
Kelly, good luck with your surgery, this waiting is the worst. Another idea for you: make up a phone list and give it to who you want to call them. I had alot of family and friends that were anxious to hear how everything went. They were so supportive of me preop and I didn't want them to worry. If you have the list in place your hubby will only have to make one or two calls and someone else can do the rest.
Kathy H
 
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