moody !!

[tlhudson]

Hi ! This is Chris E. and I'm writing concerning Ter. He is 2 weeks post op and very depressed and moody. Doesn't matter what I say or do, can't seem to "lift him up." Our 1st Thanksgiving alone that we haven't had a house full, let alone turkey dressing, 'tatoes, etc. I'm sure it's contributing to it but I don't know what do to, so I thought I'd turn to our "friends" and see if you could help me out !
Thanks and God's blessings to all of you !! Chris E.

 

[JimL]

I'm doing a lot of reminiscing today, comparing it with last year. My surgery was just two days earlier than Ter's, but a year earlier. The moodiness will most likely pass, all by itself. But there are a lot of ups and downs after surgery.
An aunt and uncle stopped by just before Thanksgiving last year, and dropped off a bag of nuts for me to shell. I thought it was an extremely strange gift -- but I sat at the table for hours, shelling the nuts. It turned out to be a good gift.
I watched a bit of football -- I'm not a fan of watching any sports -- and nursed a little Jack. It was a good day.
And tomorrow will be even better!
Relax and enjoy. Some have experienced depression after surgery that is serious enough to require other treatment. Talk to the doctor if you think that's the case with you.

 

[Nancy]

Hi Chris-

Depression and moodiness go hand and hand frequently with heart surgery. Sometimes it goes away after a while, lots of it comes from the medications and even the body's healing process. Plus it's a tough recovery in the beginning.

If the moods don't lift after a while, then there are wonderful medications to help.

There is some thinking that it's all chemical in nature, rather than a weakness of some sort or other.

It's important to be very patient and calm, even in the face of the moods. Ter really can't help it, and it's no reflection on you. He's got plenty of company and he's been through his own private war.

I know what you're going through, I've been there several times. It's hard, but this too will pass. Time is your ally.

Best wishes,

 

[Ross]

Nancy I think you should write a book on this subject. You put things so eloquently that I shudder at your possibilities.

Chris, everything she said is 100% on the mark. The holidays and recovery are probably going to be messed up this year for Ter. If he doesn't get any better by the next Doc visit, you might want to call the Doc and let him know about it. I hate to see him down, but he can't help it. Give it some time. If it appears to be dangerous, you know what you need to do.

 

[Guest]

Hi Chris E. & Ter,

We are traveling this long recovery road together and I know how you are feeling. Some days are just wonderful and other ...well they could be better. Honestly, they continue to get better. Chris E. I can tell by your post that you are a very supportive spouse. Keep up the positive reinforcement that you are giving to Ter at this time. The one thing that has really helped me is hearing from my husband on how much progress I have been making. Sometimes I can't see the progress I am making on my own. I just see the scar running down my chest, and feel the tiredness after completing simple tasks and that can really wear a person down mentally! Brent (my hubby) is very good at reminding me that my color is coming back to my cheeks and that he sees that I am attempting to do more each day! His positive thinking is keeping me moving forward! I know we patients can be "whiny" and "grumbly" but just hang in there and don't give up on us!

Ter- Hang in there. Give thanks each day for another day of life. It's our choice each day to be joyful or sad......sadness gets you nothing but misery. I am thinking of you and lifting you in my prayers!

 

[Vicki448]

Chris, it's been over 3 mos. since my surgery and I look back and realize how far I've come. Ter will also, and you, too. But, for me it wasn't an easy journey. I was very depressed - still am on some days and I had to get medication to help me. I fought against doing that because I couldn't believe that I couldn't lick the depression myself. From what I learned, though, is that some depression is a chemical imbalance and meds are simply necessary to help things straighten out. I have always been healthy - only in the hopsital for the birth of my baby 18 yrs. ago and this heart thing really knocked me for a loop. Depression is serious business....please encourage Ter to talk to you about what he's feeling. I kept all my feelings inside - didn't want to worry my family. But, once I learned that they wanted to hear how I was feeling and what my thoughts were, then I began to express myself. It certainly helped them to understand why I was down and why I cried so much. As I said, my surgery was at the end of August, and I only got help from medication almost two weeks ago. Don't let Ter go that long. I feel so much better now that I wish I had asked for help a long, long time ago. My prayers are with both of you - remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel....and the road is long and winding, but the journey is one that all heart patients take.....God Bless you both.

 

[Sagebrush]

Chris,
I thought I should put in my two cents too!!! 10 weeks post op here and feeling alot better than I did after two weeks. I think I cried every day when I got home, watching something sad on TV, I would just start tearing up and I am one not to shed a tear at any movie. Everything was so fustrating, going to the bathroom, sleeping at night. You talk to him about it, it would probably help you both feel better. There are so many feelings and emotions after this whole ordeal. I was anemic after the surgery, which I am sure didn't help the depression at all, but they did put me on some anti-depressants. Some other things that helped was keeping me busy with anything. I think sitting around and just watching tv didn't help either. I actually went and bought the painting by number things that kids do and it was something I looked forward to doing each day although it turned out darn ugly. Anyhow I know that it just takes time, I hope this helps someway,
FAYE

 

[Creed3]

Chris,
Hang in there. Things will get better for Ter. I am almost 10 weeks post op and I can remember how I was at two weeks post op. I was depressed too. I was having side effects from the surgery and I kept having to see doctors. I was getting so tired of the whole thing. I just wanted to feel normal again, and I thought that I never would. I still have my moments from time to time, but mostly things are pretty much back to normal. Mommy3 is right when she says to keep letting Ter know that he is progressing, eventhough he may not feel like he is. Try not to look for a progression of recovery every day, look at it as week to week. You will really notice a difference then. Depression is normal after a surgery like this. Keep an eye on him and if things do not get better, you may want to mention something to his doctor. Hang in there and let us know how things are going.

Take Care!
Gail

 

[queenie61]

Chris, I'm sorry Ter is down Boy do I UNDERSTAND! I am five and a half weeks post op and it's really beginning to get to me. I have been so positive up until now. Everyone tells me how proud they are of my fortitude and progress through this ordeal. I have tried so hard to be just that but it is getting more difficult. It is mentally and emotionally exhausting to have to put thought into every physical move your body makes-getting up out of a chair, lifting something, showering, going to the bathroom, dressing. And while I can see improvement in each of these areas, it seems soooo slow. Then when I have actually had a couple of good days, they seem to be followed by days of bad. I am 41 and used to an extremely active lifestyle, although everyone said it would take three months to recover, I kept in the back of my mind they meant for older people. This is beginning to affect my moods, I'm basically ticked off at my life right now. My mind tells me to hang in there it's only temporary it's just hard for my emotions to listen. It's wonderful to have this site where everyone knows how we feel. Hang in there, Queenie

 

[Vicki448]

I think that's the one thing about heart surgery that's so hard to understand - the length of time that it takes the body to mend, not just physically, but mentally as well. From everything that I've read, the surgery itself imposes major trauma on the body. No matter how young/old, active/inactive - it takes its toll on the body and you just have to give it time to mend. Of course, I do know that if you become active after surgery, it's all for the better. I would definitely try and get insurance to pay for cardiac rehab - your heart muscles need a workout and it's great for toning up the body. My insurance balked at paying and I paid out of my own pocket as long as I could, but I feel I really benefited from the rehab experience. Believe everyone that's "been there and done that" that things do improve - the body and the mind. Some of us, though, just need a little more boost than others. I'd give the mental part two months (maybe not that long even) - and if things don't improve, then speaking to a doctor would be a good thing.

 

[hensylee]

Hey Chris - yours is not the first time we have heard this - it is a known fact (ask any cardio) that depression seems to be a side effect of heart diseases. And it being Thanksgiving would just probably make it worse, especially since nobody is there to help in the celebrations. I found, after my 30 yr marriage ended, that Thanksgiving was the worst of all the holidays, Christmas included, because it is a holiday that is the most family oriented of them all. And, after all, we are sorta obligated to be 'thankful' but believe me, when you don't feel thankful, it's a lotta hooey. Time ought to take care of this but there's nothing for it but to care about one another as much as you can til it passes and if it gets beyond handling, the dr is next in line. You know that, tho, don't you? Prayers for you both - God bless

 

[Sunshine susan]

I am almost 4 years post-op (St. Judes AVR, congenital bi-cuspid valve) and can every now and then still have those post-surgery unhappy (for lack of any better word but not the most descriptive) pangs. They are like no other really although I don't think I can quantify it--it is just different. After surgery, YOU are different and find so many things become "before or after surgery" related. But that is not a bad thing because it ultimtely helps you realize that you are a strong human with a lot of resilience and a lot of compassion for those truly in need of it. But it takes some physical healing to get to that point. I think my biggest mistake was in trying to be too strong for those around me instead of letting them be strong for me. So I guess just be there for him and realize it really is a pretty short term phenomenon and let him vent it instead of bottling it up inside like I did. Good luck--and best wishes for a different "mental" at Christmas (or Hannukah)! Susan

 

[tlhudson]

I'm doing better. Started Mall walking yesterday, went again this morning, it's amazing how good being tired makes you feel.

Chris E. and I are going to start going every morning at 6 AM. Hope this helps. Too cold and snowy here to walk outside. Darn It!!

Start rehab next week. We'll see how that makes me feel

Thanks for all your support and prayers.

 

[Mara]

Chris and Terry
I am 18 months post-op and still feel depressed. It's must be hard to shake.
I am sure it gets better.

-Mara

 

[jackdrum]

Heart surgery depression book

Heart surgery depression book

I have a message board for people who have had the maze procedure heart surgery.

Recently had a man complain of bad depression 2 weeks after his surgery. One of the other members sent him a book about this, (Coping With Heart Surgery and Bypassing Depression), and one month later he posted that he was feeling great and the book had helped him greatly in getting through this.

The book is available at Amazon.com. Here is the web site.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1887841075/qid=1038951986/sr=8-1/002-2401600-0328836

Hope this will be some help.
Jack Drum