Minor AS and finding a partner

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newarrior

Have mild AS live in Thailand
Joined
Jun 29, 2019
Messages
15
Location
Bangkok, Thailand
Any singles out there who are WAY pre surgery and have minor AS and are on a beta blocker ? How has getting diagnosed as having AS and/or beta blockers affected your confidence in the dating world ? thanks !
 

carolinemc

Well-known member
Joined
May 31, 2010
Messages
632
Location
kansas city, mo
Any singles out there who are WAY pre surgery and have minor AS and are on a beta blocker ? How has getting diagnosed as having AS and/or beta blockers affected your confidence in the dating world ? thanks !
OPH does not affect dating at all. It is the mind at work. Medication does not affect dating either. just the state of mind of the patient. I am a single person, who has not dated much and am quite content being a (what they called single women at one time) a spinster. No men, no children to worry about. Just relax and enjoy life. You are alive and that counts for something. I know it is hard at times, but just think, it is just yourself, not having to worry about someone else. Try it.
 

LondonAndy

VR.org Supporter
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Aug 1, 2015
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303
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London, UK
I suspect that for a man there ARE issues that can affect confidence: the combination of Aortic Stenosis and a Beta Blocker affects one's ability to perform sexually, giving at least a degree of erectile dysfunction. It may not be possible to take traditional options such as Viagra to compensate, but I think worth discussing options with your doctor.
 

Paleowoman

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Joined
Jun 14, 2010
Messages
2,584
Location
Surrey, UK
The more I read this thread the more I think of my son. My son is 30 and has Asperger’s syndrome. He can’t get a girlfriend either and he’d dearly like one. He wants lots of friends too - he has some ‘friends' but they’re not real close friendships. He’s handsome and intelligent but I suppose other people, particularly girls, pick up the subtle social difference in him. He meets girls at pubs and clubs but it makes to difference. It’s very frustrating for him and it increases his depression and anxiety as he sees other young men his age in successful relationships but can’t understand why not him. He also doesn’t have a job - and again thinks he should be able to have one, should be able to earn tons of money….but he isn’t able to and gets very depressed about it. He lives on social security benefits.

My son hasn’t got bicuspid aortic valve. Thankgoodness. He keeps getting his GP to check his heart, but all sounds are normal I’m glad to say. By his age my bicuspid valve was clearly heard.
 

rich01

Active member
Joined
Aug 23, 2018
Messages
41
Location
Virginia US
Maybe look at it as just a couple of people getting together to do fun things, rather than looking for a relationship. Find people to do things with. Join groups (hiking, cooking, museums, photography, etc) where you have an opportunity to meet single women.

If you develop a friendship first, it should make addressing any future "problems" easier.
 

newarrior

Have mild AS live in Thailand
Joined
Jun 29, 2019
Messages
15
Location
Bangkok, Thailand
I am 56 and I still feel like I am young except my health sh_t..I never found a partner, started a family, got a career or bought a home. The older I get and the more health issues I have the more I am afraid I will die alone with terrible health issues, no woman, no career etc etc
 

pellicle

Professional Dingbat
Joined
Nov 4, 2012
Messages
6,156
Location
Queensland, OzTrayLeeYa
Hi
when I was a single guy (lets not call my current status the same) I never gave it a second thought. I never even considered my big scar (which I got my first at 10) or my occasional (yearly) visits to the specialist anything of note... it was in essence one day out of 365 where I did something else.

.Plus I got no job, never had a career, own no home..But yes I live a simple cheap life in Thailand
my best relationships have come from times in my life when that exactly described me. I met my wife when I was a student in South Korea for instance.

To my unsophisticated way of viewing the world I am who I am, what I do and how I like to spend my time, not what I earn or who I work for. Indeed if that's a factor for a partners consideration of relative importance then I suggest the partner is a gold digger and should be avoided like the clap.

There is much more to a good relationship than "banging" (although that's fun too) as it represents an insignificant portion of your time together.

Just my 2c
 

Superman

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 3, 2009
Messages
716
Location
Grand Rapids, MI, USA
.... as it represents an insignificant portion of your time together.

Just my 2c
Speak for yourself. 😁

In general, I think many obstacles to having a healthy relationship are things we can control vs things we can’t. There may be a couple of people that AS would matter too, but being less likely to start a family at 56, I would thing the objection of heredity wouldn’t be as much of an issue. Perhaps someone who hears heart issue and assumes you’re going to die young leaving them alone? For the most part, though, it’s just one more thing to talk about. I’m guessing our own anxiety about our flaws and our own unrealistic expectations going into relationships are a much bigger obstacle.
 

newarrior

Have mild AS live in Thailand
Joined
Jun 29, 2019
Messages
15
Location
Bangkok, Thailand
Yes some of the women have not lay they have concerns about my heart condition they're afraid I'm going to die early so why bother spending time with me or falling in love with me? Incidentally I had a brother died of a sudden heart attack at 46 and left behind a 32 year-old Widow
 

newarrior

Have mild AS live in Thailand
Joined
Jun 29, 2019
Messages
15
Location
Bangkok, Thailand
And of course I still think about having kids I've never had kids neither one of my brothers had kids but family is dying off it's very depressing. And yes a lot of the women I've dated recently have said they don't want to be with me or have concerns are going to die young.. their attitude is like why should I Fall In Love or be in a relationship with somebody with heart disease is going to die young and leave me early and leave me disappointed and crushed?
 

newarrior

Have mild AS live in Thailand
Joined
Jun 29, 2019
Messages
15
Location
Bangkok, Thailand
Also I live in Thailand it's a poor country they're very worried about security here due to the crushing poverty is anybody that's got any health problems they don't understand it it sends them into a very deep place of concern
 

newarrior

Have mild AS live in Thailand
Joined
Jun 29, 2019
Messages
15
Location
Bangkok, Thailand
Anyways I can't get a date to save my life even in Thailand I don't even have any clue what it's like to be in a relationship get married or have kids so this is all sort of speculative.
 

newarrior

Have mild AS live in Thailand
Joined
Jun 29, 2019
Messages
15
Location
Bangkok, Thailand
I can only speak for myself I struggle with women all my life and now all these health issues I've been battling hearing loss for over 20 years I've had mitral valve prolapse in size 39 this year alone I've had a staph infection I damage my hands and I found out I've got it works to know since I've had high blood pressure for 8 years I just feel completely completely devastated wiped out depressed alone crushed I'm 56 I've only had two girlfriends my entire life I never been married I've never had kids for me having aortic stenosis and being on a beta blocker is like the final blows to my ability to attract women into my life it's just absolutely crushed me.. I mean at some point they're going to see the medication even if I don't have the scar yet I haven't had the surgery they're going to find out you've got all these health issues even if they're invisible and then I'm on beta blockers which is cut my sex drive made me tired fatigue drowsy bad dreams of course I carry one of us I'm afraid of having you know a heart attack during sex I've also had a lot of groin injury so I'm afraid of re-injuring my grinder abdomen are having a hernia I'm afraid my ability to have sex is impaired by the beta blocker because it cuts down on my energy makes me fatigued.. I feel like getting calcified aortic stenosis if 56 is like the final blow to my life my confidence. I've suffered severe depression and low self-esteem and low confidence my entire life and now having this calcified aortic stenosis diagnosis makes me feel really sorry for myself. They're telling me that I'm getting hit with this thing fairly prematurely it's fairly rare and think about it most people even in their 50s don't have a clue about what this thing is most people understand high blood pressure diabetes stuff like that but they don't know anything about calcified aortic stenosis on top of that I'm living in Asia wear my insurance doesn't cover pre-existing conditions so anything related to to aortic stenosis or high blood pressure means I got to pay cash for any surgeries or complications for procedures. The alternative is trying to get to America before the problem gets really bad or just move back to the States for the 56 starting from zero with no family friends anybody to stay with no job no career no house just crazy unpleasant you know.. I mean nobody wants to be starting from ground zero in America at age 56
 

rich01

Active member
Joined
Aug 23, 2018
Messages
41
Location
Virginia US
This might sound strange, but I believe you have a leaky gut. It is not that hard to fix, so do a little research and eat the diet and take the supplements for a few months and see if that makes any difference in your outlook.

You are focusing on the wrong things. If you are happy with yourself, and act like it, others will be drawn to you. You have already figured out the reverse is also true.

Start with getting plenty of sun on as much of your body (all) as you can. Drink good water. Eat a low inflammatory diet. Do plenty of walking in nature. Avoid blue lights after dusk. Go barefoot. Nature can help with the healing process if you let it.

What do you do all day? What interests do you have and how much time do you devote to them? Are they interests you can share with others?

First thing you need to do is start liking yourself and stop beating yourself down.
 

carolinemc

Well-known member
Joined
May 31, 2010
Messages
632
Location
kansas city, mo
@newarrior maybe you are going at the dating scene wrong. Are you bringing up your health issues on the first date, second date, third date? You need to leave the heath issues till later, when it might become serious. Nothing chases women off than one who is obsessed with his health issues 24/7. Take is slow, easy, have fun, get to know each other. That is what a woman wants, not one who is too into health issues and concerns constantly. You need to relax, enjoy life. Do not worry so much about what the woman might think about your health issues, put that back in the closet till it is a better time, not right out there in the beginning.
 

carolinemc

Well-known member
Joined
May 31, 2010
Messages
632
Location
kansas city, mo
And of course I still think about having kids I've never had kids neither one of my brothers had kids but family is dying off it's very depressing. And yes a lot of the women I've dated recently have said they don't want to be with me or have concerns are going to die young.. their attitude is like why should I Fall In Love or be in a relationship with somebody with heart disease is going to die young and leave me early and leave me disappointed and crushed?
You do not need children since you cannot provide for yourself. Kids are expensive these days, medicine, school supplies and clothes, diapers, clothes, clothes and clothes. Learn to love and respect yourself first, then get the girlfriend, then if you are not too old, make babies. No rush at your age to make babies, you need to care of yourself first.
 

carolinemc

Well-known member
Joined
May 31, 2010
Messages
632
Location
kansas city, mo
The more I read this thread the more I think of my son. My son is 30 and has Asperger’s syndrome. He can’t get a girlfriend either and he’d dearly like one. He wants lots of friends too - he has some ‘friends' but they’re not real close friendships. He’s handsome and intelligent but I suppose other people, particularly girls, pick up the subtle social difference in him. He meets girls at pubs and clubs but it makes to difference. It’s very frustrating for him and it increases his depression and anxiety as he sees other young men his age in successful relationships but can’t understand why not him. He also doesn’t have a job - and again thinks he should be able to have one, should be able to earn tons of money….but he isn’t able to and gets very depressed about it. He lives on social security benefits.

My son hasn’t got bicuspid aortic valve. Thankgoodness. He keeps getting his GP to check his heart, but all sounds are normal I’m glad to say. By his age my bicuspid valve was clearly heard.
So sorry about your son's health issue. He will be fine with his friends. Just keep making sure he knows he does not need to have marriage and kids to have a relationship with a woman. And he has nothing to prove to anyone that he can marry. He is fine and he will eventually find the special person someday. Hugs for you both.
 

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