Hi, i've been reading back through my posts, they do paint a rather negative view of our NHS, though somewhat accurate. It's very sad. I am adjusting to becoming a patient, who is waiting. And i'm not sure whether my own coming to terms or difficulty with the role reversal paints a more negative picture than need be. I need to be fully functioning, and able to continue my nursing education. I was born to care for others, and now the focus is on me, i find this upsetting, though my own experiences are reminding me to maintain my core values and the importance of listening to the patients i care for and seeing them as a unique and individual person. Not a set of statistics, or overly anxious, or £££ signs. Some of my own anxieties have arisen from working in Emergency. You are faced with Mortality every day.
Whether i like it or not, i am now a patient with a heart condition, there are things that i cannot do anymore, and probably loads of things i have never tried. Right now for me, i have a deep feeling of unease about waiting, the same instinctive feeling i had that there was something wrong and suppressed. I once walked around for 2 days with a completely collapsed lung before i nearly croaked. It kept happening, until the same hospital i am being seen at now, had me in for surgery within 5 days. Complete fix. I am looking for the same, before it's too late. I do not want to expire and have to haunt people saying that ' I bloody well told you so'.
