Heart valve surgery and male impotency.

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I had my valve replaced at 17. I’ve been happily married for 23 years. We have five awesome kids. I think the plumbing was unaffected. 😂

I started dating my wife almost five years after my valve was replaced. My scars / replacement has never been anything other than an interesting part of who I am with people I’ve met.

The individual in that article appears to have far more health issues than just a straight valve replacement in an otherwise fit individual.
 
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I’ve only had 2 people ask about my scar and one was a child.
I have never thought my scars were cool, but I’m alive, so I just see it and it’s me.
With each surgery my sternal scar got longer. I was lucky I don’t create keloid so mine looks kinda white and flat. I knew a young woman who even had a plastic surgeon in the operating room to do her incision, and it ended up looking really red and thick. My chest tube scars (9) are also pretty obvious. I wear a one piece swimsuit now, but when younger I didn’t care who saw my scars and wore bikinis.
Every time I look in the mirror after showering, I see my scars. It reminds me of what I’ve been through and that I’m resilient.
 
We got some leather furniture some years ago and there was a tag on them saying something to the effect of: “No two hides are the same and each comes with a unique blend of scars, marks, and variations that add to the beauty of high-quality leather”.
My wife and I have accumulated a good number of scars of our own over the years and we tell each other that they add to our uniqueness and beauty, just like the furniture leather.
There’s something to be said about getting to the point in life where you think “wouldn’t it be great if a scar or two (or three or four) was the biggest thing to worry about”.
 
Thanks, jeffp, that’s nice to read.
After my husband left me unexpectedly, I was going through a box of photos. I found one of me in a tank top. I had no heart surgery scar, my chest was pristine.
All the emotions of going thru so many surgeries and divorce just really hit me and I started to cry for the young woman in that photo who had no idea what lay ahead. I am more emotional from having 3 open heart surgeries and usually I’m okay. But, that day and that photo really got to me.
 
Oh and Gail

Gail in Ca said:
All the emotions of going thru so many surgeries and divorce just really hit me and I started to cry for the young woman in that photo who had no idea what lay ahead. I am more emotional from having 3 open heart surgeries and usually I’m okay.
Click to expand...

something I discovered is that in later life (just when you think you're resilient and in command of your emotions) going through durable traumatic experiences tends to leave permanent stretch marks on your emotions bag (if that makes sense) and you just find yourself (or at least I did) more prone to being emotional about so many other things too.

I don't think I'll even attempt to stuff my emotions back in a "Spock like" box
 
About 2 years before I learned my harmless murmur became a deteriorated valve needing immediate replacement I met a woman who had had open heart surgery at 19. I didn't care about a scar. I did care about all she had been through. Turns out the scars are practically gone within 2 years. The idea of what it represents is worse than the appearance from the process. IOW the thought of OHS is triggered by the faintest evidence and the thought is what can bother some people. Other people don't care and some even find them sexy.

As for the linked article, I am not on any inhibiting medication. The most significant concern was anything using the same route as the catheter which might be painful however every aspect of that was surprisingly painless including its removal.
 
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newarrior said:
Also if you're single I would imagine it's going to be harder to get a partner somebody's going to see the scar they're going to have all kinds of thoughts regarding the fact that you've been heart valves surgery etc etc.
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So you found another good reason not to get the life-saving valve surgery (as you previously posted you "...don't want to pay for the surgery or have the surgery..I'm happy to die from valve failure".

btw...my beautiful wife has had 3 OHS since we have been married and I would marry her again, with all the scars, in a "heart-beat"!

I think anyone who thinks what you wrote has more problems than heart-valve surgery will fix.
 
newarrior said:
Interesting link. Also if you're single I would imagine it's going to be harder to get a partner somebody's going to see the scar they're going to have all kinds of thoughts regarding the fact that you've been heart valves surgery etc etc..

I would think it's going to limit your pool of potential partners
https://www.bhf.org.uk/informations...sex-when-you-have-a-heart-condition/roger-fox
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Very wrong. In my experience women thought it was interesting or endearing. It’s not like you got your face chewed off by a pitbull or disfiguring burns… it’s a scar on your chest.

I think the mindset that has you worrying what people might think is doing more harm on that front than any scarring could.
 
Gail in Ca said:
I’ve only had 2 people ask about my scar and one was a child.
I have never thought my scars were cool, but I’m alive, so I just see it and it’s me.
With each surgery my sternal scar got longer. I was lucky I don’t create keloid so mine looks kinda white and flat. I knew a young woman who even had a plastic surgeon in the operating room to do her incision, and it ended up looking really red and thick. My chest tube scars (9) are also pretty obvious. I wear a one piece swimsuit now, but when younger I didn’t care who saw my scars and wore bikinis.
Every time I look in the mirror after showering, I see my scars. It reminds me of what I’ve been through and that I’m resilient.
Click to expand...
When I was a child, other children would ask me if it hurts, of I was awake. They were more curious back then. When I grew up, adults would look, but was polite if they asked if I had surgery. I love wearing tops that show my badge of courage. Even more so since my second bypass, aortic valve replacement with the St. Jude's valve. I love talking with the lab people about how I cannot get away from needles, more so since I am also a type 2 diabetic and prick the finger everyday. It has been a journey.
 
I had my surgery when I was 11 and I remember finding the picture of me from the summer before - scar free. My scar did keloid and it’s noticeable but no big deal anymore.
I get somewhat self conscious when I’m a patient for ski patrol drills. We practice treatment scenarios with one another, including sternal rubs. My sternum is convoluted after 3 OHS!
What was very surprising- after #3 my sternum was totally smooth. All the wiring was gone. That only lasted for a few months and now sternum is again craggy. I think it is freakier from me touching it than the contact on the bone itself. It’s a weird perspective that I don’t understand.

I love seeing people with the tell tale notch near the neck. Comparing scars is a real treat! I had a hairdresser back in Grand Rapids who had the scar from when she was 19 or so. Favorite hairdresser ever!!

It’s being part of the Zipper Club!
 
pellicle said:
Oh and Gail



something I discovered is that in later life (just when you think you're resilient and in command of your emotions) going through durable traumatic experiences tends to leave permanent stretch marks on your emotions bag (if that makes sense) and you just find yourself (or at least I did) more prone to being emotional about so many other things too.

I don't think I'll even attempt to stuff my emotions back in a "Spock like" box
Click to expand...
I hear this! I was emotional before my first surgery and after having two in less than 9 months I'm even more so. I try to keep the emotions in check, but another OHS friend once said, "no one will ever understand what you've been through unless they have endured it themselves".
 
I love my scars. They get me tough guy respect.

I tell people somebody shot me 3 times (the scars from the chest tubes being the bullet holes) & the long scar in the center of my chest is from a knife wound. But that they should see the other guys, this is nothing. Mess with me at your peril!
 
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