emotions and crying

[R0Y]

Several of the responses in Jimeskimo's thread "Looong overdue post" mention crying. I've noticed since my surgery that I am quite a bit more emotional than I used to be. I've wondered about the source of the change. I suppose it may be a consequence of the emotional stress associated with such major surgery. It sounds like others have had similar experiences as reflected in crying.

I'd be interested in any thoughts or information on the subject that anyone would like to share.

-- roy --

 

[John Cochran]

Roy,
No shortage of emotional stress in this situation, but I think the two biggest contributors to emotional volatility are the ton of drugs that get pumped in you (which take weeks to get out of your system) and the extensive physical trauma of the surgery. Add to that both situational and clinical depression, and you have a real ragged-edged whipsaw doing emotional logging.

--John

 

[hensylee]

John, maybe that's part of it but I don't believe that it's all of it. It seems that SO MANY of us who have had our chests sawed open, our hearts messed with, come back with a softer gentler attitude about everything in general - and we also cry easier. It has been said so many times on this site. And it sticks long after the drugs are out of the system. I do not have an explanation, nor have I seen a good one in here or anywhere else, but it seems to be one of those things we have now that we didn't used to have!

 

[Ross]

I think (Yeah, I know, DANGER) that the spirit within us is impacted greatly. Mere human suffering can set me off. Heck, alot of things set me off. I sat outside the other day and thought about things. My parents came to mind and away I went. They've been gone for years.

One Doctor I had walked past me and said, "Hey cry all you want, you cannot control it anyway."

 

[JimL]

We've become "sensitive, new-age guys."

 

[hensylee]

Yesterday I attended a matinee play where my granddaughter, very, very pregnant, sang a solo about war in a beautiful play, tears running down my cheeks - today would be my mother's 94th birthday. She died 2 yrs ago - and this year my tears are more than last year. And I don't cry in movies. A couple nights ago we watched John Q = guess what? tears, especially when they showed the beating heart! Go figure!

 

[wlaldridge]

Not much to add, all are true and correct. We all react differently to the assult on our systems both physical and psychological. Also, a documented result of stroke is heightened affect or emotion.

I would point out a more mundane stressor is just the general sleep deprivation which we suffer as a result of the build up to, and of cource the general treatment in the hospital. They wake you every hour or two for some silly thing, as everyone here knows all too well.

Even at home most of us sleep in "fits and spurts" so we do not get "good" restful sleep. At any rate, it would be a cold fish indeed that didn't go through all of this with no emotional side effects, I think.

So cry on and let it out, it is not a sign of weakness or wimpyness.

Maybe helplessness and seeing our own fragility in the overall scope of things is humbling. But over all, I know I cope better with adequate, comfortable and restful sleep, which I still find elusive at 5 1/2 weeks post op.


Bill

 

[Jean]

Tears

Tears

I like Hensylee's explanation of the spirit within us being a little closer to our consciousness now. Since surgery in Jan. '00, I definitely cry easier and more often...happy, sad...it doesn't matter. Since 9/11, the waterworks is even more prevalent. I teared up just last week watching our high school football team doing a team cheer before the game...God, keep them safe was my thoughts. I appreciate life and realize how tenuous it is. God love us all.

 

[DickV]

When I discovered I needed a valve and graft, I had about a two-week wait before surgery. During this period I received a letter out of the clear blue from someone who knew someone who knew me. It was a woman who had a surgery to implant a valve. While I actually think it was meant to be a do-gooder letter, she described every single negative aspect of the surgery, including depression, crying and much much more. After reading this uplifting letter, I looked over to my wife and announced that I was going to use this letter as a guide of what not to do and how not to act. In fact, that was the single most significient depressing moment of the entire ordeal. It is only a valve. Big damn deal. My little sister battled a 6-year bout with cancer and died two years to the exact day I had my surgery. I was getting a second chance. She didn?t have that alternative. When you get down and out of sorts, think of those who are terminal and won?t make it and get with the program. Sorry, I don?t buy this depression, whining, crying stuff. Yea, I hurt like hell and felt like I got hit by a truck but more than ever I appreciated the blue sky, the rising sun, my wife and kids and overall life in general was better, much better. Make the best of your second change because many people do not have that alternative.

Every day above ground is a plus. (Dick?s tough love speech #3)

 

[Tammy]

Before Valve Surgery, I wouldn't have believed anyone that told me I was going to be depressed or cry easily. I just wasn't that way - I had never had a Down Day in my life. If it strikes (it does not always, as in Dick's Case) - it is something surreal. You cry and your depressed and you don't like yourself - The Good News is that it will pass. At the time you believe it never will stop but it will get better.
The Meds really took a toll on me and once they were out of my system, I felt tons better. I believe as do others that the Surgery is a life changing experience. We all appreciate life a little more and are more sensitive.
So for now - just go with the flow - cry all you want. You might benefit from some counciling too, several people have taken that route at some time during their lives.
This website will give you an amazing amount of support. I know I wish it was around when I had my Surgery.

Take Care,

Tammy
MVR 04/06/89

 

[Mb]

Hello everyone!

I just wanted to add a note, about us significant others out there, who have also expereicned heightened emotions as a result of the valve surgery of someone we love.

I truly was a trooper during the period before, during and after the surgery. I teared up seldom, and never around the man that I love.

However, after the surgery, weeks later, I found myself tearing up every time I went to church, or heard about someone with a problem. It took many months for this to stop. However, October 3rd was my husbands' one year anniversary, and wouldn't you know, the last three or four weeks have found me with tears streaming during, or after church. I actually thought I had made it through yesterday, but after Mass we ran into an old neighbor of our, and we inquired after her family. She told us that her eldest daughter (32) was recently diagnosed with a particularly agressive form of melanoma. I teared up then, and couldn't stop for a half hour. I am so grateful that we have been given this extended time together. It was truly a gift from God.

Marybeth

 

[EVELYN]

Wow, Marybeth, you couldn't have said it any better. I, too, look at every day as a blessing from God. I wasn't in your boat, prior to the surgery, though, and it really affected me. My whole life I was the one in charge, made decisions with no problem and thought I was just the one in control. In reality, Tyce was the one who really had the strength, not me, he just let me do my thing and was always there in the background....kind of the wind beneath my wings.

When we knew he had to have surgery, his strength just surged through....kind of like, this is it, here's what we're doing and I will be fine. He never waivered, I fell apart. He has kept that course since, and while I am so very much better post op, I know I love him and appreciate him so very much more. I realize how very special our life is and how quickly it can be changed. I still find that I become emotional and cry much more readily than ever before, and you know what, SO WHAT!! It's absolutely okay. I cry and then I laugh about crying....While I've always felt my feelings, I know I feel them much more and believe my life has been changed for the better.

I think what is important to realize is that we all deal with situations differently and all of the ways we choose to deal with the situations are absolutely OK. I think it's NOT dealing with emotions and feelings that is the tragedy.

Evelyn

 

[hensylee]

Dick, I really don't think one single post in this thread has mentioned that we cry because we are depressed or whining - we have different emotions after surgery, for some reason, that's all. Guess we just appreciate and feel things more than we did BS (before surgery). It is a known fact, tho, that heart patients do tend to have depression, but this isn't what we mean here.

When I heard my granddaughter's voice, my tears were tears of pride and happiness, when I shed tears for my mother, it is for appreciation for everything she was and stood for and that I had the honor of being her daughter - and the beating heart in John Q - well, my thoughts there were "is that what my surgeon saw when my chest was laid open" and didn't I get a miracle! God bless

 

[Travler]

This is a good thread. Since my surgery on 9/26 I have found I have good days, bad days and partial days. When I think back over what I have gone through, the surgery and all the potential outcomes of it, of the pain, the restlessness, and still the unknown of what is ahead, I think I see life quite a bit different than I did before surgery.
I think I was like so many others in the world and took far too many things for granted. Now I appreciate even little things.
When I think about how attentive to my needs my wife is, I cry.
Before surgery I know she was caring and attentive, but now I appreciate her more than ever.
I think part of my crying is a more sensitive awareness of those around me. I also realize there are people whose health is much worse than mine and I feel for them.
Yes, drugs have their affect, but I hope that my new found sensitive spirit will last. Maybe what the world needs more of is people with feelings.

 

[sylviayasgur]

hi all!
marybeth,
i couldn't have said it better. i truly believe that each and every one of us has a newly found appreciation for life and the little things in life_ things we may have missed or just overlooked b.s (before surgery).
a friend of mine once said that she believed that you can spot "loss" in a person's eyes and face. (she meant that their having lost someone dear to them showed in their faces). it took me some time to figure out what she meant.
i believe that it is similar with those given a second chance. the sky looks bluer, we hear the chirping of the birds more now, etc. we appreciate the fragility of life and take our time to cherish/savor each moment a little bit more.
i, too, get teary over many more things than i ever did before joey's surgery. it is usually out of happiness though.
we are all here for you, roy. we all understand..
stay well, sylvia

 

[Johnny Stephens]

I believe this is another of those highly individual responses. I tend to believe it's more related to the drugs. I would cry at the drop of a hat in the hospital and for a couple of weeks afterward. I was a basket case after watching an Elvis Costello concert, and seeing how happy the kids were.

I seemed to revert pretty much to my old self about the same time my strength returned, food tasted better, and my appetite came back.

Now, whether reverting to my old self is a good thing....that's up for debate

 

[Ross]

Now, whether reverting to my old self is a good thing....that's up for debate

Wait till they get a load out of me! If your half the nutcase I am, the old self is a little off, if you know what I mean.

 

[Nancy]

I truly think that there needs to be a lot of investigation and study into the body's response to physical trauma. It's my feeling that there is a whole lot more going on in addition to the emotional aspects of going through something which affects every part of the body. The emotional side of the recovery phase is almost indisputable. The vast majority of the people here have expressed feeling highly emotional, but in my own opinion, I think it's part and parcel of healing process. Maybe the body releases chemicals which affect the emotions in its effort to recover from the trauma. I don't think it's avoidable in most cases. And I don't feel it's mind over matter or a person being weak or whiny. It's just something the body goes through that affects the emotional side of us. If we are able to accept this and just be patient, it will eventually work itself out.

I've watched Joe go through several heart surgeries, his two lung surgeries, his episode of serum sickness, his gallbladder surgery and repeat surgery to try to stanch the bleeding, and then his total bleedout, and finally recovery from that. He seemed to go through almost the same set of recovery steps with each of these experiences. He is not given to tears , but depression has happened.

I don't think it's all in the mind, or even all in the body, but rather an intertwined combo of both.

From the significant other side, that's probably mostly emotional, but that can affect the body as well. I have felt emotionally and physically drained for several weeks after each of these things.

Be patient with yourself, let your body heal, and try not to fight it. It's all part of the process.

If one comes out of this with a more caring and sensitive psyche, so much the better. The world really needs that.

 

[hhardt]

Sensitivity

Sensitivity

I also have noticed a significant change to what is best described as my sensitive awareness. I can not put words as to what sets it off, just know the every so often tears flow. It is usually due to some tender moment but can be the National Anthem, a oldie religious song, a grandkids concert piece, or a teen captured in prayer.
I guess the best response is to enjoy the moment, and try not to be ashamed that this old sailor is having the sensitive moment.
Looking down at the grass does not do it - it isn't something that is due to my lot in life - but something that has to do with others.
Having to pull out the handerkerchief at an event still bothers me a lot. But I'm talking about lots of damp...... and it has been 19 months.

 

[R0Y]

While medication may be a factor in some cases, I don't think it applies in mine. I am on a reduced set of medications since my surgery and was taking all of them before. To me, that makes the drugs an unlikely factor.

-- roy --