Daycare question:

[PJmomrunner]

My thoughts were along the lines of Marguerite's when I read this. Kids do not act out like this for no reason. It's up to the adults around him to figure out the reasons and find a way to redirect him. There may be something going on at home or he may just be a little behind socially. I don't know how old this little boy is, but at 30-35 pounds I'm guessing 3, maybe 4? Children, and boys especially, at that age often have difficulty expressing themselves verbally and they need help finding words and appropriate ways to interact. This kid may have more difficulty than most and should be instructed very specifically, "Axel, do you want to play where Ellie is playing? It's Ellie's turn now. You can play with this toy until she's done. It's not okay to push Ellie. She's sad and she hurt her bottom. Do you understand? Ask Ellie if you can be next. Come to me if you need help." If this kind of thing isn't happening it should be.

There should also be clear rules--very few and very general (like "no hurting," "please" and "thank you" "take turns--when one person is done it's the next person's turn"--and everyone should know them, including moms and dads. Kids respond much better when they're told what to do instead of, or in addition to, what not to do. I always found that "those kids" always had parents who responded with, "Axel! What are you doing? That's not nice!" or worse yet, "Axel! Stop it! **smack**" So they end up doing it again ten minutes later because they still want a turn and they don't know what else to do and the adults in their lives don't model acceptable behavior or tell them a better way.

It's hard when your adrenaline is rushing because your kid just got walloped to calmly talk to the daycare provider, but it's perfectly fine to intinctively raise one's voice (within reason) and after the danger has passed ask what the plan is to deal with this boy's behavior and ask if his parents are on board with the plan. There should definitely be a strategy in place and there should be some consistency at home. And work with Ellie too--we don't want any victims, do we?--teach her to stick up for herself. "I DON'T LIKE THAT, AXEL!" "When you push me I get angry!" "I'm not done yet! You can be next."

Gosh...I was pretty long-winded here...it all comes rushing back. Anyone who spends a lot of time around kids will see this kind of stuff. Best to deal with it head on and fairly, keeping in mind there are no bad guys (however much it may seem there are), there's just a little kid who doesn't get it yet. It's the adults' job to show him the way.

...I know Natalie is still a pill, but I wonder how Andrew turned out...?

 

[LUVMyBirman]

Family member of mine owns and operates a 90 child daycare with a state approved kindergarten program. Good help is hard to find. Teachers are paid within what the local salary dictate. Which is not much. Sometimes I feel they are way underpaid. Pitfall of the industry. Turnover rate is high.

The foundation for controlling an "out of control" child starts with the center. Rules should be in place and posted. Zero tolerance for that type of continued behavior, etc. Little Axel (now if that is not a pistol of a name to begin with!) would have been expelled! Most importantly the child on the receiving end is at risk. Mentally and physcially. The long term mental aspect should be considered.

It does not sound like this particular center has control. I would look elsewhere for daycare.

Good luck

 

[Lisa in Katy]

At 15 months, my son moved from the baby room to the "transition room". In this room, there was a girl (big for her age) who was a biter. Every day I noticed 1 or 2 new bites - on his back, arms, tummy, face, etc. After a few days, I talked to the teacher and was told that this girl bit all the kids, but my son especially because he was rather passive and one of the youngest in the room. I had a talk with the director, mentioned the potential danger of this child spreading germs, along with the fact that I would remove my two very well behaved kids immediately, and suggested that they muzzle the little girl! She wouldn't do that, but she did agree to talk to the parents and tell them that they were going to move this girl to the 2-year-old room, even though she was only 18 months. If the parents didn't agree, she was going to ask them to leave. Putting the girl with kids who were bigger than her seemed to do the trick. It apparently was just a situation where she was biting simply because she was bigger than anyone else and could. So my suggestion - your daughter should talk to the director and be firm. They may be waiting for enough parent complaints to approach the parents about the dismissal of this child.

 

[Dennis S]

Update:

Update:

Good news on the daycare front: Stephanie talked to a couple of people at the day care. They were in the process of contacting the parents of little Axel, and appreciated the specific details Stephanie was able to provide. So far, Axel has turned things around.

When Steph. came in, Ellie was sleeping on her little mat, and by all accounts enjoyed her day. Ellie does like the other kids, the little furniture, etc. She is an only child, and I think may profit some from a little interaction with other kids & adults. So, we shall see how it goes.

 

[Nancy]

Dennis-

That is good news. I think daycare does help children interract and socialize with others. So many children are in daycare now, that it is hard to find playmates for little ones. And now, daycares start teaching kids at an early age, so if your child is not getting similar stuff at home, they will be behind, when they get to kindergarten. My grandchildren started off in Montessori and continued on right into regular school with Montessori. They got a very solid teaching foundation.

It's not like it was in the olden days, when my children were small. But even then, a group of mothers in the heighborhood set up our own rotating daycare and it worked fine. I think we called it playschool, and we did it a couple of times per week to give us a little break and to give the kids something to do.