Am I a feminist??

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FloralD

In the last twelve months two different male doctors have asked these questions when writing up my notes and assessing my condition:

Can you still do your housework ?

Can you still walk round the supermarket?

My GP and I are interested to know what the equivalent questions are for male patients. Do you think doctors in America have a less chauvinist attitude?

Answer 1/ - No Answer 2/ Yes, but can't carry a bag of shopping. :) Diana
 
Think you got a chauvinist! No dr has ever asked me about housework and supermarkets. They ask how far can I walk. How much exercise am I able to do and I'll bet they ask the guys the same things. We don't have too many women working only at home anymore - most are in job market right along with the guys - just ask this US group!! God bless
 
smile

smile

Hi Diana

As a UK-based male patient, I don't remember being asked the same question, but then I don't remember if I was asked this type of question at all!

As far as we're concerned in our house, my wife and I are happy to live in pleasant squalor (we've got three young boys, so it goes with the territory) and my AVR in October 2000 was not sufficient reason for my wife to take over the shopping duties, so I still get the trip to Tesco! Damn shopping's heavy too!!

Best regards to all,

Simon
 
Depends on how you define feminist

Depends on how you define feminist

As a single guy, the 'housework' is my responsibility as well as going to the supermarket, among many others.

Both can be strenuous at times if staircases and carrying heavy grocery bags are involved, tiring on those who are de-conditioned or have a deteriorating heart.

A physician asking questions about routine activities that one may no longer be able to perform efficiently, regardless of what they are, is hardly chauvinist.

There are however many other physician 'traits' that legitimately could be called chauvinist.

When my girlfriend at the time, who was living in Michigan, accompanied me on one of my visits to a prospective surgeon of Indian descent, he would not look at her, acknowledge her or respond to any of her questions without a seemingly hostile or disdainful attitude.

The air in the room 'palpitated'. Though for different reasons I agreed with her not use this Surgeon.
 
When Kathy was pregnant, I would go with her to her Obstetrician visits. If she asked him a question he would look at me and speak to me when answering. Almost like she wasn't even in the room.
 
Floral-
Is your GP an older male? Sometimes they have that type of attitude. But, maybe those were the only things he could think of, also, they are pretty standard activities. Shopping, housework. They are everyday type things, and opposed to saying "Can you still do that triatholon."

When I went with David to his neurology appointment the surgeon had 3 medical students with him and only one actually introduced himself to David and shook hands , the other two had that "I am the doctor, you are merely the patient." attitude.

Anyway, one of the ways I could tell I was getting close to surgery (in retrospect) was that it was tougher to carry a full basket of laundry up from the cellar to the second floor (first floor for you Brits.) But, my cardio never asked me about housework or shopping he just asked how long could I walk, how fast. did I notice any activities that made me short of breath.

-Mara
 
I've always enjoyed being a feminist woman, a condition that I believe overtook me at birth. The tasks that doctors attribute to males or females as gender-specific sometimes amuse me. When I had a hysterectomy, the doctor told me that I wouldn't see the inside of a supermarket for at least a couple of months. I responded, "If you'll unload my cart, I'll meet you there next week." He didn't get it. But, he continued to joke about meeting me in the supermarket when I recovered. I did, however, object to the remarks of the surgeon who replaced Al's valve. When asked about sex, the surgeon responded....."How about three or four months. Your wife looks like she could use a rest." One does not have to be a feminist to get in a twist about that one.
 
I had great doctors at the UW. They always talked to me as a person and when I had my baby, they listed ME as the MOTHER, not my husband as the sponsor. Civillian doctors are so much better about that than military doctors. Dr. Verrier actually called me "sunshine." They all had their pet names for me, since I was there so much. Dr. Easterling and I (my OB/GYN) and I still keep in touch via e-mail. I was very impressed with the University's doctors and not with the navy jerks. The navy hospital they talk down to you , and think that they are superior to anyone who needs medical attention.
 
a different twist

a different twist

Imagine that you spent most of your career in a situation where your customers, clients and staff rarely gave you any feedback about the appropriateness of your comments and behavior. Further imagine that most people were very defferential to you, some even according you god-like status. Think your behavior might get a little skewed?

In our western culture, doctors rarely get told by a patient, nurse or technician,, "Geez, doc, anyone tell you lately you're totally full of it?" I discovered long ago that the quality of my medical care, along with respect shown my family and me improved when I changed my view of what doctors do and who they are. They are human beings who have gone through some extensive training; medical schools themselves often begin the process of causing doctors to think they are god-like. Some doctors go overboard, and begin to think that their opinions in all subjects are superior to those of the "regular" population.

I had a new GP once who was taking my medical history. I'd mentioned that my mother had had a hysterectomy. He said, "How old was she when they ripped it out?" Once I recovered from that comment, I reminded him he was talking about my mother, that he could either apologize or he was fired. Guy almost fell off the chair apologizing.

Bottom line is, they work for us; we have hired them, and we can fire them. If a doctor is out of line for whatever reason, tell her/him...it's the only way they will ever improve.
 
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Hi Johnnie,

I have gone through 3 doctors since June 2000. Two were fired by me, and one let me go because "I had questioned her professionalism too often" and she would feel better if I found someone else. She gave me two weeks.
I found another doctor, but he was even worse. What an ego this guy had, and he showed no respect for women who questioned anything he said. I was so glad to be rid of him. I was a nervous wreck every week. I wrote him a letter afterwards and informed him that his "bedside manners" left a lot to be desired and if he kept this up he wouldn't have many patients left in the future. He never replied!
I have a nice doctor now. A bit high strong, but I can take that!



Christina
AVR's 8/7/00 & 8/18/00
TMC, Tucson. AZ
Dr. Gulshan Sethi
Mechanical
 
Interesting discussion!

When I got too old for the pediatric folks, I went in search of a new GP so I could find a new cardio, as I hadn't seen one for a number of years. The first GP I visited told me that my heart problem was "all in my head", that the penicillin prescribed to me by my ped cardio (which I had been taking daily for ten years) was probably a big misunderstanding on my part, and that I should come back with my records because he didn't believe I had a heart problem. Needless to say, I never went back. Seeing as this was my first visit to a doctor by myself, I felt for years afterwards that I had to prove myself to doctors, such as waiting until I get a full-blown case of bronchitis before seeking attention for it.

A few years ago, when I moved to Maryland, I went to a cardio who told me that my previous cardio was "Mickey Mouse" and didn't know what he was talking about (which was very much not the case), and that until I had a TEE, I could be on the brink of death for all he knew. A few weeks later the echo showed that "not much had changed" and gee, I didn't need a TEE after all! When I tried to get some answers to my questions regarding replacement valves and pregnancy and such, he had a good laugh and told me that I needed to start getting out to the local bars and picking up some guys, and other such unsolicited advice concerning my personal life. I was absolutely floored at such total unprofessionalism coming from someone in the medical community.

But, about the grocery shopping: they usually asked me about my exercise tolerance and could I do stairs. No mention of housework, though I did tell them that I had to take breaks while vaccuuming....!
 
Its a UK Over 60s thing!

Its a UK Over 60s thing!

Thank you all for your illuminating and interesting responses. In the Uk it is very common for people of my age - or even 50+ to have a very defferential attitude to doctors. Some of you will have read about the doctor who practiced up the road from here and who is now in prison for the rest of his natural after killing a few hundred of his patients. The weirdest part of the story to me is that these older ladies all thought he was wonderful but no one ever seemed to question how he had so much time to just be 'popping in'. (He killed them all with morphine injections). All other GPs seemed to expect people to be at death's door before they will make a house call. I can tell that the people I mix with socially think I am a bit odd because I look into everything so much, want to know where the best treatments and centres are. Thanks to the internet future generations will be much better informed and be able to talk to doctors on a more level footing. Still, we do have some wonderful surgeons and GPs too.
Diana
 
Doctors are ordinary fellows and gals, just like us. They have lots of extra training, that's for sure, but they didn't all get As and weren't all first in their class.

They didn't become doctors because of their social graces. If they pick it up along the way, so much the better, but just like the general population, some will be clods, some will be brilliant, articulate and making topnotch dollars, some will not be ambitious and will go for lower earnings. Most will fall somewhere in between.

I guess Joe and I are fortunate, that we've not met too many clods. I think Joe's conditions scare away all of the mediocre doctors. He's got some pretty great guys treating him now. We're grateful for that. He's a handful.
 
Nancy,
I had to smile about your comment about your husband Joe ("He's a handful.") My guess is that he is also a pretty special guy. After all, he managed to marry a smart, articulate, compassionate and attractive woman. When my chips were down, I thanked my lucky stars that I managed to marry a woman who is a lot like you. I hope Joe tells you regularly what a special woman you are!
--John
 
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