3 day countdown and unsure what he wants..

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rhino19

We have started the countdown. My husbands surgery is Monday and one part of me is planning a big family BBQ Sunday to get everyone together and the other part of me is telling me he may look at it as a last meal. I have read a lot of posts over the last few weeks and got a lot of insight but I am still on the outside looking in and cant totally understand all his feelings. I am looking from some insight from you, the patients who actually have been there. How were you feeling right before, did you want to be left alone, did you feel the need to see friends and family. He is so up and down right now that I am really carefull not to hit a nerve. One second I am like "yes he is himself" and the next second I am like "walk a thin line with him now". I know he feels love and support from all us (family, friends) but he acts like he is in this alone. Well I don't know what to do and right now I am "walking that thin line" hopefully in a few hours it will turn, it does that so quickly.
 
Why not ask him how he wants to spend Sunday and take your cue from that. Dick and I were in Boston the night before his surgery and had dinner out with my daughter and son-in-law. He was calm and cool, but then he would tell you that he really didn't have any idea what he was in for! It may not seem so now, but I promise you that by the time you finish nursing him through this, he will be eternally grateful and you will both be stronger for it!
 
I echo what Phyllis said, "ask your husband what he feels like doing?"

I remember back when I was going thru my 3rd OHS & a day or two before we were planning to fly out to Houston for the surgery, family, friends called or came by to offer their support, encouragement, prayers & their love. We cried together, prayed together but all in all, I felt blessed that I had everyone around me during that terrible time. Other times, I just wanted to cry alone & take in my surroundings because I too thought I wouldn't make it back .....but I did, Thank God.

Ask him if he's up for the BBQ w/family on Sunday & go from there.

I will keep him in my prayers & you too because I know that this can be very stressful on the spouse & you need to be there to offer the support & encouragement he needs.

Take care & best wishes!
 
My family went on vacation the week before my surgery. I enjoyed it, but in the back of my mind I had plenty thoughts of, "This could be my last vacation with my children." I also was very careful not to fuss at my kids because I didn't want them to remember me that way if something happened.
So yes, that type of thoughts might be going through his mind.

For me, I wanted to spend quality time with my immediate family. I agree with Phyllis. Ask him what he wants to do. He might not want to answer a bunch of questions or feel like people are staring at him. I don't know how many people you are talking about, or how close your family is, but I definitely wouldn't have wanted to go to a family reunion.
 
Some people like the fuss and distraction of family before OHS, others choose to be more alone and reflective.
Let him choose, but don't feel that you are walking on egg shells, be strong for him.
 
I agree with the others and ask him. Some people just like to get secluded and others want to have a party. I know I just wanted to be with myself and close family that day (wife and kids) and would have not enjoyed myself at all if my wife had a big BBQ. On the other hand, that may help him get his mind off of it too, but I think he needs to make that call.

In either case though, I think it was incredibly thoughtful for you to think of doing that for him.
 
Everybody is different....how I spent the day before:D may be a world apart from anyone else......as far as the mood swings go, it may be fear.....if he gets too hard to deal with slap him :D;).....I am sure all will be well.
 
I'm the type that just liked keeping busy, so did alot of having people over and visiting. I agree with everyone else that has posted just ask your hubby what he feels like doing. There's going to be that emotional roller coaster. But one suggestion that my husband and I used is we talked about small goals after the surgery and on the road to recovery. Some things were just sit and talk together and talk about our future and trips etc.. It made me think about more of the future then the now... which was pretty scarey. Just love your hubby and be there for him.:) It will be over soon. You are in my prayers for a great outcome and recovery.
 
It your husband is not sure what he wants, then just plan the get-together. Let your husband know that it's okay if things become too much and he wants to disappear for awhile. Family and friends should know enough and care enough that he might need some time alone.

It's a huge roller coaster.
 
I also agree you should take your cue from him.
I would not have been able to bear a large gathering the day before. Not to mention, my surgeon told me to eat very lightly the night before surgery. If your DH has an appetite and eats heartily, all that food will sit in him for days.

Best wishes to you and your DH. Please be sure to let us know how he (and you) are doing.
 
Ditto

Ditto

Jennifer,
My last day at work I was taken out for lunch by the shift. The next day, my family took me out to dinner. I was JOKING about BOTH being a "LAST SUPPER".:eek: I was nervous but not to the point of being OUT OF CONTROL, SCARED. Ryan could actually use it to consume some ADULT beverages. :rolleyes:(perhaps on saturday, not sunday) He may have to abstain for a while after the surgery. :mad::mad:Otherwise, the day of, I was nervous up to the point they gave me the "happy shot" in the backside.:p The next thing I remember is someone saying "IT'S 7pm ON THE DAY OF THE SURGERY, IT'S ABOUT DINNER TIME" That is all there was to it. I would ask him though.
Sending my best COP TO COP wishes and PRAYERS for monday. PLEASE let us know how it goes!
 
I felt the same way. Not knowing with certainty whether or not I'd make it, I took the family out for dinner and even I said it may well be my last supper. I think we need to be around those we love and share as much time as possible before surgery, just to make ourselves feel better if nothing else. It's all a normal response to what is about to happen. I highly doubt it's his last supper, but because things taste so bad afterwards, he might be right for a few days. :D
 
I kept busy until the day of surgery. However everyone is different so it is probably best to find out how he feels. That said, if he's on the fence, I think you should try to convince him that it might be good to have a little fun to help him relax.
 
My surgery is next month, and my "last supper" will be at our house with immediate family and a few close friends. I am an introvert by nature, and the thought of being the center of attention at a large gathering is a bit stressful. However, others thrive in that environment - guess it depends on your hubby's personality.

Best wishes for a successful surgery and uneventful recovery.

Jason
 
Check with your DH.
We took my son to Glamis to drive his off-road car the weekend before his last surgery. All of our family and friends came and it kept both of our minds off of the surgery.

Best of luck to you both. I know how hard it is being the caregiver and not really knowing how to help.
 
It's just funny thinking back to how we all felt in the days leading up to our surgeries. I was nervous, but also excited. I was worried about dying, but only because of what it would do to my kids. I figured my husband would be okay without me, but I wasn't sure if he would warp my kids! He is a Yankee, after all! :D I understand what your husband is going through with his up and down moods, but as a wife, I understand how sometimes you are on the inside and sometimes on the outside.

The good news is, this will all be behind you soon, and before you know it, your husband will be celebrating his 10 year valversary. (not sure of the spelling).
 
Ditto on asking your husband what he wants to do.

The weekend before my surgery, we went to my sister's home at a lake 2 hours east of Dallas TX. I was very anxious, keyed-up, but it was nice to relax at the lake.
 
i agree on asking him how he wants to spend that day. My birthday was the weekend before so we had alot of family over but they all understood when i would go in my room alone for a little while.
 
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